[ SECRET POST #2232 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2232 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 070 secrets from Secret Submission Post #319.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sick and tired of the seemingly universal anti-slut-shaming crusade. And I don't use that word lightly. I personally -- not because of any religious affiliation, and not because I'm particularly young or old (I'm 21) -- believe that being "slutty" is a shameful thing. Do I go around lecturing people on it? No. Do I want to? Sometimes, but I'm not stupid enough to try and force my opinions on people who obviously don't agree.

But here's the thing: from what I've seen on the internet, especially in the past year or so, it's not even okay to mention that I have this belief. It's not okay to even bring up the possibility of anyone having a different opinion than this particular majority, because accepting any and all expressions of sexuality is the One True Way to be a feminist, and anyone who thinks it's the least bit distasteful or non-ideal is seen as a raging misogynist.

(It might be worthy of note that feminism involves, among other things, the idea that women and men should be held to the same standards, and I feel the exact same way about a male slut as I do about one who is female...if not more so, because I freely admit to being a bit of a misandrist...but let's not get too caught up in pedantics.)

When there is one belief that people can rant about to their heart's content without anybody batting an eye, and the other belief will get you verbally mauled and beaten down if you're suspected of adhering to it...that is what drives me crazy.

So yes, I am a slut-shamer. (A passive one, if you really want to make that distinction, but I'm sure most people don't.) And you know what? I used to be apathetic about the issue. I had my opinion, but it wasn't something I cared much about. It was just something I thought, nothing more. But the sheer polarity has changed things for me. I'm proud of it now. Proud to think what I think, because I feel so suppressed about it.

So if you're still so adamant about the issue that you think I should go to hell for my belief...then nice job breaking it, hero, because now I can't be won over. Now I believe it even more strongly. And someday I might get too annoyed to keep my mouth shut anymore. Group polarization is very satisfying; I'd hate to see anything happen to yours...

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry that what people do with their own bodies upsets you so much.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

why is sex between consenting adults bad tho

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

I feel you anon.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[yeahscience]

Yeah, ultimately I think it comes down to what the above anons have said: why do you care? It's one thing to have a preference in your own partner, but if it doesn't affect your sex life... so what?

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

Seriously. It literally has to come down to the belief that sex is in some way bad in and of itself. And I honestly cannot see any way of justifying that belief. I really, really can't.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[elaminator]

Yea, IDGI either.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[biohazardgirl]

Not gonna attack you, I know a lot of people like you.

Mostly what I don't understand about slut shaming is that there doesn't seem to be a set definition of a slut? I don't understand judging people for their sexual behavior because the rules for who is a slut and who is not a slut seem so arbitrary. Like, is it anyone that has sex before marriage? Anyone who has had more than a set number of boyfriends? Someone who dresses a certain way? Someone who has had multiple one night stands? Like, how much sex and what type of sex is the qualifier? And I sort of guess that if it's so arbitrary and varies from person to person who is and is not a slut then it seems kind of silly to me to judge people for their sexual behavior because no one is going to be able to please everyone.

Also the amount and type of consensual, safe sex people have doesn't hurt me in any way, so I guess I just don't care mostly.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[grainne_mhaol]

Since you have the platform here to vent anonymously, do you think it'd be any help to get off your chest what it is about sexual promiscuity that you disprove of? Is it a religious thing? Or something to do with respect for oneself or for others? Is it the sex itself, or the public aesthetic/attitudes of "sluttishness"?

Fair enough if you just wanted to vent, but talking out the reasons might help you sort out the emotive stuff, which I've always found helpful when I find myself in the moral minority somewhere.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

Lately I've been having huge trouble reconciling the idea of sex outside a relationship. Not even necessarily a long-standing, love-professing relationship, but a dating relationship. I feel like sex requires a certain amount of trust, and for it to be a completely positive thing, a certain amount of caring, and it is so hard for me to understand how a person can have sex "casually." I don't want to be so uncomfortable with it, and I used to be less so, but recently I've been so upset by the idea. I think I have issues, and I don't know what they are, but I'm not happy with the way I've been feeling.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

I feel a similar way. Although I like to call men sluts too when they deserve it. Make it an even playing field and all.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

I just think you could be putting that energy into shaming people who are actually doing harm. Like people who have unsafe, nonconsensual sex. Or greedy corporations that exploit workers. Just find a more productive battle to fight.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

oh it's so bad to be you, being judged for being a douchebag. my nonsincere sympathies for your plight.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[thinkatory]

LOL right because all feminists agree on everything and aren't polarized on a massive scale re: a lot of things anyway?

