[ SECRET POST #2646 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2646 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[Free! Iwatobi Swim Club]


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03.
[Love so Life]


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04.
[the last leg]


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05.
[Karen Gillian/Doctor Who]


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06.
[True Detective]


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07.
[Yume Nikki]


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08.
[Black Dagger Brotherhood Series]


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09.
[Mass Effect]


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10.


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11.










Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 040 secrets from Secret Submission Post #378.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I give people money because it's all I can give them. I'd give them my friendship but they don't seem to want what I know how to give. And the money's not mine. Once I get away from them (which probably won't happen, but they'll stop feeding my account eventually, at least), I'll have nothing to give anyone. Least of all myself. I'll be alone, trapped in a prison without the means to escape.

And the only place I can anonymously whine about it is a fandom secrets comm.

[(Anonymous)]

This sounds pretty serious anon.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not doing anything illegal, if that's the concern...I can barely skip a class without gut-clenching guilt, and I'm in college.

[(Anonymous)]

I didn't think you were? You're obviously not in a good place right now. It sounds like you're trying to buy people's friendship and that's not healthy. This is all I'm going to say because I'm not a therapist, but I hope you find a better way to deal with it.

And stop giving people money.

[(Anonymous)]

And stop giving people money.

This. Seriously this.

[(Anonymous)]

I only do it when they need it, and only a little. I'd be in big trouble otherwise. It's just not enough. I can't make a difference to anyone, even materialistically.

[iceyred]

You need to talk this over with a therapist. Seriously.

[(Anonymous)]

I do. She can't exactly wave a magic wand and fix me, and whatever progress I'm making, it's not fast enough for my parents and it's not fast enough for me. And it never will be. I'm hopeless.

I don't even fucking care how emo I sound. I don't care that I'm talking like a preteen who thinks being grounded is cruel and unusual punishment. I'll care in the morning, but right now, I don't care.

[iceyred]

Well, in the morning when you care again, come back and give it a second thought. Any progress is better than no progress.

[(Anonymous)]

Wait...who's money are you giving away then?

[(Anonymous)]

My parents keep my account healthy...as long as I live the way they want me to. And thanks to a cacophony of various mental illnesses, there's little chance I'll ever be able to say no to that. Not without them telling me how, every step of the way.

[(Anonymous)]

That actually sounds like a pretty sweet deal. Though I admit I'm coming from a place on the very opposite spectrum so parents and money sounds good at nearly any cost.

Real advice: Stop giving away the money, save it up for your future. Find a therapist and talk this stuff out, figure out how to create a support network and figure out how to slowly make the step from where you are now to a life on your own. Your parents aren't the only ones who can advise you.

Depending on your mental illnesses you could even get a guardian/mentor/caretaker to help you out with certain steps and life stuff you can't do on your own.

If you want your life to change, change it. You've at least got what sounds like a stable place to live and a good source of income, which is a huge step up and will make things so much easier. Good luck.

[(Anonymous)]

I see where you're coming from. They give me so much financially, it's no wonder it took me eighteen years to realize how abusive the situation is. But it is, and I have to leave, and maybe there is a way out someday, but from day to day I can't see it. I can't see it. And they're the only ones who can handle me, so even if I were young enough to be taken away, it would only make things worse.

I want out, but nobody wants me, so what's the point? How much better can it be to be completely alone?

[(Anonymous)]

a cacophony of various mental illnesses

Are you sure about that? I think most diagnosable disorders tend to preclude other ones (unless you self-diagnose from the Internet, which I don't think applies to you), and a lot of what is in the DSM these days is basically "a variation on our concept of what is normal, let's throw drugs at it," at least the "Shopping Disorder" or "Excessive Happiness Syndrome" certainly are.

That said. People with legit full-blown schizophrenia can still live productive lives, albeit if they have a whole lot of support. But that doesn't sound like your situation at all. Has someone convinced you that you can't get a job? If you are in the US, the ADA legislation says otherwise, if you have been diagnosed with legit mental disorders, by a legit doctor (some shrinks are, other shrinks...are not...). If you can do that, then you can break free of the reliance on your parents putting money in your bank account.

