fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2143 ]

[ SECRET POST #2143 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2143 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Ariel Winter/Modern Family]

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03.

[Chrono Crusade]

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[Shezow]

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[Desperate Romantics]

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[Rugby union, Brad Barritt / Mouritz Botha]

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[999/Virtue's Last Reward]

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[Fringe]

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[Homestuck]

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[ASoIaF/Jack White]

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[Revenge]

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[Crash Bandicoot]

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[scarlett johansson/ryan reynolds]

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14.

[Marvel Cinematic Universe, Journey Into Mystery 2011]

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[Tokyo Dogs]

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[Fate/stay night]

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[Inazuma Eleven]

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[Avatar: The Last Airbender]

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[Suits]

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[Once Upon a Time]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 043 secrets from Secret Submission Post #306.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ], [ 1 2 - ships it ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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I'm sorry. I just.. don't have anyone to talk about this with.

I came to the conclusion today, after piecing together some old family drama with newer comments on the elections (specifically the rape/abortion issues)... that it's probable my older sibling was the result of incestuous rape.

I don't know what to do with this knowledge. I mean, I'm not going to bring it up during Thanksgiving dinner, but I can't not think about it now.

damn, anon, that is some terrible information to have to carry around with you. :(

your family isn't the only one with nasty stuff going on. i think everyone's family has issues and things they don't talk about, to some degree.

I know. It's funny (ish), we've had all our problems and all, but I always thought we were pretty boring as a family unit.

I don't really have any advice on how to deal with that, but that really sucks, anon. :/

I don't know what to do with this knowledge.
Recognize that it's a theory not a fact? Seriously. You don't have "knowledge" you have an idea, and if it's not something you want to think about...don't treat it as fact that shan't be ignored.

OP

I'm aware it's a theory and will never be confirmed, but trust me, it's a really, really good theory and it explains quite a lot, so it's hard to dismiss.

That's a horrible thing to not get out of your head. Sorry, Anon.

OP

Thanks... I don't know what to say. I'm pretty much at a loss here, but I've been staring at your comment a while and just thanks.

Without details I agree with above anon. Sounds like your jumping to conclusions.

OP

I'm not really willing to go into personal, identifiable detail. I don't jump to conclusions, though, as a rule. It's not something I cooked up in 20 minutes. It's been drawn out over years.

Maybe OP doesn't want to spill all the details here. I highly doubt this would be worrying them quite so much if there wasn't a lot of evidence to support it.

Re: tw: rape, incest

(Anonymous) - 2012-11-15 00:13 (UTC) - Expand

I'm wondering if the older sibling or another family member is going to show up here tomorrow.

OP

I had the same thought before I posted (why I was hesitant)... I'm not trolling, if that helps, but I wouldn't put it past someone to pick up the story.

Sorry.

I can't imagine what it would be like suspecting a thing like this, but I know it has to be a heavy burden. I'm not sure what to say other than I hope you're wrong. Maybe in time you'll be able to forget...but for now I'm not sure what to suggest other than trying to drown your thoughts in something less painful. :/ Sorry anon. *hugs*

OP

Thanks... I don't know what to say either. I'm pretty much at a loss here, but I've been staring at your comment a while and just thanks.

That sucks, dear!

What helps with me when it comes to family issues like this, ignore it until you almost forget about it. Maybe not the healthiest approach, but it works for me. If that doesn't work, you could talk to some kind of professional, to get it all out.

That's a horrible thing to have weighing on your mind, OP. I'm sorry. If there's even the possibility that it's true (and I have no doubt that you have evidence that you're not sharing with us for obvious reasons of privacy), I wouldn't know what to do about it either. I don't really know what to say, other than that I wish you and your family the best.

Bury it forever. Unless you believe it's an ongoing issue, some things you just bear on your own. And it's easier to say nothing when you still have doubts. There are other possibilities here.

Edited 2012-11-15 02:03 (UTC)

Yeesh, are you Marcus Aurelius? I don't think the poor man had anything to say about this particular situation.

Anyway, OP, you ought to consider telling a counselor about it (if you have access to counseling services for free or cheap). They're required to not speak to your family about your concerns without your express consent, and it could help to get it off of your chest. The counselor might even be able to talk you through your suspicions and help you figure out what's going on. I think it might be worth a shot.

I'm sorry you have to bear this!