My advice? Get off the damn internet, almost everyone agrees with you outside of it.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

Do you feel only sexually active women are sluts? If so, then have you ever wondered why you only feel this way about women and not men?

I don't care who someone is having sex with, as long as they're all consenting adults. I'm against unprotected sex casually, though. Overpopulation is a huge problem now, and it annoys me when people have twelve children and no means to take care of them. /lol

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[insanenoodlyguy]

I love that I'm a better feminist then you.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[lex_antonia]

The thing is, the burden of proof is on you. If you claim that a certain kind of behaviour is wrong, then it is up to you to validate that claim with arguments. You can't just pull the 'all opinions are equally valid' card, because they're not. You make a judgement, so you need to make a convincing case. Until you do, the other side has the stronger position.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

Well, okay, but...you've got to actually explain your opinion, here. There's nothing wrong with having a different perspective on things, but you aren't going to get very far if you just say, "I have this view and I'm proud of it, the end!"

What makes a slut? Why is it wrong to be one? What beliefs/morals/values inform the standard that you've developed? Why do you think that your standard is better than the one that you find to be the most common? Do you think that the other standard causes some manner of harm? If so, what? In other words: what is the reasoning behind your position, and are you prepared to defend it?

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[eaten_by_bears]

Personally, I'm a lot less interested in winning assholes like you over than in getting you to be civil in public. If you're stewing in your rage and judgements quietly, I count that as a victory.

ok

[(Anonymous)]

You can judge in your head all you want, it's in your actions that matter. It is not your place to police others bodies or lives.

There are a lot of things that I disagree with and judge yet never would I think to lecture or tell others how to live their lives.

If you think sleeping with multiple partners makes you a slut, and you think being a slut is a bad thing, then don't sleep around. Easy peasy solution.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

I count ONE other person who agrees with you - now I make TWO. All I can think is "lol, but it IS shameful to be a slut"

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

Huh. I skimmed the responses to this thing, and didn't see an explanation for why you feel this way anywhere. I get this way sometimes when I feel jealous of people who don't seem to have a problem finding people willing to have sex with them, but then I tell myself I'm being a bitter picky virgin and other people's sex lives aren't my business. And no, I'm honestly not trolling you or suggesting that your reasons are the same as mine. I just wonder, aside from jealousy, and since your reasoning is not religious, what other justification for shaming people for having too much sex (whatever too much is) could there be? I mean, if people are willing and honest with each other, what's the problem?

Also, if you're the same person saying that they can't imagine sex outside the context of a committed relationship, I don't get it either. But people who have one night stands aren't hurting anyone unless they're lying to someone about them.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[greenvelvetcake]

I don't know what's stranger, you caring so much about other people's sex lives or you thinking WE care about you caring about other people's sex lives.

No, what's strangest is that you're PROUD about it. What do you want, a medal?

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

Speaking as someone with zero interest in or understanding of sex outside of a committed, exclusive relationship... I profoundly don't understand this sentiment. Why does a person's choices of what to do with their bodies make them shameful or morally deficient? Seriously, I don't get it. Imagine this scenario:

Woman: "Hi! You're cute."

Man: "Thanks! So are you."

Woman: "I was wondering, are you single?"

Man: "As a matter of fact, I am! I won't be in town for very long, though."

Woman: "That's perfect; I'm actually looking for a short-term arrangement."

Man: "Sounds good to me. Just so you know, I've had a recent STD test, which came back clean, and I've got condoms."

Woman: "Great! Same here with the STD test, and I'm on the pill -- though I also brought condoms."

Man: "Where would you feel most comfortable doing this?"

Woman: "Your place, if you don't mind me giving my friends the address for emergencies."

Man: "Sensible precaution; no problem. Here you go."

Woman: "Thanks! I'm looking forward to the sex!"

Man: "Me too."

What exactly is either of them doing that is bad, shameful, or wrong? I don't get what you want to judge them for, or why you object so strongly to people saying that these hypothetical people shouldn't be made to feel ashamed of their actions.

It's not just an "opinion." Not enjoying spicy food is an opinion. Not enjoying American football is an opinion. Thinking that people who have lots of sex/enjoy casual sex/dress in a way that makes them appear sexually available are bad and should feel bad is not just an opinion. It's imposing your personal preferences and standards on others (even if only in silent judgment), and I don't understand why you think doing so is a good thing, or something to be proud of.