[ SECRET POST #2862 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2862 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 042 secrets from Secret Submission Post #409.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - random textless image ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Not OP...just personally I find it annoying when people can talk of literally nothing else and constantly have to "prove" the it lenses are true

[(Anonymous)]

Prove their lenses...auto correct booboos

[(Anonymous)]

But…can't you just ignore it?

I LOVE writing meta about my OTPs -- dissecting their scenes, interpreting the story. I write big, honking essays about how much I love them and I'm unashamed about it.

I don't tell other people that they have to ship it though or that they're ships are bad. I might write why other ships don't work for me on a personal level, but I'm just expressing my subjective opinion.

I just don't understand why people get so up in arms about it. Unless someone is insulting you or being a dick, why is it a big deal if they want to squee over an OTP?

OP

[(Anonymous)]

I'm a captive audience.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

But…it's fandom. Unless you live with this person?

I can see how that would be annoying then but it still seems largely harmless.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

Family member.

DA

[(Anonymous)]

This doesn't seem to apply to the OP, but as for people in general who get up in arms about this...

I've noticed that a lot of people interpret meta about ships or characters as the author telling people that they MUST ship the ship or like the character. Like, they'll treat your squee as a manifesto or something and get super defensive because how dare you tell them what to think or how to interpret the text... as if you posting your interpretation means that they now can't post their own.

Re: DA

[(Anonymous)]

On the other hand, a lot of people can't seem to post an interpretation without implying pretty strongly that there is something wrong with people who don't share it.

Re: DA

[(Anonymous)]

See, I've gotten accused of that and I just don't get it. I constantly say "to each their own" and "to me" and "in my opinion" or "in my view." And yet people still accuse me of trolling (I don't tag it with the pairing or character name either). And I just…don't get it. Why is writing why I love one ship and dislike another trolling? I"m not saying you have to agree with me. And I certainly don't care if other people disagree with me. Their opinions don't affect how I view the work.

Re: DA

[(Anonymous)]

It's not trolling. Some people are just incredibly sensitive, insecure and defensive and will interpret even the most innocuous thing you say to suit their bias.

[(Anonymous)]

You sound like a minority. Most massive OTP shippers spend every other sentence of their "squee" not actually squeeing over how great their OTP is, but rather, going "HOW CAN ANYONE NOT SHIP THEM."

Or writing snide, smug, sneering posts sarcastically going "oh, yeah, suuuuure. ~totally~ platonic." And having public conversations with other shippers that basically amount to "lol, those people who ship a rival ship/prefer a platonic friendship/don't care about them all that much are really blind aren't they? I mean, we KNOW they're in love, everyone with a brain knows they're in love, I just shake my head at them stupid little non-shippers!"

If more shippers were like what you describe, the annoyance would be way lower.

[(Anonymous)]

"Sooo married" is the mildest form of this, I think. It's sort of the cute version. :-) When they get all smug and snide and have to laugh at anyone who doesn't "see" it is when I want to punch something. :(

[(Anonymous)]

I really think that's a fandom-specific experience.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm a huge shipper and I find this irritating as well.

On tumblr, I know it's considered rude to delete comments under photosets, but this sort of inane jibberish gets the heave-ho from me more often than not. Even when I love a particular ship, and it's my own otp for that fandom, I do not want to reblog patronising and frankly disturbing comments saying that everyone who does not is blind and/or stupid.

[(Anonymous)]

What I find really irritating is when shippers of one pair bash the character that gets in the way of their ship.

I tend to like canon pairings, and have seen some pretty nasty stuff out there from fans who ship one of the canon couple with someone else. It can get into the realm of being quite deluded and just rude about other fans.

[darnaguen]

Sounds very much like the Sleepy Hollow fandom lately. I've started to avoid the tags because of the ridiculous shipper drama. *sigh*

[intrigueing]

That's not exactly the same thing that the secret maker was referring to though. Squeeing about a ship is one thing, but interpreting them as "not being able to love anyone else half as much" is basically accidental character-bashing, as it implies those two characters are pretty fucking terrible narcissistic people. Which might be a lot more irritating than squeeful shipping for other people who like those characters but don't ship them or who don't ship them in quite as zero-sum a way.

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe it's just me but…I do think that it's possible to meet someone that completely changes your life -- to the point where nothing would ever be the same without them.

I say that because my grandparents are like this. Even after 50 years, they're still SO in love. They show a level of devotion and care to each other that's unbelievable. And my mother's basically accepted the fact that when her mother (my grandmother who has a heart condition) dies that my grandfather will follow quickly.

I don't think that makes them terrible or narcissistic, though.

[(Anonymous)]

If you equate loving one person deeper than others as narcissistic then I genuinely feel sorry for you.

[(Anonymous)]

Loving one person more deeply than others at the moment is not the same as never being able to love anyone else half as much.

[intrigueing]

If you love someone more deeply than you love anyone else, that's perfectly understandable. But so much deeper that you'd "never" be "able" to love anyone else half as much? Even if they died and you lived on for another fifty years? That says very little about your capacity for love or the specialness of your partner or the quality of your relationship. If you become unable to ever love anyone else even half as much as one particular person, then you're actually talking about some personal, entirely self-centered fantasy in your head.

Now, there are other layers to relationships -- saying you'll never find someone who understands you quite so perfectly, or who has these particular special unique traits, or who clicks with you in quite the same way, or is ever quite as important to you because of the timing of that relationship in your life. That's a bit of a different matter, because that's more about the logistics of a human lifespan, not about your capacity to love.

[(Anonymous)]

Wait, how is that "narcississtic"? Wouldn't that imply that the characters wouldn't be able to love anyone else half as much as themselves? The characters in this scenario wouldn't even love each other as much themselves individually.

I wouldn't call it character bashing. Some characters would work well in relationships. Some would not. It really depends on the characters and their compatibility.

Now, back to the secret: whether some people strictly ship a pairing, or multiship whatever, as long as they aren't rude about it with other people, it should be fine because its all essentially fictional. Sure, we all can get caught up in shipping, but we just have to remember to take a step back and tone it down a bit as a common courtesy to others.

[(Anonymous)]

Idealizing a romantic partner as part of a fantasy of perfect love is a narcissistic character trait--in fact, it's one of the diagnostic criteria.

[intrigueing]

I'd say that anyone who can't care about anyone half as much as their romantic partner is vastly more likely to be obsessed with their own fantasy than having genuine deep love for another human being. Like the above anon said.

Now, if they simply don't care about anyone else half as much -- because, say, they happen to live a life where everyone else around them is an asshole/untrustworthy/dangerous/corrupt or if they have some kind of secret that forces them to stop themselves from forming emotional attachments to anyone else, that's a somewhat different matter.

[(Anonymous)]

It's just idealization, which is pretty common in fiction and doesn't really hurt anyone when applied to fictional people, as long as the person is rational about it (which OP's family member apparently isn't.) It can get annoying, especially if you happen to ship one of said characters with someone else, but you seem to be implying that it's harmful somehow.