[ SECRET POST #2957 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2957 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 064 secrets from Secret Submission Post #423.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Is there a term for when someone's sexuality doesn't match their romantic orientation?

Say Joan is in love with Polly. Really truly in romantic love. If Polly were a man she'd be in a relationship with her in an instant, but Polly is female. Joan has legitimately tried to be attracted to women just for Polly's sake, but it hasn't worked because Joan only finds men sexually attractive, and there's nothing she can do about it. Joan wishes she were a lesbian.

Is Joan queer?

If Polly feels the same way about Joan, what do you call that relationship?

[dreemyweird]

I think this is fairly straightforward? It's still a same-sex relationship, just without the sexual component? They're still both homoromantic. The fact that they're also heterosexual has no bearing on what their relationship is called. The only consequence this fact has it that they may experience relationship problems if either or both of them want to have sex on a regular basis.

[(Anonymous)]

Is there a term for homoromantic heterosexual or is it necessarily that longwinded?

[dreemyweird]

As far as I'm aware, no. Mostly because that'd mean that there needs to be a term for EVERY sexual+romantic attraction combination there is, and that's one hell of surplus words to memorize.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, it's long. Like I'm Heteroromantic Asexual, but I just normally say I'm hetero because that's easier.

[(Anonymous)]

How is romantic love different from loving a friend? If you are taking out the sex, all you have is a close platonic relationship. AKA, really close friends.

[(Anonymous)]

IDK, I would hesitate to state things like this because you're basically saying every couple who somehow loses the ability to have sex is suddenly no longer romantic and just friends.

[(Anonymous)]

idk, would you want to live with your bff like you would with a spouse, like, raise kids together, grow old together, etc.?

[dreemyweird]

LMAO, this is something I wonder sometimes. As an aro-ace, I have absolutely no understanding of what constitutes romance, and I find romantic people's attempts at distinguishing between platonic romance and friendship endlessly baffling.

In the end, I think it's a matter what you're comfortable identifying your relationship as. And also, I suppose, there are things like lips-on-lips kissing.

[(Anonymous)]

ia. I'm not buying this idea that "romantic" can be stripped of the sexual component. if not having sex, then sexual attraction at least.

[a_potato]

This is something that's almost impossible to explain.

There are different types of love, and a romantic connection feels different from a purely platonic one, even if sex isn't involved. I went through a period where I completely lost my sex drive. Had no interest in the deed whatsoever; felt nothing that could be described as sexual attraction. However, the way I felt toward my husband (then-fiance, and bless him for sticking with me through that period) was definitely still very different from the way I feel toward my best friend. I love her, certainly, but not in the way I love him -- and vice versa.

[(Anonymous)]

They're different, but not by much. I mean, my fiancee is ace. I still love her, and she loves me, and she's legit the only person capable of talking me down from my anxiety attacks.

Why is it so hard to believe that sex can be without romance but romance can't be without sex? You can't have it one way and not the other.

[(Anonymous)]

Uhh, you forget that couples like to kiss and cuddle, too. Though cuddling can be a friendship thing too...

[diet_poison]

no.

I hate this implication that romantic love must include sex or sexual attraction.

and really, having had really close platonic friends and a really close romantic partner, the way I felt emotionally about those groups was definitely different, even if I also experienced sexual attraction towards the latter. Not everyone has that sexual attraction, and people have it to varying degrees, too.

Isn't it weird how...

[(Anonymous)]

...the common stereotype is that women are interested in romance but not sex, and that men are interested in sex but not romance, and lots of people buy into that, which means they can grasp romance and sex being two separate things, yet at the same time, it's really, really hard for people to grasp how a romantic relationship can be sexless?

[(Anonymous)]

in before "special snowflake"

[(Anonymous)]

Romantic friendship

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think it's romantic love if she's not attracted to Polly physically.

Joan is not queer. Polly is not queer.

+1

[(Anonymous)]

[(Anonymous)]

Dude. I am getting flashbacks to 5th grade word problems. Can we not?

[(Anonymous)]

If Joan <3 Polly but Joan =/= queer, but Joan also a* at being gay, Joan = ___?

a = for effort

[(Anonymous)]

Joan seems to be homo/biromantic and heterosexual. As Joan is either homoromantic or biromantic, I would interpret her to be queer. I don't know of a term for that kind of relationship other than "deeply unfortunate", but I'm sure there is one.

[(Anonymous)]

Heterosexual, homosexual & bisexual utilize the word "sexual" to express sexual desire for one or more sexes. Asexual expresses the lack of sexual desire. I don't think that you can be homoromantic heterosexual. I don't think you can be a heteromantic homosexual. I know that there is more to relationships than sex but I don't think it's appropriate to define it using a "sexual" term if it does not describe sexual desire or action.

[(Anonymous)]

I think the problem is that some people, like my mother, are absolutely bisexual... But she also has no interest in the emotional parts of a romantic relationship with other women. So she's be heteroromantic, but she has enjoyed sex with both sexes in the past and states she still probably would. Which makes it confusing.

[(Anonymous)]

I think that's pretty much what the "it's complicated" relationship status is for.