[ SECRET POST #3348 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3348 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.
[Dr. Who]


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04.
[Babylon 5, Susan/Talia]


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07.
[Neverending Story]


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11.
[Maximilian Dood and Benny]


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14. [SPOILERS for Avatar: the Last Airbender/Legend of Korra]






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15. [SPOILERS for Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle]





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16. [SPOILERS for The 100]





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17. [SPOILERS for Legacy of the Force]





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18. [SPOILERS for Halo 5]

























Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #478.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

Is it ok that I sometimes like to spend evenings or weekends on my own? I love my partner, and I love spending time with her but when she comes to my house on friday night with a weekends supply of shit, and I ask "That's a lot of stuff, you staying the weekend again?" is it ok that when she says "Yup" my heart sometimes sinks a little? I love her, but we spend every weekend together and every evening together, and I have to be honest, sometimes I just want to have a wank or play the computer, or whatever, and it's just not the same with her there. I have tried talking about this with her, but she always takes it so badly "No-one loves me! You can't stand to be around me! Why do you hate me? Maybe I should just kill myself" So I don't bring it up anymore. But I still feel like I'm losing something no matter how much I love sending time with her.

Re: Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

It is ok.

If she is reacting by threatening to kill herself the problem is not with you. Has she talked to a therapist?

Re: Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

You need to set healthy boundaries for yourself. If you're feeling overwhelmed by having your SO there too much, you need to let her know, acknowledge her feelings, reassure her, and stick to your guns. It is okay to want alone-time.

Re: Relationship question

[kallanda_lee]

Your situation does not sound healthy tbh.

Re: Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

Why the fuck are guys so obsessed with their 'Guy time'. What the fuck do you do that you can't do with the person you claim to love?

Re: Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

So you're saying guys shouldn't be allowed to have their space? What about women?

Re: Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

Why do you focus on that and not the girl who wants to kill herself. Your priorities are messed up :(

Re: Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

Why the fuck are you assuming that this is a guy, and why the fuck do you think that "I love you" should mean "I want to spend my every waking moment with you"?

Re: Relationship question

[nanslice]

Uh, if she's reacting to "I need some space" with "Maybe I should kill myself" you are definitely not the problem. She sounds like she needs therapy.

Re: Relationship question

[diet_poison]

"No-one loves me! You can't stand to be around me! Why do you hate me? Maybe I should just kill myself"

uhhhhhh she sounds like she really needs some help there. Or at the least she's being emotionally manipulative.

Aside from that, though, I'd ask - how often would you ideally like to have her spend the weekend? Do you look forward to seeing her? Some people really want to spend a lot of time with their partners and others less so. If you two aren't on at least sort of the same page about the amount of time you'd like to spend together that's a bad sign for the relationship.

However...*rereads* you spend EVERY night and EVERY weekend with her? Wow okay. You are definitely not being unreasonable for wanting some alone time. Not that you would be anyway, but most people, even extroverted people, need SOME time by themselves, and she's being super unreasonable to act like it's a big deal for you to request this.

Re: Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, it's totally okay to do that. I don't get people who think couples must be joined at the hip 24/7 and do every single thing together. Everyone deserves an opportunity to have some alone time to do whatever they want now and then, doesn't matter if they're dating or married or what.

And if your partner's reacting THAT dramatically to the mere idea of you wanting a few hours or a weekend to yourself, then I'd say that speaks to bigger issues that she really needs to learn to deal with.

Re: Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

I'm also a person who needs some time alone so I understand your pain. Since she won't listen to you, just do it anyway. "Sorry, babes, I need some me time. See ya Monday!". Ive learned via my own experience that sometimes you just have to do that with the level 10 clingers. Or you can just let it go and let the resentment build and build till you blow up at her. I've done that too. =/

Re: Relationship question

[herpymcderp]

Nah, you're entitled to some alone time. Your gf is the one with the unrealistic expectations.

