[ SECRET POST #1595 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1595 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 07 pages, 170 secrets from Secret Submission Post #228.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 0 - omgiknowthem ], [ 0 - take it to comments ], [ 1 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom.livejournal.com]

27. http://i56.tinypic.com/2mpin37.jpg

[pinstripesuit.livejournal.com]

There are lots of aces involved in fandom! [points to self, for example]

And of course there is room for aces in fandom. Here are a couple of great communities:

http://asexual-fandom.dreamwidth.org/
http://acefanfic.livejournal.com/
http://asexy-sherlock.livejournal.com/

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

And lgbtfest/queer_fest have asexual prompts in them.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

thank you for the links

[tsunekipanda.livejournal.com]

Not fandom-related but asexuality is a good place to start?

OP

[(Anonymous)]

thanks, mate. I joined this comm.

[joshua-glass.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's just me... but even though I have made some of my best friends through fandom, who I (or they) are banging (or in our cases not banging) never became a big conversation topic. Now maybe that's just us, but real things, real problems, work, and yes fandom, dominate our conversations.

I'm sure it's probably weird to you (and by this I mean from your perspective) that you have nothing to contribute to the conversation when it bends that way, but I doubt your friends are sitting there thinking, "Hmm, I wonder why so-and-so isn't spilling all about who they're seeing/sleeping with?"

Friends, fandom or not, shouldn't be solely focused on the relationships in your life. To me, that doesn't seem like a very deep friendship. And as a few people have mentioned, there are probably more asexuals in fandom than you would think.

[indevoutly.livejournal.com]

The idea that fandom could shun someone based on their sexuality is rubbish. I know an awful lot of asexuals in fandom.

I wish I could offer you more than good vibes on the issue of coming out, but I hope you will gain the confidence to do it, if that is your wish!

[absweetie.livejournal.com]

I can relate to your fears. When I came out as asexual to my mother, she just laughed it off and said she didn't believe me :/
But maybe it could be different for you? I mean, you never know until you try, and it really isn't the end of the world if people don't understand.

[(Anonymous)]

imo, fandom is one of the more accepting places for people of different sexualities. like the others have said, visit some asexual fandom comms first. and maybe you could test the waters with your fandom friends a little before you come out? either way, good luck ♥

[acidicdemonmilk.livejournal.com]

Sometimes being an ace in fandom feels lonely because so many fans are all about porn and shipping and smut, but theres no reason that you should feel chased away from fandom because of your sexual orientation. If your friends won't accept you for being asexual, then you shouldn't accept them as your friends.

[eibborn.livejournal.com]

I am confused. Why shouldn't an asexual be involved in fandom? There's a lot more to them than just shipping. I'm assuming you're the kind of asexual who isn't interested in those, since you feel it would impede your experience with fandom.
Have some faith in your friends! If they're ignorant, you might want to educate them a little, but if they really are your friends, it won't be a big deal.

[(Anonymous)]

I've never really understood the whole "coming out" thing, especially with asexuality. I mean, I guess I could see it if people kept trying to pressure you into relationships or something, but otherwise...I don't know. Being asexual really has zero impact in my interactions. I'm 31, I've never dated, never been kissed, never anything. Nobody has ever brought it up. It's just never been something that I've felt pressured about or felt the need to explain.

So this is all tangental and not helpful. Sorry. Just something that's bugged me for awhile.

[jimmie-zabel.livejournal.com]

Don't mind the RP account, luv. Couldn't be buggered to log out.

I have for the last five-six years been blissfully single. I've got my friends whom I love dearly, and no desire to be involved in any kind of relationship. It boggles me that people (not my RL friends) just keep assuring me that I'm just having a dry spell, and I shouldn't give up hope. And after I assure them "Uh, no, just not interested" they look at me like I just said I like to bang sheep instead. Why should it be anyone else's business but my own what I want to do?

tl;dr: For what it's worth anon, I may be far from asexual myself but I can identify somewhat with your discomfort.

