[ SECRET POST #1998 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1998 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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09.
[Peter Gabriel]


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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]












10. [SPOILERS for the Hunger Games]



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11. [WARNING for abuse]



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12. [WARNING for rape]

[Hetalia]


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13. [WARNING for abuse]



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14. [WARNING for gore, animal abuse]
http://i.imgur.com/SjfD3.jpg
[images of actual dead animals and stuff.]



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15. [WARNING for rape]

[Video Games Awesome Live]


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16. [WARNING for abuse]

[Avatar: the Last Airbender]


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17. [WARNING for rape]

[American Horror Story]


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18. [WARNING for dub-con, grooming, brainwashing]



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19. [WARNING FOR general discussion of triggery topics (there's bound to be triggering material in the comments)]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #285.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 (warning for rape) - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fuchsiascreams]

"Bipolar disorder" seems to inhabit that weird space in between people thinking it's cool/glamorous to be totally not in control of your very extreme moods, and people looking down on it as they would at a person with any other mood disorder. It's very odd. I've seen people online swear up and down (with their recently-obtained high school diplomas) that manic depression and other mood disorders do not exist, but then I've also seen people who seem to eager to be seen as "damaged" or "broken" that they diagnose themselves as bipolar (which somehow has an air of mystique around it, idk). SO BRAGGING ABOUT BEING BIPOLAR MIGHT ACTUALLY GET YOU SOME STREET CRED.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT: Ugh, maybe it might get me street cred on the street, but here in academia with books and professors and laboratories, I have to try and pretend that I don't have a mood disorder so that I don't become disrespected (or worse, fired from my laboratory).

It's really quite disgusting the way bipolar is treated.

Also, event the people who think it is cool probably wouldn't know what to do if they were around for one of your mood episodes. They might not even know you were having one. It's a funny thing about mental disorders, half the time the textbook definition gets them completely wrong and they only barely resemble what is contained in the DSM IV.

[fuchsiascreams]

Agree. Actually, it really bugs me how mental illnesses (but mood disorders in particular) are regarded. It seems like almost nobody has an accurate understanding of how people with mental illnesses function, and that we have basically no control over our moods. A lot of people seem to think that it's something we can get rid of it we just try a little harder.

TOP 5 DUMBEST "SOLUTIONS" FOR MOOD DISORDERS I'VE EVER HEARD

5. Lose weight/eat better.
4. Do yoga.
3. Go outside more/get more sunshine/get more fresh air.
2. Stop reading depressing books/listening to depressing music.
1. "Have you ever tried just NOT being sad/anxious before?"

[fadeinthewash]

It seems like almost nobody has an accurate understanding of how people with mental illnesses function

To be fair, most people don't have an accurate understanding of how people with any kind of illness or disorder function, nor how the disorders themselves work and what they're really characterized by. They're generally most accepting/respectful of the more conventionally physical types, though (...unless it's weird/rare/obscure/has prominent unpleasant effects, then it's right back to wide-eyed horror).

[(Anonymous)]

Anon from this same thread: The difference between the understanding of a physical and mental disorder though is different. If someone doesn't know something about a physical disorder, they're going to still see it and be sympathetic. Whereas almost everyone has misconceptions about mental disorders from the time they start consuming media.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, I love you, but I'm seriously eyeballing you right now for that episode with the mental patient.

Lots of people either assume you're completely batshit or they assume that since they can't see anything then you're fine. You have to be really careful about who you tell that you have a mental illness. I have been extremely fortunate and no one has hurt me yet, but I have to be very careful. I would never be able to tell, say , my boss about my mental illness like I would about a physical illness. The former could make me disrespected or even fired.

[fadeinthewash]

If someone doesn't know something about a physical disorder, they're going to still see it and be sympathetic.

Physical disorders aren't always superficially apparent, though.

I know/agree/did say that people react differently to mental vs physical things. It's just that people are ignorant as hell about things they don't personally have to handle, generally, so in terms of raw knowledge alone, they aren't really that much more backwards re: mental disorders, which is what I was trying to get at. But yes, what little they (think they) know does tend to be more problematic than with physical ailments.

[fuchsiascreams]

Yeah, that's true. Though I agree with you: everybody understands and can empathize with someone who had cancer; I don't think most people can empathize with somebody who has a mental illness. I have a mental illness and even I can't understand other mental illnesses sometimes (though I guess that isn't the same thing as thinking that it doesn't exist).

