[ SECRET POST #2615 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2615 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 074 secrets from Secret Submission Post #374.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

01. http://i60.tinypic.com/raqc8h.jpg

[dreemyweird]

There may just be some truth in the saying that art is condensed unhappiness. Not necessarily "an escape", but I've often noticed that art is used by many as a way to get rid of their misery.

I'd be slightly resentful, too, if something like this happened to me. I've never experienced this - IDK, maybe I'm too troubled a person and I've never really been happy (which is a disturbing thought) - but it sure would be a pity if my being happy meant my not writing any fanfic/meta.

Still, I'm very glad you are in a good place, and I think that ultimately, it's the only thing that matters. Happiness>>>>>the ability to write fanfic, always.

[intrigueing]

There may just be some truth in the saying that art is condensed unhappiness.

Sorry, but...that might be the biggest drippy load of bullshit I have ever heard. Dunno who specifically said that if it's a quote, but sounds like the type of thing that cranky old friendless stop-having-fun men who have their heads all up in their asses about how ~serious~ they are say.

Art is not condensed unhappiness. I dunno if it's ever anything that singular, but if it's condensed anything, it's condensed feeling, both positive and negative. For me personally, (and a lot of people I know, and a lot of writers and artists I have read), the need to write always comes either when I'm so happy I want to put it into words and forms to make something out of it, or when I'm so miserable or angry I want to do the same thing to make it intelligible and at least partially external, or when I'm so amused I want to share the hilarity.

[ketita]

I think that's very true for some people. I know that even my father, the height of his artistic creativity was during a time when he was unhappy and stressed and working very hard.

Oddly enough, I'm kind of the opposite. When I'm happy and excited, I get artistic rushes and will paint/write happily for hours. But when I'm stressed or depressed, I usually don't feel like I have any creativity at all.

[intrigueing]

People are different. For some people I know, happiness intensifies their ability to pay attention to and care about fiction, which is dulled when their lives are troubled. For some people, fiction is an escape or an active catharsis when their lives are dissatisfying, whether temporary or permanent. I mean, yeah, it doesn't have to be an either/or situation -- you might just be so used to seeing fiction and fanfiction as an escape that you don't quite know how to see it as a way of sharing or expressing your happiness. But if you don't see it that way...well, if your life is good anyway, why try to force it? Maybe that's what fiction is important for for you. There's different sources to these things. (I'm weirdly reminded of the fact that Charles Schulz was always best during the time when he was miserable and in a bad marriage, and his comics became tamer and duller when he remarried.)

I'd say one idea of seeing if it really is an either/or situation for you is to try types of stories that you haven't been interested in in the past, to see if different things speak to you now.

[sarillia]

I can relate. I was much more prolific before I started getting treatment for my mental illnesses. Part of it was escapism and that isn't quite as important to me as it was before.

I still write a fair amount and I wouldn't go back to the place I was in before, but part of me still misses churning out a novel-length story every few weeks.

[(Anonymous)]

OP, did you ever consider the possibility that you just don't have time anymore, and when you do get time, you're far too exhausted from living your happy, balanced life, to want to escape it? Or at least actively engage in escapism that requires energy you just don't have left? IDK I could be talking out my... hat, we'll go with hat... but it's a theory of mine.

[lauramcewan]

This pretty much describes me. I am a busy mom of three. When I worked part-time, I had much more time to write, to be able to think about a story and put in the time to get it on paper. Three years ago, I went to full-time and I actually had to ask myself if it would be worth losing my creativity time and energy. (Given the debt we're STILL in, yes...I had to take the full-time work.) I did resent the lost time at first but now I'm far more resigned to it, happy when I have the energy and time in the evening to podfic or even just read. I have written a handful of stories since going to full time work, and all are like pulling teeth now. It's like I have to force it out instead of being able to have a drink, light a candle, and spend an entire afternoon playing in another world. Now it's two hours in an evening if I'm lucky and then I'm completely shot and must go to bed. Podfic has been my saving grace - I don't have to think up the story, I just read it, and I'm loving having found a new outlet. But it's not the same.

My kids are all teens now and handle more on their own...but I still feel like I put some part of me out on the curb with a "full-time worker, creativity free to good home" sign attached.

[(Anonymous)]

It doesn't have to be. It's just an ingrained prejudice that anyone who interacts with media like that must be unhappy, lonely and unloved, ugly and mentally ill.

You can make fandom PART of your happiness.

[(Anonymous)]

I definitely relate. When I'm depressed is when I do all of my writing and artwork. And it's not even that I create depressing works or anything, it's just that that is apparently the only mood that I am creative in. It kind of sucks, but overall I'd much rather be happy and uncreative than depressed and creating fanworks.

Really happy to hear that all of your hard work has paid off and you're living a happy life now, OP!

[neonlovechicken]

I would say it's pretty normal? At least, for me it's always been like this. I need to be unhappy and restless, because otherwise my mind is too engaged in current reality to think of much else. I'm not sure about the mechanisms yet, I never manage to analyze it too much when I'm at a 'almost serene' peak.

But yeah, when I feel better I'm usually too active to think about producing apparently 'useless' things. I just move at higher speed.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm opposite of this. I can only write when I'm happy. If I don't, I have horrible self doubt and loathing that manifests. So I don't write much. Go depression.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know if this will help you any, OP, but I used to write as an escape from my daily life as well. Then life got better.

What helped me find my writing groove again was finding something that I wanted to say. A cause to invest my writing ability in. For example, the epic I'm working on was spawned because I'm so tired of seeing a lifestyle I enjoy maligned by every single fic in my fandom that featured it. So I'm writing a fic to fix that.

