[ SECRET POST #3755 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3755 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 50 secrets from Secret Submission Post #536.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

Online or offline.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

Depression and fatigue from illness is pretty much why I don't talk to anyone anymore.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

A friend gifted me her sonogram as a birthday present. All of a sudden she reduced herself to her uterus, nothing else existed for her and she couldn't comprehend I didn't immediately fall in love with her fetus the same way she did.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

Did she live in a sitcom?

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

I'm both surprised and not surprised by this. It probably happened because there are a lot of people who give presents they'd like but not something the person likes and because people tend to get really self involved when they are having their first kid.

I'm still slightly surprised they would do this though as it's typically not something you do to your friend but you might give a present like that to a family member.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

She sounds better off without you.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[soldatsasha]

Is that... a thing women do? Like, forget 'reducing herself to her uterus', giving someone a picture of your insides as a birthday present is incredibly weird and creepy.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[morieris]

what

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

Wow, that is self-centered. And I'm saying that as a woman planning to try for a kid soon. I would never do that to my friends, wtf.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

WTF, as a birthday present?? That's something that only works for your spouse, or maybe the grandparents.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

On the one hand, if a friend just wanted to give me a copy of the picture, I would be a bit touched, but as a birthday present? That really implies her pregnancy should be way more importamt to you than it normally is for a friend. Did she expect you to display it in a frame and when you had guests over you would proudly point to it and say "That is my friend's fetus!" or what? That is not a thing people do.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

Sad:

- Facebook friend disowned her son on Facebook. As in, they had a huge blow-up on their feeds for everyone to see. Her son did sound like a bratty asshole, but the way she was talking to him was just as awful.

Stupid:

- This is awful and I regret it so much, but when my large fandom's canon closed, I sensed my friends were drifting from the fandom and didn't want to lose them. How did I handle this? By getting mad at them for talking too much about their new fandoms. I remarkably only lost one friendship from it, but I was so irrationally bitchy and still feel terrible. Unfortunately she's not on LJ anymore so I can't apologize. :(

- I kind of became convinced a friend in an RP group was lying, because a bunch of bad things happened to her at once just as she was having issues with another one of our friends. Some of the others agreed with me that she was full of shit. She really was an unpleasant person, so I don't regret that the friendship ended, but... here I am now in what feels like a serious soap opera scenario of my own. So I now realize it can happen, it just happened that in her case, she tended to stir shit, so we all doubted it.

(I mean, maybe she really was lying. It wouldn't surprise me. But I don't think there was any particular reason to believe that she was, other than knowing she liked to start arguments and was a little hard on the one friend.)

... actually, that whole RP group is a clusterfuck of regret. We were mostly nice enough and non-dramatic on our own, but for whatever reason we ramped up the drama in a group. Which sucks because how we started was so far from all of that.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

I've had to cut a few friends with depression loose. I knew how they sometimes acted and treated me was the depression talking, but I couldn't handle being yelled at over spilled milk. :( I worry about them and wish them the best, though.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

Almost outing me to everybody in my teens. I managed to convince everyone that I had no idea what they were talking about, but who would stay friends after that?

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

I cut ties with an online fandom friend for stanning and woobifying a character I hated.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[replicantangel]

I try not to burn bridges, even when I perhaps should. Lots of friends (including once very close friends) have drifted away, which is just something that happens. I don't recall ever ending a friendship end because of a blow-up argument or anything - I feel terrible and always have the need for apologizing/closure after arguments, even if there's an intentional lessening of contact afterwards.

The only drifted-away one I regret letting get away is one of my closest friends from college. I got married right after graduating, and she swore up and down that she would be there. I saved a place for her at my table and everything, but she didn't show. I was deeply hurt by it - she didn't even call or message me to say she wasn't coming - but instead of reaching out to her, I just stopped talking to her. We're still friends on FB, and I think we might have exchanged pleasantries once, but otherwise, nada. She was such a good friend before that though, and I regret letting her go over something like that, even if it was rude on her part.

Another friend messaged me *after* my wedding, accusing me of being awful and rude for not inviting her. This was after we hadn't spoken in about 3 years and she had done nothing to indicate that she did want to come, despite knowing about my planning for 15 months (through mutual friends). That ended any friendly feelings right there.

In retrospect, my wedding marked the end of a lot of friendships.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[kaijinscendre]

They became a stereotypical SJW. =(

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[soldatsasha]

This was when I was younger and was basically a hikkikomori/NEET because my mental issues had gotten so bad. I bought a Christmas present for an online friend, but to ship it I'd have to ask someone for a ride to the post office and then talk to the post office worker. I realized after I bought it there was no way in hell I could handle that. (I mean, asking someone for a ride? They'd think I was some kind of awful awkward burden and hate me forever!)

