[ SECRET POST #2343 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2343 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.


__________________________________________________



09.


__________________________________________________



10.


__________________________________________________



11.
[not a repeat, was too big before]


__________________________________________________

















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 055 secrets from Secret Submission Post #335.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Cultural differences - privacy

[(Anonymous)]

A thread a couple days ago got me thinking: how do people generally feel about privacy where you're from?

I'm from Scandinavia, and around here there's a tendency for us to be so private and stand-offish that we're seen as outright cold. Basically, it will take a lot for us to open our homes, and we try not to interact with people we don't know (talking to someone on the bus stop? Just don't. We'll think you're a weirdo, at best. Get within three feet of us? We will be suspicious. That kinda thing). On the other hand, we have a large degree of government presence in our lives, and if you know where to look for it, you can find just about everything about your life in the public systems.

Compare that to e.g. my impression of the States - there's a general degree of openness in public (a tendency to be chatty and friendly to strangers, the above bus stop scenario a lot less likely to result in weird stares and so on (at least based on my, admittedly limited, experience)). At the same time, there seems to be a larger degree of resistance in general to the thought of a public system as the one we have, and privacy in that context seems to be valued higher.

So, how is it where you are (and please feel free to correct me if my impression of the States is completely wrong!)?

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[ooh_mrdarcy]

you're from Finland or Norway aren't you

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[(Anonymous)]

Nope, Denmark :)

(Also - Finland isn't technically part of Scandinavia. It's called Fenno-Scandinavia if Finland's included, I believe)

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[(Anonymous)]

Where I've lived in the US, people tend to be friendly and open in public, but tend to be very private and separate about their personal lives.

In the southwest it seemed like people were a lot more touchy-feely than in the northern part of the country, though.

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[(Anonymous)]

This exactly is my experience too. It's considered rude to not act friendly and talk to people, but it's weird to spill your guts about your personal lives and offensive to ask about them, hence the whole "none of your business" line between acceptable vs unacceptable topics of conversation.

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[(Anonymous)]

It depends on where you are. Up north, some will be really haughty and cold, down south, warm and welcoming. But appearances can deceive and someone who welcomed you with open arms might just be a hypocrite, just like someone who seemed rather cold might be one of your future closest and most loyal friends.

In my experience, though, people are rather open. Bus stops can be crowded without feeling uncomfortable about strangers, people who've never met can talk to each other on the bus (especially old people, as if there were a Secret Old People Brotherhood), that sort of thing. Context is important though: if someone comes up to me at night in an empty street, I'll be wary and I won't let someone I've just met into my home even though I won't hesitate to be helpful if I can.

Regarding government: it has a strong presence and basically everything about you can be found in databases (that can't be accessed by the general public). In short: we value privacy but while we are careful with what we say about ourselves we're not particularly wary of strangers.

France, medium-sized city in a rural area.

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[inkdust]

While the government part is different, of course, your description of social interactions matches up with my experience in the southeast US.

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[making_excuses]

Just joining in to say your description of Scandinavia is pretty spot on!

Though we are getting better at talking to each other on long train journeys, but nothing too personal, that would just be weird!

The fact that I can look up what everyone in Norway earns and have in debt, but we don't invite our neighbours in for coffee is pretty odd really...

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[(Anonymous)]

I once saw a picture with people standing in line five feet apart on a sidewalk and the caption was "WAITING FOR THE BUS IN FINLAND". Apt. :D

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[(Anonymous)]

We still don't talk to people on long journeys if we can avoid it. The only conversations I've had with people I don't know in public are usually either with drunks, or people who come off as in need of treatment.

It's a pretty interesting thing once you realize it, isn't it? I've never gone looking for anything like that, but I'm sure I could find all kinds of information about people I would never talk to (or want to talk to).

