[ SECRET POST #2503 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2503 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 105 secrets from Secret Submission Post #358.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

07. http://i.imgur.com/2w2tkY4.jpg

07/08 LMAO Case, you're the best

[(Anonymous)]

OP of 07 here and this is the second time case put my secret right before a secret with an opposite message. I love it. This made my Saturday.

Re: 07/08 LMAO Case, you're the best

[dreemyweird]

+1. And 02. I can't believe it's a coincidence

Re: 07/08 LMAO Case, you're the best

[diet_poison]

I have to wonder if he does stuff like this on purpose. It's supposedly random, but the juxtaposition is just so perfect.

[(Anonymous)]

Sometimes it's more complicated than that.

I think you're right that for many people, the problem is more in their head than anywhere else. Your mistake is in assuming problems in people's heads will go away if they just try.

[fingalsanteater]

This is true. I imagine a lot of the people who say they can't make fandom friends are the same people who very shy or anxious about commenting signed in.

[littlestbirds]

IA. Starting conversations can be just as intimidating with an explicit invitation, the barriers are mental.
Even if the threads get repetitive, I just see them as part of the landscape here. People looking for a little support and advice...

[mimi-sardinia.livejournal.com]

As someone who is in a weird boarder area between actively participating and lurking (there are times I just lurk, and there are times I am happy to participate - comment, chatter, etc), I generally agree with this.

When I lurk, not say much, just go from fic to fic reading without reviewing much, I don't come close to making friends.

Right at the moment I have some friends, because I got involved in commenting on a large, on-going fic (the one I repeatedly rec for being a epic plotty genfic) and getting into conversations with it's writer (which has since turned to chatting with her in IM, and when she has time, a little light RP), and getting involved in a small RP group on Twitter.

TL;DR - If you participate, even just a bit, you're more likely to make friends.

[(Anonymous)]

Haha, yep this is me. Well here at least. I have an account that I log into every few months, comment some, and then don't do that again for another few months. And I'm here pretty much everyday. Haven't made friends, but I'm not expecting to either.

I've kind of given up on trying to get fandom friends. If it happens cool, but I'm not going to actively try on something I haven't had much luck with in seven years in fandom. I've been on other semi-small communities where you're required to be logged in all the time and I've commented regularly, messaged people who seemed cool, had conversations, did gift art, and stopped bothering people who weren't interested.

[(Anonymous)]

Wait...nice and friendly people on Fandom Secrets?

[fingalsanteater]

Oh, come on. There are some super nice people here.

[(Anonymous)]

Animal picture person is cool! and Transcriptanon

[(Anonymous)]

People here are nice and friendly except when they're not.

[sporkly]

Yep, we're all mean 24/7. No niceness ever. It's part of the f!s commenting contract.

Grrr.

[agentcthulhu]

Yes. I've met people on F!S whom I now text regularly with and call (with phone, not skype lol) once in a while.

[(Anonymous)]

I often think that maybe people who have difficulty making friends are a bit off in their approach, but in ways they don't realize. Seen it happen a lot in my fandom. Sometimes people are SO VERY EAGER to make friends that being around them feels overwhelming, like being attacked by a slobbery puppy. Or sometimes people just don't realize that the things they say are off-putting.

That said, you HAVE to make the first move and talk to other people if you want to make friends. Lurking and waiting for people to recognize your awesomeness isn't going to work.

[(Anonymous)]

Eh, I'm good. I don't want fandom friends, I want to be a casual lurker who pops in and out. It works out for me.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, this hasn't worked for me. I've been trying on and off for years to make fandom friends and I've kind of given up on it. I think one of my problems is I go for people in my fandoms who don't need any more online friends and since I'm not that interesting, don't bother with me.

[weaselbee]

I'd say it's more complicated than that. You say right in your secret that making fandom friends is hard. And some fandom spaces are friendlier than others.

Okay, that's all fine and dandy and your opinion

[(Anonymous)]

but social anxiety is still a bitch.
Panic attacks are still a bitch.

Be very thankful this is not a problem of yours, but don't judge those it might apply to.

[ashcat]

Years long lurker but wanted to comment because I see the type of secrets that this comment is about frequently.

I think a lot of people make the mistake of thinking that making friends in fandom or online in general is somehow magically different than how you make friends in person with people. It's all the same principles and actions, you just have the bonus of already having an opening for talking to someone (same as if you did a specific club or activity that you can talk to the people about who are also participating/attending).

Be friendly, ask questions about the other person in a non-intrusive but genuine way and then be real with them if a real type of relationship is what you are looking for. People can sense your genuineness as far as your interest in being their friend or interest in their fic/art/opinion etc.

About the worst thing I've ever heard is those people who pretend to be interesting hoping others will approach them. Ugh... you just come off as a stuck up asshole who doesn't want to approach others in general and/or people assume you don't want to make friends there.

I am an extrovert with tons of introverted friends, and I made the first move to approach a lot of them but they communicated back and hold up their part of our relationships.

If your social anxiety is to the point that you can't talk to people in general life then perhaps you should seek some help because your life will be a lot harder than it has to be :( (especially once you are out of school).

[(Anonymous)]

I'm inclined to agree, because sometimes people really whine about not having fandom friends when they never even try to interact with anybody. However, it does depend on the fandom. I usually have no problem making fandom friends, but one time I joined a small, older fandom that consisted exclusively of people who had known each other for years and who really weren't particularly welcoming to new fans. So in general, yes, making fandom friends is easy, but there are some fandoms where it's pretty damn hard.

[(Anonymous)]

I think 9 out of 10 is a bit high, maybe more like 5 out of 10. I used to post here regularly. I'd message people who I thought were fun, or those who always say "message me! I'll be your friend!" and never really got any replies beyond the first "hello". I think it's harder than people think to make friends, and I also think no matter how hard one tries that sometimes it just doesn't *click*.

It's nice that it's apparently easy for you to make friends, but it's just not that way for everyone.

[(Anonymous)]

You do realize that some people have social anxiety and the like, right?

[(Anonymous)]

Translation: I don't have any kind of social anxiety or shyness and look down on those who do.