[ SECRET POST #1967 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1967 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 051 secrets from Secret Submission Post #281.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

If that's the most ridiculous thing a woman ever asks you to do, count your motherfucking blessings. Just turn off those lights and get your acting on, if it makes her happy what's the harm? You love her, you're attracted to her regardless right? Just put on your poker face and dive in.

[(Anonymous)]

people don't have to do what their partners want them to do. don't pressure her

[(Anonymous)]

If it's not something that will cause harm to either person, then it's pretty douchey not to do something for your partner. X doesn't turn your crank, but your spouse goes crazy for it, so you go along with it to make them happy, because it doesn't hurt you not to.

[(Anonymous)]

No. That's creepy. You're creepy.

[(Anonymous)]

I hope you're single, or your SO must be miserable.

[(Anonymous)]

+1

[(Anonymous)]

Depends on how far-reaching you mean "cause harm." Do you consider it causing harm if a person feels pressured to do something that makes them uncomfortable? Do you feel that it causes harm when one partner feels like they're expected to give sex on demand? It's not "douchey" to want to feel comfortable in your own home with your SO. It's not "douchey" to say no because you don't feel like it. Sex is not an obligation.

Doing something you don't necessarily like for your partner's sake is nice, sure. Being generous to your partner is a wonderful thing. But they shouldn't feel like an asshole for having boundaries and saying "no."

[smittenlotus.livejournal.com]

So they're a bad person if they don't feel like doing something sexual that seems pretty goddamn weird to them? How about no. : / Good on you for being open minded but yeah, that's not how it works for everyone else. If it makes you uncomfortable, you're under no obligation to do it. Period. Sex and relationships are two-way streets.

This secret is pretty tame, but what if the OP's partner had wanted them to RP non-con or had asked them to do something involving scat or heaven knows what else? Your Kink is Not My Kink exists for a reason.

[(Anonymous)]

This.

[But: Could be a him, or a her. We do not know]

[(Anonymous)]

We all make sacrifices in relationships, all of us. Or we are single forever. This doesn't seem like that much of a sacrifice, and as mentioned before, it isn't harmful so I don't see the problem. The secret very much made it sound like it was the fact that the woman doesn't LOOK like the character, which isn't always the idea of role play.

[(Anonymous)]

fuck that shit, i have boundaries and there are a shitload of things that fall outside of my comfort zone. i don't have to do anything. i don't care what my SO wants - if i don't want it, it's not fucking happening. back off.

[(Anonymous)]

You might not have a problem with it - but someone else might very well be uncomfortable enough that they aren't okay with doing that. In that scenario it's *okay* for them to say 'no'. It doesn't make their SO wrong for asking them to try it out...but if said SO doesn't accept that they aren't willing to do that, and keeps pressuring them for it? *That* is wrong, and that *does* cross boundaries...which, yes. I would consider hurting someone.

Think of it this way, say A didn't feel up for having sex, but their partner [B] asked if they'd want to have a round of it. When A says 'no', they aren't being selfish - just honest that they really aren't feeling up to sex. If B accepts that, then there's nothing wrong. However, if B starts pressuring A to have sex - not enough to qualify it as rape, or assult, but enough that A just breaks down and gives in because they know they'll be badgered about it otherwise? That's wrong.

In that set up, just like the one OP mentioned, it's not about 'sacrifices'...it's about being put into an uncomfortable situation that you may not be okay with. OP could be the most generous, or the most selfish, of partners...We don't know that. But either way, if the OPs not comfortable doing it, then there's nothing wrong with the OP saying 'no' to it.

[(Anonymous)]

We all have sexual bounderies or things we in general don't feel comfortable doing. If my lover asked me to roleplay something that makes me uncomfortable or I can't work up any enthusiasm for, it is my right to tell them I don't want to go along with it.

Roleplay may not be an "extreme" kink, but I have as much right to say no to it as scat play or public sex.

[drunken-clowns.livejournal.com]

I think what they're trying to say is that sometimes making compromises is a good thing, as long as what's going on isn't like super disturbing to anyone. If you don't want to do it, that's fine, but if you can have fun with it and enjoy what it's doing for your partner, even if you're not super turned on yourself, then that's great! Especially because people develop all sorts of kinks all over the course of their lives, and a "hey I'm pretty okay with doing this for you even if it isn't my kink" attitude can be really helpful for when you get some kind of weird interest that isn't necessarily what floats your partner's boat.

