[ SECRET POST #2446 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2446 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]




















04. [WARNING for gore, blood, etc]

[How To Train Your Dragon]


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05. [WARNING for child abuse]



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06. [WARNING for rape]



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07. [WARNING for rape]



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08. [WARNING for torture]

[Fall Out Boy's "The Phoenix"]


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09. [WARNING for underage]

[pokemon conquest]


















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #349.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I used to live with someone who did this and it really pissed me off. She didn't have a job and spent the money she did get from her parents each month on movies. When it came time to pay the rent every month, she'd try to get us to cover her or she'd beg people on LJ and Tumblr. One month, I was hospitalized and she used my illness as the reason she was begging. She said we needed money to help pay for my medications. She got a lot of donations, and I don't know what she used the money for because she didn't have rent money that month either. That was when I knew I had to move out. If I were a braver person, I'd have said something to the people who donated to her. Instead, I just keep making graphics or crocheting things for them as "gifts," which is really the best I can do to pay them each back.

So I really feel this secret.

[(Anonymous)]

Jeez, that's awful. I think I'd have publicly blown up about it if that happened to me.

[(Anonymous)]

That's what I meant about being a braver person. I wish I'd felt up to doing that. I was sick for months after I got home from the hospital, and couldn't afford to move out during that time because my money was all going to my medical care. I didn't have the energy to say anything about it online or even in person (until right before I moved out).

I do still think I owe all of those people an apology.

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT

You don't: she does, and she owes you one too. Not that you'll ever get it, I expect, because she sounds absolutely shameless.

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

You do not owe them an apology. You did nothing wrong.

[insanenoodlyguy]

Apology no. But you should tell them they were used. Otherwise they might give this lady even more of their dosh sometime.

[nyxelestia]

Seconding noodles and chipping in to add that instead of making that stuff as "gifts", you should just explain that you feel bad about them being exploited on your behalf and are trying to pay back in the only way you really can. That way, they might know to not give back to your former roommate and will have the presence of mind to keep an eye out for this sort of thing in the future.

[glo_unit]

I think rather than an apology you owe an explanation, if for no other reason than to make sure they never give money again to that person.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh wow. The sheer cynicism of her exploiting your illness...You're a better person than I am, because I'd take way too much pleasure in shouting that to the heavens.

[(Anonymous)]

I had someone similar who would get upset at me for having "loads of money" (a savings account) and not spending it on fun things.

We had basically the same income. the only difference was I'd put MY money into my savings and forgo some things (because y'know grew up homeless and paranoid so savings = yay back up) but she would go and spend it on a bunch of fun things then get upset at not having savings and me for having savings.
she'd always be late with bills too and would cite all different reasons.

I have savings because I didn't buy a $600 console. You have a $600 console but no savings. You can't. have. both.


tl;dr her money issues were all her own fault and she acted like I was some kind of privileged middle class for saving my money
(we were both below min wage at the time. Now, I do my best to not let people know my income status beyond "i support myself")

[anonymouslyyours]

I totally get you about that weird vibe people put off that you're somehow privileged because you scrimp and save.

I recently got a raise that puts my earnings at the same rate of my senior coworkers. They don't know this, they still think I'm earning significantly less than them, and they still act if I'm somehow unfairly lucky when I have savings for emergencies or aren't broke at the end of the week. I've also gotten weird flack for being able to afford healthy groceries. I'm running out of polite ways to tell people I do not magically have more money, I just have different priorities.

A part of me greatly resents them for this attitude because when push comes to shove they have family to lend or give them money in an emergency and I don't. The only family I have needs money from me more often than not.

They also constantly complain when the checks come that I "get to" work full hours when they're the ones dropping or asking me to cover the shifts that enable me to work so many hours! Tonight in the same breath a coworker complained she didn't have enough hours this week and then asked me to cover the last two hours of her shift because she'd be too tired to go out with friends if she left that late.

I'm not saying it's necessarily a bad thing to prioritize your friends and free time over your paycheck. I do it myself sometimes. Just keep in mind you come off as stupid when you complain about the natural consequences of that.

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

I think that support network thing you mentioned might be it D: I don't really have a family back up, so I'm hella paranoid about always having a savings, no matter how small, for emergencies. Because that can guarantee me a room somewhere. But my friend has a family who...they paid like her rent for a year and stuff? she worked because she wanted work experience and not because she had to?

still very miffed about the time she got upset and accused me of being rich. It was like $3k and I didn't even have a job yet (moved to a different state, the $3k was 2 years worth of savings to tide me over until I got a new job D: and also none of her business because I was stressed as fuck it would run out! that's like 2 months rent)

[mekkio]

Wow, sounds like she had a buying addiction.

