Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-04-15 03:46 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-04-15 03:46 pm
[ SECRET POST #1930 ]
⌈ Secret Post #1930 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 110 secrets from Secret Submission Post #276.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
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(Anonymous) 2012-04-15 08:36 pm (UTC)(link)I think you're friends are trying to tell you this, despite the way you make them sound. And I understand the fear you have of being alone, believe me I've been there, but you have to learn to conquer that fear. It's all up to you to decide whether you want to see a therapist, remember that. If you decide to do so, though it's a step to the right decision because it would mean that you're not up to wasting your life worrying over something that's out of your control.
Final thing I have to say is: don’t lose hope. You have to realize the line between desperation and hope, because desperation prevents you from living and hope keeps pushing you forward, towards your dreams. It might sound cheesy, but it’s true.
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(Anonymous) 2012-04-15 08:40 pm (UTC)(link)Sorry for the other mistakes too, I'm not that strong with English.
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I've literally BEEN Annie before with states of catatonia and even dissociation while in a relationship. I desperately wanted my boyfriend to stay strong for me and keep me anchored to some semblance of sanity, but that's a lot to ask of a person and he couldn't handle it and he had to leave because he couldn't bare to watch me suffer without knowing how to help me.
Everyone wants to be a Katniss, a Johanna, or even a Primrose, but if I'm honest with myself I probably have the most in common with Annie and thus was extremely drawn to Finnick.
The thing is though, that we can't spend our days wishing for a Finnick to just come into our lives and fix everything.
We're not as damaged as Annie, we can overcome our trauma and depression and become stronger people.
You'll be so much happier if you can credit yourself for your stability and growth instead of just your mate. Support is important, but you need to be the person making the MOST effort and have the BIGGEST commitment to getting better.
You can do this, OP.
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(Anonymous) 2012-04-15 09:21 pm (UTC)(link)I've been Annie, too, and being depressed is really, really hard on a relationship. Supporting someone with a depression is not something you wish on someone you love. Seriously. It nearly broke my wife, and the guilt nearly broke me. Finding a therapist was the thing that helped us stay together.
Find a therapist, anon, and stay safe. *all the hugs*
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As people have said here and your friends are telling you, it's not easy to deal with a partner's mental illness. It takes its toll on the relationship, even if that person is wonderfully loving, like Finnick.
Let me put it to you this way: If you found your Finnick, would it be fair to that person not to work on your healing, to make things harder for himself and you, when you could be doing your best to be as okay as you can?
No one has to be perfect, but I believe we all owe it to ourselves and one another to take care of ourselves as best we can.
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I just wanted to tell you that I'm positive you will find the Finnick to your Annie one day.
I distinctly remember, one day in the first grade, being able five years old and deciding for myself that day that I was never going to get married or have a family because I knew, then and now, that I am just not suitable for having any type of close relationship, romantic or otherwise. Growing up, though I had a lot of crushes, but I never dated anybody because I didn't want to burden other people with my crazy, and I didn't want to bring anybody down with me. Letting people in was extremely uncomfortable and I just didn't feel like anybody could love me for what I was, either because I was so disgustingly unlovable or because I would never find a person who was willing or able to deal with my problems.
Well, I'm happy to say I was wrong.
I didn't want to let him in at first because it felt wrong that somebody could care about me so much, and I didn't see anything in myself that was possible for him to love, so I completely rejected it as just a crush, someone who would lose interest eventually, etc. - but he didn't. He stayed. He loves me, not just for WHO I am, but for ALL off my complexities, my issues, my disorders, my flaws, my insecurities, my instabilities, my insanity - everything. I know without a doubt that he would have done for me what Finnick did for Annie and more, if he possibly could.
It's been eight years since we started dating, and even today, eight years later, I have tremendous difficulty understanding how he could possibly love me, be so patient with me, how he manages to stay despite all of my challenges and all of the craziness that he has to put up with. But after all this time I've finally managed to accept that, for whatever reason, he did stay, despite all of my flaws, disorders, and shortcomings - and I'm really, really glad that he did.
tl;dr, I found my Finnick and so can you. I promise you.
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(Anonymous) 2012-04-16 05:39 am (UTC)(link)But YOU do and I'd highly suggest taking advantage of it. I went through a long period of depression and I had someone there for me who was a lot like Finnick and while it did help, it certainly didn't fix anything. Only you can really change your life. Getting a therapist and talking to someone about your issues and trying to get them fixed is a big step in the right direction.
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(Anonymous) 2012-04-17 02:42 am (UTC)(link)Thank you for your comments.
I'd just like to say that I'm not looking for a Finnick to put my burdens onto. I'm just so tired of feeling lonely, and lately my friends have been distant, so I feel like I'm fighting a battle on my own. I just know if I had someone by my side, encouraging me to keep going, I would be able to beat this thing. I'd be able to win and be happy for once, because I'd want to keep him happy and make sure he's not worrying over me. Doesn't that even make sense? Maybe it's because I come from an abusive home [still living in one now] and just the idea of someone loving me despite all of this insanity inside of me is just...it's something that I really really want, so much that it hurts. I don't have that familial unconditional love thing that people talk about. And I'm just so scared that I'll never find someone who'll love me. I come from a culture where if you don't find love by your early twenties, you're arranged to a husband you'll be with for the rest of your life, because divorce is highly looked down upon. I'm SO terrified that that's going to happen to me.
I'm sorry, I don't even think I'm making sense. I'm just so lonely and so caught up with all this crazy going around in my head and on one hand I don't even want to make I care about worry because I can see my friends struggling to deal with me and I don't want to add to that list at all but...I'm just so sick of dealing with this on my own. I just want someone who can hold my hand and kiss my cheek and tell me it'll be alright because...if I had that, I'd have the strength to keep fighting.
I'm sorry, this is really stupid of me. I've managed to work myself into a sobbing spree and I'm pretty sure this is incoherent. Sorry.
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That said, I reached a very dark bottom a few weeks back, and decided that I'd at least seek counseling, because even if no one else could really be happy with me in the long run, at least I can learn to live with myself. I start my first official session this coming week, and reaching out for professional help has made me feel better about myself than I have in weeks.
So I, too, will never find a Finnick, even though I'm desperately lonely for one (though I'd settle for a Prim/Buttercup brand of loyalty from a good friend!), but perhaps I can learn to manage the feelings I get and learn to accept things the way they are. I wish the best for you, OP. Please, at least try and get some help to work through some of your issues; I'm no Finnick, but I feel where you're coming from, and I want you to fight, and the odds to be in your favor.
Good luck and best wishes, OP.