[ SECRET POST #2664 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2664 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 075 secrets from Secret Submission Post #381.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I want everyone to stop liking me. To stop giving a damn about me. I want everyone to hate me as much as I hate me. I'm forbidden from saying anything negative about myself...why won't my parents let me say shit about myself. I'm awful. They have fucking Stockholm syndrome to be up with my bitching and being a piece of shit. I fight with them and yell at them and then curl up in a ball and start attacking myself. Like a manipulative piece of shit.

I've always been manipulative, with how overemotional I am and how I start crying when someone raises their voice. I'm an attention whore.

I know the internet won't give me any crap about how I'm their daughter and I should be nice to myself.

But if I'm being a piece of shit the internet will fucking call me a piece of shit. and believe me I'm a rotten little piece of shit.

[(Anonymous)]

you need therapy

what I need

[(Anonymous)]

..is to stop being a leech on my family.

[(Anonymous)]

You appear to be stuck in a feedback loop -- when you're attacking yourself for attacking yourself, it's time to stop. Which is much easier said than done, I know.

It's good to have some outlet for expressing concerns about your own behavior, but loved ones often have trouble being that outlet when the person has a history of emotional issues. Do you have a therapist? You should be able to discuss the concerns in some fashion there.

When I get into a negative feedback loop, what works best for me is to play computer solitaire or silly match-three games, just something mind-numbing to slow everything down.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't , not yet.

Thank you

I'm used to taking out my anger on myself because as far as I'm concerned I'm the only one I hate enough, and I have so much frustration to take out.

[sarillia]

I agree with the others that finding a therapist is probably a good idea. Someone who is trained to deal with what you're going through. Supportive friends and family are nice but it can be overwhelming for them and guilt-inducing for you.

I can relate to feeling worthless. I can even relate to feeling frustrated that expressing what I'm feeling will only get me a lecture about how I shouldn't talk about myself that way. I don't think a blanket ban on saying negative things about yourself is always the best way to go.

Look at the things that you attack yourself with. What specifically are you accusing yourself of? Are they things that you can change? I eventually made something productive from my negative thoughts. I tried to turn myself into a person I would like better.

Of course you have to think about whether what you're feeling bad about are actually bad things, but in my case feeling productive helped me feel a little more positive and see myself in a better light even as I was trying to change myself. Maybe something similar would work for you.

I hope you find some way to feel better.

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you....

That helps.

[(Anonymous)]

Question: You call yourself an atttention whore, why is that? Specifically, when you get overemotional and start crying when someone raises their voice, is this a natural reaction/something that has been happening for most of your life, or do you actually do this to get attention from people?

AYRT

[(Anonymous)]

When someone yells or speaks harshly to me it makes me upset because I don't like people being upset with me. Sometimes when a sibling is rude to be one day I'll take it personally. I either feel sad, feel like crying or take it personally.

Well except when I'm mad at them and caught up in being mad then I yell right back.

But then I feel horrible for it afterward. and cry about it. I'm oversensitive I know

are you me?

[tyger66]

Because my parents have to be fucking crazy to have not put me in prison by now. I deserve it. And I'm also a manipulative attention whore. I cry the second things get the slightest bit unpleasant. I insult myself when others won't do it for me. I am the only person in the world who hates me as much as I deserve to be hated. The people that piss me off are the ones that remind me of me.

So unless we are actually the same person, there's at least one person out there who knows exactly how you feel.

Re: are you me?

[(Anonymous)]

Uh. Parents can't just PUT their kids in prison. Being an "attention whore" is not a crime. And don't listen to or encourage that suicide anon. I think you could also benefit from therapy, or some confidence boosting activity like yoga.

Re: are you me?

[fingalsanteater]

Aw, tyger. I haven't seen you in so long. I don't even have a comment related to yours. I just wanted to say hi!

[iceyred]

First of all, what you are feeling is not unique to you. Others have felt this way and you are not alone.

Second, I really doubt you are as terrible as you say you are. You sound very depressed and depression warps people's perceptions of themselves and others. Everyone makes mistakes, but I'm guessing you're being more than a little hard on yourself. You deserve respect and kindness too.

