[ SECRET POST #3027 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3027 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 099 secrets from Secret Submission Post #433.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[blitzwing]

Why would I date someone who is essentially saying "screw you, I know you hate it when I do this thing but I'm going to do it anyway"?

Because you can't make someone change everything about them to suit you? People are going to have some traits and behaviors that you don't like. Accepting that is also a form of compromise. A tiny patch of hair that can't be seen most of the time seems like an odd thing to make a dealbreaker.

[(Anonymous)]

No, you can't, but you can also choose which things you're willing to accept and which you aren't. Turn-offs are turn-offs and people can't really control those.

In this case, changing this is something on the level of "could you please not leave your dirty laundry on the floor?" so I can't really understand why someone wouldn't be willing to make such a tiny change for the sake of a relationship that (I presume) they're otherwise happy with. It's one thing if your SO is asking to change things about yourself left and right, but if it's just a couple of really minor things here and there, why WOULDN'T you want to do it? I just can't fathom the idea of keeping armpit hair being more important to someone than their relationship.

[blitzwing]

It's one thing if your SO is asking to change things about yourself left and right, but if it's just a couple of really minor things here and there, why WOULDN'T you want to do it?

But since it's so minor, why even ask in the first place? Who cares *that* much? Like a guy might prefer blondes, but that doesn't mean his brunette wife should dye her hair because he likes blondes better, or that most blonde-loving guys would ask.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

If it's so minor, why does it matter to you so much that they've made these minor changes to themselves in order to make their relationship a little more happy?

[blitzwing]

Curiosity.

[(Anonymous)]

da

That's not even remotely the same thing. Asking someone to dye their hair a different color isn't anywhere near the equivalent of someone asking their partner to shave their face/pits.

[(Anonymous)]

Why? Both are easily reversible cosmetic changes.

[blitzwing]

What's the big difference, anon? That dying your hair is a much smaller sacrifice, since you have to do it once a month, and with shaving, you have to do it daily?

[(Anonymous)]

DA

As a hair-dyer, no, it's not. If you start off blonde, it's no big deal. Start with black and to get any sort of color is going to take at least an hour of effort with bleach and several steps.

Shaving takes five minutes.

[blitzwing]

Shaving takes five minutes.

A day. There are 30, or 31, of those in a month. So you're talking an hour a month for hair dye, versus 2.5 hours a month for shaving.

[(Anonymous)]

At least, buddy. Last time I did it, it took me four straight hours.

Most people can shave their armpits about once a week on average without it getting very hairy and can fit it into their showers versus having to set a big chunk of time aside.

[blitzwing]

At least, buddy. Last time I did it, it took me four straight hours.

No "at least" about it. It takes me about 20 minutes to dye my hair, so we could go with that as the minimum. I'm sure there's people with difficult hair, or who are doing more elaborate things, who are going to take longer.

Most people can shave their armpits about once a week on average without it getting very hairy and can fit it into their showers versus having to set a big chunk of time aside.

Where's this most from? Most of the answers I saw poking around on Google indicate most women shave their armpits either daily, or every time they shower. I'm being generous in going with the time period you allotted to it (5 minutes) when a lot of people are very hairy and will need longer.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think that the kind of person who's so disgusted by body hair that you have to remove it for the sake of your relationship would tolerate the stubble that most people would get if they only shaved once a week.

[diet_poison]

Who shaves every day?

(I mean I'm sure some people do but do most people? I sure as hell don't. I shave my pits probably once a week and it takes me about sixty seconds)

[(Anonymous)]

People who have hair that grows fast and who hate stubble? They're not a rare breed.

[blitzwing]

I think it's something that varies a lot and so it's hard to determine what most people do. How hairy you are, how fast your hair grows, how coarse your hair is, how often you shower, can affect how often people shave.

"shaving takes 5 minutes"

[fingalsanteater]

lol no.

1.) not for everyone
2.) some people can't shave their pits comfortably (i'm one of those people)
3.) even if i shave with the sharpest razor, there is still visible stubble. i've known many women with this issue

Re: "shaving takes 5 minutes"

[blitzwing]

I knew a guy who had to shave twice a day to keep the clean face his job demanded. Some people's hair grows really, really fast.

[(Anonymous)]

This sounds like you're trying to justify not changing your own behavior. I mean you're not even wrong, but it doesn't sound right coming from you.

[blitzwing]

This sounds like you're trying to justify not changing your own behavior. I mean you're not even wrong, but it doesn't sound right coming from you.

But that's the thing, we're not talking about a behavior. Like, arrogance is a behavior and I'm trying to work on that because it's bad and decreasing it will make me a better person. Shaving or not shaving doesn't change who you are, it's a minor physical trait. Whether someone likes it or not is up to their attraction quirks, it's not actually harmful.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

It sounds like you're going "well I don't care, so why should anybody?"

Just because your partner can live with something, doesn't mean it's best to force them to. Maybe the boyfriend wants to make the concession to make his partner happy, just like op wants to make the concession to make the boyfriend happy. It is entirely possible to want to do things for the sake of other people, and you seem to be missing the point of that emotion entirely.

[blitzwing]

It is entirely possible to want to do things for the sake of other people, and you seem to be missing the point of that emotion entirely.

Maybe so. I can't understand what prompts someone to tell their partner that they don't like X physical trait about them.

"Oh honey, you're soooo hot--except your armpits, those make me want to vomit."

[(Anonymous)]

You can't imagine a SINGLE scenario?

How about this one?

I'm surfing FS. My boyfriend sees me making a comment on a thread about armpit hair, saying that I prefer when people don't have any.

He happens to have pit hair. He says he never knew that about my preferences, and does his hair bother me? I say well I prefer everyone without it, but it isn't a huge deal obviously. He offers to shave for me. I happily accept, and inquire whether he has any hair preferences. He says he'd love it if I did X or Y with my hair. I don't find that much of a problem to do, and now we are both happy.

This of course requires everyone to be mature about it.

[blitzwing]

If I talked shit on one of my girlfriend's traits online, and she saw me at it, there's no way in hell I would take her up on her offer to change her trait for me. I'd be making sure she knew I loved her the way she is.

[(Anonymous)]

It is possible to love someone the way they are and also have preferences. If my boyfriend said he liked people with shorter hair but loved me the way I was, and having shorter hair wasn't a big deal to me, why not change it? If it is a big deal or hassle to me, I can say no because I know he loves me anyway.

I see no reason to stubbornly insist that I am perfect the way I am or get insecure about this. Why do you assume everyone would get insecure?