[ SECRET POST #2917 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2917 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 040 secrets from Secret Submission Post #417.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

05. http://i.imgur.com/BeDjWx8.png

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah that's definitely arrogant as hell. Wish I could advise you how to stop OP, but not sure how you could go about it.

[fingalsanteater]

Huh. I just wish my stupid crack fic was more popular. A line from one of my crack fics was posted to WTF fanfiction nod that made my fucking year, pretty much. I can't imagine feeling arrogant and entitled over fic. It's just something I do for fun when I have the time and inclination and I don't feel that invested in it.

[(Anonymous)]

Just curious, OP... how do you simultaneously think your fics are the best AND think that they're not?

[(Anonymous)]

At least you're aware that this line of thinking isn't good. That's the first step.

[(Anonymous)]

while I can't say I've ever felt entitled to anything -definitely feel disappointed when other things get recced over mine etc. but not entitled to them- I think most of us have had the "what a piece of shit story, mine's better" moment. there's a fic in my fandom that's absolutely awful but for whatever reason gets reviews and recs by the shitload. it makes me more frustrated than anything; why does a fic that's objectively bad get so much gushing (not just over my fics but other, equally better and equally ignored fic). it doesn't make me smug though, it makes me depressed and pretty self-loathing, so it's possible that's what's at the core of your feelings rather than entitlement/superiority.

if you're not acting out against others because of this feeling, and if you're aware, as you clearly are, that it's not a healthy state of mind for you to be in, then I don't think you're doing anything most of us haven't done at some point or in some fandom.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not sure it's a bad thing to think you're All That and a Slice of Cheese, especially when you're a writer, as long as you don't do anything mean with that knowledge (like anon hate or badfic reviews or just general shading.) Also, as long as you still listen to your beta. :D

But feeling pumped is a good feeling to write with.

[silverr]

You seem really... angry, OP. If you can figure out where that anger comes from, it might not have such a stranglehold on you.

[(Anonymous)]

The first step to changing how you feel is probably figuring out why you feel that way.

[anonymous4]

Well...

Doing anything creative is a balancing act between believing that your creation is the best in the world, and recognising its flaws and having the will to work on them. (I imagine that playing a sport is the same). How would a writer ever have the nerve to send anything to a publisher if he/she didn't believe it was not only good, but as good or better than the competition? How would a fanfic writer ever carry on writing, despite not getting comments and kudos, and not winning awards, if he/she didn't think, "My stuff is great, but they can't see it?"

So, imo, what you're thinking isn't wrong, it just needs to be balanced with the ability to rigorously assess your own work and improve it. Be your own beta -- to me, that's the most important thing of all -- and then use another beta to make sure.

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe pull back from fandom a little? I feel like you do but to a lesser degree, and that's definitely something that happened because I became less involved in fandom. As it is, that level of investment sounds unhealthy.

[(Anonymous)]

Usually I'm pretty good detecting when someone in my fandom has this same kind of arrogant attitude. Then I proceed to block them, ignore them and overall pretend they don't exist in the fandom, no matter how good their stories/fanart supposedly are.

It gives me a huge satisfaction watching them wail and cry (and they always end doing this sooner or later) when they don't get the attention they want. :)

[(Anonymous)]

Well, you could remind yourself of a few things:

1) Quality is not a guarantee of popularity
2) But popularity is in itself a measure of success

The first is to reassure you that your writing is worth pursuing and improving, because everyone's writing has room for improvement no matter good the author thinks it is.* The second is to remind yourself that just because lesser quality fics are more popular doesn't mean they're crap, it means they've connected with a larger audience in a way that your fics have not, which is worth studying, not scorning.


* A caution, though. I'm very wary of writers who think their work is hot shit because IME, that usually means the author lacks objectivity or perspective of their own writing. Very few amazing writers I've seen think their writing is amazing, most of them question themselves all the time.

[(Anonymous)]

I feel similar a lot of the time-- I don't think I'm the best in the entire fandom, but can get really irrationally annoyed when a fic I don't think is good gets more attention than I feel it "deserves."

