[ SECRET POST #2630 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2630 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 060 secrets from Secret Submission Post #376.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

05. http://i58.tinypic.com/2dr8n80.jpg

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think there is any right or wrong here. Emotions don't work that way. When you combine several strong emotions, it's hard to act on rational thought instead of the emotions. Love, fear, and hurt are some of the strongest emotions there are. What happened starting with their wedding and continued even after Anya died was all driven by raw emotion.

[darkmanifest]

Emotion isn't wrong, how one expresses that emotion can be wrong; that's the difference between feelings and actions. Just because you feel something doesn't give you the right to be an asshole about it. I can't remember much about that episode with Spike, but I do remember that Xander left Anya at the altar, and after that, she could do whatever she wanted short of burning his house down.

[(Anonymous)]

Wait, "claim?"

I don't.

No one ever has a "claim" on anyone, regardless of the status of their relationship. o.O

[(Anonymous)]

Objectively speaking, you're completely right.

Emotionally, it's a lot harder to be rational about it.

But hey, if you've never been caught up in that kind of emotional reaction, kudos.

[fauxkaren]

UGH

Xander is the worst. He can fuck right off for this.

[(Anonymous)]

No, that would be Spike. Except his legions of worshippers won't admit it.

[(Anonymous)]

Co-signed. Anyone siding with Xander is just objectively wrong.

[(Anonymous)]

This episode still brings up really strong emotions.

For me, I'm with you and Anya. In my opinion (and I struggle to understand how anyone could see Xander's POV), Anya and Xander were not a couple and he was completely out of line with her. I never thought I'd dislike Xander as much as I did in that episode. He was hateful and what he said about Spike's status as a 'thing' could easily have been about Anya if he'd known she was a demon again.

Your misgivings with your boyfriend are totally valid. I hope you find a way to bring it up with him. Good luck.

[(Anonymous)]

It's pretty easy to see Xander's POV if you've ever been caught up in a tangle of emotions and the person they concern is also tangled up and you both make grievous mistakes that hurt each other.

[(Anonymous)]

Xander was out of line. He had the right to his emotional reaction, because people always have the right to have emotions, but he had absolutely no right to aim that hurt at her. If your SO honestly thinks that Anya was out of line or responsible for Xander's feelings at this point, he needs to think again.

People's reaction to fiction sometimes reveals much about them. But take it with a grain of salt because sometimes the subtle emotional manipulation aimed at the audience gets people to feel stuff that they don't actually agree with once they've thought about it. You definitely need to talk this fight over with your SO for a number of reasons.

[(Anonymous)]

I didn't feel a need to take either of their "sides" because I didn't think either of them was entirely right or wrong or wholly to blame for the situation. The whole thing was one giant clusterfuck that was deliberately engineered by a malicious third party to create exactly the effect that it did.

The fact that neither character was particularly well-equipped to handle it in a rational and justifiable way was exactly why it was such an effective act of revenge on the part of the guy who made it happen. Two emotionally mature adults, secure in themselves and each other, wouldn't have been vulnerable to that form of attack.

[philstar22]

I'm not really sure what Anya did wrong. Xander dumped her at the alter. She was free. He had no claim. And she wasn't even sleeping with Spike to get back at Xander (which I wouldn't have a problem with as long as Spike knew that). She was just sleeping with him to feel something. Going back to being a vengeance demon was wrong, but up until that point she was completely blameless.

[(Anonymous)]

Ah Anya-x-Xander. How come the several hundred year old pedo accusations never got fired at that ship? Everything that got fired at Buffy-x-Angel/Spike is just as true of Anya as it is for Angel/Spike. Possibly more so.

Anya should never have been with him to start with, it was just sick and creepy.

[(Anonymous)]

Probably because Anya always gave the impression of having the emotional maturity of a sixteen-year-old.

[(Anonymous)]

Eh? Buffy/Angel, yes, since she'd been 17 for about 5 minutes before he banged her (under the legal age in California). But Buffy and Spike happened well over her legal age of consent.

And Xander was 18 and graduated when Anya thought he was worth her time, so again, legal age of consent was in place.

But FWIW, I always thought Anya had way more chemistry and interests in common with Giles than the emotionally stunted idiot-child known as Xander. But apparently the writers were all "Eww, Giles is so much older than Anya." *eye roll*

[(Anonymous)]

Well, I guess it's okay to treat people poorly as long as you never should have been with them in the first place.

[(Anonymous)]

I'll ask this again:

Do you consider the Doctor (who's 1000+ years old himself) a pedo for having Companions around, kissing/having relationships with Rose, Reinette, Martha, Jack, River, etc.,?

[(Anonymous)]

I'm on your side when it comes to that argument, OP. I think Xander was so far out of line at that point. One, he's the one who walked away, leaving Anya at the altar. Two, her subsequently hooking up with Spike was not thrown in his face, and as she said it was for solace. Which is none of his freaking business, anyway. YOU ALREADY LEFT HER.

Add in Xander's continuing possessiveness towards Buffy at the same time? I don't know. By season 6, he'd just morphed into a really unlikeable character.

[(Anonymous)]

Well, it sounds like the fight was about more than just the TV episode, so don't feel too bad about having a strong reaction to it.

I haven't seen any of this series, but this mention of someone "having a claim" on someone else sounds pretty hinky, so I bet I'd side with you if I did watch it.

[(Anonymous)]

Honestly? Based on what you've said about your SO siding with some of the things Xander has said and that Xander had a right to claim Anya... It sounds like you may want to rethink being in a relationship with him.

[(Anonymous)]

If, as you said, your partner is agreeing with the "sexist things Xander said", then this fight was not really just about a television show, and it's not a silly thing it sparked the disagreement. Sounds like you actually have some differing attitudes on serious issues, and that's something to discuss (outside the context of Xander/Anya).

All that said, I feel ya, OP. Xander's behaviour at that point was a huge hot button issue for me.

[(Anonymous)]

Completely with you, OP. Xander's a realistic dude with real flaws who I am fond of overall, but I haaaaaaated him so much in that episode. SO MUCH.

[gabzillaz]

Ugh Xander

[(Anonymous)]

Personally, I don't put blame on either on Anya or Xander in this situation so much as I look askance on the entire ill-conceived plotline that put them in that situation in the first place. Xander suddenly trashing what character development he'd managed to hang on to and leaving Anya at the altar wasn't a natural progression of what made sense, but instead just another symptom of the main plotting impetus of the whole season: everything must go wrong and cause misery, no matter how little sense it makes. (See also: magic suddenly being drugs, Giles thinking the best way to help is running away, Jonathan the criminal, and a gun fired at random making a shot a sniper would've missed.)

Yeah, that was the season I dropped the show. Can you tell I got pretty bitter? ;)