fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2554 ]

[ SECRET POST #2554 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2554 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

[Hobbit movies, Silmarillion]

__________________________________________________

03.

[Ripper Street]

__________________________________________________

04.

[Avengers]

__________________________________________________

05.

[Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi]

__________________________________________________

06.

[Game of Thrones]

__________________________________________________

07.

[Sherlock Holmes/Star Trek: The Next Generation]

__________________________________________________

08.

[Soukyuu no Fafner]

__________________________________________________

09.

[Attack on Titan]

__________________________________________________

10.

[Goo Goo Dolls]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 050 secrets from Secret Submission Post #364.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So I have this childhood friend. I'm completely in love with him but I know there's no way it'll ever happen. He's said several times that he sees me basically like a sister and even if somehow he started seeing me in a different way I'm pretty much the complete opposite of his type, physically, and I can't imagine him ever finding me attractive. He kind of has a player reputation so he's constantly bringing new girls around and it just hurts me so much. I haven't had much luck with relationships, and I think it's because I compare every guy I meet to him, and it never works because they're just not him. I dream about him constantly...I've always said I never wanted the whole white picket fence husband and kids thing but with him I could totally imagine having all that stuff.

I feel like if I could just cut off all ties with him I could finally get over him and move on but our families are really close and even though I've explained how I feel to my mom and how I think it would be much better for me to not be around him she refuses to stop inviting his family to all our holiday get togethers (as well as random other events throughout the year) and he always comes and brings whatever girl he's sleeping with at the time. Part of me feels like he's trying to shove his relationships in my face but I don't think he knows how I feel so I don't know if I'm just imagining that or what.

I just can't take this anymore. :( My family is making it clear that cutting off contact with him isn't really an option but I don't know how to be around him and watch him with other girls knowing I can't be with him.

Ughhhhh.

How old are you? This sounds a lot like what I might have said at sixteen. If you're still around that age, believe me, you'll get over it. I used to think it was the end of the world that one of my family friends didn't want to date me in high school because I had a bad reputation. But then I grew up, went to college, and moved on. My confidence sky rocketed in college because I saw all these other handsome guys that actually had an interest in me. And I finally landed in a long term relationship during my junior year, going on to move in with said boyfriend.

I'm sure it'll be the same for you if you get out into the world and see just how many other people you're missing out on. There's about 7 billion people in the world. Plenty of great catches to choose from.

Even if you're older, you can get over it if you just allow yourself to. Take some time for yourself. Do some things with other friends. Allow yourself to give other people a chance. You've probably built this guy up so much in your own head that he's just an idolized version of what he really is. A break away from him and giving a go with some other handsome dudes will give you a better perspective over time.

The only person stopping your own happiness is you. You can choose to pine for this guy and stay miserable. Or you can get out there and see what you can find.

+1

Plus, if this particular guy really is as far out of your league as you seem to think, maybe the better plan would be to look for a more realistic match.

Where did she say he's out of her league? That's kind of rude to assume.

I'm pretty much the complete opposite of his type, physically, and I can't imagine him ever finding me attractive.

herpymcderp did say if and as you seem to think as well.

I'm pretty much the complete opposite of his type, physically, and I can't imagine him ever finding me attractive

That's how I read that.

Agreeing with the other anon below that what you're assuming is pretty rude. For all we know the OP could be pretty but has a low self esteem. That's not as uncommon.

"Complete opposite of his type, physically" generally means at least pudgy, and if the dude is a player, he's probably on the good-looking side of things. It's all conjecture, but it's based on the things OP already said.

OP said nothing about being pudgy. "Complete opposite of his type" could mean anything. For all we know, the player could be into women with large breasts and OP is on the skinny side with a flat chest. It's up to a lot of interpretation.

"Complete opposite of his type" does not have to mean fat and fuck you for inferring that fat equals unattractive. "Complete opposite of his type" could mean she hates wearing skirts and he's a dude who likes a woman in skirts. Your assumptions are gross.

This is super OT, but I'm reminded of how gorgeous the Youtuber housewifeswag is even though she's technically overweight. Cause damn, does she pull it off really well.

