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⌈ Secret Post #2524 ⌋

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I noticed there's a similar thread to mine above, but I HAD to write this here today...

So, I'm taking this class where there's this guy who's about 3-4 years younger than me, really quiet to the point that he almost comes off as rude, but I think he's just shy and introverted. He actually only engages in conversations when you sort of help him into it at first, but then he's actually very intelligent and well-spoken.

Now, I've been single forever and I've reached that point when I thought no one would interest me ever again, and then I found this guy and he's sorta REALLY attracting me both physically and intellectually and SHIT, HE'S YOUNGER.

I know for a fact that I probably look younger than him (I do look a lot younger than my years), but it's still a big thing for me. I'm thinking I should probably not act on it, because I'm afraid of how it would look tbh.

Did this happen to anyone here? :(

3-4 years is nothing. That's basically the same age. Go for it!

Depends on which age range we're talking about, of course, but other than that, I agree. 3-4 years isn't a lot, especially if you're both over, say, 21.

Unless he's pretty much literally 18, I really wouldn't worry about it. If you're attracted to him, you should go for it. If you two end up getting along, anyone who cares that you're 3 or 4 years older is being ridiculous. Anyone who cares about that in the face of two people being happy together, I really don't understand. Obviously it's no guarantee that it'll work out, but an age gap like that is no reason not to try.

I have a guy friend who's 23, and he's been dating a woman who's about 29 for a little under a year - and it's going really well, as far as I can tell from the outside they're very happy together, and it's been really good for him. It's good to see him so happy. I don't see any reason I would be against seeing my friend happy just because his SO is older than him. Go for it, anon.

DA

But even 18 is fine. Just means the OP is what, 21 or 22? I still don't see a big deal about it. I think the only thing that would make that weird is if the 18yo is still in high school. An adult dating a person in high school is just weird, no matter the age.

It would probably still be fine, you're right. But there's the potential for it to be an issue - there's a little doubt at 18, and then above that, it's just not an issue at all. But you're right.

OMG GUYS i love you and all your replies.

I wanted to specify that we are both way over 18, so I guess that would be okay. (I'm 30, gosh).

I suppose my big worry here is that surely he would think people his age or younger would be better? I don't know, it's not like I feel old or anything, but I think that generally speaking a guy would prefer 'fresher meat', so to speak.

Why must he be SO CUTE though, in a 'I'm really mature beyond my age and hard to catch' that's so freaking alluring to the likes of me?!?!

Re: op

(Anonymous) - 2013-11-30 22:53 (UTC) - Expand

op

(Anonymous) - 2013-11-30 23:00 (UTC) - Expand

Honestly?

insanenoodlyguy - 2013-12-01 04:13 (UTC) - Expand

op

(Anonymous) - 2013-12-01 13:46 (UTC) - Expand

Re: op

diet_poison - 2013-12-01 05:47 (UTC) - Expand

My boyfriend is five years younger than me. It's really no big deal, as long as he's legal.

Definitely legal, he's 26. :) Maybe at this point I should stop thinking about what other people think and try and talk to him more... I even have him on FB, but he's extremely hard to read (yet) so I don't even know for sure what's on his mind. (I think that's exactly why I like him, dammit).

Thank you so much for letting me know about your actual situation, it0 kind of helps. <3

Re: op

cassandraoftroy - 2013-11-30 23:48 (UTC) - Expand

Re: op

(Anonymous) - 2013-12-01 00:50 (UTC) - Expand

~~get you some of that young cub lovin' hot mama, rawr~~

Once everyone involved is over twenty-one (or whatever your local legal drinking age is)* a five year age difference is pretty much considered the same age group by like... everyone I know.

But if you're really so afraid of how it'll look you said yourself most people wouldn't notice so... just don't show people your birth certificate?

eta: *and by that I don't mean people think it's weird just sometimes it gets noticed and teased about if your SO can't drink or go to a certain club with you.

Edited 2013-11-30 22:32 (UTC)

get you some of that young cub lovin' hot mama, rawr
LOL

five year age difference is pretty much considered the same age group by like... everyone I know.
Nice to know... I've always felt like a big age gap is totally normal when the girl is the young one, but for some reason I still feel awkward if it's the opposite. And I do mean that my first reaction would be, 'oh, how peculiar', even if - after that first impression - then I don't really give a damn, honestly.

There's not even a good reason why I should feel like it's different...

And btw, THANK you so much for replying. Meant a lot to me, I was seriously distracted/distressed tonight.

