fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3651 ]

[ SECRET POST #3651 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3651 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 52 secrets from Secret Submission Post #522.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

post things you want opinions on

"Racism is simply an ugly form of collectivism, the mindset that views humans strictly as members of groups rather than individuals. Racists believe that all individuals who share superficial physical characteristics are alike: as collectivists, racists think only in terms of groups. By encouraging Americans to adopt a group mentality, the advocates of so-called "diversity" actually perpetuate racism. Their obsession with racial group identity is inherently racist."

Oh, thank goodness we're not lumping anyone into a single group here.

I think this point of view is extremely stupid for much the same reason that anarcho-capitalists who reduce everything they disagree with to ~~~STATISM~~~ are stupid

also, it sounds like this is possibly coming from the actual same kind of person, so

If you want an actual counter-argument, it's that political and social life exists in the context of the identities that we've created. You can't make that go away. It is an intrinsic part of political-social existence. Advocates of diversity are not encouraging Americans to adopt group mentalities. Those mentalities are already there. And it's more harmful to pretend they don't exist because of the demonstrable ways in which they have affected our history, our structures, our existence, and our present.

It's also not a very nuanced understanding of racism as an ideology

Diversity is good. Diversity is what makes people bump into people who are not like them and realize that they can't lump all other individuals into groups because so few of them fit all the stereotypes they hold.

Tokenism and token diversity is well-intentioned racism called something nicer that only appreciates individuals as representative members of a group.

The thing you quote puts no distinction between the two and sounds like someone with no grasp of nuance regarding race and racism.

Re: Penny worth your thoughts?

(Anonymous) - 2017-01-01 21:49 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Penny worth your thoughts?

morieris - 2017-01-01 22:06 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Penny worth your thoughts?

(Anonymous) - 2017-01-01 22:07 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Penny worth your thoughts?

(Anonymous) - 2017-01-01 22:16 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Penny worth your thoughts?

diet_poison - 2017-01-01 23:46 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Penny worth your thoughts?

(Anonymous) - 2017-01-02 04:52 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Penny worth your thoughts?

diet_poison - 2017-01-03 20:32 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Penny worth your thoughts?

(Anonymous) - 2017-01-01 23:22 (UTC) - Expand

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. Maybe race would go away if we all stopped believing in it, but when you stop believing that other people behave in racist ways towards you, that doesn't make their racism go away. It simply makes it harder to recognize and react to the ways in which they're being racist.

Good evening, Ayn.

That's not what "collectivism" means.

did white nationalist twitter leak into FS for this particular steaming pile of "wisdom?"

I wilt stupidly easily. I mean, not at sad movies or whatever, but whenever I feel anxious or put on the spot, or during confrontation, or when criticized. I don't know why I do, I mean, I have had diagnosed anxiety/depression in the past, but I can more or less deal with my inner thoughts. It's just like my body physically reacts to feeling suddenly insecure or confronted.

This is how bad it is. During job evaluations, when I'm getting the "things to work on in the future", unless they are really nice and supportive about it I feel my eyes start to burn up and my throat clench. If I'm asking for a favor, like time off of work (even if I'm entitled to it), and my boss rejects the request, I get the same sensation. If I'm snapped at, yelled at, whatever.

I really hate that I do this. I try to swallow it down but I look so stupid and obvious when my eyes go red and my voice gets high and shaky. I don't know how to be less sensitive, or more to the point, just stop the physical reaction of going into crying mode.

Anyone else have this, and how can I stop it? Not joking, but would anti-anxiety medicine or some other kind of drug do it?

No. I'm sorry, but that's not how antidepressants work. They might help, but the reason why you have these intense reactions to stress or criticism isn't just some weird chemical imbalance. This sounds like a problem that could benefit from a good therapist.

Seconding anon, anti-anxiety medication doesn't work that way. There isn't a drug for this.

