fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2346 ]

[ SECRET POST #2346 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2346 ⌋

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/05/life-before-marriage-why-_n_3386714.html?utm_hp_ref=weddings&ir=Weddings

I came across this article and was curious what everyone here thought of it. Agree? Disagree? What do you think?

I don't think it's true but I think there's truth to it.

yeah, marriage forces you (ideally, if you want things to work out), to get your act together, take charge of things and be responsible and stuff, but that doesn't mean that marriage automatically grants you the ability and maturity to do all that

"People don't treat you like an adult unless you're married" perhaps, but the next line should be "and they are wrong to act like that" not "therefore you should get married".

This. I also thought feeling the need to give in to peer pressure was somewhat childish...

Nothing proves you're an adult like caving to societal pressure and getting married before you're really ready just so people will start treating you like more of an adult! It's the best reason to get married, really.

Asexual anon is amused.

+a billion

As a fellow ace anon, I can say that I'd love to get married for the companionship and partner-y aspects, but while sex is a bucket list thing for me, the amount of sex I want over my lifetime is about 1% of what every date I've ever had has wanted or expected of me. :/

I think it's certainly one way, and probably the most common, widely-applicable, and all-encompassing way, to become "really an adult", but not the only way. Plus, there are quite a few married couples who never really grow up either.

I agree with her when she says that marriage is seen as a right of passage like high school or college graduation, I guess.
But I think it's dumb?
I wasn't raised very traditionally... I've never felt any pressure to be married, and if anyone ever said "why hasn't he proposed yet?" to me I'd be very unimpressed.

LOL

This article seems to insinuate that not only will you not become an adult until you marry but the only idea in life is that you need someone in your life to feel important. Considering I'm in my mid-twenties and a lot of my friends have asked me countless times if I'm dating and when I say I'm not they give me a pitied look as if I'm a sad little girl with no one to love me, I find it annoying that people think the only answer to true happiness is finding a boyfriend or girlfriend. None of them seem to ever ask me if I'm happy. And the answer is, yes, I am. I love my job, I love my friends, and though my family can drive me crazy I love them too. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything without a S/O so I'm not looking. Can't people just be happy that I'm happy?

That was my general reaction.

That said, I do see where they're coming from in that people don't treat you like an adult until you're married [and have kids half the time.] I just think it's wrong to do that.

I think that octopus is going to be what I take out of this discussion. I just really hate the topic.

But that octopus (like any I've seen) is really adorable! <3

This is one of the several reasons I'm dreading having to get married one day.

I mean commitment and legal rights are going to be awesome to have someday but there's just so much bullshit involved.

Why do you HAVE to get married one day?

Re: Uuuugh.

chardmonster - 2013-06-06 01:50 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Uuuugh.

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-06 01:56 (UTC) - Expand

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chardmonster - 2013-06-06 02:28 (UTC) - Expand

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tabaqui - 2013-06-06 03:03 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Uuuugh.

childings.livejournal.com - 2013-06-06 02:33 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2013-06-06 21:16 (UTC) - Expand

I don't have to read it to know that I disagree.

Marriage, kids, getting a job, buying a house - none of these things actually "make" you an adult. Maturity and responsibility isn't magically bestowed upon you simply because you shacked up with somebody, nor are you inexplicably barred from such character growth should you choose not to.

This is one of those "moving goalposts" things - if people want to see you as immature, irresponsible, and childish, they're going to. For whatever reason. "You're not really an adult until you stop playing video games." "You're not really an adult until you get a real job." "You're not really an adult until you get married." "You're not really an adult until you have kids." etc etc etc... And I've found that people who feel the need to look down their nose at others who make different choices in life are generally unhappy with their own choices. Got married too young or too soon? "Well, at least I'm an ~adult~ instead of all those childish freaks who're still single or - gasp! - cohabiting!" Yeah, okay.

Re: "You're not really an adult until you get married!"

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-06 01:52 (UTC) - Expand

Re: "You're not really an adult until you get married!"

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-06 01:53 (UTC) - Expand

Re: "You're not really an adult until you get married!"

lunabee34 - 2013-06-06 02:04 (UTC) - Expand

Re: "You're not really an adult until you get married!"

fenm - 2013-06-06 02:05 (UTC) - Expand

disagree

like, that was how that authoress felt. good for her, but it's silly to expect for everyone else to feel the exact same way, and even sillier to expect everyone to conform to that standard

"you are not an adult until you can take responsibility for your own life and possibly also of others"

bam there done

everything else are just cultural expectations

I have friends who are married and they don't act like adults. I disagree with this.

I kind of... always took it for granted that getting married isn't really about you? I mean, to me, having a wedding is important because it's an official union of families, not just of two people. I guess if everyone's families live close it's not so much of an issue, but for a lot of people a wedding is the only event important enough for everyone to travel to and might be the first time that everyone can meet their in-laws.

So in that sense it's an "adult" thing to do because in general taking steps to build the strength of your family bonds is something adults do consciously more than kids or teens.

Re: "You're not really an adult until you get married!"

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-06 20:35 (UTC) - Expand

I know plenty of "Married people" who are still ridulously inmature children, and most of them are now producing offspring of their own, so.

No, I think it's better to mature BEFORE you engage in wedlock with another person, otherwise you'll only encourage each others immature-ness.

Utter, unmitigated crapola.

The way she describes everyone changing the way they treat her overnight despite the fact that absolutely nothing is different about her other than the fact that she got engaged (to a guy she had already been with for years) puts a lie to the idea that any actual maturity has been gained through the engagement alone. She feels more adult because people treat her like more of an adult, but they have no rational reason for doing so. If she is capable of starting her own business right after getting engaged, then she was capable of it right before, too. I don't think she "sold out" as she puts it, because she already had the relationship, so why not use it to her advantage?

In conclusion: simply getting married/engaged doesn't actually make you more mature, but gosh darn it, people will certainly act like it does!

What I'd like to know is if her fiance has had similar experiences or is it different for men?

Re: "You're not really an adult until you get married!"

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-06 03:53 (UTC) - Expand

"Most people don't grow up. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honor their credit cards, get married, have children, and call that maturity. What that is, is aging." ― Maya Angelou

Bullshit, IMO. I'm not married, not even in a relationship, and I've never felt that people treat me like I'm not really an adult because of it. There's some serious projection going on with that author.

It's not LEGAL in my country for me to be an adult, then.

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