[ SECRET POST #4952 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4952 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 39 secrets from Secret Submission Post #709.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

01. https://i.imgur.com/eXS5xZF.png

[(Anonymous)]

I have seen more than one post in my years of fandom asking for money for rent because the poster spent too much at a con.

I never know what to say to that so I say/do nothing.

[(Anonymous)]

As a rule I don't trust anyone on the Internet when it involves me giving money to them.

[(Anonymous)]

The problem I have with people in fandom asking for money (in the manner that OP is talking about) is that I have no sense whatsoever that giving them that money will actually solve a problem. Instead it's just putting a bandaid on and hoping it doesn't keep bleeding. "I need money for rent!" What about next month? Are you going to keep asking? You need to move, find somewhere cheaper, start looking for a job, etc.

Of course, could the person being that? They could. I don't see it mentioned. Am I supposed to blindly trust a person on the internet? Am I supposed to believe that the money will go towards it's intended use, and the person isn't being irresponsible? How am I supposed to know? Especially when I HAVE seen people repeatedly ask for money, get called out for being fake (for instance, one 'girl in Brazil' turned out to be living in the US and a man, and then it turned into, "Oh, he's just getting the money so he can send it to me!" and I'm like, WTF who is believing this BS??).

I guess, TLDR, I don't trust people who ask for money, either.

Being poor sucks. I didn't grow up poor, but my parents did at various points live in poverty, and when I grew up I also, at various points, lived in poverty. I have asked people for help, a place to stay, finding resources, but I never asked anyone for money.

[(Anonymous)]

I think part of it is that people who grew up poor, or around poor people, realize everyone around them won't be able to sustain them monetarily. There is no expectation that they can, even if they wanted to. So if you ask for money it has to be in a way that proves it won't be a recurring problem and you won't need them to keep helping you.

Or else you become that one acquaintance everyone has that is always running into one problem or another and never seems to even have a plan to get back on track and is a financial black hole. And nobody likes that person or wants to be them.

[(Anonymous)]

I have this issue when people ask for money so they can adopt a pet. I understand that people with pets fall on hard times or their pet gets sick and they need a one time bailout - I'm not talking about that. If you don't have money to adopt and pay for an animal's upfront needs of food, shots, vet care, etc. then you cannot afford a pet. I'm very sorry. Because animals will always need food and regular vet care, and if you can't afford it now then how will you afford it later?

[(Anonymous)]

I grew up dirt poor. As in, we sometimes had to choose if we wanted water or electricity cut off for a week or two due to late payments.

It has always been unfathomable to me that people are so cavalier about begging for money. Or that none of them seem to want to go find other solutions. Especially for food. Every town I have ever been to has a food bank. Sure, you might have to walk to it but the food is there.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, that was the level of poverty I experienced as well. Food banks, and no hot water even through the winter sometimes because we couldn't pay the gas bill.

It has always been unfathomable to me that people are so cavalier about begging for money.

To be honest, I think this is part of what often pings as off to me about people asking for a handout on tumblr. In my experience (my own, as well as some of the people I knew) the more genuinely helpless and desperate someone's situation is, the more it tends to feel unthinkable to ask for help, especially financial help (with the exception of people who need to feed their habit). I know for us, it didn't even feel remotely like an option. The psychology of living in poverty is complicated and thorny.

The people who repeatedly turn to their tumblr acquaintances/friends for money...idk, it just gives me the impression their need is not actually that pressing. I'm sure most of them aren't super flush with cash or anything. But I feel like most of them are in a position where they feel like life would be a lot better if they could pay the bills AND ALSO have that thing they want. Their willingness to repeatedly ask other people for cash makes it seem like the psychology of it for them is closer to "asking your mom/dad/aunt/uncle/older sibling for money for that thing you want but can't buy because you're broke" as opposed to "begging for money because if you don't get it you're going to fall through the cracks."

IDK, maybe I'm wrong. And like I said, I never say anything against these people. If they really are in an unavoidably dire situation then I'm deeply sorry for my cynicism and callousness. But as it stands, the majority of the time, I don't trust them.

[(Anonymous)]

Same. It can be tough sometimes, yes, especially depending on where you live, but there are organizations and charities and whatnot that can help you. And even with stuff like electricity and water, depending on the situation, some places will be generous and try and work something out. Not always, no, some people are pretty strict with that stuff no matter what the situation. But in my experience, at least, more people will try and help if they're able to than won't.

[(Anonymous)]

Well, there have been many examples (some very infamous) of people scamming online by pretending to be something they're not, so your mistrust isn't exactly unfounded.

[(Anonymous)]

exactly this. even if you haven't directly heard or read about the very major cases of fandom people scamming their followers and friends, you've probably at least picked up tangentially that this is a thing that happens, so it's hard to trust anyone. even harder to trust someone you only know through fandom. you legit can't tell who's just there to get other people to pay for their desired luxuries, nor who's willing to lie about having cancer, a sick cat, or what just to get it.

