[ SECRET POST #2944 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2944 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 058 secrets from Secret Submission Post #421.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Names and Identity

[aboutelle]

Does anyone else feel really weird about their own name?

My name is Julia. That name has continuously been in the top lists of baby names in my country (Germany) since the 70s. So I know a lot of people who are (also) named Julia. Sometimes people give me weird looks when I say a sentence like "Julia and I were sitting there" because in their head I am Julia. When they talk to me about other people who share my name they often call them "the other Julia" as in "I called Julia yesterday. *beat* You know, the other Julia."

To avoid confusion I've been given a nickname in elementary school that I absolutely hated but I went by that nickname for more than a decade. I stopped using it when I went to uni (hurray for fresh starts) so now everyone but the 3 friends I kept from school calls me by my actual name, Julia.

But I don't feel like that name is a part of my identity. I mean I'll react to it, I know when people mean me when they say it, I'll introduce myself with it. But I don't think of me as "Julia", I think of me as "ich" (German, I). Julia is another person. Julia is Julia N. from elementary school or Julia Z. one of the friends I wish I hadn't lost contact with or Julia one of the other bridesmaids at my best friend's wedding... Julia is not me.

Is it "normal" to feel like that?

Re: Names and Identity

[(Anonymous)]

Eh, I like my name. Not so much that I've been told more than once that I'm too "white" for it. (Ffs, it's also Russian. It's not just a "Spanish" name)

Re: Names and Identity

[sarillia]

I feel weird about my name too. I get uncomfortable when people use it too much. I don't really think of myself that way even though I'm always conscious that it's connected to me. I once let someone call me by the wrong name for three months because I got tired of correcting him and it didn't really bother me except because of how embarrassing it would be when he found out the truth (it was).

I am sort of attached to my first initial though.

Re: Names and Identity

[(Anonymous)]

I feel strange about my name because the only people who call me by it are my parents and some of their friends. Everyone else either uses nicknames (including an abbreviation of my internet nickname, and that was so weird getting used to) or by my last name so I don't get to hear it all that often anymore.

Re: Names and Identity

[(Anonymous)]

I've always hated my name, to be honest. It's Kathryn,

Re: Names and Identity

[snowcipher]

I used to love my name because it was unique when I was growing up. The older I got and realized I was genderqueer, I stopped loving it as much and gave myself a new name but I'm not "out" and only 2 people know my chosen name.

I still respond to my birth name but there's a twinge of "that's not my name anymore" whenever someone says it.

It's actually a long story, ha

[kallanda_lee]

I feel weird about my name, yes, but that's partly a bit of a long story.

The thing is that when I was little, no-one really called my by m first name. I had a nickname, and maybe until I was 8 or 9 I even signed stuff with that nickname.

As I got older people started calling me more b my "real" name which always sort of felt weird, and I downright rejected after m granddad died.The thing (without actually giving my name), my first name could be seen as a "christian" of biblical name or whatever. So I guess I had my first "crisis of faith".

After leaving elementary school, I started to hyphenate First Name-Middle name, and slowly shifted to just signing as First Initial-Middlename-Last name.

This was also around the times I started reading comics, and my 13-ear-old self wanted really liked all these Marvel names like "Peter Parker" or "Scott Summers", well you get the idea (damn ou Marvel Comics, you ruined my life lol). Since my middle and last names alliterate, I started dropping my first name altogether.I also had a of of problem at school...so when at 16 I went to high-school number 3, I introduced myself by my middle name and there's that.

At this point,I really feel weird when someone calls me b m first name - it's alien, like it isn't me. It's weird when I see it on m official mail, and not even my parents call me that anymore.

Hell, I don't even react to it, because chances of someone calling me that are so rare.

So yeah...

And, adding to that I changed a lot as a person, and also used the name change to leave some things behind me (I basically did a clean slate after I went to that third school at 16), m first name really isn't "me".

Re: Names and Identity

[(Anonymous)]

omg. This is the first time I have ever come across someone articulating exactly how I feel about my own "real" name. I just feel a massive disconnect between the name and who I am. Hearing it used to make me feel repulsed, and although I've grown out of that response, I still don't feel it is anything to do with me, it's just a label.

I've used the same pseudonym for almost 15 years. I go by this name online, think of myself by it, and some of my friends know me by it. I haven't changed my name legally though, because it would cause a lot of problems with my parents and family and I just don't see the point of putting myself through that, as well as the reactions of other people who don't know me that well. I feel like there is a weird amount of taboo attached to someone changing their name - like, I feel like work colleagues would react more negatively if I walked in and announced I was legally changing my name than they would if I said I was getting plastic surgery.

