[ SECRET POST #3378 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3378 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 053 secrets from Secret Submission Post #483.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[(Anonymous)]

TW: Suicide

[(Anonymous)]

...

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[(Anonymous)]

"I want to hold this pillow over your face and watch the light go out of your eyes." Obviously I have nobody to say this to. Just because I find the idea of committing a murder to see what it is like intriguing does not mean I'm going to do it; that would make me a monster.

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[(Anonymous)]

I really really hate using my mild autism as an excuse and want as few people as possible to know about it (online and off), but ignoring it is the reason for my unfavorable current situation and that makes feel really shitty.

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[kallanda_lee]

I honestly don't know why I try anymore.

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[(Anonymous)]

I love my husband but sometimes I kind of want to leave, too.

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[(Anonymous)]

You ruined my relationships with family members with your fucking histrionics, but now that I'm an adult, I have to bear the responsibility for these relationships being ruined. I hope you're satisfied. I'll always be seen as the shit one who pulled away from people who didn't deserve it.

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[(Anonymous)]

i have my driving license's theory test tomorrow and i didn't study shit because i'm terryfied of driving a car and having that kind of responsibility (my dad was in a incident years ago and was almost killed, stayed in hospital for months). but if i don't pass i'll look like a loser because basically everyone pass that kind of test... but... i don't think i can... (I live in Italy so maybe in other countries you don't even have theory tests for driving licence??? idek i'm too drunk and tired to check)

bonus: i'm currently living like a wannabe hikikomori (going outside like 2 times a month???) and i think i have huge problems but not the courage to seek help. everytime i think i could be depressed and in dire need of help i just think "wait, i won a scholarship last year and passed my exams like a pro! i should be the happiest and most successful human ever" and i'm back to square one.
fuck my life, seriosuly. i need to do something about this shit but i don't have the strenght.

TL;DR: fuck driving licence tests

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[sparrow_lately]

"I need to be cut some slack sometimes bc I'm not used to people responding to things the way non-addicted/troubled generally reasonable people would!! Pls!!!"

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[belladonna_took]

Just sort of a general thank you to everyone here for being so nice to me lately even though I've mostly been pretty whiny and bitter these last few months.

I have a hospital stay coming up this month and I've been having some ongoing issues with my vision so I will not be here reliably, but I still check in.

I didn't want to make a whole thread.

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[(Anonymous)]

I really don't care about doing anything, and yes I am depressed, and I know this. But I'm not really that down right now (I can function and I usually can't when I'm at my worst) I just stopped caring or having hope about things a few years ago.

I only care to the extent of consequences, like I go to work so I can pay my rent and so I can spend my weekends just watching tv.

Life is just exhausting to me and always has been, I don't have the energy for work and other things in my life.

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[(Anonymous)]

i wish i knew what kind of job i would enjoy the most

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[philstar22]

I honestly don't know how to deal with the fact that on the one hand my parents are kind and generous and loving and the fact that they are extremely homophobic and would probably disown me if they knew I was bi.

It is like they are completely different people on that one particular issue. And I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel. Because I do love them. They've done so much for me. But they also wouldn't accept this big part of me and sometimes I hate them for that.

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[(Anonymous)]

I should talk my feelings out but I don't like the phone, text messaging is too involved and short, I don't like verbally talking because my thoughts all jumble out so things get scattered, so it's best for e-mail. But then you hit send and someone has to read it all and you worry the point won't get made or there really isn't a point to it all you're just a cluster of thinking all about yourself instead of the family you take care of. I want to run away at 37 years old but have no where to go. Avoiding everything and everyone sounds appealing, like becoming a hermit.

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[(Anonymous)]

Even though 90 percent of the time I'm happy to not be in a relationship, and I 100 percent know I don't want babies, my last single, childless friend has entered a serious relationship and now I'mfeeling really jealous of all my friends who have partners and purposes. (Not that kids are the only way to have a purpose but I don't really feel like I serve any function or have any desire to get out there most of the time.)

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[(Anonymous)]

You tried to take everything from me.

I was a perfect target for you. Caring, loyal, generous. A damaged people-pleaser. Someone so used to being blamed for everything that she'd take whatever responsibility was thrown her way no matter how ridiculous it is.

You used that to your advantage. You used me for everything I had. Every last scrap of empathy, until even your suicide threats (purely for attention, I realize now) had me tempted to call your bluff instead of run to your aid. To tell you to just do it already, if only so you fucking. shut. UP.

And that was when I realized you had turned me into someone I didn't want to be.

Like a vampire on a purely emotional level, you were intent on sucking and bleeding me of every last drop of compassion I had, until I became the empty shell you are. Yes, you are empty. You fake it well enough. You have the superficial charm, the nerdy charisma. But underneath it, there is nothing. No warmth, no love, no emotion of any kind. And so you fill that space with the praise and attention and affection that you drain out of other people.

In my case, you failed. Because I finally saw what you were doing. Dragging me away from friends I had known for more than a decade because you wanted all of that sweet, sweet attention for yourself. I finally saw you for what you were and decided I'd had enough of your bullshit.

And I walked away.

You even tried to take the fandom we shared away from me, by forcing me to associate it with your abuse. You failed at that, too. Like hell am I going to let you rob me of everything that makes me happy. I'm not giving you that power. You're not nearly as strong as you think. It takes a lot more than a sniveling, manipulative pissant like you to destroy my love for a fandom that I've been in since you were literally in diapers.

Bitch, you're not taking that from me. I was here first.

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[(Anonymous)]

I don't like weekends anymore. All I do with them is waste time and feel guilty about it when they end.

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[(Anonymous)]

Someone's got a huge hateboner for secret #1.

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[(Anonymous)]

Please leave me alone. The more you try to help me, the worse I feel.

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[(Anonymous)]

Someone in an old fandom of mine died of cancer not all that long ago.

I...didn't really care.

I used to sort of know them and even almost consider them a friend, but...after a while, I couldn't stand them or anyone associated with that fandom and all the fakeness anymore. (Even me sometimes.)

I felt like they tried to be friendly and kind to me but were super...fake. It was just a lot of bad feelings all over about that fandom for me, very complicated. The person had cancer for a while so it wasn't totally unexpected, but I had zero grief or sadness for them, just felt kind of bad that I didn't feel any.

I really have conflicted feelings about my time in that fandom, and that person, and lots of things. But I'm usually a bit more compassionate than that, I think, so that "whatever" feeling was pretty creepy for me.

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[(Anonymous)]

The reason I have no desire to find a guy or date while I'm in your house is because you fucked the one boyfriend I had when I was sixteen. Way to cheat on your husband and screw over your daughter.

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[(Anonymous)]

Whenever I see someone reading something that has dialogue on their phone while taking public transport, especially if they have the screen dimmer on, I get an excited sort of feeling, believing that they are reading fic. Bonus points if it's a smutty one.

I do this myself and I feel terribly naughty, and pleased with myself, knowing what I'm reading while I'm surrounded by people. I do it less now, but there was a time when I did it quite often.

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[caerbannog]

I'm tired, stressed and quite a bit overwhelmed ;-;

I'm still in love with my bi (male) friend...

[(Anonymous)]

...and he still doesn't want me (I'm female). Still trying to get over it but it's been years and it still hasn't faded.

Re: Things you want to say but got no one to say to

[(Anonymous)]

Please hug me. I just need to be held and feel cared about.