[ SECRET POST #1967 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1967 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 051 secrets from Secret Submission Post #281.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

people don't have to do what their partners want them to do. don't pressure her

[(Anonymous)]

If it's not something that will cause harm to either person, then it's pretty douchey not to do something for your partner. X doesn't turn your crank, but your spouse goes crazy for it, so you go along with it to make them happy, because it doesn't hurt you not to.

[(Anonymous)]

No. That's creepy. You're creepy.

[(Anonymous)]

I hope you're single, or your SO must be miserable.

[kallanda-lee.livejournal.com]

I'm not single and I sort of agree. I'm willing to try a lot of stuff, but if I just can't link it to anything "sexy" in my head, I'm unlikely to do it. Because I'd rather not have sex than have unenthusiastic sex.

[(Anonymous)]

That's a bizarre leap of logic. I would hope most people actually give a shit about both of them enjoying themselves when they're fucking.

[(Anonymous)]

DA
Funny, I was just about to say the same thing to you.

[(Anonymous)]

+1

[(Anonymous)]

Depends on how far-reaching you mean "cause harm." Do you consider it causing harm if a person feels pressured to do something that makes them uncomfortable? Do you feel that it causes harm when one partner feels like they're expected to give sex on demand? It's not "douchey" to want to feel comfortable in your own home with your SO. It's not "douchey" to say no because you don't feel like it. Sex is not an obligation.

Doing something you don't necessarily like for your partner's sake is nice, sure. Being generous to your partner is a wonderful thing. But they shouldn't feel like an asshole for having boundaries and saying "no."

[(Anonymous)]

OP's boundary seems to be that their partner is too chubby to play the role. That's douchey.

[(Anonymous)]

That is douchey. In context, if you're AYRT, I actually pretty much agree with you, because it doesn't sound like OP is so much "uncomfortable" as "thinks they're too good for it" or something. I was just sort of rubbed the wrong way by the phrasing of your first sentence speaking generally.

[smittenlotus.livejournal.com]

So they're a bad person if they don't feel like doing something sexual that seems pretty goddamn weird to them? How about no. : / Good on you for being open minded but yeah, that's not how it works for everyone else. If it makes you uncomfortable, you're under no obligation to do it. Period. Sex and relationships are two-way streets.

This secret is pretty tame, but what if the OP's partner had wanted them to RP non-con or had asked them to do something involving scat or heaven knows what else? Your Kink is Not My Kink exists for a reason.

[(Anonymous)]

What-if doesn't matter. OP's partner didn't ask them to RP noncon or any such thing. They just wanted to be a character that OP thought they were too fat to be.

[smittenlotus.livejournal.com]

I feel the secret is vague. That might have been part of it, but my point is if OP felt uncomfortable with the scenario then that's that. He or she shouldn't feel obligated to participate in something like that if they think it's weird or uncomfortable, and the way others are replying it gives me the impression they're thinking OP should've just gone along with it regardless. I find that disturbing.

[(Anonymous)]

This.

[But: Could be a him, or a her. We do not know]

[(Anonymous)]

We all make sacrifices in relationships, all of us. Or we are single forever. This doesn't seem like that much of a sacrifice, and as mentioned before, it isn't harmful so I don't see the problem. The secret very much made it sound like it was the fact that the woman doesn't LOOK like the character, which isn't always the idea of role play.

[(Anonymous)]

fuck that shit, i have boundaries and there are a shitload of things that fall outside of my comfort zone. i don't have to do anything. i don't care what my SO wants - if i don't want it, it's not fucking happening. back off.

[(Anonymous)]

And then your SO might choose to break up with you in favour of someone more accommodating. That's how it works. You have to balance your comfort zone against your partner's.

[(Anonymous)]

You might not have a problem with it - but someone else might very well be uncomfortable enough that they aren't okay with doing that. In that scenario it's *okay* for them to say 'no'. It doesn't make their SO wrong for asking them to try it out...but if said SO doesn't accept that they aren't willing to do that, and keeps pressuring them for it? *That* is wrong, and that *does* cross boundaries...which, yes. I would consider hurting someone.

Think of it this way, say A didn't feel up for having sex, but their partner [B] asked if they'd want to have a round of it. When A says 'no', they aren't being selfish - just honest that they really aren't feeling up to sex. If B accepts that, then there's nothing wrong. However, if B starts pressuring A to have sex - not enough to qualify it as rape, or assult, but enough that A just breaks down and gives in because they know they'll be badgered about it otherwise? That's wrong.

In that set up, just like the one OP mentioned, it's not about 'sacrifices'...it's about being put into an uncomfortable situation that you may not be okay with. OP could be the most generous, or the most selfish, of partners...We don't know that. But either way, if the OPs not comfortable doing it, then there's nothing wrong with the OP saying 'no' to it.

[(Anonymous)]

da

You left out the part where A goes on to make a fandomsecret about how ridiculous B's private intimate request is.

[(Anonymous)]

We all have sexual bounderies or things we in general don't feel comfortable doing. If my lover asked me to roleplay something that makes me uncomfortable or I can't work up any enthusiasm for, it is my right to tell them I don't want to go along with it.

Roleplay may not be an "extreme" kink, but I have as much right to say no to it as scat play or public sex.

[drunken-clowns.livejournal.com]

I think what they're trying to say is that sometimes making compromises is a good thing, as long as what's going on isn't like super disturbing to anyone. If you don't want to do it, that's fine, but if you can have fun with it and enjoy what it's doing for your partner, even if you're not super turned on yourself, then that's great! Especially because people develop all sorts of kinks all over the course of their lives, and a "hey I'm pretty okay with doing this for you even if it isn't my kink" attitude can be really helpful for when you get some kind of weird interest that isn't necessarily what floats your partner's boat.

Again, if you don't want to do something you shouldn't have to do it, but there is something to be said for being open to helping out your partner (if they're doing the same for you.) I think it's hard to find someone you're exactly sexually compatible with, especially if you're looking for emotional compatibility too, so idk. Of course you shouldn't have to be the other yaoi guy if you really don't want to, but it's not the worst thing in the world to consider?

[(Anonymous)]

This! It's happened on both sides with my SO, and sometimes it's led to the other person thinking,"hey, I could get into this", sometimes to exploring the idea so we can modify it to work for both of us or straight-up trying something different but related, and sometimes to the switching off you mentioned (or: sometimes to tabling, or sometimes just not working out at all and ruining the mood and then we hear a sad trombone noise and now we gotta go clean up and, like, talk about it, oh man). So it's not super-fun-excellent-sexy-times-always, but, as part of a couple with a decent height/weight disparity, it doesn't feel entirely different from the initial body-Tetrising that was necessary for sex at first.

[(Anonymous)]

if you KNOW something is going to make you uncomfortable, that's the end of the fucking conversation. fuck you and fuck everybody else for implying people can't ~knock it until they try it. just fuck you.

[drunken-clowns.livejournal.com]

oh man I know what that's like. My partner and I are about the same height and weight, but neither of us has the highest sex drive and I'm not really into several things on the 'standard package' of sex for two ladies. So it can be a little awkward to try ~the weird stuff~ but it can also be a little awkward to just do the regular stuff, and without getting even more TMI, I'll just say that sometimes trying out new things has been great. Even the regular stuff is sorta "I'll do you, then you do me" so if she ends up liking something that I don't really think is that hot, it's less of a big deal.

So I guess I can understand intellectually why somebody wouldn't want to try a pretty harmless kink, and I definitely get it if the kink is something really really disgusting to the person who doesn't want to try, but I can't quite really understand where the OP is coming from.