Re: crushing on a younger guy?

anonymouslyyours - 2013-12-01 02:11 (UTC) - Expand

Re: crushing on a younger guy?

(Anonymous) - 2013-12-01 13:56 (UTC) - Expand

Not knowing your age, you can always do the "half your age plus seven" thing. Take your age, divide by two, add seven. That's the calculated youngest age you're supposed to date if you want to avoid raising eyebrows (and, mind you, that's only according to some circles). Most people are just say "fuck age difference formulas" once everyone's past twenty-one.

Is that rule a thing? I didn't know about it but it kind of works. :D

I'm okay then, he's 26! I don't even know why I'm making such a fuss over this, I think it's mostly because I'm the kind of person who inevitably worries about what other people think, and also I feel too much the competition of the younger girls. I mean, such a cute guy should have lots to pick from... the only thing that makes me hope is that he's such an absolute loner (even if extremely nice and gracious if you talk to him).

Who cares? That's nothing. Try being in University at age 30 and attracting 19 year olds.

I have to say, I don't care much about attracting almost-kids (it happens a lot when I go out with friends, which makes me wonder what age I do show on the outside), but I do care in this case because I'm the one who's attracted... sort of makes the difference to me, because in this case I just know that I should be the one taking the first step and it's totally different in my head.

Damn, I've always been only attracted to older men even as a kid, and now this... HOW.

I turned 33 last month. My boyfriend turns 30 in February.

Go for it.

You guys are starting to convince me, yo. <3

BAWWWWW. WHAT STRANGERS THINK IS A REASON I DON'T WANT TO TAKE SHOT AT HAPPINESS.

I SHOULD BE HITTING ON HIM BUT OH NOOOOOOOOO, BIRTHDATES.

CRY SOME MOAR

WHAT STRANGERS THINK IS A REASON I DON'T WANT TO TAKE SHOT AT HAPPINESS.
LOL OKAY I GET IT

I'LL CRY ON MYSELF SOME MOAR TODAY AND I'LL ACT ON IT FIRST THING MONDAY.

Go for it.

I mean, what if he turns out to be the best person you've ever met and you fall in love and ~ride off into the sunset together~? You probably won't care about the age difference when you're 80 and he's still a young'un at 76 :P

(Actually, since men tend to have shorter lives than women, dating younger is actually a way better policy than dating older...)

(Actually, since men tend to have shorter lives than women, dating younger is actually a way better policy than dating older...)
I love that I had the same exact thought.

I guess he could even turn out to be a wonderful person and my soulmate and stuff, in fact I'm hating myself for doubting so much.

It's also my bad experience with taking the initiative that got the best of me. Mixed with the age gap it's all making me scared of ruining things. But fact is, I can see that he's probably not the kind to ever make the first step in this kind of situation, so it's all on me.

As someone who's always been into younger guys, GO FOR IT. They care way, way less than you'd think. If they're attracted to you, they're attracted to you. If they're not, they're not. Same with women, really.

There absolutely is more social backlash against women who date younger men than men who date younger women (unless they date women young enough to be their daughters), but imo, it's worth it. Some younger guys are amazingly fun and sexy.

I'm in my early 30s now and I dated pretty much exclusively men in their early 20s throughout my late 20s, and my husband is 25 (22 when we met). It can absolutely work.

As someone who's always been into younger guys, GO FOR IT. They care way, way less than you'd think. If they're attracted to you, they're attracted to you. If they're not, they're not. Same with women, really.
I think I have to adopt this mindset. It's not like I'm forcing myself on him in fact... I just hate that I'll have to be the one showing all the cards with this one, because he's a bit closed off. Or you know, maybe he just hates all of us and this all will backlash on me ;). I'm thinking maybe I could wait for classes to be almost over (in 2 weeks or so) and then make myself really clear... that way I won't have to be awkward if things go to hell. Not that I'm usually awkward myself about these things, but I'm afraid he could react in an unpredictable way. I don't really know him and I can't read him at all... it was just superfast attraction on my part.

I think I'll write him some shit over fb right now though, to start seeing how he takes the extra attention.

Are we talking 20 and 16? 24 and 20? 30 and 26? there is a big difference in those age gaps even if they are the same length.

Also, r u me? that sounds like exactly the sort of thing I'd do haha

yep, 30 and 26 exactly!

Also, r u me? that sounds like exactly the sort of thing I'd do haha
LOL, younger guys and their ways, damn. He's not even that young, he's just go that something that makes me fall really hard. Stupid undiscriminating hormones.

Re: crushing on a younger guy?

diet_poison - 2013-12-01 17:47 (UTC) - Expand

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