[ SECRET POST #2492 ]

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⌈ Secret Post #2492 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 028 secrets from Secret Submission Post #356.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Big Brothers Big Sisters

[(Anonymous)]

My local paper did a story recently about Big Brothers Big Sisters being in desperate need of male volunteers, because something like five women sign up for every one man. I think this organization does great things, but it really upsets me that they place so much emphasis on pairing bigs and littles by sex.

I mean, sure, I get wanting to preferably match a kid with a like mentor (especially when you're dealing with boys who lack father figures), but it seems to me like at some point it would be better to say "rather than letting all these boys have nobody, why don't we see if any of these women have same-interests and are a good fit?"

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[chardmonster]

A big issue is that a lot of these boys have no positive male role models period. That's part of the point of their being in the program. They already have a positive female role model: their mom. It's very important to little kids to have people they can look up to that are like themselves; this is part of why it's also a big deal to try to get more young men into elementary education.

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[(Anonymous)]

They already have a positive female role model: their mom.

That's quite the assumption you've made.

1. Not all moms ARE good role models. You might say signing them up for the program is a sign of being a good role model, but there are some moms who sign their kids up for things like this to be able to dump them on other people. Some single-parent kids who live with their mom just have BAD MOMS.

2. Even the best single moms aren't always around a suitable amount. It's not their fault -- they have to work to put food on the table and clothes on backs. You can be a great mom who embodies all the traits and characteristics that any good parent would want for their kid, but to pass that on, you have to BE THERE.

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[chardmonster]

Okay. That doesn't mean little boys don't need male role models.

I mean: would you argue that a little girl doesn't need any older women? Would it be good for her to go to a school that only had male teachers?

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[tei]

Yeah... At the same time, I assume they want to keep the kids with the same mentors for as long as possible, and I can see how especially when a kid hits puberty it would be one of the most important things a Mentor could do to be someone the kid felt comfortable talking about more ~personal issues~ with.

Also, when we look at ways of encouraging people to get involved with activities not traditionally "appropriate" for their gender, gender-specific role models are one of the most important factors. So I think there is some evidence behind the idea that kids need to see positive role models of their own gender in order to project themselves into that role and, hopefully, adopt it.

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[(Anonymous)]

I have a hard time feeling too sorry for BBBS and its plight. But I'm probably still just bitter that I got rejected with no idea why. That's a shit-ass feeling.

But the Boys and Girls Club was more than happy for my time, so I guess it worked out in the end.

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[fingalsanteater]

Man, I didn't even get rejected. They just never contacted me again after the interview.

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, man. This reminds me of a show that was on a few years ago (Men of a Certain Age). It wasn't a hugely memorable show, but one thing that's stuck with me was Scott Bakula getting rejected by Big Brothers. When he was telling his friends, he said (yes, I looked this up, I did not commit this many exact words to memory):

"I mean, I know you guys think that I'm flaky and I can't get my life together and I can't commit to women and I'm, you know, peter pan or whatever the hell, but am I a bad guy? An actual bad guy? I mean, what is it about me that's not good enough to take care of a kid who's got nobody?"

He was a great guy, actually, and I'm sure you are, too. Glad you didn't let that one organization sour you on all mentoring programs. Boys & Girls is, I'm sure, extremely grateful to have you on their side.

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[(Anonymous)]

I know several people who got rejected at BBBS and excepted with Boys & Girls including men.(Had a whole group of volunteers from college sadly I had other obligations and couldn't)

So I do wonder how many good options they have that they just ignore. I'd really like to know their reason for turning down some people because it just makes no sense.

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[(Anonymous)]

Uh, PRETTY SURE the article full of quotes from the organization said "men aren't volunteering" not "nobody wants to leave their kids with men." Also, given that there are so many boys in the program WAITING TO BE MATCHED pretty much makes this a bit of a bullshit argument.

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[siofrabunnies]

Stella_down is most likely saying that the "omg, he's a guy who's involved with children; he must be a pedophile!" thing is why men don't sign up.

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[(Anonymous)]

Why do you say boys need to have male role models?

(Not trolling, I swear. I'm just curious.)

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[chardmonster]

That's true--and it's a big problem for guys in education--but I really don't think people signing their sons up for Big Brothers have a problem with their sons' Big Brothers being male. This is a self selecting group.

A bigger problem might be that guys aren't volunteering because they themselves are afraid of looking like pedophiles. What if people start freaking out because they're close but not related? Less likely, but: what if the kid or the kid's parent accuses them of something?

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[(Anonymous)]

slightly unconnected, but I really would not trust the motives of any man that wanted to sign up in the first place.

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[castle_anon]

We get it. Men are evil. Let's move on.

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[chardmonster]

I didn't know they had wifi at the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry that you feel that way.

But I don't think that it's necessarily something that you need to distrust - people are concerned about helping kids and trying to improve their lives. Whether they're men or women. It's something that a lot of people care about.

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[castle_anon]

I see where you're coming from, but I also think there are a lot of kids -- especially younger ones -- who aren't developed enough yet to understand that role models can come in all shapes, sizes and sexes. They may feel like "here's a nice lady who wants to spend time with me, and that makes me happy," but how many will say "I want to be like her."

I don't know, but I would wager when it comes for looking at people to emulate, younger people are going to choose the ones who look like them. And that doesn't make interactions and lessons learned from women worthless. It wouldn't surprise me to find out that positive experiences get under the skin and hide out in the back of the brain for a while before being realized, for instance. But I think Big Brothers Big Sisters is more about the immediate effect, not the potential future effect.

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[(Anonymous)]

I guess that makes sense. This is also making me wonder about trans* men and women, though.

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[darkmanifest]

I agree. Pair up boys with men whenever possible (because I do think that having a mentor as much like you as possible is important, as much as having black female heroes was important to me when I was a little kid), but I hope they don't do something stupid like deprive boys of anyone just because women are the only option available. Single moms have to work and run a household and keep the rent paid; a boy with a big sister who's there only to talk and have fun with him would get a lot out of that relationship.

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[(Anonymous)]

The story I read said that girls are usually paired with Big Sisters within a year, but boys can go from 1 to 4 years and sometimes even age out of the program without ever getting a Big Brother. So, I don't if maybe there are some chapters that mix it up (until this story, I assumed that was a move they'd taken, which was why there was this big push to just refer to Bigs and Littles), but apparently that's not the case in my county.

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[(Anonymous)]

This thread's making me wonder - what other programs like this are there in whatever country you're from? I couldn't think of anything similar off the top of my head in mine =(

And which ones have a good rep? Some people in this thread don't seem to think highly of BBBS... so which ones would you rec?

Re: Big Brothers Big Sisters

[(Anonymous)]

BBBS isn't *bad*...but they are a little ridiculous when it comes to volunteering with them sometimes.

Idk what else is around exactly [I know there's something advertised in my college, but I can't remember what sorry!]