fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3940 ]

[ SECRET POST #3940 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3940 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 25 secrets from Secret Submission Post #564.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I wish I had this about 10 years ago.

This is a message to anyone who is being bullied right now. It doesn't matter if it's online or IRL. This is for you.

YOU matter.
Your opinions matter.
Your feelings matter.
Your thoughts matter.
Your dreams matter.
Your LIFE matters.
You are special.
You are beautiful.
You are talented.
You are valuable.
You are wonderful.
You are respected.
You are cared about.
You are STRONG.
You are a good person.
You are loved.
You can succeed.
You can reach out.
You can hold on.
You can overcome.
You mean something.
You have worth.
You deserve to LIVE.
I LOVE YOU.

The source page people keep linking to http://afbv.weebly.com or http://tiny.cc/afbv [Both go to the same page, the tiny.cc is for twitter]

This would have pissed me off (still does) since it’s a blanket statement that doesn’t know anything about my situation. Also not clicking that shorten URL.

Yeah, I have to agree. I'm sure the author of this (and similar things I see going around) mean well, but when you're already beaten down and depressed, some cookie-cutter "you are awesome!" generic statement can feel at best condescending.

I read it like somebody actually gives a two shits when everybody else won't give any. I think it's something you have to look at and meditate on because reading it once when you're really down isn't going to help. This can be a real good mantra imho.

Depression kicks my ass sometimes. I think I'm going to print this and tape it to the wall by my bed where I sit to meditate and see how much difference it makes when the meds only offer energy and not an uplift.

NAYRT

Well it's good it works for you OP. Printing it out and putting it next to your bed sounds like an excellent idea.

Crock of shit. None of that generic blanket statement means shite.

Getting off my ass on my worst most depressed days and managing to clean my teeth is more powerful than that in the face of depression. And that's not a trivial or joking statement.

If it helped the OP, then good for them. Obviously, it's not for everyone, but I'm not sure what telling them it's shit and meaningless is supposed to do.

NYART

Maybe it might make OP stop reposting it because it's clearly the kind of trite cheery bullshit that might actually make people more angry than assured? I think that would be a good outcome.

I know who wrote this. I am not them, so don't bother accusing me of being them.

They went through absolute hell and almost committed suicide. They had the choice of hating the world or trying to be kind and they are trying to be kind. Their message is something they wrote to erase the cruelties being bullied led them to believe for several years because they think it can help someone else going through bullying and abuse. It isn't something they sat down and wrote one day on a whim, it is years of working through pain and scars.

It is so difficult to be kind to a world that was cruel to you. That is strength.

The message didn't help you, then it didn't help you. It won't help everyone. They hope it will help somebody. That somebody wasn't you. That is unfortunate. Calling it condescending shit because it didn't help you is unnecessary and cruel.

Oh fuck off.

No, you.

Look, I'm a cynical as the next person, but just because you don't agree with them, there's no reason to be openly hostile.

Maybe listen to the people it’s trying to help instead of telling us pur thoughts don’t matter and we’re not valid.

Except different people are expressing different thoughts. And who's telling anyone they're not valid.

A Y R T

You are putting words in my mouth. Don't do that. It makes you look foolish. I never said you aren't valid or that your thoughts don't matter. It's possible to state something with tact instead of insulting it because it didn't grant you any comfort.

You were hurt. That is awful. Suffering is awful. Placing your suffering onto others by calling their kindness "shit" doesn't make it any easier for anyone. Do you care about anything beyond how miserable you are? Your response indicates you don't, so prove me wrong.

Talk about what caused your suffering. Break it out of the dark. The shame of what happened to you should go towards the one who caused you that shame, and the author of the message is not that person. Perhaps the cause of that shame is a chemical imbalance in your brain related to depression. This is not a request for you to spill your life story here unless you choose to. Talk about it where you feel safe to.

You are not alone, but you do not have to make others feel alone because you feel alone. That isn't going to solve your problems. Someone else's kind words didn't help either. Unfortunate, but not an excuse for unnecessary cruelty.

Now I will "fuck off" as the anon above you so rudely stated. I am just an eighty old man who is watching the world go by. Good luck to you all. I hope I haven't wasted my time offering food for thought.

Oh, but I have done those things and wasn’t the anon who called it shit. I’m just saying for something us who deal with suicidal thoughts, blanket statements like that and general niceties can be detrimental to our situations since it overlooks the actual problem in favor of that make the speaker feel like they’re doing good. I realize it’s difficult to deal with the chronically depressed, but also realize where this backlash is coming from. And giving advice that I’ve already done and continue to do comes off as patronizing.

I am the anon who called it a crock of shit and yep, pretty much this. These posts are, to me, all about the poster's own feelings. They also tend to come from the type of people who miraculously disappear when someone actually needs them in RL.