But I was too ashamed to tell my friend, so instead I lied and told them I'd put it in the mail. And when Christmas came and went I just was like 'oh no, I hope it didn't get lost! D:' bc I didn't know what else to do.

I ultimately did ship it a few months late. iirc I told them I'd gotten the package returned to me all mangled so I was reshipping it? I felt so bad about what I'd done, though, that I just kind of disconnected and stopped talking to them shortly after that.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

- A friend I'd had since I was 3. My mom died of cancer when I was 16. The first few years after she was diagnosed lots of friends visited in the hospital, including this friend's mom, and it became this social hub almost. Then my mom got sicker, she never left the hospital anymore, started looking like a cancer patient, feeling like one. She was in pain and the entire family was miserable. I know this is not something most 16 yr olds can get unless they've experienced it, but I figured she'd be smart and empathetic enough to understand. I told her that yeah, it was sad she died, but maybe it was for the best, because she was in pain and it was becoming unbearable for us as well. She took that to mean I wanted her to die. And told that to her mom who told it to my mom's other friend(s) until someone finally asked me about it. I just started crying. My older brother was furious, said my mom wasn't dead for more than a month and her supposed friends were already spreading rumors about her family. I've never talked to those people again.

- My aunt, though I can't completely cut her out of my life. She's my mom's younger sister and first she'd call my mom to catch up on, she'd then call my dad. I guess after he died she figured I was next? She never called my brother. She had never shown an interest in me before, never really chatting with me, so this was just to get up to speed on current events in the family. I'd even be fine with that except she made each phone call into a depressing guilt trip. She'd randomly call me to talk about how sad it was about my parents, for ages on end. She'd complain why I never called and if I said sth vague about forgetting or not finding the right time, she'd answer with 'until we're all dead and buried'. Which isn't ever cool let alone when you're 24 and you've just buried your last parent. So one time I got sick of it and told her I never called bc she always made me sad and guilt tripped me. She said she never did any such things, she was just showing concern and 'well, I guess I should never have gotten you all those nice presents when you were little then'. Which is almost a parody of a guilt trip. She and another aunt also felt I kicked them out too soon when they visited me in hospital. 'We came all this way'. And that me telling them I don't want kids is somehow rude? Let's just say I avoid that part of the family. There was an effort to make me apologize, but LOL.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

She was bipolar and her condition was not managed well with meds. We all made allowances because it wasn't like she wasn't seeking treatment at all, but her mood swings and the lashing out got to be too much. She never apologized for the way she behaved and instead tried to pretend like nothing happened.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

She chose her fiance over me. I tried to keep reaching out to her, but she always wanted to bring him along or would only want to talk about him. He was a total dick who didn't deserve her and cheated on her multiple times. He was always flirting with a mutual friend of ours and making her uncomfortable. Even when we caught him cheating and presented her with proof, she didn't want to believe us. We went out for ice cream one day and ended up having a fight. I told her how much he sucked, she said I was jealous because I could never hold onto anybody long enough for a relationship, and that was it. Ten years of friendship over. From what I've heard through the grapevine, she got married to him and he's still cheating on her. I want to reach out to her, but too much time has passed and I don't know if she'd even forgive me.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[randomdrops]

I realized that with some of my friends I was doing all the 'work' in the friendship. I'd call them, I'd make the plans, I'd drive far to visit them, I'd come and support their college or work events or promotions or whatever. I started to get annoyed. So as an experiment of sorts I stopped making an effort. I stopped calling or emailing or making plans. That was 5 years ago now and I've not heard from any of them.

One of them will message me now and then about how they miss me and get all nostalgic, but when it comes down to it they never want to make actual plans.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

Reading this thread makes me sad, thinking about how hard it is to have friends and not lose them. I don't really have many friends lately. My I interests change, my trust levels wane...its easier not to get too attached to people. It makes me sad that I feel that way, though. I feel like even my brothers, once trusted pals, are homophobic dicks who think bullying is funny. But how much of this is me changing, and how much them? Sometimes I just don't want to be around people.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

I had a friend in junior high/high school I used to team up with on a lot of class and extracurricular projects. She used to flake out on me a lot, though, and I'd be left doing extra work. Finally, the time came senior year when I had too much on my plate and had to back out of a project we'd started together - organizing costumes for a school play. It wasn't for a grade and there were lots of other people interested in helping, so it wasn't the end of the world, but she made a huge deal about it and temporarilly turned some mutual friends against me. It wasn't the absolute end of the relationship, but it soured things between us so much that I didn't want to put as much effort into being friends anymore and we quickly drifted apart after graduation.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

Meth. It's an absolute deal-breaker. I've cut ties with several childhood friends who were stealing, tweaking, ignoring their children, living in filth and destroying their bodies. It's so prevalent in this area and it's like when someone gets bitten in a zombie movie: there's no triage, you just get the hell away from them.