fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2012 ]

[ SECRET POST #2012 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2012 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

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03.

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04.

[Infinity Blade II, Chaos Ring]

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05.

[Kushiel's Legacy, Avengers, Harry Potter, Star Trek]

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06.

[America's next top Model]

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07.

[Common Law]

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08.

[MST3K ("Space Mutiny") and Final Fantasy VI]

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09.

[the bachelorette]

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10.

[Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

11. [SPOILERS for Deus Ex: Human Revolution]

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12. [SPOILERS for Legend of Korra]

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13. [SPOILERS for Legend of Korra]

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14. [SPOILERS for Pandora Hearts]

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15. [SPOILERS for Merlin]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

16. [WARNING for suicide]

[Park Yong Ha]

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17. [WARNING for abuse]

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18. [WARNING for abuse]

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19. [WARNING for rape]

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20. [WARNING for incest]

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21. [WARNING for incest possibly (OP's request)]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #287.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

hey, it's me again.

i'm at the point where nothing makes me feel better about this. people listening, telling me nice things, sad music i can relate too, crying it out, talking it out, writing it down in a journal.... nothing makes me feel better. at all. i just can't deal with the fact that this girl hates me and probably always hated me because I'm a stupid, clingy bitch.this is incredibly dumb but I keep seeing gifs of some music video that Matthew Lewis was in on the internet and I just have this awful feeling, because we were both big Neville/Matthew Lewis fangirls, and so I get this itch to pick up the phone and call her and then I remember she hates me. so here I am with this new fandom thing to enjoy and I can't. Same with Korra. Same with Wasteland. Same with Pottermore. Same with Brave and The Great Gatsby and the other 2012 movies we wanted to see. Same with The Fault in Our Stars. 2012 was going to be such a fun fangirling year for us and it's all fucking ruined. and i know i have other friends but okay, basically i have one group of school friends and then two other friends who go to other schools. my school friends basically inducted me into their group two years ago at the beginning of sophmore year even though i had no interest in being part of a big group of friends. i hung out with them once but they fucking trapped me. and i don't even have fandom to escape to cause they know all about that too. i know i should be happy to have friends that like me but while i like them all as individuals being a part of their group and having nothing to myself (cause the leader of the group gets really mad when you keep stuff from her and i could tell my ex-best friend was scared about us hanging out just the two of us cause she would get mad. we were talking once about recording a harry potter commentary just for shits and giggles and she came up to us and acted all pissed off when we said it was something we were just doing ourselves) makes me feel horrible and empty and depressed. It makes my stomach churn. I *hate* being a part of that group, they make me feel horrible, and I know that's awful but it's true. and as for my other two friends, one of them made fun of my appearence all through middle school and made me feel like shit about wearing glasses (when she decided to wear them for fun in 9th grade) and she's stopped but she still makes fun of stranger's looks all the time, and the other one kind of annoys the crap out of me- she's spoiled, she's shallow, she talks about One Direction constantly and has no manners. we bonded a lot between 9th and 10th grade but idk, she really bothers me sometimes.

I was watching how i met your mother today and the episode was "hooked" and it was about letting someone know in no uncertain terms that there's no future for the two of you so they should stop hanging on. i realized that I was on her hook for those four months, and what she said: "I don't want to talk to you, ever again" and "I know I sound like a complete bitch and an asshole, but that's what I want" just sounded like that's what she was trying to do; let me go completely. Like killing an injured animal to get it out of it's misery.

it's the summer after junior year, i should be saying goodbye to my childhood and looking forward to the future, while meanwhile I feel like my childhood never started and I totally wasted it, and that I'm just going to waste all my parents money on college and it makes me feel awful. maybe things will get better in college but i blew the one chance i had at being a kid, and there's no denying that.

tomorrow, my friends (known-since-1st-grade friends and mean appearance-mocking friend) are going to visit our friend at camp (annoying spoiled friend) and while i know i just was complaining about them i do like their company sometimes and i am looking forward to tomorrow, but i just miss her so fucking much. ugh, I'm so sorry, I sound so annoying.

Oh my god, seriously? Get professional help; stop begging strangers on the internet to tell you how awesome you are. The first time you posted was one thing, but this is getting silly. We are not your therapists.

It does not affect you in the least if this person is posting here or not. Nobody is forcing you to read the comment that was clearly titled "welp". Just move on and read the secrets' threads.

