[ SECRET POST #2442 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2442 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 045 secrets from Secret Submission Post #349.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Which has been done by literally nobody ever, but hey, keep complaining about problems that don't exist.

[(Anonymous)]

Someone hasn't been on the Demisexual tag on tumblr. It has happened a few times. You have every right to be a specialsnowflake, but you're no more different than the majority of the rest of the population :D

[republicanism]

are you new? 'complaining about problems that don't exist' is basically the gist of tumblr's demisexuality tag

[(Anonymous)]

da

I think "demisexuality" (like, feeling zero attraction or desire to people you aren't already very much in love with/close to) might be a real thing

but there's no way all the tumblr teens and twenty-somethings using that label are actually in that camp, not the way they actually go against that definition as they imply in some of their posts

[(Anonymous)]

But then how do these people ever meet people in the first place? Do they have to be friends with somebody before they can date them before they decide if they're pretty or not?

I mean, I have to go on a few dates with somebody before I know if I'm romantically attracted to them or not, but I can identify someone as attractive first. Can demisexuals not identify a pretty face?

[vethica]

I dunno how it works for everyone, but I can find someone attractive in looks or personality without finding them sexually attractive. In fact, it is how I'm attracted to most people.

[republicanism]

..but how do you differentiate finding someone attractive in looks & personality from finding someone sexually attractive? 'attractive in looks and personality' is all that goes into sexual attraction for me but i wouldn't consider myself demisexual

[vethica]

Like, getting turned on when thinking about them? That's sexual attraction, yes? If not, then I've been defining it wrong.

[republicanism]

ok so, from threads i am gathering that you consider yourself some variety of demisexual (correct me if i'm wrong). would you say that the reason for this is because 'attractive in personality' plays a much bigger factor (or maybe is the only factor) in sexual attraction for you? i'm honestly not trying to be a jerk or anything, i'm just curious

[pantswarrior]

Oh hey, I can answer that. I'm asexual, not demisexual, and so although I can identify people who look or present as attractive to me, physically or personality-wise, they're attractive in pretty much the same way as my pets.

Much as with my rabbits and cats, I want to maybe snuggle up to them and touch them and pet them and maybe rub my face against them. And just as with my rabbits and cats, I do not want to have sex with them.

Like my crush on DeForest Kelley was well known in my circle of Trek fan friends, and someone once asked me what I would do with him if I had him alone for a night. I was like "...Uh. I guess I'd have him settle down and get comfortable and then I'd lay my head on his chest. :D" I think that was a disappointing answer...

[republicanism]

i think what was confusing me was the terminology--i don't think of 'attractive' as the same thing as 'aesthically pleasing'. i can certainly understand being able to evaluate whether or not someone (or something) is aesthetically pleasing without wanting to have sex with them (or even kiss them), and i think everyone is this way on some level. to use your example, i would never describe a pet as 'attractive' because i would never do anything sexy (which isn't limited to straight-up sex) with a pet. i suppose this is just arguing semantics, though.

i don't know i guess i just think about these things too much. what does 'sexual attraction' really even mean for most people? i'm sexually attracted to some people that i still wouldn't have sex with. it seems like there's a lot of lines being drawn but no consensus as to what they actually mean.

it's just... confusing, you know? if attraction isn't explicitly sexual and sexual orientation is about attraction asnd dafskdfk sdn UGH i just don't
i can't

thank you for speaking to me i'm going to go have another beer

[(Anonymous)]

Look at it this way, a gay man could find a woman 'attractive in looks and personality' but definitely doesn't want to have sex with her.

On the other hand, people can find others sexually attractive but find them repulsive in personality. The whole "They were cute until they opened their mouth" thing.

[(Anonymous)]

Dingdingding! We have a winner.
I'm a gay woman and I can still appreciate a good looking man. Doesn't mean I will picture him when masturbating.

[(Anonymous)]

Uh-huh. As has been said, welcome to the majority of the population.

I can look at somebody and think, "Hey, he's seriously hot" without getting damp panties. I can meet somebody and think, "Wow, she's got serious babe-charisma going on" without wanting to fall face first into her lap.

If either of these people want to sleep with me, they're going to have to be around enough, become well-enough known by myself, before I start thinking, "Hey, she's hot and magnetic and the more I know her, to more interesting she is and she just smiled that way at me for the fourth time tonight, whoa-doggies it's gettin' hot in heeeeere..."

[vethica]

Hmm, okay. You'd say most people are like that?

[(Anonymous)]

Except that many asexual people have either no desire to have sex or have no sexual attraction towards any gender.

[darkmanifest]

That's what I usually call the difference between an aesthetic (looks) or friendly (personality) attraction, and sexual and/or romantic attraction. And yeah, I'd say it's really common. Usually framed in comments like "I don't swing that way, but damn that person is hot!"

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not demisexual, but I've seen faces which I can see why people would find attractive and yet they don't do a thing to me

[(Anonymous)]

Mm hm. It's called personal taste.

[(Anonymous)]

what I mean is that it is possible to look at someone pretty and still not find them attractive to you

[(Anonymous)]

That's what I don't get too. There are people I've found attractive based solely on looks then later I've been completely put off by their personality, and there are people I've never even thought were attractive until I've gotten to know them and realized how much we have in common.

But isn't that just.... attraction? Sometimes you need to get to know someone to fall in love with them. That's just how attraction sometimes works.

[vethica]

I can't speak for everyone, but the way I've experienced it, there's a difference between attraction, sexual attraction, and love. The way it worked with me and the one person I've been sexually attracted to is this: become attracted -> begin a relationship -> become sexually attracted -> fall in love. So for me, at least so far, they've been three discrete phenomena.

[(Anonymous)]

Can demisexuals not identify a pretty face?

At least some can't. I have a friend that I think of whenever discussions of demisexuality come up, although she never used the word to describe herself. She once told me that she honestly had no idea whether a person was attractive or not, because physical attraction simply didn't register for her. She could become sexually attracted to a person and enjoy a sexual relationship with them, but the sole determining factor in her attraction would be her emotional bond with them.

[(Anonymous)]

In the nicest way possible, the aesthetics of objective beauty don't really have to have anything to do with attraction. I mean, I can look at a sculpture or a painting or an interior-ly designed room or the cast to a US teen drama and aesthetically I can tell that they are beautiful without bringing my sexuality into it. I mean, if I google the cast of Dawson's Creek I can tell they're beautiful whilst their bland, pretty faces do absolutely nothing to elicit any kind of emotional/horny response.

[(Anonymous)]

O...kay? So does that mean I'm engaging in sorcery when I look at my favorite superhero-movie actor and I get that warm tingly feeling in my pants? Because acting like physical appearance has nothing to do with sexual attraction for most people seems... well, deeply inaccurate is the nicest way I can think to put it.