[ SECRET POST #2202 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2202 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Sorry, early today!

Also: I'm not going to officially warn for tongue-in-cheek "triggers" just to provide anyone with a fandom-specific in-joke when there are none in the secret.

Secrets Left to Post: 06 pages, 140 secrets from Secret Submission Post #315.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

13. http://imageshack.us/a/img138/2857/86980467.jpg

[fingalsanteater]

I agree.

Bothers me in real life too, though.

[inkdust]

It bothers me in real life when a woman talks about her future marriage and others automatically assume she will change her name. Or "change or hyphenate?" as her two options.

I have a friend whose parents took half of each of their last names and combined them into a new one for themselves and their future kids. That wouldn't work with every name combination, but it's what I sort of hope to do. Or if hyphenating, both spouses hyphenate.

[velvet_mace]

I don't know why either. Maybe it's just a quirk and you just have to roll with it, like some people's disgust of facial hair.

I changed my name in real life, because it was about a 1000 times less awkward to have the same last name as my husband and he already had a professional reputation. I've never regretted it. I rarely even think about it.

But the funny thing is -- I love it when people change their name in fic, especially if it evokes all kinds of anxiety and reluctant subby feelings, because fucked up is fun. But in real life, it doesn't feel subby or fucked up at all. I chose his name, I didn't choose the name I was born with, neither name is terribly cool, so in a way, changing my name was more an expression of my free choice than keeping it.

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I feel you. There are circumstances under which I'd be okay with it -- like, if a character really hated their previous name for some reason -- but it makes me kinda twitchy.

[(Anonymous)]

I read a fanfic where the man took the woman's surname at the end because the entire length of the fic was him juggling his loyalty to his family and his loyalty to his village - and deciding on loyalty to his lover :)

[(Anonymous)]

Huh. That's an interesting one. But I gotta admit I do roll my eyes at the hyphenated or name change in the few fics I've read that have weddings. And now that I think about it, it always seems to be the bottom/submissive/etc one that changes is name in slash pairings. Innnnnnteresting.

[(Anonymous)]

I started secretly playing with a wedding fic for my OTP once and it was the top who was considering changing his name.

[(Anonymous)]

Might have something to do with the fact that a lot of thought can go into a character's name, both first and last, whereas in real life, names tend to be coincidental rather than significant. A character's name is actually a large part of their identity and what you, as the audience, associate them with; changing their name changes who they are as a fictional entity, whereas in real life, it's just something of a convenient label, and sometimes labels change.

I'd be a little weirded out, too, honestly. I can't imagine any of my OTPs changing their last names, even though I can definitely imagine them getting married. It's just...weird.

[(Anonymous)]

I agree. The only character in any of my OTPs who I wouldn't feel weirded out if they changed their name is the one who canonically doesn't have a surname- and in that case, it would be because of the significance (ie, them actually being part of a family), not in spite of it.

[(Anonymous)]

Uh... do you mean their surnames? I didn't even realize that was not normal in other countries, because here IRL it is weird if one of them does NOT change their surname. It is becoming more acceptable gradually, but if this was squicking me, I would've been squicked by ninety percent of my married friends.

[(Anonymous)]

I think at this point in the U.S. it's normal either way, but even twenty years ago people were assuming my parents were divorced because they had different last names.

[(Anonymous)]

I feel the same. I have a problem with it in real life too, though.

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe it's because the character names are just so fixed in our heads and it's weird to change those names?

