[ SECRET POST #2150 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2150 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 040 secrets from Secret Submission Post #307.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

08. http://i.imgur.com/BRynB.png

[anonymouslyyours]

Huh. My internet friends have never asked me to babysit or help them move.

[making_excuses]

I got this cat and I'm going away for a while...

[forgottenjester]

Speaking of which, did I mention the charity fair I'm putting on? You know, the one for underprivileged dolphins? Where only a heartless freak wouldn't volunteer for it or make a donation? You've heard of it right?

[(Anonymous)]

You must be lucky. Because 7/10 online friends I have start getting butthurt if I don't immediately reply to their messages and then they stop talking to me because they think I was giving them the silent treatment. Not to mention every time they fish for compliments they expect me to complement them otherwise it means I hate their guts.

[(Anonymous)]

I agree.

[(Anonymous)]

Getting an account and trying to make fandom friends kind of makes me feel pressured, for some reason- what do I talk about? I'm naturally shy/socially awkward penguin, so.....
:/

[(Anonymous)]

Do you have RL friends?

[elephantinegrace]

If you think having internet friends is too much responsibility, you're not going to have many good friends in real life either.

[(Anonymous)]

I could disagree! It depends on how you enter fandom, and what level of responsibility you attach to your friends online versus offline. I always felt that I held a lot more responsibilities toward my internet friends than my real-life friends.

[(Anonymous)]

Most people don't have many "good" friends to begin with. I mean the type that will stick with you through thick or thin and not just the fair-weather friends.

Anyway, about online vs. real life. I met my BFF in an anime club and while we've both drifted away from anime, we have a ton of other stuff in common. There were other people that I only had anime in common with them, we all drifted away and I never see them anymore so no responsibility to keep up with them.

If this had happened online, I'd probably still have them on my friends list and be 'seeing' them all the time and it would be kinda awkward trying to feign interest in stuff I no longer care about (or never cared about to begin with).

Anyway, that's just my take - YMMV.

[(Anonymous)]

I think, like just about everything else, it depends upon the individual. I mean, just as there are people online and offline that take a lot of work to maintain friendships with, there are also people online and offline who don't.

[forgottenjester]

Wait... I have to do things for my internet friends? Like, responsible things? Did I miss a memo? When did this change happen?

Am I a shit internet friend now? ...Ppfffff, fuck if I care.

[badass_tiger]

I kinda have a similar thing. I sometimes get lazy to answer messages and it makes me feel bad when I don't. I prefer to just keep a few friends, thanks.

[fingalsanteater]

If you think Internet friends are hard then I think you are doing it wrong.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I understand. Being friends with people online can feel...pressuring. I barely understand social rules in public without adding online etiquette into the mix.

[unicornherds]

I feel that way sometimes.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know what you mean by "responsibility" exactly, but I understand in the sense that internet friendships seem to move way too fast? Like, my best RL friend is someone I've known for a dozen plus years, and we're at that point where we're totally okay with talking about masturbation and the best dildo brands at Wendy's. Most of my online friends, though, I've known less than a year, and every conversation I have with them seems to be at least an hour of (no offense) me bolstering their terrible self-confidence and talking them out of depression. It's...weird and uncomfortable, and I don't know if I just befriend unstable people or if it's something that comes with online-only friends.

tl;dr: My RL friends act like friends for better or worse, my online friends treat me like I'm their therapist. One of these feels like a way bigger responsibility than the other.

[(Anonymous)]

seconded. It's the same reason I don't have a facebook, tbh. I tried for a while, but it was just so stressful, idk.

[elaminator]

If your online friends expect you to talk to them 7 hours a day or something, then yea, that's too much responsibility. (I've known people like that.)

But if you don't think you can keep up with messaging or finding time to chat or commenting on someone's journal, just don't. I tend to not use my account for much more than commenting on f!s and I still feel like the people of the comm are my friends... Maybe I just have a very loose definition of the word 'friends' though.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, me too. I thought it was just me being lazy, but looking at this thread, I see it's a common thing.

[silverau]

I don't get it. Logging in doesn't mean you'll automatically make friends.

[diet_poison]

Huh...maybe it's just me, but I feel like if you are stressing really hard about trying to keep up with your Internet friends in a "timely manner", you're doing it wrong. RL friends are a WAY bigger responsibility imo, and also a much bigger payoff. Sometimes I lose contact with my Internet friends because I or they get overwhelmed by responsibilities irl and that's okay. I don't really think of making an online friend as taking on an obligation, unless it's someone who I've put time and energy in getting to know really well, and there are only a few of those (who I'd also like to meet irl).

[truxillogical]

No, I feel you, OP.

Sometimes, I'll be close to being internet-friends with someone, and then for no good reason, I'll spook. I don't even realize I'm doing it, just one day it's, "Oh, I'll respond to that e-mail later, when I'm not so tired so I can put some thought into it." And I put it off and off, and then when I want to, it's been too long to respond, and now I feel like a dumb dummy, and they probably didn't want to be friends anyway.

To be fair, I do this in arenas outside of fandom. Heck, there were some geeky+work-ish related e-mails that would take me days to respond to, and only after having a friend check the response because I just Don't Know How To Social.

I do like the internet friends I have. But specifically in fandom, I'm always worried about it, because I feel like I can only half participate in fandom as it is.


(And, for what it's worth, my IRL friends are easier because we've known each other for over a decade so they are used to all my little hang-ups, I can see their faces/hear their voices, and as friends, we can just "hang out" in the same space. It's apples to oranges, really.)

[(Anonymous)]

I find this weird, because I vastly prefer internet friends to RL friends. If interaction gets to be too stressful or take up too much of my time, I can stay off the internet for a week to get shit done if I have to, and not have them bug me. I can't do that with RL friends, because "shut up and let me do my work" is never taken for an answer for some reason.

If I could get away with it, I'd never interact face-to-face with anybody. Too much fucking hassle.