fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2273 ]

[ SECRET POST #2273 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2273 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 117 secrets from Secret Submission Post #325.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ], [ 1 2 3 - trolls ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Exactly what it says on the tin! How old were you? Who was it? What was it like?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIUZlzd37sI

I realized I was bi when I was about 16 or so. Was watching porn when I suddenly (seriously) realized that girls totally turned me on just as much. I had my first girlfriend when I was 18 and away at college and I was absolutely terrified that my parents would find out. They did-- when I was dating another girl when I was 23-- and took it surprisingly well.

-- bi with same-sex leanings.

Realized that I was ace when I was probably about 13-ish or 14-ish, when a lot of people around me were looking for or had a gf/bf. Got asked out a few times, but turned them down partly because I wasn't interested and partly because I didn't feel ready. At first I figured, I was probably a late bloomer and I'd eventually come around. Then I realized that I'd never really been sexually attracted to someone in the first place and I was okay with that. Found out that asexuality was a thing later on, which was cool, I suppose. Not all that exciting, but it was definitely nice to realize.

idk, when and how did you realize you weren't?

(not directly at OP, just anybody - this is a dumb question)

I don't think it is. Heterosexuality is so much the "default" in mainstream American culture that I assumed I was straight for years, even though all signs pointed elsewhere. Coming to terms with my sexuality was a process for me that it just isn't for straight people.

Re: When and How Did You Realize You Were Queer

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-24 22:20 (UTC) - Expand

Re: When and How Did You Realize You Were Queer

dimestoresaint - 2013-03-24 22:59 (UTC) - Expand

Re: When and How Did You Realize You Were Queer

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-24 23:03 (UTC) - Expand

OP

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-25 00:00 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

insanenoodlyguy - 2013-03-25 07:49 (UTC) - Expand

Lol. The internet had to tell me I was gay. And really late too - it is not a story that I'm looking forward to telling in my celebrity biography.

When I was 21 I was seeing a very nice boy - my third proper boyfriend - and once again I was freaking the fuck out at the prospect of getting more physical with things. But I thought I was just... Catholic or something.

In desperation I posted anonymously to an advice board online. Mortifyingly though, I accidentally posted the thread in the wrong area of the boards - the general chat area. A couple of dudebros joked that I probably played for the other team.

That is literally the first time it clicked.

Over the next couple of years I came out to myself - largely through the medium of femslash and by 23 I was sneaking out to gay bars without telling my roommates. And all my OTPs were chicks. And thus was I converted.

But it started with some dudebro trolls. How embarrassing is that? Pretty embarrassing.

When I was 21 I was seeing a very nice boy - my third proper boyfriend - and once again I was freaking the fuck out at the prospect of getting more physical with things. But I thought I was just... Catholic or something.

Aww, I could have written pretty much exactly this.

Dudebros. What can't they accomplish?

11 when I started questioning.

20 when I fully came to terms with it.

The inbetween years were full of mind-changing and confusion.

I dunno how to describe what it was like it was just my life I guess? Questions like this always make me feel weird.

You want the completely true and slightly embarrassing story of how Making_Excuses realised she was Bisexual...

I will have to bring you back in time, about 10 years ago, from when I was about 12 to I was about 15 I had two sexual relationships (at the same time) with two different girls (same age as me) which was awesome and all that.

Which stopped right before I ended up in my first long term relationship (this time a real relationship, not just a sex thing) with a man for about 4 years, we broke up then I was in another relationship with a man for a year or so, which brings us neatly into last yearish.

I did identify as bisexual a short while when I was about 16 along with an emo phase actually, then I identified as straight.

Not too long ago I had this "ahah moment" where I realized, I've had more sexual encounters with women than men and how on earth didn't I realize I was bisexual before now?

To clarify, I have never really thought about my sexuality much so I can be somewhat excused for it to take this long to realize I like both genders.