I'm also not entirely sure therapy is the answer so much as learning to put yourself in those situations routinely and just... getting used to them. Maybe try some kind of martial art training where you're exposed to conflict and aggression in a controlled environment so you get used to handling it and not breaking down at the first signs of it?

I'm very similar, though maybe don't have it quite as bad as you. And tbh, I think the only way to get over this is practice. That sounds horrible and stupid, but it's true. I used to get waaaay more upset about criticism especially in front of other people, but then I had a few weeks at a job where I had to do things I wasn't properly trained for, or good at, and didn't really want to do anyway, with an annoying supervisor. And he'd correct me and criticize me right in front of other employees and customers. At first it's mortifying, but after a while you learn to shrug it off. If sth is important/personal to me, I still get upset, but smaller stuff doesn't bother me as much anymore.

Re: How to cry less

(Anonymous) - 2017-01-02 00:06 (UTC) - Expand

I cry both at movies and IRL all the time.

I don't get cry-y as often as you do, it sounds like, but I still get really embarrassed for crying in situations where it's not warranted. :/

I feel like my response is at least somewhat connected to my depression but idk I guess. I'm also just a really overtly emotional person and that's always been part of my personality and always will be. It's not just crying - I wear happiness, excitement, anger, and irritation on my sleeve just as boldly, whether I want to or not (I can try to rein it in but unless I'm paying total attention to it it will seep out). It's all about finding balance, and just focusing on pulling it back when you need to. As trite as it sounds, breathing exercises may really help.

It wouldn't hurt to talk to a therapist about this, at least to see if it's something that either therapy, medication or some other approach might help you to control. (I'm not going to jump to conclusions about whether you have anxiety or anything, so I won't say medication is not a solution at all, but I feel there is a good chance this isn't anxiety-related too?)

There isn't really shame in crying when you're sad or really upset. It just helps to know when being really upset is the appropriate response to something. and even though I don't think it's shameful to cry intrinsically, I do often feel that others are judging me for doing it and it makes me very self-conscious. :(

I have this issue too and I have no idea how to stop it or I would have =_= I have issues sometimes when for example I just have a one-on-one performance review with my boss, I'll be feeling nervous but not really *upset* and yet my eyes start watering. It really frustrates me too because people say "you need to learn not to get so upset" but that's the problem, I'm *not* upset, I just feel maybe a bit anxious, but I can't seem to stop the automatic reaction. Saying "just stop crying" feels to me like saying "just stop hiccuping" to someone with the hiccups, like yes I'd love to if I could but it's not that easy.

I used to have this when I was younger. And well, it's just one of those things you sort of grow out of once you get exposed to the triggers more.

I am more prone to stronger than usual emotional reactions during that time of month, but it's not really like what you describe. Like other anons have said, drugs aren't going to solve your problem like magic, I'm afraid. What you'd have to do is get to the root of why you react this way to anxiety, and develop a coping mechanism.

Therapy is good for that, but what you can try to do on your own is talk yourself down off the ledge during those moments. Take a deep breath and hold it a few seconds, and just tell yourself firmly that this is NOT a big deal and you CAN and WILL handle it. Building up your confidence in other areas might also help.

Book/movie reviews that basically summarize the plot (but don't comment on it): Annoying and lazy, or a legitimate form of reviewing?

What part of a synopsis is a review?

I'd say "annoying BUT a legitimate form of reviewing." Although they make more sense in publications (where, tbh, they were probably paid to leave that sort of review as a promotion) than they do sites like Amazon, where it's supposed to be a product review, not a product summary.

I'd say that doesn't really count as a review at all, it's just a synopsis.

TL;DR ahoy

A couple of evenings ago (6:30 pm?), there was a knock on my apartment door. The only person who ever knocks on my door is my building manager, so I opened it without checking the peephole, only to find a stranger in a nondescript brown uniform holding a clipboard.

I can't remember now how he introduced himself but I think he said he was from [my electricity provider] and that the company had noticed a huge surge of electricity usage coming from this building recently and that it was due to a change in the sub-contracted energy provider we were all getting our electricity from. He said he was sent to get our energy bill account numbers so that [provider] could switch us over to a new sub-contract.

