[ SECRET POST #3524 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3524 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 48 secrets from Secret Submission Post #504.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Confessions

[(Anonymous)]

^

[(Anonymous)]

i was sexually assaulted as a teenager but even though i don't really consider it rape or think that it was that bad, i still call myself a rape victim in debates and to shut up rape jokes

pretty sure that's asshole-ish to actual rape victims

[sparrow_lately]

What happened happened and you're allowed to own it however you want to.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not sure I agree. I was younger and it went on for years, so it's not like we're the same in that respect but I don't personally view what happened to me as sexual assault. Like, I'm intellectually aware that anyone else would but I've never felt that way. But I will say that I was a victim if it's appropriate to a conversation I'm in or if I'm telling someone what happened, like when I told my SO. And I will absolutely use it to shut down rape jokes.

[(Anonymous)]

Well, this is a complicated situation. it seems to me that, even if you don't consider it a traumatic experience, sexual assault is still sexual assault? If you're using this to shut up rape jokes, that's a very valid cause, anyway. It's only asshole-ish to rape victims if you're, like, actually being an asshole to rape victims.

[(Anonymous)]

So you use your experience to lecture other people? Sounds like it might have been more traumatizing for you than you think.

I have no problem with rape jokes, but I was sexually assaulted at such a young age that I guess that's just what normal sex is like to me.

[herpymcderp]

I don't think so. Regardless of how you choose to define yourself through your experience, it was still an experience that happened to you. You still get to claim that title even if you weren't as psychologically affected as someone else was.

Honestly, I understand the reasoning for wanting to perpetuate a narrative that rape is the worst thing that can happen to someone, and that it's life altering. That doesn't mean it necessarily is for everyone, though.

[(Anonymous)]

and to shut up rape jokes

That sounds (to me, someone unqualified to say for sure) more like you're helping "actual" rape victims (ie anyone who considers their experiences 'rape').
For every time you speak up, that's one less time someone unprepared may have to choose between outing themselves or saying nothing. And maybe those people will feel a little less alone.

Re: Confessions

[(Anonymous)]

I really want to download grindr with a fake picture of a cute twink boy and just have naughty text conversations with gay guys. This is purely because I am a fujoshi. I realize this is just as bad as men dominating lesbian spaces for sexual reasons and I won't do it... but I still think about it.

Re: Confessions

[(Anonymous)]

your fantasy is a fantasy, whatever. but I'm glad you say you won't do it.

Re: Confessions

[feotakahari]

There's probably an RP blog somewhere where you and other women could create cute gay boy characters and write out their interactions.

Re: Confessions

[(Anonymous)]

I miss when I was able to connect with my friends on LJ instead of just skimming most of their posts. Add more on friending memes, same thing no matter how cool they sound on their posts.

Re: Confessions

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sort of in the opposite boat... I feel like a lot of my friends dont' really connect with me. I use LJ as more of a blog than a diary, and I think that's lost a lot of people's attention because they are there more for the diary stuff than the nerdy quirky bloggy things I tend to post about. I used to mostly post about fandom, but I've at least given up on that.

Re: Confessions

[(Anonymous)]

Same here. I can't find anyone on LJ I have anything in common with.

Re: Confessions

[(Anonymous)]

Yesterday was the day I turned exactly double the age I was when my mom died. So today was the first day I had less time *with* her than without. (Does that make sense?) Anyway, I'd had that idea in my head for a while, that this was coming up and it made me sad, more than anniversaries of her death or birthday or anything. So I figured when the date actually came I'd make a FB post about it, something nice with a picture, so I'd get some support and maybe nice stories about her. I did do that, except it feels weird because if I hadn't had this whole idea so firmly in my head, I would probably have been fine today, and not sad at all. Now though with all those people being nice and all those stories I kind of am. I'm also wondering if I maybe just did it to get attention and then on the other hand if that really would be so bad if I did.

Re: Confessions

[(Anonymous)]

Nah, it makes sense. It's a weird feeling to reach a milestone that isn't necessarily one.

And there's nothing wrong with celebrating a loved one who died. It's not like you're begging for trinkets and sympathy or making a huge dramatic show of being crippled by this day or something. It's your mom. You get to remember her the way you want.

Re: Confessions

[belladonna_took]

I've been counting down to the same date. Mine will be next year.

I don't know why it seems like such a big thing to me, but it just does. I get it. I really hate that I can't think about her as being around for most of my life after that, because she'll be gone longer. It just doesn't make sense given how important she was to me that she just stops being such a big part of my life from then on (even in a way that probably doesn't matter all that much). It really makes me think about all the time I've missed out on with her and all the things I've missed talking to her about.

I think if you need the extra support around anniversaries or you just want to acknowledge the person who passed, most people can relate to that. A lot of people post memorials in the local paper every year around the same time. It's a pretty common way for people to go about it. It doesn't take much effort for them to either ignore or acknowledge something like a facebook post. It's not disruptive to them. I don't think you should feel bad about it.

Re: Confessions

[herpymcderp]

I very much doubt that the support you received negates the original sentiment behind the actions or the emotions that lead you to the decision to take said action. You can't just go back and retcon your own intentions because people were nice to you, anon.

There's no reason to feel guilty about wanting someone to notice that you've been having a hard time.

Re: Confessions

[(Anonymous)]

I know people mean well, but pressing me into talking about all my problems doesn't make things better. When I have to talk, I do. Mostly I want to be strong and keep calm and carry on and not worry.

Re: Confessions

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think I know how to trust people.

I never had a safe, stable environment with a loving family back home. People would tell me they loved me and then hurt me at my most vulnerable, both physically and emotionally. I basically have no relationship with any family members, except for an occasional text with a sibling.

I know how I come off to people, not very open and all. Willing to have a conversation, but not much beyond that. I don't mean to be so closed off because I know this is affecting my ability to make friends. At the same time, my life is so boring and full of nothing that people tend to lose interest anyway.

I'm not trying to blame anybody... it just is what it is.

Re: Confessions

[feotakahari]

I would probably be a lot happier and more emotionally stable if I believed there was an afterlife.

Re: Confessions

[(Anonymous)]

I'm about to lose my job.

This scares me, but it also makes me feel liberated. Because I think the reason I haven't tried harder to find a new job is that I always had my current job to fall back on. And I don't even like it anymore.

Re: Confessions

[(Anonymous)]

I get far more disappointed than is reasonable when people don't read my fics. Especially because I feel like they'd really scratch some itches but I also don't want to be THAT person. Or the person who's always going "read my stuff! Read my stuff!"

Re: Confessions

[(Anonymous)]

My mom is driving me nuts, I want to have a beer or something, but she'll give me The Look because my third cousin being an alcoholic apparently means that alcoholism "runs in our family" and I'm risking it every time I have a drink.

Re: Confessions

[(Anonymous)]

Today was the first day I've ever had suicidal thoughts. My parents house sitter fell through because they couldn't wait anymore. The only reason they are still here is because I can't find a job. I just feel like a failure and like my parents would be better off if I wasn't here. And I actually considered for a moment taking the entire bottle of benadryl instead of just one.

It scared me because I've never had those thoughts before. I've had low self esteem before, but I've never been suicidal. But I can't tell anyone because my insurance wouldn't cover a therapist and my parents can't afford to send me to one.