[intrikate88.livejournal.com]

I can't possibly comment on your available social support system, anon, and coming out is something only you can decide as right for you. In my own experience, fandom has been more accepting of my asexuality than RL, and I have been able to have a lot of opportunities to write about my perspective on characters that may not be something others have seen, and many have told me that they appreciate a different angle. In RL, I have told my friends and family, and while my family is mostly oblivious and assumes that I'll eventually find a man to marry, they don't give me shit about it; my friends, for the post part, are supportive and even the ones who haven't been in the past now understand that I'm not in a phase, I'm just being myself. There is room for you to be yourself very openly, if that's something you want to do. :)

[later-tuesday.livejournal.com]

I don't understand how someone's sexuality impacts their rights to be involved in fandom...?

[nota-lone.livejournal.com]

People who are really your friends will be you friends regardless of who you do or do not prefer to have sex with. I'm not saying that you need to come out to your friends, but if you do come out and they're not behind you on that, they're not your friends.

People already linked to a lot of good ace sites, so I won't do that. There's a place for you IRL and in fandom, anon. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[(Anonymous)]

Even if you weren't asexual, hearing other people talk about their relationships is boring as fuck anyway.

i have not had sex for over 16 years

[(Anonymous)]

and i choose not to claim "asexuality" as an identity, although certainly I fit the definitions i have seen.

i'm not going to get pissy with asexuals who choose to identify that way, but i honestly don't get what the big deal is.

whether you're having sex or not having sex... it's no one else's business. it's like being a vegetarian vs. being a carnivore... great! whatever! NO ONE CARES

if people are talking about relationships or sex in your presence, they aren't doing it to "other" you - people talk about what is relevant in their life. if sex isn't relevant in your life - whoopee, talk about other shit, or get different friends.

if you have people in your life who hassle you about your choices re: sexuality and relationships, that is rude and intolerant and you should cut them off. life is too short for bs.

basically, grow up - the world doesn't revolve around you any more than it does around other people.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm asexual and almost 30, too. I completely understand. I had no problems with coming out though, because among my family/friends/fandoms, it wasn't a big deal. Personally, I never thought it was a big deal either, so I only mention my asexuality when a question or comment is directed at me where the opposite person is expecting a response. Having pride for yourself pretty much makes you invincible, imo!

[laifan.livejournal.com]

Lol I sort of relate to them, except that my ex best friend knew I was asexual (but neither she not my therapist 'believe' there is something like asexuality). There was a nice site I stumbled upon the other day, it's easy to find if you google 'asexual'. It's very complete and has tons of info. And don't feel bad about it. I'm 23 and I've only ever been kissed once (by a guy who is most likely a closet queer, no less) and, yeah, it's annoying when your group of friends is only discussing their exes and stuff - especially when they know you don't have any >_>;

TL;DR don't let it get to you! Society doesn't have to decide your sexuality for you.

[gabzillaz.livejournal.com]

I think fandom is more accepting of asexuality than real life. :/

Good luck, OP.

[kanzakihitomi.livejournal.com]

Before I even knew what asexual meant, I told my mom I didn't want kids. She was a bit confused at first, but gradually came to know what I meant. I have various reasons. I told her I'm more independent. I told her I don't want to ruin my hips. I told her that some people are more suited to having pets than raising kids, because ultimately I wouldn't want to do any of the things that came with that, like paying for school or changing diapers or even getting married because that's a whole can of worms I didn't even want to open. Eventually we came to the point where she even jokes or corrects herself in conversation when the topic of me and kids come up. I like them, but I am not in any way suited to raise them.

To be honest, I think she finds it a sign of maturity that I can admit that. There are plenty of people out there that SHOULDN'T be parents.

Out of all of those things that I declared, one day I was able to tell her that I didn't like sex either. She didn't even bat an eye. I think she expected it at that point. :)

[dragonalchemist.livejournal.com]

I am attracted to both men and women, but the idea and acts of sex have never interested me. Maybe it's because my hormones are weird, or whatever, but I actually consider myself an asexual bisexual.

My friends are totally supportive of me, and my girlfriend (who is quite sexual) deals with my lack of motivation over the subject.

And seriously, fandom is the least oppressive place to be when talking about things like that. Good luck, and don't worry. I'm sure you'll find acceptance easier than you think. :P

OP

[(Anonymous)]

thank you all for good words, support and sharing your stories!
you are wonderful people!
hug you all <3
I feel much better now, thank you very much!