[ SECRET POST #2307 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2307 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 06 pages, 101 secrets from Secret Submission Post #330.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

Ok so I follow some bisexuality blogs and I see a lot of people having backlash against the idea that bisexuals follow the cissexist gender binary, i.e. that bisexuals are only attracted to cis men and cis women. Which yay for people being awesome and defining their identities but. . .

I'm bisexual, but as far as I can tell it's only on the cis gender binary. Am I doing it wrong? It's not that I dislike trans* people or don't support them or their rights, but I can't see myself dating someone trans*. Am I oppressing people or something by ruling that option out?

. . .sorry to any trans* individuals if this is an insulting question.

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

I personally find it weird when people say they can't date trans* people, but you can't change who you're attracted to. Unless maybe you met someone, fell for them, later found out they were trans* and discovered that this changed how you view all trans* people but... no, not wanting to date someone isn't really oppressing them, individually or as a group.

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

Not really an answer to your question but: I like who I like. I don't care how that may look on a PC checklist. I think PC checklists in general are stupid and doubly so when it comes to attraction, but not half as much as defining oneself by who one is attracted to.

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

+1

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

No one is entitled to your sexual interest. You are not oppressing anyone by not being interested in having sex with them. You're interested in who and what you're interested in, and that's okay.

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

Jesus, there's a freakin' label for everything. How the fuck does anyone even keep up with all this shit?

Anyway-- if you don't want to date a trans* person, don't date them. Fuck what people say about it. At the end of the day YOU'RE the one who's going to have to be with/sleep with that person.

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

Huh. I guess I would find it strange if a bisexual was only attracted to the cis genders, because...where is the problem, exactly? The reasons I'm not sexually attracted to trans* women is because when I'm having sex, I like vaginas and not penises. Unless it's the social part that's off-putting, I'm kind of curious as to why you're not attracted to trans* people as well as cis people. Are you having problems getting over the identity part, or what?

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

That sounds a lot like the "bisexuals will do anything that moves" crap. Because we're all just sluts who will take whatever they can get, right?

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

I tend to be attracted to certain types of men and certain types of women. I've yet to find someone trans* who fits into either category. For me, it's not the genitals that determine if I'm attracted to someone, but other factors. I'm just not attracted to everyone.

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[inkdust]

Attraction is complex and varies immensely among individuals. The only bisexual person I'll ever speak for is myself.

The way I see it, the body is a part of a person, as is the manner in which they present themselves and how that is influenced by their conception of their gender. I have no idea if I will ever be attracted to a trans* person. All I can say is I haven't been yet. I do know that I tend to be attracted to women of androgynous appearance, but to non-androgynous men. I've only been attracted to men who were quite clearly within the binary. I think that line I've discovered is interesting: I find androgyny alluring if the bottom line is female, but not so much if the bottom line is male.

The point of that is that a potential mate's gender expression plays a role in my attraction to them, and though I don't speak for anyone else, I know from friends that I'm not alone. That's just gender expression - I think gender identity becomes even more complex.

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

I'm bisexual and I won't date a transgender person. That's just too freakin' confusing for me. Nothing against trans*, but they don't float my boat, or whatever. And fuck anyone who tries to tell me who I should feel attracted to.

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

I don't get the whole transgender/sexual/whatever thing. I think it's confusing as heck and it just makes no sense to me whatsoever. But then I don't HAVE to get it, either. Frankly, what other people choose to do/be isn't my problem.

I won't date a trans+ person for the reasons I mentioned above, but that certainly doesn't mean I think they're wrong or bad people or whatever. They can do or be whatever the hell they want. Doesn't mean I want to date a trans+ person, though, and no one is going to tell me that I should because it's PC or "right" or whatthefuckever.

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

Wow, sorry for being "confusing". Asshole.

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

I would love to have the kind of life that's so perfect that I have the time it takes to dream up new and meaningless ways to label people and sexuality.

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry that your life is hard <3

I'm just at a point in my life where I'm gradually coming out of the closet and the queer community where I live is so tiny that I don't want to piss anyone off by acting wrong. I don't understand why the rules aren't just "be who you are and screw anyone who thinks otherwise" and "be nice to other people" but they're not at least on the Internet and I'm scared that if I do it wrong i won't be good enough or accepted by my peers.

I just want it to be straightforward but I guess it's not? I only even label myself because it became easier than saying "it's complicated" but then people decided easy wasn't good enough.

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[insanenoodlyguy]

It was my assumption that this was a primary difference between bi and pansexualities.

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[inkdust]

People I know who identify as pan tend to underline that as the difference, but from my understanding (mainly online) there are a number who identify as bisexual who take issue with it.

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

this!

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

The thing is, that's not how bisexuals themselves define it; that distinction was invented by other people and imposed upon them.

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[anonymouslyyours]

Ugggggggh. I'm done. Identifying~ is bullshit. I'll be declaring my sexual orientation on a yes I will sleep with you/no I will not sleep with you basis now, kthnxbai.

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[thursdaymoose]

I thought so at first as well, but apparently a chunk of the bi community sees bisexuality as "attracted to people of their own gender, as well as people of other genders".

Idk, I don't take gender into regard when considering if I'd date someone, but I tend to switch between referring to myself as bi and pan depending on the community.

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

No, not really.

It's fine if you're not attracted to trans* people, and it's fine if you never want to be with a trans* person. Personally, I think the key is to just not be a dick about it when it comes up: they're not you're type. End of story.

Just don't deny trans* people their identity, and it's all good. However, if you do sort of have an aversion to trans* people outside of romance/sexual attraction, or you think they're gross, then yes, you're transphobic, and that may be a great deal of what is shaping your reaction to them--but that's something you'd have to figure out, and something I'm not really willing to speculate.

As far as I'm concerned, I don't see the point of defining bisexuality as only being defined by attraction to the cisgender binary, since it's a personal thing, and either way, there's really no right or wrong.

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

You're not oppressing anyone (or any groups of people) by not dating them. You don't owe dating/romance/sex to anybody. Don't do bodily or economic violence to trans people and imo you're good.

(Didn't this question just get asked on here a week ago or so?)

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think you have to be attracted to trans people. But... for people who say that they would never be attracted to trans people who are of a gender they otherwise might be attracted to, I do think that there might be an unconscious bias at play. (Also, not all trans people have the same sort of bodies. To say that, no matter how much we change our bodies, no matter how similar our bodies are to a cis person's bodies, you still wouldn't be interested just because we're trans... it just seems weird to me. Not saying it's wrong, but I kind of don't get it.)

And... I don't know, what if you met someone, fell in love, and then found out that they're trans? I can see that being a dealbreaker for some people, but... I wonder if more people might not be more willing than they think to make an exception.

Re: Sexuality Question Time!

[(Anonymous)]

I'm trans and I'm not insulted. You can't really help who you're attracted to. The only thing I can really say is don't immediately rule out potential partners just because they're trans, but if there's nothing there, there's nothing there. (I mean, hell, I'm a gay guy, but I never ruled out dating somebody female-assigned, and it ended up being the best thing to ever happen to me. Shit happens. Just roll with it.)

I do have a (hopefully not offensive) question for you: if you're okay with either gender presentation, and with either set of bits, what exactly is the problem with dating somebody with one gender presentation and the other set of bits? I'm genuinely curious about this.