Re: Names and Identity

[mekkio]

I am very protective of my name. (Lamech) To the point that I won't let other people use it to name their kids. Years ago, my neighbor and friend of the family was pregnant with a girl. She and her husband loved my name and asked my mom what would I think if they named the girl after me. My mom went, "Oh, no, no, no, no, no, nooooooooo. Don't do that. Lamech will share everything she has EXCEPT that." And it's true. I'll give you my liver before I give you my name. I love my name. It's mine. Hands off.

Re: Names and Identity

[(Anonymous)]

I hate my name with a passion and avoid telling anyone what it is, if possible. Obviously I can't do that in class or publicly, but online I've only told a handful of people and most of them use my alias instead.

It's a weird name that's uncommon to find on people of my ethnicity, and it's a rare spelling to boot. I can't tell you how many times I've had it misspelled (and I've seen it misspelled 5 different ways), and eventually I just give up correcting people. When I get the chance, I plan on changing my name so I won't feel so self-conscious.

My parents wanted me to have a "unique" name, but honestly, I wish I had gotten a common name. I wouldn't have minded being "Marie S." or "Laura W."

Re: Names and Identity

[elaminator]

I'm not sure if it's normal, but I understand. When I hear my name I respond to it, but I've felt more connected to most my online identities. (Even the super silly ones.)

Mine is also popular and I regularly meet people who share it, and it just feels odd to think of myself as that.

Re: Names and Identity

[(Anonymous)]

Because my family has always called me by a nickname, but I really LOVE my real name (and the nickname is fairly unusual) I use my real name with everybody else. Or at least I try to. Because, goddamnit, it's four syllables long, so everybody, EVERYBODY I know either doesn't say it at all, or shortens it in some way (and I've given up trying to get them to stop).

So my name disconnect is that I'd love, LOVE to hear somebody call my name and it be ME they mean; and I twitchily respond to anything even remotely similar to my name because it COULD just be somebody trying to shorten it again.

Sadly, I mostly only hear my real name when somebody wants to draw it out because they're annoyed with me, or thinks I've done something particularly stupid.

Re: Names and Identity

[feotakahari]

I have a name that fiction usually reserves for stupid comic relief characters. (It's not as bad as Biff, but it's in the same general ballpark.) I don't think I could change it at this point, because I'm used to being called by it, but I've never been happy with it.

Re: Names and Identity

[(Anonymous)]

I guess I've been lucky in that I don't know many RL people with the same name as me, or if I do (because it's typically an "older" name) then it's pretty obvious when people mean me or somebody else. I never knew anyone else in either elementary or high school with the same name, and while I knew of people in college, I didn't know them personally.

Close friends will tend to shorten my name, so any time I hear the full version I automatically feel more serious or formal. So while I still feel that both versions are 'me', they're different 'me's' in different contexts.

My name/identity issues are more pronounced when it comes to my online aliases, which I find weird. I still feel I'm my original pseud, rather than the one I switched to a few years ago. I think that's partly to do with the fact that the new pseud was given a nickname by people in the fandom and in a very weird way it felt disrespectful on the basis of "Hey, I've chosen this name for a reason and for the sake of not typing a half dozen extra letters when you talk to me, you've arbitrarily decided to change my decision, thanks..."

Re: Names and Identity

[dethtoll]

I've been an Andrew for most of my life except for a period in my teens where I went by my middle name Joseph (or Joey) for a few years (and a lot of my friends still call me that.)

Neither name really fits me, I feel... I don't really think of myself as those names. So, I don't know if it's normal or not, but I can definitely relate.

Re: Names and Identity

[(Anonymous)]

I think it's normal to have a really weird relationship with your own name, yeah.

In my case, my name is a common English word that's relatively uncommon as a name. I have literally never had an introduction with someone new where they didn't either immediately mispronounce it (made up example: "I'm Michelle." "Nice to meet you, Michael!") or where I didn't have to repeat it a few times or say the definition of the word before they understood. It's incredibly frustrating and stressful.

I've ended up really hating my name because of it.

Re: Names and Identity

[(Anonymous)]

That's really interesting to read, because my younger sister is named Madison and she got her name when in America that name was hugely popular so there's a lot of "Madisons" that she attends school with (she's currently in middle school). I'm sure she will have to go through the same thing you have gone through and are still dealing with. I don't think it's weird or not common for you to feel that way.

When I was younger I didn't like my first name since I am Asian (living in America) and my parents gave me an Asian name. In school, kids were always asking what my name meant, and it was tiring to explain that my name is a part of a phrase to make a meaning, so my first and middle name meant "Shining Star" but separately they can mean many things. I also hated follow up questions that came with it ("Where are you from?" "Do you still have family back in the mother land?" "Can you read Chinese?" "Do you like anime?" "Do you really eat rice with chopsticks?"). If I had grown up in a more diverse city/town, I think I would have coped with it better, but I grew up in mostly Caucasian communities so it was a bit hard at times being the token kid in class.