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[(Anonymous)]

Where I'm from in the states, it's not a tendency to chat up strangers in public, per se. Some people do, but it's a toss up to whether the other person will be friendly back or think you're weird and be uncomfortable. (My reaction falls in the latter category when it happens to me, it makes me anxious, and frankly I'm jealous of you for living somewhere it's so unanimously accepted.)

But I live in a city where people come from all over, and a lot of American Southerners comment that back home everyone talks to everyone and we (my city/state) natives are "unfriendly." This area is also known for being liberal, so, full of people who favor more government presence in our lives, while the South is known for the opposite. So based on my observations, you may have a point... though now I'm wondering why the correlation exists, if there is any reason.

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[akacat]

I grew up in one part of the US Midwest, and there it was considered odd if you didn't invite your friends in. My dad grew up in another part of the Midwest, and there it was unheard of to invite a friend in. Despite the fact that it was one of those tiny towns where people still leave their houses unlocked, and the weather could get pretty extreme. I never understood why.

But if that's common in Norway, that might explain it. The area where dad grew up was largely settled by immigrants from Norway. To the extent that many people in the area have a Norwegian sounding accent, 100+ years later.

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[(Anonymous)]

it's interesting to see how openness tends to match up with hot or cold weather

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[(Anonymous)]

I guess it's kind of hard for me to describe how it is in the U.S. A lot of people here regard privacy very differently and that might be due to a regional thing and it also might have to do with the fact that we have so many people here from different cultures. I will say that I know a lot of people who overshare waaayyy too much over the internet though (facebook especially, but also tumblr). As if I care that you had a pap smear today.

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[(Anonymous)]

I live in NYC and and my neighbors tend to be nosy as fuck and all up in your business if given the opportunity (and I don't give them it). I come across as bitchy because I refuse to really get acquainted with my neighbors. I just want to live in my fucking apartment, not make friends and listen to gossip and have busybodies stick their nose in my personal life.

It's even worse in rural places, I think. My brother lives in Florida and everyone other there is just so into your life! I visited for a summer and this really bugged me. =/

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[nightscale]

It's pretty similar where I live when it comes to talking to strangers on the bus or tube, but then I live in London where we're quite standoffish and distant towards strangers at best and we definitely have the 'Don't make eye contact' rule on public transport too. But when I lived in Lancashire for a few years the social difference was noticeable(not huge though), I mean it wasn't like strangers would just randomly stop and chat away to each other but generally people were friendlier and more willing to approach you if they had a question than most people ever are in London.

I also personally tend to find that the willingness for a stranger to talk to you depends on the time of day, during rush hour? Forget it you'll be lucky to get an answer. But during off peak traveling I find people to be more willing to stop and talk if you need help.

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[chardmonster]

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[(Anonymous)]

Where I'm from (Germany), talking to strangers on public transport pretty much only happens if there's a really big delay or something out of usual going on.

While I'd say the government presence is fairly high, there's probably be quite an outcry if that information were easily available publicly. Most people were not happy about the recent census.
Things like talking about money are also pretty much topics that are not discussed, except perhaps amongst family and very close friends.

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[(Anonymous)]

Born, raised, live in Texas. It's quite common here for people, strangers, to strike up conversations with each other while standing in line, waiting for something, w/the cashier, etc. We still use sir and ma'am; sometimes miss. People from the northern USA tend to be standoffish and unfriendly; I've had them complain to me about the cashier talking to them and being called sir, madam, miss (Them: What? is this some manners thing? Me: well, yes, it is. It's respectful, esp. if you're talking to someone who is older than you. Them: I hate it. makes me feel old. Me: Get over it. I've been called ma'am since h.s. Also, you're a dick for making fun of my accent. Go away. And, now that you're living here, you're the one w/the accent. Get over yourself.).

