[ SECRET POST #3357 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3357 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 078 secrets from Secret Submission Post #480.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

12. http://i.imgur.com/aiVs8Vt.png?1

[(Anonymous)]

I could have made this secret. I feel you, OP

[(Anonymous)]

Why does being aro automatically = miserable to you? Have you spoken to someone about this? I don't mean this snarkily, but as someone who has no interest in anything other than platonic/familial relationships, I've never equated anything about it to being miserable/horrible.

[dinogrrl]

I was wondering this myself. If not being in a romantic relationship is bringing that much misery and making you think of yourself as 'broken', that's...really kinda something you need to get figured out. I admit to not being very familiar with a lot of aromantic people but I mean I thought the whole point was that romance wasn't a thing for them. They certainly never mention having negative emotions from not being in a romantic relationship or anything.

[(Anonymous)]

It's entirely possible that OP isn't actually aromantic, they're depressed and feeling unable to connect in very fundamental ways with other people, which feeds back into the depression. Which also suggests they should talk to someone, but not necessarily about ace acceptance.

[(Anonymous)]

I agree with this. I'm also aro and couldn't be happier. You really should speak to someone or at least figure out why you think you're "broken."

[(Anonymous)]

OP here - I connect aro --> miserable because I WANT to be in a romantic relationship. I WANT to feel romantic connection to others, but for some reason I can't. I've dated, slept with people, and been in relationships but always felt nothing romantic towards the other person. That is the part that makes me feel broken.

Also I'm 25, not sure if that fits into the discussed parameters for "young" or not. I would LOVE to outgrow this but I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon :/

[iggy]

Yeah. I'm actually pretty happy being aro? And I have suffered for it, and I DO feel really bad for OP if it's causing them so many issues, but being aro is not synonymous with being miserable.

[(Anonymous)]

Unless you're erasing characters from canon or compelling the creators to change their sexuality, you aren't taking away representation. Ignoring stupid headcanons isn't even in the same ballpark.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm aro, too, and I don't give a fuck about representation.

I just wish hot guys would have more casual sex in fic.

[dahli]

Amen.

[(Anonymous)]

oh jeez

i haven't been on tumblr in the last two weeks - wtf is aro, yet another super special snowflake sexuality or smth

[(Anonymous)]

Aromantic. It's not new. It's having no interest in romantic relationships. It sometimes goes hand in hand with asexuality, but not always.

[feotakahari]

"Aromantic." It's one of the oldies, actually. It means someone who never falls in love with people of any gender, contrasted with "heteroromantic," "homoromantic," "biromantic," and maybe "panromantic" if you feel like jumping into that semantic abyss. It often overlaps with "asexual," but you can be one without the other.

(Honestly, of all the online identities I'm familiar with, romantic identities other than "biromantic" are the ones I'm most skeptical exist. I don't pick fights over it, though, since someone else's love life is no skin off my back.)

[feotakahari]

I was too sick for love and sex for a long time. When I got healthier, I realized I still didn't need them. You can get along fine with just friendship, OP, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sad that you are miserable, OP. I hope you'll find your happiness!

I for one am asexual and I'm annoyed by lots of ace headcanons out there. Maybe also because I don't really care personally? So the forcefulness some people show always reads really weird to me? BUT then I also have a libido and do ship people aka I *like* to read/watch sex scenes (just not the reader/character ones, cause those do nothing to me for obvious reasons), so it's not really my kind of fight. Who am I to deny fellow asexuals the representation they so crave.

[type_wild]

A lot of ace headcanons and ace!fic seems to be written by non-ace people - to the point where the only fic I've found that dealt with it well turned out to be written by an ace, to no-one's surprise.

In the end, I guess I'm like you: I don't care much for ace headcanons, and ship as mich as anyone. But I tend to be annoyed by compulsory romance in a lot of the CANON material.

[dahli]

Nah, you're not broken. But I think you might want to see a doctor or a therapist in case it's a hormonal imbalance or something else that's making you feel that way.

[(Anonymous)]

I love being aro, but I feel the exact same way about autistic headcanons.

[purpleseas]

I would agree with the folks upthread suggesting this might be depression or other issues you should seek help for rather than actually being aromantic. If it really fit you, it wouldn't cause you this kind of turmoil. I'm not invested in the label, but I have no desire to be in a romantic relationship for all sorts of reasons, and it doesn't make me miserable or self-loathing or unable to love at all. It's just how I am. Those relationships aren't for everybody, and being in them or out of them doesn't make you human or inhuman or whatever the fuck. I don't care at all about headcanoning it or having representation, though, because I'm really into character study through big OTP style romance and don't find people like myself inherently interesting, lol.

[(Anonymous)]

I get you OP. To all the people in this thread who just looooove being aromantic: have you considered that some peoplz do not like being alone? It's fine when you're young and half your friends are still alone too but that doesn't last forever. Being aromantic is miserable if you don't like being alone.

You're all very lucky to not have this problem.

[(Anonymous)]

Being aro doesn't mean you have to be alone. I'm married to my friend with benefits.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm ace/aro and I could basically have written this secret myself. My main fandom is Sherlock, which means I encounter a fairly large amount of ace/aro fanfic, and every once in a while someone doesn't tag their fic for ace!Sherlock and I read it and just...it's not fun. I don't care so much about ace/aro characterizations when I don't ship that character with another character, but when a character that's part of my OTP is characterized as ace/aro, it's basically triggering to me.

Like, I'm not sure if it's 100% accurate to call it triggering, but it makes me feel sick and panicky and kind of suffocated, in a way that no other fanfic content does.


Do you identify as autochorisromantic, OP? Personally, I'm autochorissexual/romantic. So for me it's like I am sexual and I am romantic, but those things are in an ironclad box inside me that has no openings. I can't feel those things for anyone - they're just there, inside me, with nowhere to go. And shipping is how my psyche deals with that. Shipping is basically how I manage not to completely starve, romantically and sexually speaking.

So when I read a fic where one of the characters in my OTP is ace/aro, it's like this one sexual/romantic outlet I absolutely rely on to not starve, has been taken away from me and replaced with the very reality I struggle so hard to live with. It's deeply unpleasant.

Also, for the record:

-I'm not saying all autochoris people experience their sexuality negatively. Some don't, and some do. No idea what the numbers are on that.

-I'm 29. Being autochoris is nothing new for me.

[(Anonymous)]

I can dig it. I'm sorry, OP! Romance doesn't 'make us human,' either, whatever assholes say. (Animals can have romance, right?) (Are babies/kids non-human?) It's a shitty meme.

[(Anonymous)]

As an aro/ace myself, GET OVER YOURSELF. If you think you have a problem, look into it. But for FUCK'S SAKE I'm fucking sick of this WHINING. Oh so you don't have sexual interest. BIG FUCKING DEAL. You have FRIENDS, right? That's the important thing. Romance is nothing but friendship with sex, so honestly you're not missing anything important. Good LORD this is simple.