[(Anonymous)]

You could read up on it. One of the most fascinating/alarming things I've found is I normally relate best to characters and celebrities I later realize could very well have mental disorders. I always assume they have bipolar disorder, since otherwise why would I connect with them, but, reading medical journals and the DSM-IV, I've so far diagnosed one character with borderline personality disorder and paranoid schizophrenia, one celebrity with narcissitic personality disorder, and a second with borderline personality disorder with histrionic personality disorder characteristics. Obviously, I don't know these characters/people, but it's a way of coping and it makes me feel a little less fucked up.

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt and i do this too, but i hope you don't speculate about that too much in public about illnesses you don't have because i have a disorder and i'm really sick of people "diagnosing" characters with it.

but yeah, i definitely have characters that i think have a particular mental illness because i relate and it makes me feel better since there's almost no good representation.

[fuchsiascreams]

..omg. I do that, too. I MEAN, I REALIZE I'M NOT A HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONAL AND THAT I'M PROBABLY WRONG, but it's somehow comforting to know that there are other people who suffer, too. Sometimes I Wiki lists of celebrities who are bipolar, or BPD, or depressed, or anxious, or who committed suicide, or who are bisexual, and just read and read and click names and read biographies for hours.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT: I'll top you one.
When I was really depressed and sleeping at weirdly specific times of the day two years ago and I didn't know what was going on (I'm an ultradian/rapid cycler unmedicated so it was hell to diagnose me: completely symptom free 95 percent of the time now though :D), my mom told me that if I wanted to feel better I should try getting up and dancing every once in a while.

DANCING. WTF MOM YOU YOURSELF ARE ON MEDS FOR DEPRESSION. DANCING?!

Strangely, medicine is regarded the most effective treatment for bipolar disorder and clinical depression and severe anxiety. Perhaps doctors DO know more than laymen about treating it after all.

[fuchsiascreams]

LOL WOW DANCING, REALLY? I know that a lot of people think that depression is a matter of just willing yourself out of it, BUT SERIOUSLY, DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY EXHAUSTING IT IS JUST TO BE ABLE TO DRAG YOURSELF OUT OF BED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM? I know this sounds really disgusting/TMI, but last summer I had a really bad three-week episode and I literally did not shower, change my clothes, or brush my teeth for the entire three weeks because I LITERALLY just did not have enough energy to get up off the couch. I was so exhausted that I slept on the couch for three weeks because I didn't even have enough energy to drag myself up the stairs to go lay in my bed.

Also, if you don't mind me asking - what does 'ultradian/rapid cycling' mean as it applies to bipolar disorder? I'm really glad you're mostly symptom-free now, though: I read Emilie Autumn's book (a musician who describes her experiences with bipolar disorder), and it sounds really, really fucking awful.

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt, but the other bipolar anon in this thread

It just means anon cycles more rapidly than average. It's really not that much to qualify, only four or more times a year. Cycles can happen as frequently as 3-4 times a day.

Before I was on meds, I used to cycle once every two months, about six times a year, so I was really surprised to learn that it normally happens much less frequently. Now that I'm on meds, I experience about one cycle a year, though one of those was likely triggered by severe stress.

[fuchsiascreams]

Ooooh, okay. Thank you.

So, I'm assuming a regular cycle is about four times a year? What does that mean, exactly, like - does that mean you experience one dominant episode "type" (either manic, depressive, or mixed) for three months at a time, or just that you have an episode lasting for a few days/weeks about four times a year? In between episodes, are your moods "normal"?

[(Anonymous)]

In remission rapid cycler anon:
Yeah, I really can't believe my mom said that, but she did. She just really didn't know what to do with me, I guess. No one really did.

Basically, rapid/ultradian cycling went like this (also this started last January, so I lied by accident when I said it was two years ago; it really was more like a year and a half):

When I was cycling really really bad, which started mid/late last January (when I was still in high school) and went on for about three months, I would usually start the day and the mood I would have in the morning from about 7 AM to 10 PM would be very intense. Some mornings (good ones) would start off hypomanic and others would start off as depressed, but around nine o clock it wouldn't really matter anymore because I would blend into a 'fantastic' state of mixed mood where I sort of felt like I was literally on fire in the middle of class while simultaneously not being able to stay awake.

Also bad anxiety. A lot of bad anxiety and panic attacks in the bathroom between classes.

I would taper off around ten and be sort of almost baseline (think of it as my main mood for the day/week whether hypomanic/depressed) and usually I would ride that out until I got home where numbness would peak around 5 o clock. I would be ok again for about three hours, and then at eight the world would start to spin away from me and I would depersonalize and early on I would just fall asleep and wake at one am to do homework, but I stopped being allowed to do that so later on I would just sit and suffer through it.

I used to bite my hands quite a bit (mild self injury) and spells of that would usually happen at nine, five, and eight.