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[diplopod]

I'm from upstate New York and here it seems to differ from individual to individual. There are people like me who keep completely to themselves (though I admit we're probably in the minority) and people who will walk up to a complete stranger and try to start a conversation. Personally, it weirds me the hell out when someone does that. I always wonder what it is they're trying to sell me or if they have some other ulterior motive. I guess I'm the type of northerner southerners are always calling rude and stand-offish. Though I find "southern hospitality" really prying, nosy and often "fake," myself. It definitely differs from region to region and person to person.

Explains why I was right at home when I was living in Finland. Though I met a lot of Finns who broke the quiet, mind-your-own-business Nordic stereotype while I was there.

There were always people at my university and on the street striking up conversation with me. I was on a train to Savonlinna and ended up sitting next to a woman and her kids and they didn't just talk to me, they shared their food with me too. Shocked the hell out of me. Then there's my friend's family, that had only met me once before they took me in and let me live with them during my last month in Finland. I still can't believe that. That's kindness I wouldn't even dream of from strangers here.

That being said, they were always very respectful of my privacy. They never pried into my personal business, always let me use the sauna by myself and let me have my personal space. It's the complete opposite of how my family treats me here in the States. Here, doing things without telling everyone first or spending time in my room is "rude." /shrug

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[starphotographs]

I think the Pacific Northwest is kind of the exception to the "USians are nosy" thing. There's not a lot of faux-chipperness or invading other people's space here, and that's just the way I like it. But when the situation calls for interaction, people tend to be genuinely pleasant.

But I lived in central Pennsylvania before, and it was pretty much on the opposite end of the spectrum. There was a lot of... I don't know, hostility thinly disguised by excessive friendliness or something. And people seemed to feel like they were entitled to conversation with you, even if you're just a complete stranger trying to go about your day.

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[(Anonymous)]

I'm from Minnesota, which is pretty much known for almost everyone here being descendents of Scandinavian immigrants, Norwegians in particular. But it sounds like our "culture" is the polar opposite - we have a saying here called "Minnesota nice", referring to everyone being friendly, chatty, and willing to cook up some hot dish for the community potluck. lol Of course, the Scandinavian roots at this point are mostly pretty thin, but some old people can speak Norwegian (both of my grandfathers could) and we eat things like lutefisk and lefse, and say "uffda" hahaha.

That being said, as far as physical personal space we're a bit "cold" - our conversations involve standing relatively far from one another, and we don't do a lot of physical touching except with close friends. Other than that, though, I think we're very casual in how we address each other, strangers included.

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[straycatblues]

Romanians are pretty open people,I'd say.But it depends on where you live. I've found out that in rural areas people are going to chat you up,on the bus,standing in line etc.In cities people are more standoffish and dislike talking to you if it's not necessary.

It depends on who you're talking to a lot.By example,I've had more meaningful conversations with old ladies than I've had with guys my age (and how unfortunate is that?).

Re: Cultural differences - privacy

[justthedriver]

When I saw in Minnesota, I was approached by plenty of people to talk. I was at the airport at the time (layover), and people are really friendly. I don't know if they are native Minnesotans or not, actually, but the guy sitting next to me on the plane was really friendly and we basically chatted the whole flight aside from sleep breaks. So I'm not entirely sure.

In Florida, people are extremely friendly and incredibly sweet to me. I was flirted with more times than I ever had in my entire life, which I didn't expect. It might be because I'm a young Asian woman (with a quaint accent, according to nearly every native Floridian I spoke to). It's really fascinating and welcoming, honestly - they know I'm different, it's obvious that I'm different, but I'm not alienated whatsoever? When I was buying a travel adapter someone the salesperson teased me if I forgot to bring my adapter. That was weird. And when I was in Lush in Florida Mall, the salesperson called me 'dear' and stood really close to me and she took my hand and smear soap all over it without asking. It was weird, but she was so friendly that I was mostly confused rather than irritated.

In my home country, personal space is a weird thing because we're fucking overpopulated. But no one talks to each other. A stranger talking to me on the train is just the strangest experience and it's a 99% chance that it's a foreigner.