[ SECRET POST #2023 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2023 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 066 secrets from Secret Submission Post #289.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

08. http://i.imgur.com/3t4Y3.png

[(Anonymous)]

It's not you, it's him/them.

[(Anonymous)]

IT's possible the spouse put a stop to it. I had a co-worker I used to text on a fairly day to day basis - he boy, me girl - about nonsense and work related things. It never got inappropriate. This went on for about two or so months. Then one day I texted him something about why he hadn't wanted to go to lunch (a group of us had gone out to lunch that day but he chose not to), and he never answered me. He also got decidedly colder at work around me.

I found out later he'd been getting inappropriately close to one of his wife's BFFs and she found out. So I guessed that texting me, however innocent, was a casuality of the fall out.

Sometimes it's nothing you did, but that you were caught in a fall-out of something else going on. It's a bitch, but unless you turn into a stalker or something, there's not a lot you can do about it.

[(Anonymous)]

Eh, it's possible he just flat out doesn't remember who you are [depending on the band/popularity/whatever] - or that it was suppose to be 'that' kind of exchange. [Hey, love it or hate it, people do actively try to cheat sometimes.]

[(Anonymous)]

OP

If he had any sexual intentions he sure didn't make them obvious. I mean, he hugged me, but...surely it takes more than that.

The last time I saw him we actually worked on a song together, so I figured that's why he sent me his phone number and requested mine....I assumed he wanted to work on it again in the future, but he never mentioned it again.

[(Anonymous)]

It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. Maybe the band got more popular and started to feel overwhelmed by their fans (in general, not just you), so they don't have the time/energy to be as friendly as they used to? I dunno.

[silverr]

It's also possible that the spouse found texts (not yours, but others) that weren't so "innocent" and put the kibosh on cyber activities (no matter how G-rated).

Don't beat yourself up - doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. (But you do need to accept that you probably won't ever get the full story, either.)

[cleverthylacine]

This was my first thought, too. Just because you weren't doing anything wrong doesn't mean that the spouse/partner's didn't have suspicions that led to an examination of your communications and a wrongful assumption.

It might even be, though you probably don't want to believe this, that he was cheating with someone, just not you.

[(Anonymous)]

That was exactly my first thought.

[elaminator]

Oh, this didn't cross my mind. Ouch...

I hope you someday get closure OP, but if not just know it sounds like you were a good friend and you shouldn't feel guilty over this.

[bored_bitch]

This is the first thing I thought, as well.

[(Anonymous)]

What bands have a married with kids lead singer with a birthday in May and a bassist that recently left the band?

[light_shade]

Now I'm curious too. Someone with more brainpower and drive than me needs to solve this riddle.

[(Anonymous)]

Filter.

[ellie_oops]

Hate to say it, but it was "THAT" kind of offer by giving you his #. If he was interested in having a platonic friendship he wouldn't have given you the cold shoulder when your texts were not sexual.

You didn't fuck up! Please believe that.

But I am really sorry that he turned out to be a kind of scumbag. It really sucks when you find out that someone you like (famous or not) turns out to be kind of an ass.

[insanenoodlyguy]

I don't think we have enough to assume that. I think he'd have been a bit more forthcoming.

[avocado_love]

This was my thought as well.

[silverau]

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure it wasn't your fault... sometimes people who you think are good friends, turn out to be crappy friends. Not that that makes it any better, of course.

I hope you get some closure.

[insanenoodlyguy]

Sadly OP, I doubt you'll ever know what happened. But it doesn't sound like it was anything you did. Doesn't change all the feels but I don't think you should second guess yourself. Sometimes things just dont' work, and we don't know why. But you actually sound like you chared, so I doubt it was directly your fault.

Hope you find a new favorite.

[checkerblob.livejournal.com]

With the texts: sometimes when I get a really nice message from someone on tumblr, I'll want to write a really nice response back, and I'll get all perfectionisty about saying it exactly right and put off writing it and then I realize "oh, crap, I never responded" but by then it's just awkward.... maybe that happened with the first text that went without a reply, and the "cold" response for the birthday one was just an attempt by him to reply quickly and get that done with because he didn't want to leave you hanging again? Sometimes short and sweet in text-land can come across as cold. His behavior was rude, but you didn't seem to have done anything wrong so I wouldn't feel at fault. Or like other commenters have said, maybe he was interested in you and did intend it ~that way (which is upsetting if he's married, of course, but it does happen), or he didn't but his spouse did?

I'm sorry it's made it hard for you to listen to their stuff, though. I'm someone whose enjoyment of things is often marred by awkward/unpleasant experiences, so I get it, but I hope you're able to listen to your favorite band's music again :)

[(Anonymous)]

You know, it probably didn't help that, from what I gather from your secret, you were putting months between texts. He could have taken that as you not really interested in being better friends, or that you were just interested in 'hanging out in the tour bus' type friends.

Like other people said, it's possible they got overwhelmed with new fans, or that their spouse[s] weren't comfortable with something that was going on, so they had to cut off contact from there.

[thene]

It wouldn't be at all surprising to me if engaging with fans was just a sometimes stressful topic, and sometimes he'd want to just revel in the attention and other times he'd not want to deal with it and just give brushoffs or nothing. A lot of people are better at talking IRL than by text, a lot of people are on/off about social contact and don't always want it, especially not with people who aren't trusted friends.

For obvious reasons you had a lot more invested in each text and picture and video than he did. I really hope you can just roll with it, shrug about it, and go see him in the tourbus next time you can and get used to the fact that face-to-face contact, rather than texting, is how this friendship works.

[wauwy]

tl;dr

[(Anonymous)]

I have no advice but this secret made me nostalgic for the days when my brother and our mutual best friend (the three of us were pretty much inseparable as teenagers) became friends with the (at the time) most popular local band. Those were good times.

[fuchsiascreams]

No offense, but I find this incredibly creepy and over-involved.

Honestly, you should just be straightforward and ask him about it. Men do not do well with subtlety. They're not going to sit around wondering things like, "Hm, I wonder if she feels rejected because I never texted her back about the birthday present?". You need to be honest and blunt about finding out what you want to know from him.