[ SECRET POST #2967 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2967 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.


__________________________________________________



09.


__________________________________________________



10.














Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 034 secrets from Secret Submission Post #424.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets (also too big anyway) ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

07. http://i.imgur.com/77D9a3H.jpg

[blitzwing]

I'm sorry you're going through that OP. I hate to say it's not an uncommon experience. I wish Tumblr had filters of some kind, and better blocking/anti-harassment/anti-bullying features.

[(Anonymous)]

It's pretty easy to keep the haters off your dashboard. Just turn off the askbox and change your settings so you won't get notifications for your notes. Or block people as they reply to you without reading what they have to say.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

That's the thing, I've never been harassed or bullied on there. I'm not afraid of that so much as being disagreed with and finding out that I'm wrong about something.

[kaijinscendre]

That is why you make an alt account completely different from your regular (different login). So then you can just abandon ship if need be.

[(Anonymous)]

That's quite a problem, OP. Whether or not you continue under the same username, people will be disagreeing with you all the time. Heck, this will happen whether you're on tumblr or not, it's an inevitable part of living. Might it help if you could put your finger on the specifics of what exactly you're afraid of? Then you could address just how realistic/unrealistic those fears are.

[(Anonymous)]

This.

OP, it sounds as though you have a fear of conflict as much as, if not more so, than a fear of truly speaking your mind. And that's understandable, most of us would probably choose conflict-free if that was possible.

But like AIRT says, there will always be people you have to deal with in life that will disagree with you. If you're having that hard a time with it on Tumblr, among (presumably) strangers, then it might be an idea to consider getting some RL support to work through it. It sounds as though your difficulty with this stems deeper than some asshats on Tumblr, and if it's getting to the point where you're afraid to speak your mind even on the really important things, then it might be a good idea to talk to someone about it. As someone who also struggles a lot with even the mildest of conflicts, I know it relates back to RL experiences and that awareness helps me put dealing with e.g. Tumblr or F!S in a better perspective.

I think you're also putting yourself in a much more isolated firing-line than you need to. You are NOT going to be the only person that's voicing an argument a certain way. Honestly. You aren't. There will be many others who've said the same or similar things to you, and there's no reason to think you, out of all those people, will get especially singled out. You might, but there's a much higher likelihood of getting NO response than getting hateful responses. Like the anon who felt ignored on F!S, the truth is MOST people's posts and opinions and views just disappear into the ether once they're posted. In the kindest possible way, most people won't notice your opinion.

In the meantime, you definitely don't need to avoid your blog for weeks or months -- Tumblr forgets about one thing and moves onto something else in a matter of hours, so believe me, anything longer than a couple of days (especially if you're not fuelling the fire by responding, which you aren't because you're not there) and you're already old news.

[(Anonymous)]

You know, between secrets like this one and the way people around here talk about tumblr, I think I've figured out where are all the tumblr hate comes from: you guys are too goddamned sensitive. Oh, no some stranger disagreed with you! What a tragedy!

[silverr]

Oh, do I get this.

I got dogpiled with anon hate-asks after pointing out a factual error (Thing A predated Thing B by more than 2 years, yet B was being touted as the "cause" of A. Sooo stupid.)

[(Anonymous)]

Considering that Tumblr users are as dangerous as Ford Prefect's assessment of Earth, I wouldn't be too worried.

[aboutelle]

But do you actually get the negative response you fear or do you just assume that people are dog-piling you while you're not logged in?

I've seen people get anon hate for stuff they posted but I've also seen people getting their asses kissed by their followers that didn't deserve that kind of treatment at all. Most posts also don't even reach a wide enough audience to gather a big positive or negative response in the first place. Maybe try to see if someone actually cared about your opinion before abandoning ship next time?

[(Anonymous)]

I think this is entirely natural, OP. When you see the out of control shit that goes down on the internet sometimes and how people can get death threats for the mildest tweets it would be bizarre not to be afraid.

If you feel it's impacting your quality of life, try staying off tumblr or the internet entirely for a few weeks? If you still feel nervous, it might be unrelated to tumblr and it might be good to talk to someone about your anxieties.

[cloud_riven]

Maybe you should stop trying to tumblr already. You seem to be very good at attracting the lame. That and it sounds like it's not worth the stress and anxiety about posting opinions on the internet (about fandom) the site has given you.

You could also just not read the reblogs or private asks showing you what's what. Haters gonna hate, right?

[sarillia]

I used to be the same way. There are dozens of replies, at the very least, that I have never looked at because I didn't want to deal with them. Over time I just kind of stopped caring about people disagreeing with me, through a combination of letting it sink in that I'm a minuscule part of the lives of the people who are disagreeing with me and they have so many better things to think about than what I said, learning to separate what people are saying about my words from what they think about me, and focusing on how fascinating I find thinking about different points of view is. Obviously that last one isn't going to work for everyone because that could just be me being odd, but the first two are things I think a lot of overly anxious people can benefit from.