Re: When and How Did You Realize You Were Queer

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-24 23:37 (UTC) - Expand

I've been aware that I was attracted to women since I was 8-10 years old, thanks to a dream I had: I was walking around my room, which was full of tall, individual cages containing people of both genders, naked and cuffed. I'm not really into bdsm but I do have some Dom tendencies, too.

I don't remember precisely, but it was some time prior to thirteen, since that' when I came out to my Mum. But I honestly don't remember a time when I went, "Oh, I guess I'm NOT straight."

(I did have a crush on Gillian Anderson when I was like... nine or ten or something, although I'm not sure I actually RECOGNISED it as a crush until several years later.)

I never really had one specific lightbulb moment. I guess I realized it (or finally started to admit it) in college, when I had a huge crush on this girl in my sophomore lit class. I don't think she knew I existed, but I'd see her around campus and just swoon. I'd crushed on girls before, but I'd always convinced myself that I just thought they were pretty and wished I looked that them and *that* was why I wanted to stare at them every chance I got. It took me a couple of years after that to really get comfortable with the idea of being bisexual, but looking back, there had been signs of it since I was little.

Bi when I was 16, at first almost exclusively through discovering an appreciation for women's backs. Somewhere between (testing my linking abilities) this scene from NCIS and realizing I was always watching my friend dance during theatre rehearsals. I had a crush on her for a good long while, then ended up in relationship with another female friend about a year later. Still have a soft spot for Abby (and I'm not even really into tattoos, so idk).

boo link fail.

Edited 2013-03-24 22:43 (UTC)

If ace counts for purposes of this discussion, it was when I was in my mid-20s and hanging out with a bunch of friends of similar age on IRC in the middle of the night, when the subject of masturbation habits came up. Until that point, I seriously thought that masturbation was something that most (but not all) teenagers tried a couple times when they hit puberty, then never did again, and it was just something people joked about. Because, uh, I'd never done it, or had the urge to, or understood why anyone would when it seemed to have a lot of potential for embarrassment.

So I basically went "...Wait. ALL YOU GUYS actually do masturbate?" And they're like "Uh, yeah. Don't you?"

And I started thinking about it, and realized that not only were people serious about masturbation, but they'd been serious about having sexual fantasies. I never thought about that sort of thing either, and assumed people were just goofing around. And as many times as I'd thought I'd had crushes on someone, I'd never EVER encountered anyone who made me think about sex. I liked looking at them and talking to them and maybe snuggling with them, but sex? Nope. Also had thought that the "I know it's really really hard, but wait until you're married!" stuff was an exaggeration, because I certainly didn't have a problem with the idea.

And this led to me figuring out I was bi-romantic (borderline aromantic, though, really), because I had always just sort of assumed I was straight, and therefore when I had crushes on guys, I recognized them as such. But upon closer examination, I realized I'd felt the exact same way about certain girls too, but since there was no sexual component AND I assumed I was straight, I'd never made the connection that it might be romantic but non-sexual.

I was in my late 20s when I realized I was asexual.

It took so long because I never dated. I was exceedingly unattractive as a teen and in college, and my fantasies were all about being liked and having tons of friends rather than sex or even love. I tried to imagine myself with a boyfriend, and was at a loss as to what to do or how to behave with them. I knew about sex, and that apparently lots of people liked doing it, but I couldn't--and still can't, in my mid 30s--see myself participating.

I found asexuality through fanficrants, back when it was still a fun(?) ranting comm, and as I learned about it, the light bulb went off.

The best thing was realizing I wasn't a freak for not needing an SO or not needing sex or to masturbate, something I'd been feeling guilty about for years. What a relief to discover I'm not alone!!!

Um...12-13-ish? The only real reason I realized it was because my mother was explaining how [straight] women looked at other women [their clothes, make up, etc] when they see them at a party vs. how a guy looks at them. I can't remember why she was, but I remember going 'Huh...I'm more like the guys. Weird.' and just kind of...accepting it. No crisis, or agonizing just a '-shrug- Okay' reaction.

It's really stupid, tbh.