Generally, having some time to yourself is a pretty important aspect of a relationship. It gives you perspective, it gives you time to work out any issues without being constantly in contact with someone, and it's usually a very healthy need.

Re: Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

Would it help to plan in advance for you to have a weekend or evening alone, with the understanding that tomorrow night or next weekend you can do something special together? And that she can text you if she's feeling particularly lonely or self-destructive?

TBH, she sounds either very manipulative or very desperate--well, maybe both. I'm seconding all the people who are saying that this does not sound like a healthy relationship dynamic for either of you.

Re: Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

Threatening suicide to control your partner is an abuse tactic.

Alone time is very important to a relationship - thats why even when couples are living together its good for them to have their own spaces or own activities. Some people don't get that at first. But it sounds like her "not getting it" is the least of your problems.

Re: Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

I'm betting that you're a troll and you're overstating her reactions to get a rise out of the community since they tell everyone to break up with their partners just because it's a Friday.

Re: Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

Several issues here, but firstly yes you are entitled to your alone time but you should ask yourself if really might make the occasional effort in interacting with others more. Relationships are built on interaction. More importantly, holy fuck dump this girl. Threatening suicide if they don't get their own way is considered a form of domestic mental abuse if a man does it to a woman, and I see no reason to not consider it exactly the same if a woman does it to a man (or a man to a man, or a woman to a woman), that is controlling behaviour and not healthy.

Exit that relationship. Insist, at the very least, she get professional help and/or couples counselling as a precondition for advancing it any further.

Re: Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry, I just can't get on your side for this. Your girlfriend is obviously suffering. She obviously need emotional support from you, that's why she is spending so much time around you, and you just want to hang out with your bros? People are calling her abusive? Saying that you should dump her? She deserves better than you.

Re: Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

It's completely okay to want some time to yourself. It's healthy.

What's unhealthy is her screaming suicide threats when you bring up spending some time apart. She needs some therapy, stat.

Unblock or leave blocked?

[(Anonymous)]

I blocked a friend about a year ago, because every interaction was upsetting. I didn't let them know why and I have no idea if they have noticed.

Sometimes I worry people will ask me how they are. Should I unblock them in case they have tried to say hi? I don't want to offend them but I also want them to have me alone.

Re: Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe you should indeed let her kill herself.

Re: Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

speaking as someone who was once in a relationship with a person who threatened to kill themselves whenever they thought I didn't "love them enough," I'm going to go ahead and tell you that it's probably not going to end well. In my case, I eventually couldn't handle being constantly emotionally blackmailed and broke up with them and they still sent me suicide threats for several months afterwards (it got to the point where I would wake up every morning terrified that I would have a voicemail on my phone from someone telling me that my ex really had committed suicide. I was constantly wracked with guilt at the idea of this). this is a pretty extreme example and I doubt that it'll happen to you, but you really need to stop acquiescing to her demands whenever she threatens to kill herself. I think you should actually talk to her about it and find out what the root of the problem is. maybe she's just a manipulative jackass or maybe she's genuinely depressed and needs help but, either way, something should be done.

Re: Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

Wanting/needing time to yourself is perfectly fine, take it from this happily married woman of 12 years and counting. I love my husband and love spending time with him. He's my best friend. But I've always enjoyed my solitude and sometimes I need time to recharge. He doesn't have that same need, but he understands me and respects my need all the same.

Frankly, the fact that your partner's reaction is to guilt trip you and threaten suicide suggests that she needs therapy and you might think twice about a longterm relationship with her. That is not how a healthy, loving relationship works, not at all. I understand if you're reluctant to push the issue, especially after the suicide. But you can't let her dictate how you spend every waking hour. That's not good for you, her OR your relationship.

Re: Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

Break up. You don't like her all that much. I am dating a guy who would rather jerk off most of the time than be with me, so just break up. You are only hurting her and yourself more by doing this.

Re: Relationship question

[(Anonymous)]

Can someone explain to me why OP would need time to "Recharge?"

I mean it seems to me that if he loves her, time spent with her should not be something he needs to recharge from, Right?