[(Anonymous)]

If your parents have access to your bank account set up a separate private account and start funneling a little bit of that money in there. Slowly build up a nest egg as you figure out how to slowly build up your independence as well. It might take awhile, but it's better than sitting still when you're obviously not happy. Don't give up!

[(Anonymous)]

If you feel comfortable saying: what does "live the way they want you to" mean in this context, and what would you do if you could please yourself?

[(Anonymous)]

MTE

OP, you haven't made it clear whose money you're giving away, who you're giving it away to, and/or what relation that has to being "in a prison" if the money dries up. Sounds sketch all around IMO.

[(Anonymous)]

SA

okay NVM I just read your replies

OP addenda

[(Anonymous)]

I want to explain what brought on all this sudden emotion, even if it will make me look like even worse of a person...I have an acquaintance, or something (friend from my perspective and acquaintance from hers) who just got away from her own abusive situation. She's taking commissions to feed herself...I just skipped the asking for something part, partly because I don't want any art right now and partly because I...okay, I want her to think of me as a friend, and the best way to get people to think that by doing good things for them, right? There's not much else I can do. I'm a sentimental person, she's not, I don't want to creep her out by being like "hi, I care about you kk?"

So I'm jealous. I'm green with envy over her mental strength to do this all for herself, even the commissions mean she has a talent, which I don't. And it hurts. So I came to whine abstractly about it like I used to in my tiny journal when I was 11 where I wrote free verse about how life was awful. If only I knew.

Re: OP addenda

[(Anonymous)]

If you're a sentimental person, and able to put yourself in her shoes enough that you empathize with her situation (even to the point of feeling envy that you can't demonstrate the qualities you admire in her), then you definitely don't have autism, just so you know. Someone has slapped a label on your forehead, OP, and it sounds to me like it's time to bust out the adhesive remover.

Re: OP addenda

[vethica]

...Are you saying autistic people can't ever empathize or feel jealous of people....????

Re: OP addenda

[(Anonymous)]

So basically what you're saying is you wanted to vent and have people say something like "man that sucks, I'm sorry" and not come in and offer advice or anything.

Sorry man, maybe next time put a little thing in the first post how you just wanted to vent or look for sympathies? I would have skipped the advice, didn't mean to make your situation worse.

Good luck and stay strong!

Re: OP addenda

[(Anonymous)]

No, no, you didn't make it worse! I'm always a little better off for saying it all and being heard. I actually expected a lot more hostility, since my whining usually puts people off (why I do it anonymously!) but I got none.

Re: OP addenda

[(Anonymous)]

I've read that getting people to do things for you actually bonds them to you more strongly than doing things for other people does. That's why trying to be the kindest, most accomodating person ever to the one you have a crush on never works. I guess doing we tend to become invested in people we do things for, but it doesn't really go the other way.

I'm not saying you shoud stop doing things for people (but I do think you should stop throwing money around as if you can buy friendship). Ideally, it goes both ways - we all give and take. You should start asking people for things - ask someone to go with you to a movie or a museum, ask someone for a ride, ask someone to pass you that pencil over there... be polite about it, of course, but start being a taker, not just a giver.

Ask your friend for a token piece of art, tell her you really admire what she's done, and ask if she'd be willing to talk about it and maybe discuss your situation a bit.

[(Anonymous)]

dafuq are you talking about, anon? You are being too vague.

And, apparently, a doormat.

Stop being a doormat. Stop giving shit to people who apparently don't give a shit about you if it bothers you so much.

But if you really want a friend, be a friend. If they don't "want what you know how to give" then you either need to find another friend, or reflect long and hard on "what you know how to give," what that really means, if it's what the other person truly needs, and if it's something you can afford to give. Spoiler: it probably won't be money.

I'm just going off of a really vague post so I'm really reaching here, but I'd also like to throw out there that giving anything doesn't entitle you to friendship, either. But that shouldn't keep you from showing kindness to someone else (without letting yourself get treated like a doormat, of course).