Find a "what if?" in a fandom you like. Take a strange scenario and run with it. Heck, read a really bad fic in one of your fandoms that will inspire you to write a better version.

It's just a matter of finding another reason to write, now that you're in a happier place. :)

[(Anonymous)]

I was in your place a few years ago. Finally had my life under control, was feeling good about things and just...couldn't write. For almost 18 months, I just had nothing. And then I did again. Slowly, I started to write again, not the same way I had before, but still, it's there.

I think it takes...acclimation? To happiness, maybe. I used to write because I was stressed and upset. Now I write because I want to tell stories for the love of telling stories. I think my brain (maybe your brain, too) just needed time to allow that shift to occur.

[(Anonymous)]

If you truly love writing, the ability will return. Everyone goes through bubbles of less creativity, and even if you are at your most creative when stressed or unhappy, it's unlikely that no matter how much your life has improved that it will always be 100% perfect and sunny. Even happy people with lots of positive things in their life still have reasons to need an escape now and again.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think it has to be an either/or situation, OP. I was most prolific in fanfic writing when I was working full-time, and I would squeeze in writing before I went to bed. But now writing is like pulling teeth and I haven't written in a while. What changed? I'm not sure. Maybe I've just gotten bored with it, or maybe I've just focused my energies on other things instead. But I do miss it sometimes.

[diet_poison]

I think my involvement in fandom intensifies a little when my life feels more unglued, but it never really disappears. As for writing, I don't know if there's as strong of a correlation. I don't write often, but I kind of feel I'd write more if my life felt more organized and together. I'm not sure though - that theory has yet to be tested. (Not saying my life is ~always so full of drama~, but it has been in a very transient and sometimes troubling phase since a bit before I really got into fandom.)

[lunabee34]

I am most involved in fandom when I am at my most depressed, but I have written some of my best received fic while very happy and fulfilled. I am obsessive about fandom when I am not feeling mentally well, and I spend waaaaaay too much time on the computer. When I am feeling well and actively social, I have other things to do that take up that time instead. For me it's 100% a time issue rather than anything else.

[augustbird]

this is a fairly accurate description of my relationship with one of my fandoms--i tend to associate a lot of what i wrote and how i feel about fandom nowadays with guilty escapism and a deep sense of shame which is a pity because i genuinely loved the characters and the sense of storytelling. i personally think it's more important to be happy and fulfilled in your everyday life, even if it means a decline in your creative endeavors. but i agree with you--it's a shame that we can't have both.

[(Anonymous)]

I can relate. I'm a recovering addict, and when I relapse, the fic just flies off my fingers (mostly serious h/c stuff that is heavy on the h and light on the c, lol). When I get clean again, or at least try to, I can't write a damned thing. I wish it didn't have to be either/or, too.

So turn it into something else.

[nyxelestia]

Maybe a reverse escape - a strange way of reminding yourself where you came from so you know how to keep what you have and where you are going.

Or maybe turn it into self-expression - instead of just trying to write to 'get away' from your life, use writing fanfiction as a way to get more involved with your life, express what elements of your life you like now, etc.

If all else fails, try a new genre, or a variation of how you use it. I used to and still do write angst, BDSM, and fluff. But now instead of angst stemming from tragic issues, I lean towards angst relating to guilt and self-worth. Instead of lots of steamy BDSM porn, I start leaning towards the powerplay. And the fluff tends to take on more H/C undertones than it used to. Additionally, I also write a lot more friendship/adventure-drama fic, something I didn't always do, and that's definitely related to a drastic shift in my life (not to mention finally accepting that friendships will always matter more to me than romance and that's okay).

So you'll definitely have to approach writing very differently, but certainly using it as an escape isn't the only way, and hell using it as a safe/friendly escape from a crappy life isn't even the only way to use it as a get-away. Just keep trying some new things. :)

[rabidsamfan]

I think it depends a little on whether you think of yourself as writing or escaping when you sit down to put words together. I think of myself as writing. Sometimes it's an escape. Sometimes it's because I've got a story I want to write. Sometimes it's because I promised something to someone else. But I've got more reasons than one for wanting to write, so my state of happy or sad doesn't play into whether or not I'm writing. (Too busy to spend the time at the keyboard... now that's something else that definitely gets in the way.)

Try drabbling. 100 words a night doesn't take very long, and it's a good way to prime the creative pump. Doesn't have to be fanfiction. Heck, you could write haikus and it would still get you back to playing with language. And your sweetie might like the results, too!

[(Anonymous)]

If you want to write, you need to write. Schedule out a block of time - an hour a night, a couple of hours each weekend, Wednesday mornings before sunrise, whatever works for you - and sit down with your writing implements of choice and put words down. They don't have to be good words, they don't have to be part of a specific work, the point right now is just to train yourself out of the misery-related mindset you have regarding writing, and to teach yourself to take time for this thing you want to do.

If it isn't something you enjoy any more, that's fine, and you'll figure that out. If it is, you'll be able to retrain yourself - but it is training, an it is hard work to alter a mindset that's become ingrained.

[(Anonymous)]

It's alright OP. If having a happy life is the price you pay for not being able to focus on fandom or meta, I think the exchange has been a suitable one. Remember, you like the person you are now? How many of us can actually say that?

You have a good thing going OP and I hope it continues for you. :)

[(Anonymous)]

I feel you OP. I've been much happier over the last few years and I no longer have to retreat into fandom and writing in order to escape. Now I mostly read because I'm desperate for reading material but too lazy to discover an actual book. I've been trying to write more lately but it's slow going...

The point is, when you stop using something to escape from badness in real life, you have to attack it with a different level of clarity. Otherwise it looses its importance.