I'd considered myself mildly fluid for a good while, maybe since I was fifteen or sixteen after having a sort of erotic experience with a friend that I had. I also used to read a lot of radfem lesbian lit when I was around that age. But on the whole I considered myself to be not really significantly everything, everyone thinks other people are pretty sometimes etc. Also usually the only pleasant erotic dreams I would have would be about women, which was a confusing thing to wake up to. I didn't feel like a lesbian, because boys are pretty, but there really were a lot of those oddly pleasant dreams :P

I always end up dating and crushing on very effeminate men, super masculine men just don't do it for me.

Then this Christmas break I was beta-ing this REALLY HOT femslash piece for a friend and I hadn't really told her my sexuality because at that point my feelings about its ambiguity were like several billion paragraphs long. I ended up apologizing for finding her femslash extremely hot because I said I felt bad for objectifying the female form, not wanting to appropriate the struggles of queer women by merely looking at them as sex objects, as I was not sure if I was "queer enough" to be allowed to enjoy her porn without guilt.

And then I stepped away from that statement and was like. . .wat.

And she was like. . .wat. And also "I'm glad you love my porn."

And thus I had a think and determined that I might want to consider myself as queer after all.

Sorta...known on some level most of my life I guess, but the first time I actually had a label for it was when I was maybe twelve or thirteen. Not from school, but from my sister. The details are fuzzy, but I do remember I mentioned I thought this one guy was cute without being consciously aware of saying it and she said something like 'oh, you've realized you're gay finally, was waiting for that' and we kept talking and I didn't even think about it until later.

I was either a very stupid or very chill preteen.

This is so embarrassing, but I'll be honest (safe space, right?): I can't remember how old I was--6th or 7th grade or so--but I was reading The Diary of Anne Frank for class and I was up to those sometimes-redacted passages about her having feelings for her female friend and wanting to kiss her and stuff and I was legit like "...huh...O___o...O____________________________________o" and it kinda went from there. Maybe not the point of that book, but...I mean, I had crushes on ladies before that, but I didn't recognize them for what they were.

When i realized i was actually actively trying to peek up my friend's skirt at a sleep over rather than just... accidentally catch a glance.

Hoo, boy. Long-ass story time. So I was about 14 or 15, and had just re-read Lord of the Rings for like, the fifth time. Galadriel was my favorite character ever almost from the moment she was introduced, and I was trawling the internet looking for anything related to her. It was on some probably now long-dead fansite that I discovered the concept of fanfiction, which in turn led me to discover ff.n. Once there, I immediately clicked on the first fic with her name in the summary. Now, this was well before the ff.n smut-ban, and at the time I hadn't yet learned to even look at the ratings of fanfic. The fic turned out to be Galadriel/OFC/Celeborn smut. I um, enjoyed it. A lot. So some wheels started turning in my head and then I was like, "oh, shit," 'cause I'd been raised Christian and my church had told me that the gay was from Satan. The next few years were kind of rough, to say the least. My parents had a hard time with it for a while, more because they were worried about what my grandfather (a minister with anger issues) would do if he found out than anything else. The few people at my church who I thought I could trust told me to just keep praying and God would make me straight.

Fast-forward to the present, and my parents want nothing more than for me to find a nice girlfriend, I've cut all ties to that church, and my grandfather stopped giving a fuck about most things and became a much, much nicer man in the last two years of his life. And Galadriel is still my favorite character ever.

I was 13-ish and I was reading a fanfic. Yes, I know. One of the characters mentioned she was bi, and my brain went "oh hey you're bi too, aren't you?" and I thought about it and decided yes I was.

If I hadn't been crushing on another girl at the time, maybe it wouldn't have been that simple. But it really was just going "oh, that label applies to me" and moving on.

I was eighteen when I figured out I was probably bi. I had a crush on a girl in my choir; she had bright red hair and I kept seeing her in the corner of my eye during practice. Nothing happened except I was terrified of her for a few months (since I was really nervous around her and was very very afraid anyone would find out). The whole thing was extra awkward since I had a boyfriend at the time. There was much angsting.

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