[ SECRET POST #4190 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4190 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 77 secrets from Secret Submission Post #600.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Why are people in this comm so over the top about cheating? lol

Like yeah, cheating is not nice to do, but they act like it's akin to rape and murder or something. It's this insane visceral reaction in this community that seems so disproportionate to the crime whenever the topic comes up.

+1

[(Anonymous)]

idgi either

[(Anonymous)]

Baffles me too anon. It's definitely bad, it absolutely makes sense for it to be a relationship-killing thing, but sheesh.

Then again, I've only ever been in poly relationships where we could and did talk to each other if we ended up interested in someone else, and I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic anyway. So it's entirely possible my perspective is a bit broken.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know, I'm monogamous and I've never cheated, but I don't think cheating is inherently malicious, it really can just be a stupid impulse mistake. And some relationships are already so toxic or unhealthy that cheating isn't the real problem. And though cheating in a non-toxic relationship is surely a hurtful breach of trust that can be fatal to a relationship, it also can be something that relationships work through and forgive and move on from. Cheating is never right but there are varying levels for how wrong it can be, imo.

Then again, I only exist because my mom cheated on her husband, so maybe my perspective is broken, too. lol

AYRT

[(Anonymous)]

That's okay, we can have maybe slightly broken perspectives together, since yours makes sense to me too.

[soldatsasha]

See, and for me I'm totally the opposite. Also monogamous and never cheated, and I don't see how cheating can be anything but inherently malicious. Of course, I'm also one of those hardliners that thinks calling it a "mistake" or "accident" is bullshit, too. Infidelity is series of deliberate choices, you don't just slip on a banana peel and land on someone's dick.

That said, ia that there's varying levels of how wrong it is.

[(Anonymous)]

I’m in the “cheating is a horrifically nasty thing to do to a partner” camp, and the only way I could excuse cheating is if someone’s partner was a violent nutjob that they feared to leave and so they snuck around to avoid being killed or maimed for trying to leave, out of fear that yeah, if they’re discovered they might die, but if they try and leave they’re certain they will.

I mean, I think that’s dumb and also selfish—their controlling partner might also try to kill the person they cheated with—but at that point there’s not really trust to break anymore.

And no, I’ve never been in that situation, or in a relationship at all.

[(Anonymous)]

+1

i am mentally ill so i don't know how "normal" my view is, but the thought of having my trust betrayed like that freaks me out and by extension i feel incredibly bad for anyone who gets cheated on. i think that it inherently involves other people is a big part of it, not only is my trust betrayed but i am humiliated in front of the person that my partner cheated on me with.

if they know about it, of course. it's just a double sandwich of nightmares for me.


and ive been raped and don't appreciate it being used to mock my reaction to the topic....

[soldatsasha]

and ive been raped and don't appreciate it being used to mock my reaction to the topic...

Same here.

I was actually in a situation where I wasn't exactly cheated on, technically, but the betrayal, violation, and humiliation were there. I'm not going to go into it, but I can tell you which one fucked me up more and it wasn't being raped.

You have to question every memory, every conversation you've ever had, every ounce of trust is just gone. For a lot of people, their lives are basically just fucking destroyed, because they live with the cheater and have all the same friends and shit. And yeah, then you have to wonder how much they told the outside person. How much time did they spend making fun of you, or telling awful lies about you. It's really one of the worst things you can do to another person, imo.

[(Anonymous)]

and ive been raped and don't appreciate it being used to mock my reaction to the topic....

Are you actually equating rape and being cheated on then? yikes.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think "I made a mistake when I cheated" means "I accidentally fell on the dick". It means "I had a momentarily lapse of judgment and I'm sorry". Sometimes people have crazy thoughts and make bad emotionally-driven judgment calls without thinking about other people's feelings. Does that excuse cheating? No way, at least not generally. But I think when people make mistakes, it refers to something a little deeper than stumbling physically.

[(Anonymous)]

https://www.reddit.com/r/boottoobig/comments/5mrbci/roses_are_red_silk_came_from_china/

[(Anonymous)]

This. How do you "accidentally" sleep with someone? It's vile and deliberate and unforgivable.

[(Anonymous)]

Seriously! It's weird.

[(Anonymous)]

In my experience people who belittle cheating tend to be cheaters themselves, but *shrug*

I think it's completely fair to demonize the act of betraying the trust of a loved one. Bold stance, I know. Just because it's technically legal doesn't make it any less traumatizing.

[(Anonymous)]

You sure seem to be taking this personally.

[(Anonymous)]

I mean, yeah? I've witnessed a friend crumble into a depressed mess because of cheating, that's about how personal it gets. Does that invalidate what I'm saying?

[(Anonymous)]

That sucks, but your reaction seems OTT, most likely specifically because you're taking it personally.

[(Anonymous)]

Which part of it is over the top exactly? The fact that I don't approve of it?

[(Anonymous)]

sorry anon but it's impossible to cheat when you've never dated anyone ever.

[(Anonymous)]

Virgin-shaming a stranger to make yourself feel better about cheating. Good luck with your life, you're gonna need it.

[(Anonymous)]

says someone who's never dated anyone either let alone been able to cheat. you just like reading about it in fanfic and felt kink-shamed by this secret.

[(Anonymous)]

uh. i actually meant myself? maybe I didn't word that well but yeah I can't cheat because I can't even get into a relationship in the first place so anon saying people who think cheating isn't a big deal are probably cheaters...well no, I'm not, really.

the fuck does kinkshaming have to do with it anyway?

[(Anonymous)]

"It's this insane visceral reaction in this community that seems so disproportionate to the crime whenever the topic comes up."

Probably because a lot of people are in relationships and it's a real worry. (As opposed to alien invasion or summat.)

[(Anonymous)]

Shockingly, people are allowed to be mad/upset about things that are less bad than murder. Cheating isn't the worst thing you can do to someone, but it's still REALLY fucking shitty and many people have first- or second-hand experiences with that crap.