Because my brain likes to take a backseat in situations like this, I was like, "Oh, okay! Let's see, let me check my email to find my account number on the latest bill!"

Luckily(?), although I had my tablet right there with me, my email took forever to load. While I was waiting for it, the guy said, "Don't you have a printed bill you could look at?" I said, "No, sorry, all my bills are online."

More waiting. The guy said, "That's a nice sweater you have on." I was wearing a plain old white cardigan from Target, not worth remarking on in the slightest, so I kind of snorted a laugh and said thanks. More waiting for my email to load, and when it did, I saw the account number only showed the last four digits, which meant I'd have to login to the company's website to get it, only I couldn't remember my ID or password.

The guy was getting impatient (though remained polite), and he said, "I'll come back in a few minutes after I finish with this floor. I'll knock again...let me take down your apartment number." I think I could hear another guy like him knocking on a door down my hallway and talking to the tenant.

I said okay and shut the door, and he never came back.

After an hour or so, I started thinking that this seemed kind of shady, and maybe the two guys were looking to steal people's identities or something, via their energy bill account numbers? I don't remember seeing the energy company's logo on his uniform, and after my email finally loaded, I didn't find any message from the company saying they were sending service people out to my location or anything. Also, the comment about my sweater was puzzling, until later that night I realized that the v-neck blouse under my sweater had a tendency to poof out, and from the guy's view he could probably see down my shirt, at which point the comment became gross.

OTOH, entrance into my apartment building requires either a key or someone to buzz you in, so they would have needed the building manager to let them in, meaning they were legit (unless they slipped in behind someone or someone had propped the outer door open, like people often do). And I am routinely getting emails from my electricity provider saying my energy usage is much higher than anyone else in the area, which doesn't make sense given how careful I am about conserving energy.

I don't know, what do you think about this situation? Was it shady or do these kinds of door-to-door visits from your energy provider happen legitimately?

Edited 2017-01-01 22:47 (UTC)

Call the energy company, ask if they sent someone? If they didn't, they might want to know about this too if peoples' accounts are being compromised.

I don't know; I can see both lines of reasoning being true, tbh. :/ Maybe you can talk to the property manager, and ask if anyone requested access to the building? You might also call the company; if it isn't a scam, you'll know. If it is, they'll know so that they can warn other customers about it.

Re: Did I miss being scammed?

(Anonymous) - 2017-01-01 22:59 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Did I miss being scammed?

shortysc22 - 2017-01-01 23:05 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Did I miss being scammed?

(Anonymous) - 2017-01-01 23:30 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Did I miss being scammed?

diet_poison - 2017-01-01 23:56 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Did I miss being scammed?

herpymcderp - 2017-01-02 00:04 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Did I miss being scammed?

(Anonymous) - 2017-01-02 00:24 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Did I miss being scammed?

were_lemur - 2017-01-02 01:04 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Did I miss being scammed?

(Anonymous) - 2017-01-02 03:34 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Did I miss being scammed?

skeletal_history - 2017-01-02 05:01 (UTC) - Expand

I think a major factor in Donald Trump's election was people who believe it is divinely ordained for men to rule over women. It's true that some of these people explicitly argue against Trump on the grounds that he doesn't "protect and cherish" women. However, I think a lot of them consider Trump a man who dominates women and does whatever he wants to them, and they consider a vote for Trump a vote for a world in which they can dominate (if male) or be dominated (if female.)

Actually, I'll go a step farther. A massive amount of American politics is built on the fear that people who aren't like you may have penises and use them to "steal" women you consider your property. Alex Jones has built a substantial amount of his career on this, but it goes beyond the fringe. It's a big part of anti-immigrant rhetoric, it's why pre-op transwomen get so much hate, and it's why there's always, always a backlash whenever a commercial shows a black man and a white woman who are married to each other.