A close friend of mine is also Asian, and she has an Asian name but ever since she was young, she had the nickname "Judy" that those of us close to her call her by that name. Our parents were friends, so we grew up as friends, but we didn't attend the same school until we were in high school, and I remember being so weirded out that people were addressing her by her real name. And it was surreal when I would call her "Judy" and people would wonder why I was calling her that or I could see it in their eyes like, "Is her name Judy? I've been calling her by a different name.". LOL Later, I remember asking her about it and she told me that it was odd when people who are not her close friends or family calling her by her nickname and not her real name.

Re: Names and Identity

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I don't really feel like my name either. I've never liked it. It's short and simple. I always wanted something exotic as a kid, although I cringe at the choices I made then. I've also really wanted a name I could shorten in some way or a girl's name with a common nickname that's a boy's name.

But now, I don't really feel like anything. My name doesn't feel like me but when I think of anything else, nothing else does too. I've also noticed how weird names at all are. Like, I do these surveys where they want the associate you're speaking to to ask for your name and then use it. That just seems so false to me because no one I know uses a name at all. On the phone, you say, "Hey, it's me," and when you see each other, it's just, "Hi."

At most, you might say the name when talking about someone but still... we just don't actually use names that much (small family probably). So, all the names are very underused and sound odd.

Re: Names and Identity

[xalus]

I, too, have a name that's been on the top charts for the past several decades (even better, it's unisex, so I can share my name with an even bigger variety of people!) , and I completely understand how you feel. I have a nickname, but I don't hate it, I actually prefer it.

My family doesn't use my nickname, though. I very distinctly remember one time my mother calling my name, and me completely failing to respond to her. I heard her, but in my head, she wasn't calling for me, she was calling for a classmate, a coworker, some random stranger. She called me again and then I remembered I was the only one in the house with the name. It was still weird, like I had given up my claim to the name. Ever since then, I've felt kind of uncomfortable being called by my actual name.

Re: Names and Identity

[lb_lee]

Well, I'm trans, so obviously the answer is a little complicated for me. (Among other things.)

Eventually, I DO plan to legally change the name to LB Lee, because that's what all my creative work goes under, and when people cite me or my art, I ALWAYS have them use the LB Lee name.

I just haven't done it yet because I'm afraid that with the paperwork and local social services, it'll somehow end in yet ANOTHER paperwork error with my disability that leads to frantically trying to keep my bennies from getting axed.

(Paranoid? Not in THIS state. But I'll spare you.)

Re: Names and Identity

[(Anonymous)]

Probably, although I'm the opposite. My name is Meadow, and it's a name rare enough that I've heard it refer to someone else exactly twice. In my mind, I am Meadow. It makes it super weird, because Meadow--being a noun--shows up in product and street names a lot.

Re: Names and Identity

[(Anonymous)]

I never really liked my name or felt like it fit me. I had a nickname I went by with everyone when I was in elementary/middle school, except a few family members who insisted on my full name. Unfortunately, it's a very informal, childish nickname that I couldn't introduce myself with when I got older, so now I'm back to my full name with most people again. It's weird when close friends I've made in the post-nickname stage of my life call me by my full name, but it would also be weird to suddenly tell them to call me something else. Sometimes they shorten my name by themselves but again, nothing normal enough that I could use as a substitute for my name in all situations.

Re: Names and Identity

[(Anonymous)]

Jessica was a very popular name the year I was born. I think there were 6 of us in my class in high school.

Nobody in my family calls me Jessica and none of my friends ever have.

I'm okay with "Jess" and I'll probably cope with most of your shitty nickname choices. My high school friends gave me the same nickname that my dad goes by though, and it sucked. I hated that asshole.

Doctors offices and those places are so confusing for me. I sit there thinking "geez. that Jessica girl must be deaf." OHHHHHHH. THAT'S MY NAME.

Re: Names and Identity

[(Anonymous)]

I like my first name a lot. Although for some reason I feel weird about saying my full name to people, or hearing other people say my full name, first and last.

Re: Names and Identity

[(Anonymous)]

For me, it's mostly because I struggled with my gender identity for a long time. My name is very gender-specific, and there were many years when, if someone commented on my doing, or not, something because of being a "girl," I would say that I wasn't a real girl, anyway. It was said with jest and laughs, but mostly so people would just be confused instead of confused and angry.

Like you, I still introduce myself with my name (I never changed it, it was just the name given to me at birth). I get what you mean about thinking of yourself as "me" or "I" cause I totally do that too.

It's nice to hear all these years might not be because of my gender exploration.