[elaminator]

I totally get the fear that someone is going to harass you or hate you, but in the end you can't control that; if it happens, it happens. I hope you manage to overcome some of this because it sounds like it's making you miserable. :/

Maybe try sticking to one tumblr for the time being, seeing how things go? If things get terrible you can jump ship, but unless they actually do... Maybe you should give it a shot.

[meishuu]

I'm curious OP, are you afraid that people might disagree with you, or are you afraid of being bullied? Because the later is not that common, but it happens. Sometimes I'm afraid of disliking the things the majority likes. Just recently I claimed I disliked a popular female character and found her to be boring, and soon my inbox was filled with insults, death treats and accusations of how much of a "piece of trash" and a "misogynist" I was and I should just kill myself. This was a whole new experience for me, I can tell you that...

The only advice I can give you is to start putting yourself out there, so you can start to overcome your fears, not checking your dash, or simply blocking people. It's not a perfect solution, but it works.

Transcript

[(Anonymous)]

Image: the tumblr logo

Text: I am afraid to speak my mind because of what people might think. But every now and then, I get up the nerve to just say how really feel about something, or to argue a point that I think is wrong.

Trouble is, I almost immediately become afraid of the responses I might get. I avoid logging in for days, weeks, even moths because of it. Eventually, I just delete the account.

I have gone through at least ten fandom identities due to this. I know it’s not healthy. I wish I could just get over it and not be afraid of people disagreeing with me.

[(Anonymous)]

I do something similar. It's not so much I'm afraid of people disagreeing with me, but I honestly can't be assed to deal with the more persistent type of arguer. Fandom and the internet is filled with people who have way too much time on their hands (not putting anyone down because I'm one of them!) who will argue to the death and sometimes the topic just isn't worth it to me. As a result I'm choosey about which battles I enter in and try to only say positive things on my main accounts.

[lauramcewan]

I totally understand. I often feel like, I don't GET to disagree. If someone who is outspoken states their opinion, it's accepted and maybe challenged a bit, but no one attacks. If I say state my opinion, it's like, "GET BACK IN YOUR BOX, YOU DON'T DESERVE AN OPINION!"

I hate it. The older I get, the better about it I am, though. ((((hugs))))

[(Anonymous)]

I understand how you feel OP.
I'm not afraid of people disagreeing with me or getting into a debate with a few people at a time. But unfortunately more people want to bully, shame, or gang-up on people who have different opinions than them.

There are times I have something I really want to say, but the chance it might 'trigger' someone into trying to bully me off my account is just not worth it some days.

I have seen friends of mine accidentally slip-up or say something that wasn't even that bad but according to the SJW ridiculously strict guidelines of what you can/cannot like they were bombarded with a bunch of hate from accounts set up specifically for the purpose of harassing people.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you to you all. There are some helpful comments in this thread. Hopefully, I can put them into practice.

[(Anonymous)]

I know what you mean. When I get people disagreeing with me and saying I'm wrong, it can be very awfully intense, like seeing red and having hands tingle and stuff. (In other words, I guess that's a fight or flight response.) Making a post where I disagree with someone (and thus am likely to have someone doubling down and tell me why I'm wrong and they were right) can yield the same uncomfortable heightened state.

It can be very hard to be wrong, but there's no way to always be right, so wanting to never be wrong is pure wishful thinking. Maybe try looking at it from the point of view of an outsider -- if you saw a friend state something you knew to be wrong, would you be angry at them? Would you lose respect for them? Would you scream at them that they're wrong? Most likely not, because it's not a horrible crime to be wrong about something. The same goes for when YOU'RE wrong. No one is infallible, so if you're a terrible person for being wrong, then everyone is.

(Some people DO have reactions that negative to someone being wrong on the internet, but they may just not realize the effect of their actions and are just trying to debate or not be wrong themselves.)

[(Anonymous)]

I'm like this too, but with Facebook and my real-life friends, family and aquaintances. I'm more off than on lately because I can't stand it when people ignore my feelings because of some damn opinions I didn't effin' ask for. And then proceed to pelt me with their ever-so-advanced knowledge of all things. I've been very upfront about my social anxiety lately but it seems to make no difference. Of course, I'm probably just too sensitive but these days? Sometimes I seriously think that some of my closest friends are being complete assholes. I dunno.

[arcadiaego]

I used to have this issue as part of a bunch of general anxieties, and my therapist told me to write down what I thought people were going to say to me vs what evidence there actually was that they would. Seeing it written down like that made me feel a lot more rational about it.

[(Anonymous)]

That seems rather tragic and quite immature op.
If you are too scared that people disagree with you then the internet and tumblr is not for you.
You can't expect people to not do the same thing you do.