I had a relative like that. Would go out shopping the moment someone slipped a dollar in her hand even though she knew she needed that dollar at the end of the month for bills.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm... pretty much going through that with my SO right now. Every month is begging for rent money and bills money and constantly having to double-check to make sure the bills actually did get paid with the money I put in the account instead of spent on stupid superficial crap. I would seriously leave SO at this point, except that SO's family is literally a thousand miles away and the SO has nowhere to go and no way to get around, so me kicking them out would leave them homeless, and I'm not THAT horrible.

I'm thinking the engagement is off as soon as SO finds a job and has a means of survival other than me, but I don't know when or if that will ever happen.

[(Anonymous)]

Time for a separate account that they can't spend out of.

[(Anonymous)]

Problem being that I have health problems (and no insurance now, thanks to SO getting themself fired due to doing something illegal due to desperation over SO's lack of "fun money", meaning no treatment) leaving me mostly housebound, so SO sort of has to take care of some of the household bills on our behalf. After a couple shut-off notices turned up (or were hidden, and actual workmen showed up to turn things off), I always go into the account a few days after depositing exactly what I need to put in for rent/bills, and check exactly what amounts were taken out. And ask about it if nothing has been taken out yet, or if small amounts have.

Meanwhile my income is all deposited by default in a private account, and has been since I found out that SO took the joint account's $2000 that was supposed to be a start for a down payment on the house and spent it. I really should have left then, but SO was so apologetic, and was going to therapy, and so on...

[(Anonymous)]

I have a feeling that the engagement should be off regardless, even if you don't want to cut them off complete yet. Because if you are roped into a marriage, it's only going to bleed you more. This is potentially far, far worse than any Tumblr liars due to they are now your legal responsibility and it looks like they don't understand responsibility.

[(Anonymous)]

Nonnie, please leave the SO. You're being milked and manipulated and it will never get better.

... I know all too well that it isn't that easy, but it's easier now than it will be in a year, or two, or three.

[(Anonymous)]

Newsflash, anon: SO is NEVER getting a job. Why would they? Their needs are met, they get by comfortably, and they can do whatever they want with no consequence because they know you're not heartless enough to kick them out.

Time for a new bank account SO can't get in. Save up bus fare for him to get back home with a little extra. Then kick. Them. Out. What they do with the money is their concern. Your hands will be clean.

[(Anonymous)]

Seriously, leave. Please.

[(Anonymous)]

Consider that

a) leaving is a potential wake up call for your SO to actually get his stuff in gear

b) not leaving lets him remain comfortable without improving

a) has the chance of success for your SO and guaranteed success for yourself, while b) doesn't have a chance of success for either of you and only keeps you both from ever getting out of that slump

[anonymouslyyours]

You've gotten a lot of great advice that you should absolutely take. Your SO has absolutely no motivation to improve themselves and never will as long as they're getting what they need with the status quo. From their perspective it actually doesn't make sense for them to sacrifice their free time and happiness for a paycheck when their basic needs will be met regardless. Your SO is an adult and not your responsibility. You are not a selfish person for not wanting to enable a selfish person.

But I know sometimes knowing something is right logically is not the same as knowing it emotionally. I'd like to suggest mentally switching you and your SO's roles in your head and imagine yourself treating your SO the way you're being treated. Imagine your SO feeling trapped and stressed by you the way you're feeling trapped by them. If this makes you queasy with imagined shame, and embarrassment for treating someone you're supposed to love like that, if you're mortified at the thought of being a willing, active burden on your partner, if you can't imagine placing your wants over your partner's needs without guilt or genuine attempts at self improvement that should tell you everything you need to know about where your SO's values are at.

Being there for someone is completely different from being used by someone.

At the very least you need to call the engagement off and set some serious boundaries and make it clear you expect SO to become self sufficient.

[(Anonymous)]

oh dear anon, I wish you lots of luck. I hope you can get out of this. I don't think SO will ever be anything but a leech on you and if that's not what you want in a partner, I'd get out of their fast D:

[(Anonymous)]

so me kicking them out would leave them homeless, and I'm not THAT horrible.
Seriously? BE THAT HORRIBLE. This person clearly has no love or concern for YOUR financial well-being, living space, safety, etc. At this point, whatever you feel you "owe" them as someone you care about, you've more than paid.

LEAVE NOW

[insanenoodlyguy]

He is stealing from you, or close to it. get out of all joint accounts first though and transfer everything. waiting for him to have means is stupid. A: why should he go get a job when you are taking care of him? and B: fuck him if he's homeless that's his fault.