The last thing I want to hear is how "awesome" i am, believe me. I can't post this on tumblr because real life friends follow me there, and I just needed to type all that out and put it somewhere other people would see it because I just needed to tell someone this, and last time someone said it wasn't a problem if i continued posting here. if it's annoying, i'll stop. there's nothing else i need to say anyway.
to be perfectly honest, while i do feel bad about being annoying here, i'd much rather bother random internet strangers than bother my mom. i don't know how i could get professional help without my parent's help but if there's a way, i'll try it. I'm not trying to insult therapy and i know it helps a ton of people and i'm not an asshole who thinks it makes you "weak" or whatever, but i don't know if it would help me.

I'm the person who said I wouldn't find it annoying if you posted here. (also, the second replier here!)

I stand by my decision. Vent away! :)

You could always make a different tumblr account and not follow anyone you know, if you want to vent there.

If you don't mind me asking, why do you not want to ask your mom to help you find a therapist?

AYRT

Look, I've had some pretty severe depression/anxiety in my life. You know how I got over it? I talked to people who actually had the power to help me. Like my mom. And a counselor. Are your parents abusive? Would they refuse to take you to a medical doctor to seek aid for your depression? Because the issue here seems to be internal, not external.

I agree. I'm not trying to be callous, but there are only so many times that strangers on the internet can reaffirm that life is worth living and that OP will get past this. OP needs to get help, the kind of help that we are beyond offering. Please OP, if your parents or siblings or other family or authority figures are available to you, then immediately seek their guidance and assistance.

yup and yup to both your questions.
congratulations on getting over your depression :)

Could a teacher help you? Is there a school counselor available that is discreet?

If not, can you leave your house for hours without your parents asking where you're going?

Look in a telephone directory and search for therapists near where you live, and approach one. If they have a secretary or something asking for an appointment, tell them that you had to sneak out of your house and that you don't know if you can do it again, and maybe they can let you in if there is a free time slot or help you make an appointment at a time that you can get out of your house again.

If they personally can't/won't take you for free, they have to know someone they can refer you to that can help you.

Well in that case I will give you some time honored advice: TELL SOMEONE. You mentioned school, so a teacher, maybe?

I get that I was rude before, but it pisses me off to see people who have the ability to help themselves wasting it asking strangers for platitudes. I'm sorry you have a horrible home life, and what seems to you to be a horrible school life, but the best advice anyone can give doesn't mean shit if you don't put it to use.

thanks for the advice. school is over for summer vacation. i've been depressed before and i went to the school guidance counselor and social worker, they were nice but they just tried to put a positive spin on everything and idk i got the vibe that i was annoying them/wasting their time. I started crying and the social worker seemed really flustered, like she'd never seen someone cry before.
i didn't really come for advice although i guess that's what it seemed like. I just wanted to put my feelings out there. idk. i'm sorry if this was the wrong way to go about it.

da

If you have nowhere else to vent / no one to give you feedback, it makes sense that you'd come here.

It sounds to me that the social worker and/or the guidance counselor didn't have much experience, rather than you specifically annoying them.

I started crying and the social worker seemed really flustered, like she'd never seen someone cry before.

She probably hadn't! It's one thing to study/train for counseling, and another one to actually talk face to face with a person who needs the help.

If the social worker was upset, that was their failing, not yours. Next time you have a chance, go back. Use the word abuse. Tell them to help you, because it it their job. Venting is wonderful, but it doesn't have a tangible result.

This. You just told us that you are in an abusive family situation at home, and that your parents refuse to let you/help you find help.

If the counselor/social worker don't help you after you telling them that, than they are awful at their job.

Re: Welp

barnabys_bane - 2012-07-07 03:19 (UTC) - Expand

Goodness! I don't know where to start.

Okay, first things first: Those people who hurt you, manipulate you and trap you? Not your friends. Hang out with them in school if you must, but do everything in your power to stop thinking about them as "friends". Friends don't mock each other or use each other like that. That's just shitty and they're doing you no favors; just like it's doing you no good to hang out with them.

You think you need the company, but they're only going to pull you down and down and down, with every little comment, glance, frown and general shittiness.

I know it's scary, but right now you need to cut off those negative influences.

Find different fandoms or shows; look into webcomics (I recommend Gunnerkrigg Court, Gastrophobia and MSPA Adventures, but there are tons others!); anything that you can find that doesn't lead your thoughts back to your group of "friends" or your ex-friend. Anything that distracts you. This is a wide internet!

If you can, take walks by yourself. Walk through a park, take your time to look at nature, or cool things, far away from your group of acquaintances. Make your own "me time".

Maybe make a project: start a story, or drawing, or painting, or paper sculptures, anything that distracts you and makes you feel productive. Maybe try to grow some plants. Throw yourself into that hobby or hobbies.