But just the fact that you've made this secret shows that you have self-awareness regarding this aspect of yourself, and that you probably don't act on/express these feelings within the fandom itself. If so, that's not all bad: you could probably use this as a drive to improve your own work, if you're not already doing so.

If you don't think you can deal with feeling this way for much longer, though, maybe you might want to take a break from fan fic for awhile and focus on original stuff or something? Might help you put things in perspective and get rid of/lessen these feelings. I've ended up doing this several times when fandom began feeling more exhausting than fun.

[lb_lee]

Enh, dunno if you seriously want to change those thoughts or not, but if you actually are, I see no reason why CBT exercises couldn't be applicable. It's all about untangling thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Yes, I know, the page makes it sound it's for serious stuff like schizophrenia and OCD, but trust me, these tricks can also be handy for stuff like this too. I still use it when I have down days! (Though my problem then is, "My work is shit," not "my work is better than Shakespeare.")

[(Anonymous)]

Perhaps stop writing fanfic for a while, or at least stop posting it? Try original fic perhaps instead.

The emotions you're describing aren't necessarily bad ones, when you have them under control. A sense of healthy competition is good. It's useful to compare yourself to other writers and see their failings; it gives you that spur to create your own visions. Any writer needs a certain amount of arrogance. There are millions of stories out there already, so why does anyone need yours?

But it sounds like you've let these feelings stuff swamp you, so much that you've forgotten why you started writing to begin with.

Stand back from fandom for a while, or at least the particular ones you're in at the moment. It will very likely help.

Confession here: I also feel like the best writer in every fandom I'm in, even though I know it's highly unlikely to be true. It's a natural effect of each writer writing what interests them the most. So don't feel too bad about it, just don't let it fool you into thinking everyone else will automatically feel the same way about your own personal set of likes and dislikes.

[(Anonymous)]

if you're in my fandoms, my fics are DEFINITELY better, so just absorb that bit of info and it should make you better.

[(Anonymous)]

I have terrible advice.

I wasn't a bnf. I thought my stuff was pretty good, though. Now I'm a published author. Take that, big fic?

[(Anonymous)]

I don't judge you at all, OP, for feeling that way. I think it's natural for ambitious competitive people, and that feeling can be effective fuel too. I totally admit I used to feel this way about another creative hobby before I got a lot of recognition. Now that I got the validation I craved, I don't stress about that anymore and can be happier for other people when they get some. It think this is completely human tbh.

I do not believe this secret.

[(Anonymous)]

Sorry, but it's too...all-encompassing. I think somebody just wants to encourage discussion. Discuss away, but...nope.

[(Anonymous)]

If you figure out how to not be that way, let me know. I'm pretty much like this with my art and it caused me to drop out of both fandom and art for the longest time. I draw a little now, but it's a much smaller part of my life, and I mostly stick to drawing gifts/requests to get individual thank-yous rather than the name recognition or praise.

One thing that did help is that the long time spent away from fandom made me realize there were legit reasons why my older fanart fell flat at times in the fandom even though it was well-drawn and (I still think) pretty aesthetically pleasing. There were some ways in which the art and my comments attached to them came off as racist or otherwise ignorant (and I was completely clueless about how it was coming off, which made it worse). I'm a more aware person, but I still avoid big and competitive fandom spaces because I don't want to go through that again and stop drawing altogether.

[(Anonymous)]

I have an idea.

Write something original and try shopping it around to get it published. The amount of rejection and honest, no-holds-barred critique you get should cure you pretty quick of the illusion that you're awesome.

[saku]

once you get that complacent in your own skill, you stagnate as a writer, and every single one of us has room for improvements, so your arrogance is only hurting you

[(Anonymous)]

NPD?

[(Anonymous)]

I... kind of understand? I'm a lot more openly insecure about my writing, but I do have those moments where I'm reading a fic and think "wtf, how does this crap have more kudos than my fic or my favorite fic?" I've read fics with under ten kudos that I thought were amazing, and then I turn around and see the latest Stony monstrosity someone jizzed out onto their keyboard get hundreds of kudos just for showing up. It's definitely frustrating to watch.