fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1834 ]

[ SECRET POST #1834 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1834 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 89 secrets from Secret Submission Post #262.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 2 3 4 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

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If she's on fanficrants, after today you can probably get a pretty good look at whether she'd appreciate your unsolicited contact or not.

No kidding. :|

Details please? O_o

It's this rant and comments. (http://fanficrants.livejournal.com/10827351.html)

I'm not here to stir up tons of wank and add more flames to the fire by sending a bunch of people over there; what I said was mostly just a tongue-in-cheek observation because there's a fair amount of crossover between the two comms.

Basically OP feels slighted because they messaged somebody and received no reply, assuming the recipient of the message is deliberately ignoring them. Most of the replies have been some mix of "you're not entitled to a response or any of the recipient's time and attention" and "they might not be deliberately ignoring you; there are tons of other reasons they haven't messaged you back (e.g. they forgot)." Even people who agree that ignoring is rude have agreed that OP was jumping too quickly to conclusions.

Oh geez. Now I'm worried that was me. I was approached by some French HP fans to translate a fic a while ago. Until the other day, I had a note on my desktop that said "Reply to French girls." But I was always of nervous about the possibilities that I never replied. I mean, I have you translate and what? You then post my fic and receive all my comments in other languages? Makes me uncomfortable.

most people credit the original author and link them to the post when they translate...

I think the ranter is a sole person rather than a group, so I don't think it's actually you. If it's any consolation, most commenters would support you no matter what, and even people who think ignoring others is rude would probably still support you as long as you weren't just dismissing those girls as annoyances who weren't worth your time or notice (clearly this is not the case if you have that note on your desktop).
Even the OP admitted that it was reasonable to be uncomfortable with the request, they just wanted a reply. I don't know if your French HP fans would prefer a "no" or no response at all; the comments clearly showed that a lot of people varied on what they considered rude or not. So I wouldn't lose much sleep over it. And you can still respond saying "I've given this a lot of thought and have decided I feel uncomfortable with that" or something.
Now as the other anon said, translators typically credit the original author and link, listing themselves only as translators. The likelihood of this also goes up a lot when they've asked permission first. The OP of the rant is apparently also willing to translate all comments back to the original author so they can get the foreign-language reviews too.

But that doesn't mean you should feel obligated to do it or anything. If it makes you uncomfortable, that's pretty much the beginning and end of it, and you can say no (or nothing, and people will back that up).

Okay, I came out of that conversation feeling really bad for the OP, and being really pissed mad at everyone else. Clearly I am Doing It Wrong.

People compared getting an unsolicited email, asking permission to translate a story to sexual assault.

People compared someone seeing you reading a book on a park bench, and trying to be friendly about the book to a woman having her agency taken away.

What the actual fuck.

Well when I used that turn of phrase, what I meant was that people are forced into a choice between loss of control over the situation or rudeness. Which I specified in the comment there. People, especially women, are considered rude stuck up bitches if they say "I don't want to talk to you" or ignore somebody. It comes down to the basic, pivotal issue: a person makes an offer and the other person wishes to reject it, but the rejection is pretty much inherently impolite. The White Elephant conundrum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_elephant#Background), as it were. My issue with the thread is that the judgment then became, "Well then it shouldn't be considered impolite."

ETA: I did think the comparison between unwanted e-mails and sexual assault was totally off-base though. Not the same thing at all.

Edited 2012-01-11 06:31 (UTC)

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2012-01-11 06:36 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

megalomaniageek.livejournal.com - 2012-01-11 06:49 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

vicfrankenstein.livejournal.com - 2012-01-11 18:07 (UTC) - Expand

You were reading something on Fanficrants. Everyone who replied was insane (like batshit crazy) and the OP didn't realize what they were in for in posting there. Every time I go there, at first I'm laughing, then I'm wanting to punch Zachary Quinto in the face...

(no subject)

dorknessrising.livejournal.com - 2012-01-11 15:34 (UTC) - Expand

All I got from that entire debacle was a complete aversion to ever posting to that community again.

I can't find the one you're talking about...is it under a locked post?

It's this rant and the comments on it: http://fanficrants.livejournal.com/10827351.html

Huh?

Copied from above: It's in reference to this rant and comments. (http://fanficrants.livejournal.com/10827351.html)

I'm not here to stir up tons of wank and add more flames to the fire by sending a bunch of people over there; what I said was mostly just a tongue-in-cheek observation because there's a fair amount of crossover between the two comms.

Basically OP feels slighted because they messaged somebody and received no reply, assuming the recipient of the message is deliberately ignoring them. Most of the replies have been some mix of "you're not entitled to a response or any of the recipient's time and attention" and "they might not be deliberately ignoring you; there are tons of other reasons they haven't messaged you back (e.g. they forgot)." Even people who agree that ignoring is rude have agreed that OP was jumping too quickly to conclusions.

Ah, I did slog through that. Yikes.

I wouldn't exactly call it a litmus test, though. Big difference here is that OP of this secret knew and was friends with the person they're talking about wanting to reconnect with.

x_lostinthesun just PMed ~~and stalked the hell out of~~ a random stranger. Obviously, OP's friend doesn't owe them a response, either, but there's a huge difference in getting messaged out of the blue by an old fandom friend vs. by some entitled creeper you've never spoken to.

Edited 2012-01-11 03:49 (UTC)

Wait wait wait what?

I've read through that thread and I'm seriously wondering where it says/implies that the OP is a stalker (and creepy) at that? I mean, I understand the whole entitled thing even if I don't agree with it (I don't, it's not entitled to expect an answer to a polite question, that's how I was raised) but I'm really not getting the stalker comment...

Is it because they checked whether the other person was online or not? Because I'd definitely do that if I were excited/waiting for someone to reply to me. Again, that doesn't necessarily equal to 'stalking the hell of a random stranger' nor being an 'entitled creeper', at least not to me?

The reason I'm asking this is because THIS is why I am very wary of talking to people on the internet in general. People blow the smallest thing out of proportion and that's very scary and anxiety inducing to someone like me.

yeah...fanficrants is basically always like that

link? I've been trying to find a rant like that, but I must be overlooking it or something...

never mind

Link please? I can't find anything that seems pertinent.

oh, never mind

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