[lunabee34]

It doesn't squick me when people change their names when they get married, but I did not change mine. I felt like there was no good reason for me to do so except custom (the origin of which bothers me even if the exchange of property from one set of male hands to the other is not the reason women change their names any longer), so I didn't. I have friends who changed their names because they hated their last names, because they wanted to have the same last name as their husband's kid, or just because they wanted to, all of which seems perfectly valid to me. My identity is so strongly tied with my name that changing it bothered me, though. I didn't want my husband's last names on my publications. LOL

[vongroovy]

I was just thinking about this yesterday when I ran across it in some fic I was reading. I was enjoying it, then that happened, and I just stopped reading. It bothers me in real life too to some extent (mostly in relation to myself), but I've never really given it so much thought to really figure out why. A perceived loss of identity, I suppose. I don't know, it's kind of a weird thing for me to get hung up on as I hate my surname. I don't want to share a surname with my father, and I would love to change it, but I just can't imagine changing it in the context of marriage. I guess that if I choose to change it on my own, it's still me having control over my identity, whereas if I get married and change it, for me it would feel like I was letting my identity be absorbed into someone else's. If a friend or relative gets married and decides to change their name, I don't really think anything of it, but for me personally it's definitely an issue.

[queerwolf]

Probably because the character's name is so ingrained in our subconscious, it would be like they weren't the same person if their name changed.

[(Anonymous)]

I grew up with a hyphenated name given to me by my mom. It was her maiden name and my dad's name combined and, counting the hyphen, was 15 letters long. It made filing any sort of paper work a pain in the ass, because it could be under either C or D, depending on who filed it and if they had ever seen a hyphenated name before. I've also had it horribly mangled by people as well. When I turned 19 I started getting the "Are you married?" question A LOT. I wasn't. When I did get married, I was so damn happy to take my husband's name, it's only for letters long.

[i_paint_the_sky]

That's definitely an odd one. However, since you said it doesn't bother your IRL then I would agree with the others who said that it's probably linked with the name you think about that character as being.

Personally, I have to say I don't particularly care for hyphenated names. When I get married, I fully intend to change my last name, unless husband's last name is something pretty damn terrible. But I find my own last name a bit dull so that probably plays into things a bit.

[oftheark]

Aha this just makes me think of my job, because part of what I do is having to update databases when people change their names. The most fun part? Is explaining to women who are "changing" their names after marriage that they're not actually legally changing their name; it's considered an assumed courtesy. Also, I wish more women would keep their own damn name, because it's a bitch to update and I'd like less work, thanks.

[citrinesunset]

It bothers me, too, and it also bothers me in real life. I don't think there's anything wrong with people wanting to change their name when they get married. But I hate that people take for granted that a woman will take her husband's name, and that that is considered the default thing to do. And I hate that some states make it easy for a woman to change her name, but not for a man to change his.

I think that's what annoys me about it in fic. A lot of times, it feels like the fic is taking for granted that one of them will have to change their name. It'd be cool to see more variety, or at least see the characters discuss or think about it.

Also, one time I read a fic where a female character who got married in canon but kept her own name was called "Mrs. [Husband's Name]" in a really patronizing way. That really squicked me.

[(Anonymous)]

This is really specific, but I hate it when it happens in Junjou Egoist fic. Nowaki is named after an orphanage. Why on earth would Hiroki take his name? If anything, Nowaki would probably be thrilled to take Hiroki's name. It would probably make him feel more like a part of Hiroki's family or something, he's sentimental like that. It bugs me so much I can't even explain.

[(Anonymous)]

When I was younger, I thought it was a given that the wife would take the husband's name, never knew there was an alternative. Now that I do, I find I'm really shallow about it - I don't know if I'd change my name, go for a hyphen, or keep my own, it just depends on what name sounds/looks the best. If he has a bitchin' last name like Killmaster or something interesting, I'll change mine. If he has a really common last name like Smith or Jones, screw it, I'm keeping mine.

[mimi-sardinia.livejournal.com]

I tend to think the same as the others who have said that it may have something to do with how we identify the characters.

On an aside, I do like SPN fics where Castiel takes the Winchester name - Cas doesn't really have a surname of his own in canon (AU fic favours either giving him Novak (his vessel's surname) or Milton (the surname of the fallen angel Anna) - I don't mind Novak too much but Milton never sits quite right to me).