fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3364 ]

[ SECRET POST #3364 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3364 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[The Glass Scientists]

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03.

[Ghostbusters remake]

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04.

[All for One Webseries]

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05.

[Castle]

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06.

[DC Comics]

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07.

[Reign of Fire]

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08.

[Steven Universe]

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09.

[K. Tempest Bradford]

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10.

[Against the Wall]

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11.

[Queer Literature, "In the Company of Shadows"]

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12.

(Star Wars Rebels)

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13.

[Jeeves and Wooster, P.G. Wodehouse]

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14.

[Giles Coren]

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15.

[James Marsters/Rick Grimes of The Walking Dead]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 086 secrets from Secret Submission Post #481.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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... The crushing depression that comes when you realise how utterly nothing and mundane your life is? And thats at best. It's a miserable failure the rest of the time?

How do you look in the mirror, see that you're thirty and nothing special or life changing will ever happen to you, and not take whatever steps necessary to end it?

I mean, before, through my twenties I would escape into media, and dream about better things. Now all I get from media is reminders of what I'm not and never will be, and some days, like today, I just can't take it. It's like I'm losing the ability to experience joy vicariously and there's nothing to around fill the gap.

How do you live as a real world adult? How do I find a way to put up with this?

I don't, which is why I'm currently spiraling back into depression. Being forced to take a job I despise because of financial reasons was sort of my death blow, but it's been not great for the past year or so. Before that I kept afloat because a) the power of denial and b) he small comfort of people occasionally paying me for creative stuff.

But yeah, you sum up my current mental state. My condolences. It's a shit place to be.

Edited 2016-03-20 22:03 (UTC)

Go out and make the changes you want to see happen. Volunteer, join some social groups, do the artistic thing you dream about in the back of your mind. Fill in the gaps with actual activities and experiences, rather than fictional ones.

Stop waiting for something special and amazing to happen, and go create it yourself.

Well, first of all, refuse to dwell upon it. It sounds hokey, but it's true... the more you allow yourself to wallow in hopelessness, the less motivated you'll be to do anything about it.

Volunteer for something, somewhere. Animal shelter, soup kitchen, reading to senior citizens, whatever. Do something that 1) forces you to do something productive on a schedule and 2) helps other people. It's not to remind yourself that other people have it worse, it's so that YOU can feel useful, and remind yourself that you have something to contribute to the betterment of society. Your time and work is worth something.

I know with absolute certainty (which is a rare state for me) that ending it all is an illogical action to take, because there's a 100% chance that there will be better things. This deeply rooted certainty isn't tied to emotions, it's a fact. So even in my most depressed I know it'll get better.

Also humour, sweet things and a good company are sure ways to lift my mood. I watch Miranda, drink alcohol and sing karaoke (ok, that was only once).

I wish I knew. It sucks. But remember that depression can make you stop enjoying things you once enjoyed. Maybe try something else you enjoy other than media? An activity or favourite meal or something?

HOly shit dude stop overthinking shit, some people have to wash their clothes on a river and eat nothing but oats porridge, just work, find a hobby you like (if there's none try learning something new and make it your hobby) and talk to anyone that you like
It's not about having a special life is about making it special

Stop it with your cocksucking comparisons of pain and shitty lives. PAIN IS PAIN.

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First I would take a break and go do something. Be it clean my house or go to the park or the movies. Something that gets me out and about. It doesn't have to be great and I don't have to do it for long.

To put up with it, I ignore things that tell me "what I should be like at X age". I try not to think about it and focus on what I'm doing. Today I am walking my dog with a potential friend and going grocery shopping. That's nice and productive in my books! I'll end it half-heartedly watching whatever movie is on tv and squishing my dogs face.

And that's it, I try to take it day by day. Sometimes I will struggle and be frustrated or upset (my finances are not so great right now, which leads to stupid financial choices out of stress) but it eventually passes. But while it's happening I just try to focus on myself and enjoy little things. A cup of tea, a little indie game, the black hole that is youtube educational videos.

"...nothing special or life changing will ever happen to you..."

The thing about life is you can't guarantee that. Just like you can't guarantee everyone dying in a freak accident leaving you alone. You can nudge you life to increase your odds, but there's no guarantee.
Especially since life changing can be a negative event. I had a couple of events last year that changed my life, neither pleasant or that I wish to repeat. But lots of shit came out of it. Some good, some bad.

Hope you feel better soon anon :(

By not thinking it's bad.

I know, objectively, my life is pathetic, but I refuse to be upset about it.

How? I mean, "I refuse to be upset about it" is like saying "I can fly by refusing gravity" it just doesn't work.

da

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Just wait until you're staring down 40 and your life is still shit.

I am 43 and my life is shit.

I'm staring down 40 and I don't give a shit.

If you can, anon, go out and do stuff. Join things, have fun, volunteer, sit on committees. Maybe eventually initiate a program or two that will make others' lives better. Most of us live in obscurity but that doesn't mean we're insignificant.

