fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1967 ]

[ SECRET POST #1967 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1967 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 051 secrets from Secret Submission Post #281.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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If it's not something that will cause harm to either person, then it's pretty douchey not to do something for your partner. X doesn't turn your crank, but your spouse goes crazy for it, so you go along with it to make them happy, because it doesn't hurt you not to.

No. That's creepy. You're creepy.

I hope you're single, or your SO must be miserable.

I'm not single and I sort of agree. I'm willing to try a lot of stuff, but if I just can't link it to anything "sexy" in my head, I'm unlikely to do it. Because I'd rather not have sex than have unenthusiastic sex.

I think the difference here is what your neutral towards and what actually puts you off. And of course, the recognition that it's give and take.

I do differentiate between the two - but fact is that even with things I'm indifferent towards - well, indifference is sort of not awesome in regards to sex. By definition, you're not going to be into it and that just really sucks.Unless you're the kind who just gets mentally off on the act of pleasing someone - which is a feature I didn't come equipped with.
Some things you can sort of mentally work to your advantage, some things you don't.

But then I have the (mis)fortune of being kinkier than my SO, so I'm rarely in that situation anyway.

...yeah i personally wouldn't want to be in a sexual situation where i was the only one into what was going on.

Does enthusiastic have to mean horny? Because I think some of the things my partner's into would be really fun, even if they wouldn't do much for my junk.

I'm not judging you if you have a different opinion about this! I've just seen "enthusiastic" associated with "horny" when talking about sex, and I'm kind of curious what's up with that? But I do not think your preferences are un-okay.

No, it doesn't. I can enjoy some sexual stuff on a non-sexual level. I could consider some things as "fun" even though they don't turn me on. But there's some things that just really do nothing for me.

To give an example - Let's something like Japanese rope bondage. I don't find it a sexual turn on specifically, but I could totally have fun with teasing/tying someone up. I could even take joy in learning to do visually pleasing knots. I also enjoy being dominant in bed, so I could work with that.

But let's say something like dressing up as a nurse in a latex outfit...it's not like I oppose doing it on a moral level or anything - but I don't like how latex feels and I'd feel awkward and self-conscious wearing it, so I just wouldn't be having so much fun myself. Make sense? I'd be willing to try once - but if that was something the guy was really into, I don't really see myself doing it on a regular basis.

Edited 2012-05-23 19:42 (UTC)

Yeah, that totally makes sense. Thank you, that clears up the "enthusiastic" bit a lot.

I think different people can mean different things with it - but to me it's not synonymous with "horny".

In fact, to me it works the other way around too. I could be horny but not enthusiastic about a certain sexual act either. Like, it could arouse my physically but I wouldn't feel happy participating in in per se.

That's a bizarre leap of logic. I would hope most people actually give a shit about both of them enjoying themselves when they're fucking.

DA
Funny, I was just about to say the same thing to you.

She's very happy, thanks. I actually do things that she enjoys.

Depends on how far-reaching you mean "cause harm." Do you consider it causing harm if a person feels pressured to do something that makes them uncomfortable? Do you feel that it causes harm when one partner feels like they're expected to give sex on demand? It's not "douchey" to want to feel comfortable in your own home with your SO. It's not "douchey" to say no because you don't feel like it. Sex is not an obligation.

Doing something you don't necessarily like for your partner's sake is nice, sure. Being generous to your partner is a wonderful thing. But they shouldn't feel like an asshole for having boundaries and saying "no."

OP's boundary seems to be that their partner is too chubby to play the role. That's douchey.

That is douchey. In context, if you're AYRT, I actually pretty much agree with you, because it doesn't sound like OP is so much "uncomfortable" as "thinks they're too good for it" or something. I was just sort of rubbed the wrong way by the phrasing of your first sentence speaking generally.

So they're a bad person if they don't feel like doing something sexual that seems pretty goddamn weird to them? How about no. : / Good on you for being open minded but yeah, that's not how it works for everyone else. If it makes you uncomfortable, you're under no obligation to do it. Period. Sex and relationships are two-way streets.

This secret is pretty tame, but what if the OP's partner had wanted them to RP non-con or had asked them to do something involving scat or heaven knows what else? Your Kink is Not My Kink exists for a reason.

Edited 2012-05-23 02:38 (UTC)

What-if doesn't matter. OP's partner didn't ask them to RP noncon or any such thing. They just wanted to be a character that OP thought they were too fat to be.

I feel the secret is vague. That might have been part of it, but my point is if OP felt uncomfortable with the scenario then that's that. He or she shouldn't feel obligated to participate in something like that if they think it's weird or uncomfortable, and the way others are replying it gives me the impression they're thinking OP should've just gone along with it regardless. I find that disturbing.

Edited 2012-05-23 02:51 (UTC)

I don't think the "fat" has that much to do with it. It may just be a thing of the partner couldn't see their SO in the role, period. Sometimes that just doesn't work.

And, if this IS a guy who posted it, he may have just been completely turned off the idea of picturing his girlfriend, who he apparently likes as she is, chubbiness and all, as a skinny as fuck bishi uke boy.

I mean, if for whatever reason my dude wanted me to picture him as some skinny, big boobed, anime moe chick, I'd be turned off by that as well. If only for the mere fact that I'd be laughing my ass off at the idea of it cause he'd most likely suggest it as a joke just to get me giggling.

If fat didn't have much to do with it, why post their weight?

Because it's jarring?

It's not necessarily a bad thing.

My bf (in my example) is a big guy and has a gut. If he suddenly wanted me to picture him as a skinny as fuck, almost anorexic, bishi guy for an RP scenario, it'd throw me for a loop, too. It'd weird me out. Because I just don't like that image. I like him as is.

i dunno how he'd react if I did the same thing, but me as a skinny anime girl or a skinny bishi uke boy, I'd like to think he'd be a little weirded out as well. Because it's not me and he likes my body as is. Chubbiness and all.

I just feel that the specificity is demeaning. You could have the same secret posted with more respect by phrasing it as you did, that they were bigger, and that you weren't into it and that you like them as they are.

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(Anonymous) - 2012-05-23 06:00 (UTC) - Expand

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otakugal15.livejournal.com - 2012-05-23 13:23 (UTC) - Expand

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