Re: The guy I love is never going to love me back :(

fingalsanteater - 2013-12-31 03:31 (UTC) - Expand

Re: The guy I love is never going to love me back :(

(Anonymous) - 2013-12-31 03:38 (UTC) - Expand

Re: The guy I love is never going to love me back :(

(Anonymous) - 2013-12-31 05:03 (UTC) - Expand

Re: The guy I love is never going to love me back :(

(Anonymous) - 2013-12-31 05:17 (UTC) - Expand

Re: The guy I love is never going to love me back :(

(Anonymous) - 2013-12-31 04:35 (UTC) - Expand

Re: The guy I love is never going to love me back :(

fingalsanteater - 2013-12-31 05:13 (UTC) - Expand

Re: The guy I love is never going to love me back :(

darkmanifest - 2013-12-31 06:04 (UTC) - Expand

Re: The guy I love is never going to love me back :(

(Anonymous) - 2013-12-31 07:14 (UTC) - Expand

Re: The guy I love is never going to love me back :(

darkmanifest - 2013-12-31 07:19 (UTC) - Expand

Re: The guy I love is never going to love me back :(

(Anonymous) - 2013-12-31 18:43 (UTC) - Expand

Re: The guy I love is never going to love me back :(

darkmanifest - 2013-12-31 19:10 (UTC) - Expand

lol wtf

OP could be super tall, and the guy she's into might go for really tiny girls.

That's why I said "seem to think". ...Pay attention.

And then you go on to say "look for a more realistic match". Unless you are talking about his personality and how he doesn't like comittment while OP wants that, then that comment is uncalled for. OP could still go for someone as attractive as her crush and have realistic expectations.

My advice is go do some drinking, and listening to mournful songs, and then do something else and try and get your mind off it.

If you only see him a few times a year, then I think you are not getting over him because you don't want to get over him. Seeing someone a few times a year at family functions is close enough to cutting ties in my opinion. Stop spending any sort of meaningful time with him. When he's not much of a presence in you life, your feelings for him will dull because there's not much there to fuel your affection.

In the words of that sassy gay friend video, you need to write a sad poem in your journal and move on. Seriously, there's pining and then there's just being pathetic. He doesn't like you, it sucks, but you need to meet new people and stop comparing every guy to this idealized version of your friend that you have going on because he's probably not as perfect as you seem to think he is (and the fact that you mention he has a "player reputation" is a pretty strong indicator that he may not make the best long term relationship boyfriend). And it's pretty rude to expect your mother to stop inviting him to gatherings just because your unrequited love makes you uncomfortable. What the fuck is she supposed to tell her friends? "Jan, I'm so sorry but my daughter really, really wants to bone your son so I would really appreciate it if you didn't bring him along with you because his presence makes her sad"? I realize you're probably like 16 or something and this is kind of harsh but you need to get on with your life. It's not the end of the world that one boy doesn't like you

ouch. +1 tho

Ouch: x2

Comment: +2

man, I felt like I was getting bitch slapped while reading this comment and it wasn't even directed towards me. still though, I agree with everything you've said. sorry OP, but it's time to stop wallowing and get the hell over it before you start assembling some kind of creepy shrine dedicated to this guy.

I'm sorry, OP. Forgive me, but you sound young... which is good! Because this problem is not at all uncommon and you can move past it, I promise. It'll take some discipline on your part though, because you do have to cut ties and put more effort into looking elsewhere.

Try to distance yourself physically if you can. Even when you're at the same event, stop by for a friendly hello, tell him it's nice seeing him again and then MOVE ON. Engage as little as possible without seeming rude, which should be relatively easy at a family gathering. Say you've got a lot of people to catch up with, that you need to go help with X, that you promised you'd call someone at this time, etc. etc. You can even try excusing yourself from some of the events to see other friends instead.

In the meantime, put yourself out there. Make more friends, check out other dating possibilities. The more time you spend mooning over this guy you're not going to get, the more you cut yourself off from people and relationships with real potential. Remember that you've never dated this guy, so a lot of what you find ideal about him is mostly fantasy. That's why no real life guy measures up-- you're daydreaming about someone who's not real. Don't give up your chance at finding real love for a fantasy. You can do this.

THIS THIS THIS! OP, listen to these words of wisdom. They speak truth and you will be so much more happy if you listen to them.

OP, if this guy is a player, all he's interested in is boning chicks and arm candy. He's not interested in relationships on any meaningful level, is immature and probably not very faithful to his partners. In other words he's not YOUR type.

Also, whenever he comes over, I suggest finding an excuse not to be there. Maybe go to a friend's house if you're able.

It's fucked up that you're literally forced to deal with him on a personal level - like you said, you'd probably be able to get over him a lot more quickly without having to see him so often in your private life.

Unasked-for advice from someone with a very avoidant personality: You gotta ask yourself just how seriously do you need to get over him. Because if you're an adult and have a choice in the matter, you could decide to make yourself scarce at all these gatherings where he'll be until you're more in control of your feelings. Just like your family isn't obligated to change their relationship with him for your feelings, you aren't obligated to show up just because your family wants to continue the relationship.

So, don't go, if you can. Spend your new amounts of free time shoring up your defenses, going on a couple of first dates with new guys, and not thinking about him or having to see him until your feelings don't make you so miserable.

I hope you feel better, mate.

Edited 2013-12-31 06:16 (UTC)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only