All humans need socializing, yes, but you don't need all those specific people. You can survive; I know it sounds impossible, but you don't need their approval, you don't need to hang out with them at every single opportunity. Find other activities and occasions to look forward to that don't involve them.

Their influence on you is part of what is not letting you move on, and it's going to be painful, and look impossible, but you need to start cutting ties, even if it's little by little, with all those people that have made you so dependent on them.

thank you so much for your kindness and advice... I need to think about this a little but I wanted to say thank you <3

It's a big change! Think about it as much as you need to. Make plans, or maybe even go with the moment. It's all up to you.

You're welcome! I have faith in you. ♥♥♥

I'm kind of loling that this is directly beneath the post where someone is gushing about what an awesome day they had

ikr

if loling as in nervous laughter/cringing combo, yeah

she's spoiled, she's shallow, she talks about One Direction constantly and has no manners. we bonded a lot between 9th and 10th grade but idk, she really bothers me sometimes

Man, this sounds exactly like a girl I knew in highschool. Do you live in Texas? (though I guess the description could apply to many people)

haha, nah, but I feel like that description applies to a lot of people, especially teenagers.

Yeah, I wish it didn't though

Most recently, this girl posted on facebook begging someone to give them a hundred dollars so they could go to a 1D concert (they were in Dallas recently) and were complaining because their parents wouldn't pony up the money. It's like "damn girl, you're nineteen years old". But she must have somehow gotten the money because she got tickets

I am so sorry you lost your friend. :( I've been there. Being told you never want to be talked to again, having years upon years of things you can look back on and wish you had done differently, but in those years, all the memories you had too, and now you can't have it again. Maybe not ever.

I lost a friend after 12 years. My best friend, and it was so hard at the time just to get through the day without sobbing. But you do, and then you kind of hit that point you're talking about here. But understand, it will get better. You have to go find people with things you have in common, who treat you right, not like those others from school you've described. Find people you can respect who respect you too.

But you have your whole life ahead of you. *hugs* You will have more friends, and it will get better. There may be parts that sting, and they probably always will because you miss that person. They wouldn't hurt like that if they weren't that important to you. But the heart is resilient and eventually new friends can become just as important, without replacing what that other person meant to you, even if you feel like most of it was fake. Just hang on to what you can appreciate, and use it to grow. Other people's faults are not yours, they are their own.

And if those people are using fandom to push you out, remember that it just reflects poorly on them. A respectable person wouldn't use it against you so long as you aren't trying to tread on them, and making new friends in a shared space is not doing that. You can post to communities if you want. You can talk about and like the things that you want. If they get jealous, think of how petty and insecure that they are. No one's going to think bad of you for being who you want to be, or doing what you want to do.

You can message me if you like. I'm not really anywhere near your age, but I do like Avatar and Harry Potter, or I can just listen if you need someone to talk to.

There is a 'leader' of this group who is telling other people how to socialise? lololol those people are and remain generally hilarious, esp once people stop appeasing them all the damn time. Imx people get a lot less shitty to each other as they get older - I still remember the weird day (first day of sixth-form for me, ie. age 16) when everyone around me suddenly started treating each other like human beings. I remember that when you're in the institutional environment of secondary ed it's hard to see that you have the right to choose who your friends are, always.

'my childhood never started and I totally wasted it' - related to the above, I find this sentiment somewhat familiar (I never had a chance to do the whole teenager thing, because my mother died when I was 11) and also somewhat alien because adulthood is an improvement on childhood/teenagerhood in every way. People are less shitty, you get a lot more choice about who to associate with and what to do with your life, including whether or not to seek medical care when you need it. So insofar as I've missed anything it wasn't really worth squat anyway? Enjoy college and enjoy being an adult, seriously; it isn't a waste if it makes you feel better.

fwiw, my parents had this deep shame about all things mental-health-related and were very opposed to anyone in the family ever getting any mental health care, and you seem to be saying that yours do too; noncoincidentally my parents also both had REALLY OBVIOUS PROBLEMS. It wasn't even kind of a money issue - this was in the UK - it was just about control and shame and all that other abusive bullshit. If you ever need to talk to someone out loud about all this you could try calling a domestic abuse hotline, or joining an abuse survivors comm.

Hang in there, welp. A lot of us have been right where you are now, in one respect or another, and we made it out in one piece. I hope you can find new friends in fandom or by trying new things IRL, so that this one lost friendship doesn't seem like an overwhelmingly big deal any more.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2012 ]

Welp

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