Re: tw: rape, incest

(Anonymous) - 2012-11-15 04:17 (UTC) - Expand

Re: tw: rape, incest

insanenoodlyguy - 2012-11-15 04:21 (UTC) - Expand

So, I know it's not the same situation, but well, sometimes it helps to know other people are out there in shitty situations, too.

My mother's son (who is older than me) raped/molested me for years when I was a young child. Though I eventually worked myself out of the layers of lies he'd brainwashed into me and told my parents, we never told my little brother. I'm 29 now, my brother is 27, and I'm 99% certain my parents have never said anything. There's never been a good time to bring it up with him either because who the hell wants their older sister telling them that she was raped by someone you still consider a brother?

If my little brother figured it out (and it wouldn't be that hard), I would really like for him to say, "Hey, you know what? Mom's son is a piece of shit, and I'm sorry he did that to you." Then I would say, "Well, don't ever let him visit your kids when you have them."

And that would be the end of that.

So, if you want to tell your sibling and/or parent that you know, you don't give a shit, and you're sorry that happened, go for it. They'll probably appreciate it because incestuous rape can make you feel like you're the most unworthy piece of shit on the planet and if anyone in your family found out who didn't already know, they would hate you/treat you differently/etc.

So yeah.

I'm not anoning because I'm not ashamed of this anymore. (Also, if you want to chat, OP, feel free to message me.)

OP

Right now I can't see myself mentioning it. Like ever. It's just this thing that's in my head now and won't ever go away. I don't feel any different toward my sibling, because it's not as if it's something they did. It's kind of shook up my outlook on my mother, though, because her relationship with her kids was always up and down when we were growing up, and I don't know... It doesn't make it better, obviously, but it's something to consider when thinking about why she acted the way she acted.

Honestly, anon. It sounds like you're jumping the gun. I know you say your not, but...well. Occam's Razor is usually a good thing to hold to in circumstances like that, and I seriously doubt that 'product of incestuous rape' is the theory that makes the least assumptions, or is the simplest. Also, how much of what you pieced together could be something that was taken out of context, or mean multiple things? I'm not saying that there's no way it could happen, but in the scale of things that could happen? It's definitely on the side of 'probably not'.

Even if that is what happened, why do you have to do anything about it? Seriously, how would speaking up about it benefit anyone? It would probably lead to [I assume] your mother being shamed*, and your older sibling have a whole host of negative things attached to them, including having to suddenly deal with the fact they're a product of one of their mother's worst experiences. Not to mention that the relative who did it would probably get off scott free. Sure, there might be a negative reaction to them for a while, but sadly society tends to forget rape pretty quickly if it doesn't meat a specific set of circumstances - if it even gets out that's what happened. At this point it's been long enough that even if your mother did press charges, chances are it would be beyond the statute of limitations.

No, I think it's better to find someone you can talk to about this, a therapist if possible, and leave it at that .

Okay, this might seem really odd, considering what you're dealing with here, but....

Is the mother of this person generally a happy person, who copes will with life? Or no? Is the sibling in question the same? Is there ugly, underlying tensions and issues that make life hard for one or both of these people, or in general is everything pretty all right?

If the mother/sibling seem to be all right, dealing well with life, and happy, then do your best to forget. If this truly happened, it's an ugly, unforgivable thing. But it's possible (just very slightly possible) that the survivor has done their best to put it aside and move on, and live their life as best and as happy as they can. If that's so, then support them, be glad for them, and try not to think about this.

If it's not so - if there has always been tension, unhappiness, depression, etc.... Then...you might actually suggest counseling or therapy or even just *talking*, without bringing this possible incident into it at all. I know you don't want to announce your thoughts over the dinner table, but if the survivor has been struggling for years, letting them know that you're there, you support them, and you are willing to help them - without saying 'i know your secret!!' - might be the best thing you can do.

I'm sorry you have this issue to deal with. Please try not to let it overwhelm you.

OP

There's always been tension from our mother, particularly when it involved this particular sibling. The most likely explanation (as a few anons in thread seem to be calling for), and the one that I assumed for most of my life, is that she simply hated my sibling for no reason whatsoever. It's when you factor in a lot of other little things that it starts looking more like there's a possible reason.

We did therapy. from what I remember, we as kids were generally told "She's your mother and you should give her a break", which got us nowhere.

Re: tw: rape, incest

tabaqui - 2012-11-15 18:26 (UTC) - Expand

You know all families have skeletons in their closet. Some of it is really painful or disturbing. Give it time and hopefully you can vent or chat about it enough here where the information will be safely anon.

I wish you the best.

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