If you can't go out, can you make yourself do stuff at home? - like writing, for instance. Putting it up online and getting a nice comment or two is a great confidence-booster.

I'm younger than you, but here goes...I think the key is, and this is so simple, but just to find things that make you happy, and things that grow and change. I'm a teacher so that's really easy for me (students keep things damn lively), but it doesn't have to be so literal. Keep close ties with friends, take good loving care of your pets, call your mom a lot, volunteer maybe. Do things that remind you that the world is moving forward and so are you, and that nothing has to be earth shattering to be important. Special and life-changing things can be very small. We're all very small, in the universe, but we're connected and that's what makes anything big. So remind yourself, in concrete ways--volunteering like one anon said is a great one!--that you're part of the moving world. It wouldn't be the same without you! :)

Join the military!

How do you look in the mirror, see that you're thirty and nothing special or life changing will ever happen to you, and not take whatever steps necessary to end it?

I'm not thirty, nor do I think of myself as ordinary, but whenever I get depressed I'm too apathetic to take any steps towards ending my life in. In part because:

1. the chances of succeeding (versus waking up in a mental ward) are too slim
2. I can just wait it out. Eventually I'll die of natural causes, so why would I bother to attack myself?

How do you live as a real world adult? How do I find a way to put up with this?

Keep reminding yourself that your life is half over already. Every day you make it through is another step towards death and merciful oblivion. That's always comforted and inspired me.

Edited 2016-03-21 00:33 (UTC)

I dunno. I'd kinda be content if my biggest problem was that my life was boring; excitement has tended to involve the ER and cops. I enjoy gardening, cooking, reading and sewing, especially cosplay stuff so I can pretend to be the kind of person or character who has the fun kind of excitement instead of just the "oh god gonna die/wish I was dead" kind. Like, so long as my family was all right, I was financially secure enough to pay all the bills no problem, keep up the house, see the occasional movie, and travel once a year or so, I'd be okay.

Also, if you want life changing stuff to happen to you, it helps to put yourself in situations where it might happen. Well, unless you mean stuff like being abducted by aliens/your favorite lead singer falling for you/winning the lotto/being mistaken for an A-list celebrity/etc, in which case, console yourself with the knowledge that you're hardly alone in being nothing special.

Volunteering can help. Hobbies. Taking enrichment classes. All those are ways to meet new people who might know cures for boredom. Good luck.

Waiting for things to happen is a sucker bet. Make things happen.

I have spent a fair amount of time escaping in to media as you say, but I also spent a lot of time working toward a goal. When I was getting my BA I did have more time to futz around and wanted to get out. But I also took the time to volunteer for extra work so I could get experience in a field I was interested in. I suggest doing research on things you could volunteer for and find something (outside of surfing the internet and fandom) that you can do with yourself that has an impact on the world. I go through a kind of depressed feeling in waves. I tend to be very busy right now and have to work several jobs to get by, but I'm also working in a field that I like too. It takes work and sacrifice, but you can work your way up to something more fulfilling. I still spend a great chunk of time (maybe too much time) in fandom, but I feel like I need it to balance out all the other work I am doing. I'm the same age as you by the way, you have to just put yourself out there and try different things. Otherwise you may just end up floating around wondering "what if?"

A couple of things:

One, if you haven't been evaluated for depression, please please do so if you can. Seek help if you have any available to you (there may be resources you don't know about as well).

Two, gonna echo what a lot of people said on this thread about making the effort to go out and do stuff because it makes way more of a difference than it can seem like it will. Take walks, volunteer, join a meetup group, work out, join a church, go to the bar, pick up a new hobby (and join a group for it!), plan and take a small trip, make an effort to connect with family and friends you haven't spoken to in a while - say you'll get coffee then follow through, treat yourself to a nice meal out, clean out your attic or do some redecorating...pick something that sounds doable and go for it. Try different things. Fill your time and redirect your energy. It won't magically change things overnight but it can seriously help.

Good luck. <3

Personally, I have a lot of bad things in life but none of them seem so bad when I can manage at least some creative time in the day. (For me: writing.) Consuming media is not enough and not fulfilling. Maybe your creativity will be different than mine, but for your own sake, CREATE SOMETHING.

a combination of antidepressants, therapy, art projects and family.

and most people's live are fairly mundane, that doesn't mean they can't be happy.

and life changing things generally don't happen, if you want a change you've got to start going after what you want.

I cope with depression:
Cognitive therapy (argue logically with my despairing thoughts - no, I don't know that nothing life changing will happen to me, because I am not a seer, etc.)
Mindfulness meditation (gentle warm acceptance of thoughts and disengagement from them, quiet and timed)
Exercise (get my heart pumping, tire myself out physically)
Ice cream (homemade or store, it is my favorite treat)
Take care of others (even if I can't get myself to feel like it matters, somehow it helps to make someone else's life better.)

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