Again, if you don't want to do something you shouldn't have to do it, but there is something to be said for being open to helping out your partner (if they're doing the same for you.) I think it's hard to find someone you're exactly sexually compatible with, especially if you're looking for emotional compatibility too, so idk. Of course you shouldn't have to be the other yaoi guy if you really don't want to, but it's not the worst thing in the world to consider?

[(Anonymous)]

This! It's happened on both sides with my SO, and sometimes it's led to the other person thinking,"hey, I could get into this", sometimes to exploring the idea so we can modify it to work for both of us or straight-up trying something different but related, and sometimes to the switching off you mentioned (or: sometimes to tabling, or sometimes just not working out at all and ruining the mood and then we hear a sad trombone noise and now we gotta go clean up and, like, talk about it, oh man). So it's not super-fun-excellent-sexy-times-always, but, as part of a couple with a decent height/weight disparity, it doesn't feel entirely different from the initial body-Tetrising that was necessary for sex at first.

[(Anonymous)]

IDk, being attracted to someone when they're not 'acting' is one thing, being attracted to someone when they're roleplaying someone *else* or pretending to be a kawaii yaoi bishiekun or something is not the same

[honeysuckle-raw.livejournal.com]

Agreed. Especially considering the behavior of "ukes" and submissive women in anime/manga is perhaps the most annoying thing on the planet.

[(Anonymous)]

Because people are just totally obligated to do what their SO wants, regardless of their own personal standards, amirite?

No thank you.

I don't equate "attraction" and "love" with questionless indulgence in weird fetish bullshit.

[(Anonymous)]

No, but the girlfriend gets to decide if the lack of RP sex is a deal breaker for her, too.

Look, not everyone has an exactly perfect bag of kinks to line up with their partners. There is always going to be something that gets you hot which your partner finds ridiculous. If you are able to humour them on occasion, there is a chance they will be willing to try one of your fantasies out. If you aren't able to accommodate, that's okay too - just know that if this kink is a big part of their sexual life, they might one day decide to break up because you're incompatible. I do think OP is being short-sighted if their main objection to trying a very low-risk kink (seriously, a written sex scene?) is that their girlfriend is too fat.

[(Anonymous)]

You're also ignoring the fact that they mentioned their partner is too short, and has the wrong hair color. As someone already pointed out, they could just be using that to describe the fact their partner is pretty much the exact opposite of the character she wants to rp as.

[velvet-mace.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that doesn't work in sex. It's a cooperative project. A no-go is a no-go.

[otakugal15.livejournal.com]

Dude. I'm a 5'2", 200 lbs, brunette chick and I'd NEVER ask my boyfriend to role play something like that for me (not that i'd want to RP that anyway. ew. yaoi lost it appeal after i left high school). You know why? Because that would be uncomfortable for him. He's straight as an arrow and asking to play a gay dude, for him, in the midst of sex, would be too uncomfortable.

There are certain things he knows I don't like and even if he has a fantasy to one day do it, he'd never push those on me unless I was fully comfortable with them.

It's a 2 way street. Expecting a partner to ignore their discomfort for your own, specific pleasure at that point is kind of selfish.

[(Anonymous)]

ew. yaoi lost it appeal after i left high school

unrelated but sounds pretty judgmental and like you haven't read anything beyond some shitty gundam wing fanfic.

[otakugal15.livejournal.com]

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I read slash, dude. But yaoi itself doesn't appeal to me. I DON'T like the dynamics, most of what I come across is super fucking boring, and most of the art is awful. Half the time, you can substitute the uke for a woman and you'd get the same dynamics because that is basically what most yaoi is. Actual yaoi. Not fanfic.

Unless there;s been some actual gems that's popped up here in the last few years, be my guest and rec me some. Otherwise, I don't give a shit and won't read it.

So, nice try, but no dice.

And to be perfectly honest, I've read better GW slash fic back in the day compared to some yaoi titles of the last decade.

[(Anonymous)]

See, funny thing here is - my bf isn't straight as an arrow but would still find it awkward. Even people with flexible sexualities do not necessarily want their partner to look like another person in bed. And I'm pretty sure the whole "uke" thing would turn him off, as he likes someone who know what they want in bed.