fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2930 ]

[ SECRET POST #2930 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2930 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 076 secrets from Secret Submission Post #419.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Do you know that feeling when you can't remember the middle part of something in your life? E.g. you remember the day you met a person for the first time but can't recall how you became friends/lovers?

Story of what inspired this question in reply

When I was 17 I had an affair with my married 30-something martial arts trainer.

I was depressed and cut myself and one day I let him see the cuts because I wanted someone to notice and give a fuck. So that evening he IM'ed me saying he was there if I needed to talk and we started chatting regularly.

I remember that day pretty well and also most of our affair, but I can't for the life of me recall how we went from talking about my depression to meeting for sex.

If this happened recently, you should contact his workplace and get him fired. Someone like that shouldn't be allowed anywhere near teenagers.

It sounds to me like you were raped. It sounds like he used the power imbalances in your relationships to do this to you, and that is not ok. This is even worse given your status as his student, and your obvious emotional impairment.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Please do something about this. It's not your responsibility to stop this man from hurting someone else, but it is an option you have, so if you can find the strength to stop him, please do.

Re: TW: adultery, self harm

(Anonymous) - 2015-01-11 23:05 (UTC) - Expand

Re: TW: adultery, self harm

(Anonymous) - 2015-01-11 23:18 (UTC) - Expand

Re: TW: adultery, self harm

(Anonymous) - 2015-01-11 23:31 (UTC) - Expand

Re: TW: adultery, self harm

dreemyweird - 2015-01-11 23:49 (UTC) - Expand

Re: TW: adultery, self harm

diet_poison - 2015-01-12 00:15 (UTC) - Expand

Re: TW: adultery, self harm

kallanda_lee - 2015-01-12 01:50 (UTC) - Expand

Re: TW: adultery, self harm

(Anonymous) - 2015-01-12 08:47 (UTC) - Expand

Re: TW: adultery, self harm

(Anonymous) - 2015-01-12 10:36 (UTC) - Expand

Re: TW: adultery, self harm

kallanda_lee - 2015-01-11 23:36 (UTC) - Expand

Re: TW: adultery, self harm

(Anonymous) - 2015-01-11 23:52 (UTC) - Expand

Re: TW: adultery, self harm

kallanda_lee - 2015-01-12 00:01 (UTC) - Expand

Re: TW: adultery, self harm

diet_poison - 2015-01-12 00:17 (UTC) - Expand

Re: TW: adultery, self harm

(Anonymous) - 2015-01-12 03:51 (UTC) - Expand

Hmm. I would hesitate to call this rape, but there's a strong possibility that if you truly can't remember anything about this... there might have been some degree of manipulation on his part.

Now, bearing in mind that during periods of trauma and stress it's not unusual to have impaired memory, I wouldn't say that it's absolutely certain that there was no consent involved or even that you might not have initiated some of it. But even if that was the case, it would be very dubious consent indeed, and it definitely wasn't something anyone should have taken you up on. At least not anyone with a sense of responsibility.

tl;dr this was a bad decision at best, sexual coercion at worst.

Re: TW: adultery, self harm

(Anonymous) - 2015-01-11 23:08 (UTC) - Expand

Re: TW: adultery, self harm

(Anonymous) - 2015-01-11 23:25 (UTC) - Expand

Personal anecdata ahead, but hopefully it helps!

I have photographic memory, so for most of my life I could give a pretty accurate retelling of shit. BUT I have severe chronic depression, and the periods in my life where the depression has been the worst have left huge gaping holes in my memory. Like, I could tell you exactly what worksheets I did in kindergarten, down to how many green and red apples were on the page, but I can't tell you what classes I took in my junior year of high school. If I try to recall those time-frames from the worst of my depression it's literally gray and hazy and disjointed in a way that my other memories aren't.

I'm not really sure why this is, but one of my ex-bfs talked about experiencing something similar so I doubt it's unique to me. Maybe depression fucks with memory retention?

Re: TW: adultery, self harm

kallanda_lee - 2015-01-12 00:32 (UTC) - Expand

Re: TW: adultery, self harm

(Anonymous) - 2015-01-12 01:00 (UTC) - Expand

I rarely remember the moment/day I meet people actually. I don't really register people's names/faces upon introduction so later when I think back it just seems like people sort of appear in my life, and then disappear later, and I never remember why.