Talking to a therapist is a great idea. Also, volunteer. It's a good thing to do and it might distract you from how you're feeling about yourself.

[(Anonymous)]

the more I mess up and tick people off or have a meltdown, the more often I feel like....like I'm bad and want to punish myself more harshly.

We're working on finding one right now, which will help. I don't want to trouble my parents by having them have to drive me to a volunteer job everyday.

[otakugal15]

Wow, you are a shit. I mean, I'm like that myself at times (IRL, not here. i'm worse here), but uh..yeah.

Is that what you want? To be told that? Cause I am saying it: you are a dick.

Now, go stop being an ass and learn how to take things, good or bad. Sheesh.

[(Anonymous)]

....thanks I guess..

I'm sorry

[(Anonymous)]

You...really are a pretty awful person.

[the_missing_y]

I think you're trying to help, and I think I see the logic of your reply, but it's a risky gambit, and when someone is having emotional difficulties you probably don't want to take the risky move.

You were hoping this would be the verbal equivalent of slapping a hysterical person, right? only since we're not talking to someone who is simply hysterical, we're talking to someone who is having an emotional ... episode. Emotions are far more delicate and easy to damage (Particularly with harsh words) so I think your reply is more likely to do more harm than good.

Am I right in assuming that this horrible, horrible comment is basically coming from a good place? If so, I hope you don't mind if I tell you this was way the wrong move, and you may owe the OP an apology.

[diet_poison]

In all honesty, Otaku, fuck off with this. Just fucking don't.

[iceyred]

You need therapy as much as the OP. I mean, I'm all for slapping people when they're making shit up and being wangsty, but this could easily be the real mccoy. It's not cool to hate on someone when they're already hating on themselves so badly.

[(Anonymous)]

This is why people don't like you. Just to be clear on any confusion on your part about why people here find you so offensive and unbearable. Because you are an asshole.

[(Anonymous)]

Please seek help. Something has you thinking this and it's not right. I never call someone out as being an idiot unless they're truly acting like one and you aren't. You're in pain. Please don't hurt yourself, okay?

[(Anonymous)]

*nod* I have really low self esteem and I was bullied a lot so I guess that has something to do with it.

I just get really hard on myself when I feel like I fuck things up and I'm always worrying that I'm just a burden on my family, even when they insist I'm not.

[diet_poison]

That sounds awful and I am able to relate to it to an extent. I have periods where I think I don't deserve anything good (one was actually really recent). In truth I still haven't completely forgiven myself for what I perceive to be my biggest mistake.

It's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy actually.

Please get help. I know you are not as bad as you think you are. I know it's frustrating to wish people could see from your point of view and understand why you hate yourself so much. But you are not as awful as you say you are and you CAN get better. *hugs if wanted*

AYRT

[(Anonymous)]

*nod*

I tend to have urges to punish myself. The hardest thing for me is feeling like i'm being a drain on my parents and ruining their life. They're always reminding me that they love me but....from where I'm standing I just can't help feeling like a huge waste at times.

and it feels worse when I mess up and fight with them. Like I know that fights are always going to happen but...I just feel like everyone may push them closer to this nightmare in my head where they just...can't stand me anymore. Part of me is afraid of it and some demented part of me just wants to get it over with.

I'm always afraid of hurting people who help me. and saying the wrong thing and being ungrateful. I apologize a lot in case I say the wrong thing. and in some ways I feel like I cling to them in an almost childish way. I have two stuffed animals that I got from both of my parents that I love I sleep with and I would be horribly heartbroken if something happened to them. because it's a way of holding on to them.

I actually want my parents to love me I really do...just sometimes when I have a breakdown/anxiety fit I just feel like everyone should get it over with and hate me. But most of the time that's what I'm afraid of but worry is inevitable. When I was younger (and my OCD anxiety was at a peak) I had a horrible fear that if I said certain words everyone including my parents would hate me.

so, this kind of thing has been a fear of mine forever. It must be an anxiety thing.

*will take hugs*