[(Anonymous)]

I've never given money to all the various sultans and amazing business offers and whatnot emailing me over the years, and I'm certainly not giving money to any random tumblr account with a sob story either.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't give money to my own friends. No way in hell would I give money to somebody I follow online. I know shit happens (hell, I had a super expensive vet bill that wiped out most of my savings), but there are too many scammers out there to know who has a legit need and who just wants to buy a new Proplica or whatever.

[(Anonymous)]

I am totally with you. We can't really help everyone (well, most of us at least?) so we have to pick carefully. Sure I won't be giving any of my hard-earned money to some stranger on the Internet anytime soon. Occasionally I may help my family or give money for charity but that's as far as I am willing to do. I try to favor buying used goods from (online) people who are in difficult situations whom I can trust to really be or stuff like that, but beggars? Um, hardly so. Sadly. Can't trust.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I have no problem when it's a case of someone offering to do commissions or selling stuff to earn some money because they're not just expecting a handout, they're trying to offer something in exchange. I wouldn't equate that to the people who are just flat-out begging.

[(Anonymous)]

A few people I follow are constantly reblogging or retweeting these sorts of posts and it's always long sob stories like 'I'm a gay disabled trans POC and I need to pay my rent please give me money,' usually with a whole explanation of why they can't open commissions or sell any of the fandom merch they're constantly taking pictures of or basically do anything to help themselves beyond begging for money. Once is an emergency, twice is an unfortunate circumstance, more than that and maybe you need to learn to manage your funds better.

Not quite the same but I also hang out in a lot of lolita fashion communities and the amount of 'emergency' sales that are specifically for paying bills that should be expected like rent or electricity is just ridiculous. I can understand an emergency comes up and suddenly you need to make money, but lolita is a fairly expensive hobby and if you need to make emergency sales every month to pay your rent maybe you should buy less dresses.

[(Anonymous)]

There's someone in my fandom who constanly asks for financial help. While I do feel for them as they live somewhere with little in way of a social safety net, there's something uncomfortable about most of their post being stuff like "please give me money so I can buy my kid a birthday cake".

[(Anonymous)]

Everyone I've seen posting pleas for financial support always has some sort of sob story about why. They're always too disabled to work, living in an abusive home, have just left an abusive home and need some sort of trans-affirmation (binder & top surgery being the most common).

I'm not saying that none of these are true but you could play a twisted version of bingo and quite quickly get the house

[(Anonymous)]

Honestly, I have no sympathy because 9 times out of 10 it turns out that the person is only in financial trouble because they have zero concept of how to manage money and/or live within their means. The people I know who are genuinely poor (including myself) never seem to have these sorts of problems because we know how to budget and watch our spending, which includes realizing that we can't buy that thing we really want because it's not in our budget for this month.

But these people always seem to be talking about this con they just went to or that cosplay they're making or posting figures of all this merch they just bought and then - gasp! - suddenly they don't have money for rent and they really need some help, guys!

[(Anonymous)]

I skip those posts, too, and find them annoying. Like OP, I grew up poor, so in theory, I should have more empathy for people. I don't. It all seems like a whiny grab that makes me uncomfortable. (And if that's wrong, then there's a reason this is anon.)

[(Anonymous)]

I used to know someone who did this on other social media, making out like they were about to be evicted etc. Yet they could afford to stalk their favourite band around EUROPE. Not just their country, OTHER countries too.

The common come back was “seeing them makes my mental health better” and at first I accepted that but she was spending hundreds if not thousands on this one band. Seems to me that if money was wrecking your mental health, you’d sort out rent and bills before anything else.

And seeing “I can’t pay my gas bill or afford food” two days after she’d got back from multiple dates in France was really fucking annoying tbh.

[(Anonymous)]

I grew up well-off. My personal guidelines for when and to whom to give money have nothing to do with the supposed merit of the request. Who am I to judge? I give to friends and sometimes to people my friends know or people who are part of my communities. I limit how much I give to any one person.

I don't judge people who use different criteria for giving.

[meadowphoenix]

I'm going to be honest, what are you trusting them for in the first place?

[(Anonymous)]

The thing that bothers me is that they inevitably list anything they're a minority in, in order to get pity money I guess. It's so ubiquitous that I believe most of them are exaggerating.

FFS just tell me what you need the money for! I don't need to know every single way you're a minority, especially if it had no impact on your money woes. Have some self respect and stop treating minorities like they should be pitied.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm in a Facebook fan group for a performing artist, and a lot of people in the group use it to ask for money. I feel sorry for them because clearly they have no support system in real life. It was really bad for a while until members started complaining about people using the group like an ATM.