Lol yeah. I remember finding my fiancé's journal in some xanga group for people who posted in 'the sandbox" imdb comment board. (Wow, so 2005.) I sent him an IM saying I thought he was "fascinating," but he never IM'd me back. Somehow I ended up finding someone he was friends with online and offering to beta her origfic. Once she got to know me she told him I was cool and he eventually IM'd me. I don't remember how I got it into my head to even go as far as attempting to befriend his online friends in order to talk to him, nor do I even remember our first conversation. It was summer and I was bored, and somehow I ended up with a ten year relationship and a fiancé.

Oh yeah, I also have a blank about stuff at work. Like, I have no memory of any of the training classes I've been in (we get training pretty much every year at the beginning to learn new skills). I know how to do my job, so obviously I learned something. But, I don't remember the classes at all.

Edited 2015-01-11 21:49 (UTC)

Awww! This is sweet. It does sound a bit stalker-y, but it seems everyone ended up better off than they were in the beginning :D

Re: How did we end up here?

fingalsanteater - 2015-01-11 21:58 (UTC) - Expand

lol Git it guuurrrl.

One day I woke up in fandom secrets and haven't been able to leave since.

LOL. (For real!) Same here actually, I'm not sure when exactly I got into FS again. I know I was into it way way back when it first started on Livejournal, but back then there were actually so many secrets and threads I gave up on trying to follow. I remember that back then, there weren't threads for secrets like there are now, and I don't think there was a GC at the time. So I left other than reading from time to time, then I just... found myself at the one here.

Yeah I legitimately don't remember where I first heard about fandomsecrets from.

I feel like it must have been 4chan, but that's only because I legitimately can't think where in the hell else it would have been.

yeah, i'm a little hazy on it too. i know how i found out about, but don't really remember when i started posting.

yep

Same, though it was more like: one day I stayed awake and found myself here.

Yea, I've been reading f!s since before we had threads for individual secrets. It's been a long while and I have no idea how I stumbled across it either.

Kinda - I have very recollection of the house I lived in when I was in high school. I'm not sure why, it's not like anything bad ever happened there, but when I try describing it to people I draw a blank. I was just telling someone we didn't have a living room at that house, but apparently we did.

I don't remember my junior prom at all. Not in the blackout drunk sense, I mean I don't remember deciding to go to it, or going to it, or anything around the whole deal. I honestly thought I didn't go but everyone else says I went so.

Somehow I have become an adult with a significant amount of money??? I still don't know what to do with this information

you learned the secret to a successful adult, so it's pretty obvious you were memory-wiped.

Re: How did we end up here?

(Anonymous) - 2015-01-11 22:30 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How did we end up here?

kallanda_lee - 2015-01-11 22:40 (UTC) - Expand

I don't remember so much of high school. I don't know why. It wasn't particularly traumatic I don't think, and it wasn't that long ago (I'm in college now) I just... don't remember.

I recall things like when or where or how I met (ex-)lovers, but I just never notice how much damn time passes. i honestly can't believe I'm not 23 anymore, because hell, I feel I should be.

As for just plain forgetting stuff from our past: I do. I hear that anxiety can sort of fuck up your memory like that, and over several occasions now I had people reminiscing, where I go: wait, I did WHAT?

Re: How did we end up here?

herpymcderp - 2015-01-11 22:48 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How did we end up here?

kallanda_lee - 2015-01-11 22:59 (UTC) - Expand

I actually remember with startling clarity the entire first day I met my partner. We were in middle school. I wrote a terrible BSSM fanfic for a mutual friend wherein a character she created got killed off for dramatic effect. This spurred a (dramatic?) rl meeting and probably a life time of writing together.

I still remember what she was wearing and the first few things she ever said to me, though. It's true that a lot of the memories from then until now are fuzzy or imperfect, but that's because it's been so damn long since we went from friends to best friends to partners. It's only to be expected when you've known someone for... nearly two decades now. Wow.

Re: How did we end up here?

kallanda_lee - 2015-01-11 22:42 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How did we end up here?

herpymcderp - 2015-01-11 22:45 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How did we end up here?

kallanda_lee - 2015-01-11 23:00 (UTC) - Expand

I have 3 memories from I was born and up until I was 10, the years between 10 and 15 are fuzzy at best so I always wonder how I ended up anywhere. I don't remember getting to know my best friend, I don't remember that she moved to my class in 5th grade, I don't remember birthday gifts or cristmas gifts or celebrations. I pretty much forgotten most of my life.

So yeah I wonder all the time, there is a lot I don't remember.

Edited 2015-01-12 02:02 (UTC)

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