Nine o clock stopped being as bad when I went on Buspirone in late February and my cycles started slowing down when I went on Lamotrigine in March of last year. It took about six months to stabilize to the point at which I now recognize that I haven't been a serious threat to the safety of myself or others in about a year (last time was last June: I drove my car with my eyes closed for about thirty seconds). I should buy myself cake to celebrate :D

In all honesty. . .I don't know how on EARTH I stayed out of the hospital and I wouldn't wish it on anyone at ALL. It literally felt like I was in hell, burning in all at some points, and cycling so quickly, even when it slowed down a bit, was fucking exhausting and unpredictable. I'm very lucky that I got help when I did, and I'm even luckier that my meds work because a lot of the time a med regimen doesn't even work for people like me. I am immensely grateful to be alive :D

tl;dr anon couldn't figure out how to explain ultradian cycling without telling her whole life story.

[diet_poison]

The first three are actually legitimate pieces of advice, especially for day-to-day coping, but they are not always enough. I find exercising, eating well, and spending time outside helps me greatly with my mood, whether I am feeling depressed or not. But it isn't a cure, because depression is a physiological illness, not just a "state of mind". So when people think it's really that simple...THAT'S when it starts to annoy me.

The fourth is a kinda rough area because...complicated. Listening to sad music doesn't make me depressed, but it can kind of trigger it (for lack of a better word - not trying to use "trigger" in the fic-related sense here), but it can also be really cathartic. Oh, and not everyone thinks the same things are sad.

The fifth is just...no. That's the kind of attitude that makes me want to bang my head against a wall.

[(Anonymous)]

While taking better care of yourself is good and may improve your mood, it doesn't cure mood disorders. And the last one?

No. Just no.

[fuchsiascreams]

Yeah, exactly, like.. fuck. If I could just up and decide to NOT be mentally ill anymore, DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE DONE THAT A LONG TIME AGO BEFORE IT INTERFERED WITH MY LIFE SO MUCH THAT I'M 22 YEARS OLD AND I STILL HAVE NOT COMPLETED HIGH SCHOOL?

[(Anonymous)]

hang in there anon! *shoves lady luck in your general direction*

[(Anonymous)]

I hate the new "I'm bipolar, too, yay!" trend. There's a bipolar spectrum, yeah, but I'm so tired of people whose lives haven't been ruined by this disease, who haven't ever had a manic episode, who think that changing moods, any moods, means you're bipolar. Self-diagnosis because you felt a little sad one day but you're not normally all that sad isn't cool.

Just, Jesus. I can't be in the military in my country. I can't donate eggs or my brain. I have to take mood stabilizers and anti-depressants every day, and I physically can't sleep if I forget because the withdrawal is so bad. I can't be an EMT or a firefighter. I can't get approved for medical insurance because I have a "pre-existing condition". I can't work in most high stress jobs all because my parents didn't think, "you know what? Our families have laundry lists of mental disorders. Let's not have a kid". How is that cool?

[(Anonymous)]

ia completely but just a note that bipolar ii ppl only experience hypomania but it can still impair

[(Anonymous)]

+1 anon
Also the fact of if you ever want your own kid there's a whole host of problems to go with that.

[elialshadowpine]

I've definitely seen the type you're referring to and share your frustration, but I would like to add that if you happen to be bipolar II, it can be difficult to get a doctor to take you seriously. I had a psych tell me I couldn't be bipolar because I wasn't getting drunk, shoplifting, going on spending sprees, or having promiscuous sex. I, however, was going close to 72hrs without sleep because the characters in my head would not shut up until I wrote them, and I have all sorts of classic bipolar symptoms, just not to the same extent as type I.

I really HATE the people who think it's "cool" because it meant that I basically had no support network when I was trying to deal with my mental issues pre-diagnosis, when I couldn't get a doctor to take me seriously, because people assumed that, ohai, you're one of those people. *sigh*

[(Anonymous)]

Asperger's and other autism spectrum disorders too. If you're not Rainman you're just making it up so you can get away with being a dick on the internet.

[fuchsiascreams]

Completely agree with all of this. I just don't understand people who are so eager to diagnose themselves with a disorder that destroys lives. It's not fun or glamorous and it doesn't make you special. People with mood disorders, especially ones as extreme as bipolar disorder, suffer a LOT. It really bothers me when a person says, "Well, my moods change a lot, so I must be bipolar", or people who are like, "I've been called bipolar by my friends, so I probably am". No, you would KNOW if you were bipolar. It's not a question of "maybe". Being happy and then being irritated =/= bipolar disorder.