After my initial hostile reaction though I saw the OP comment above and so replied to that. I am genuinely glad it helps them. And I regret posting my initial reaction on their thread and making it about my anger instead of the fact that OP found something to help them with their depression.

'Do you care about anything beyond how miserable you are? Your response indicates you don't, so prove me wrong.'

WOW RUDE

I mean like if people are being sort of 'uh yeah so I'm depressed and miserable and stuff' like you know what doesn't help? going WOW, HOW DARE YOU NOT TAKE MY CONDESCENDING PITY, I guess you're a SELFISH SELF ABSORBED KID ON TOP OF THAT'

r u d e, man.

I don't 100% agree with AYRT, but your response was unnecessarily aggressive and hostile. You genuinely are coming across as someone who is determined to see the worst in everything, and who is lashing out.

Re: SMH at rude people.

(Anonymous) - 2017-10-18 03:39 (UTC) - Expand

Re: SMH at rude people.

(Anonymous) - 2017-10-18 03:55 (UTC) - Expand

Re: SMH at rude people.

(Anonymous) - 2017-10-18 04:13 (UTC) - Expand

Is it "kindness" to tell someone you don't know that you love them and they matter in some shape and form you can't describe? I don't know that it's so. It's a nice and meaningful sentiment to some, of course. It's an attempt at kindness, I'll grant. But when you cast your net of LOVE out to everybody at once, it becomes so generic that it becomes trite and meaningless to most and it's hard to blame them for it.

At best, it's a nice reminder to someone that can use the reminder that they supposedly matter.

At worst, it's a reminder that even to the people who purportedly care, they don't matter enough to be more than one of millions of To Whom It May Concern in a world-wide net, and strangers saying that you are theoretically loved have no idea who you are, and honestly, let's face it, don't know you at all to care about you for real. +1 to the pile of people who say they care but don't, really, not about you personally.

Do you think that's worth the trade-off? It appears most people think yes. But then they appear surprised that the negative side exists, and lots insist that good intentions should mean people are wrong to react negatively without understanding why they do.

I do think it's "rudeness" to be angry and offended at people who don't accept a total stranger's anonymous, random, no-knowledge-of-the-situation "I LOVE YOU" with enough gratitude for your tastes, and assume the only reason someone would roll their eyes at this is because they have a chemical imbalance in their brain, however.

Re: SMH at rude people.

(Anonymous) - 2017-10-18 04:07 (UTC) - Expand

Re: SMH at rude people.

(Anonymous) - 2017-10-18 04:12 (UTC) - Expand

Re: SMH at rude people.

(Anonymous) - 2017-10-18 04:19 (UTC) - Expand

Re: SMH at rude people.

(Anonymous) - 2017-10-18 04:19 (UTC) - Expand

I hope it's helping you, OP. While it personally wouldn't work for me, I have a friend who finds these types of messages helpful. They encourage her to seek help when things get too tough.

I like it as a blanket idea, but as a blanket idea it's useless. In practice, I feel pretty confident in guessing that there are individual people who, given the choice, the author would not wish this sentiment to be given to.

Like, the people reading this thinking "Aw, how nice". Imagine you're saying that to someone politically opposed to you. Imagine you have to read that to Trump - or Hillary if you swing that way - How do you feel? Consumed by hate? Feel like retching? Yeah, people don't love people. People are far more invested in hating people. It's a nice sentiment to give to someone you like, but as a blanket sentiment, it's untrue and utterly useless.

Wow. Somehow this is the worst comment on this thread.

I can understand where people's anger up thread is coming from on both sides. But this cold, patronising delivery of personal opinion as fact is somehow so much worse.

Just ignore this person, OP. It sounds as if the original poster's warmth and intentions were genuine. I think it's a lovely thing that they were able to connect with you, someone who their message was intended for.

I dunno bruv, I've known far too many people preaching unconditional love to all beings only to revoke that love and spew hard core vitriol when it's revealed that their fellow humans are not exactly like them. It's possible OP is not like this, but I've not seen to many people to make me think they are the exception.

Not sure what the other anon who replied to you's problem is. Probably they just have it in for you or something. Your point here is a decent one.

I mean, I find the blanket "I love you" statement more grating simply because it's utterly impersonal and therefore meaningless. But it's also true that nobody loves, or even likes, everyone. And just because someone is being bullied themselves and is hurt by it, doesn't mean they're a good person themselves.

I don't think they have it in for me. Probably just my cynicism struck a nerve. I admit, I'm possibly being more cynical than is warrented, but it seems to me that it's like you say "nobody loves everyone".

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #3940 ]

This neat message for bullied people is going around social media.

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OP of post (not the message)

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SMH at rude people.

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I hope OP reads this

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Re: This neat message for bullied people is going around social media.

Re: This neat message for bullied people is going around social media.

Re: This neat message for bullied people is going around social media.

Re: This neat message for bullied people is going around social media.

Re: This neat message for bullied people is going around social media.

Re: This neat message for bullied people is going around social media.