[ SECRET POST #1832 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1832 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 06 pages, 139 secrets from Secret Submission Post #262.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom.livejournal.com]

07. http://i.imgur.com/GLOBW.jpg

[loracarol.livejournal.com]

I really hope you have a better life after high school. ♥ Here's to you, and here's to your future. May you have the best of luck in finding a place where you don't have to deal with this anymore.

[mskye.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

It's only natural to hate those who go out of their way to make you miserable. Having fantasies about violently killing them is nothing to apologize for, as long as they remain fantasies. The only useful advice I can think of is that you should find healthy ways to let out your anger (like art, for example).

[(Anonymous)]

if you burned everyone in the school alive wouldn't you go to prison anyway?

[violence4.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I had a crappy time for the first part of secondary school (the UK equivilant of high school) as well. So bad I actually moved to a different school. Certainly when I was going through it, and just after, I used to concoct elaborate revenge scenarios against the people that made my life hell, and I still find myself thinking it occasionally if something happens to make me remember that experience, but that's okay. It's human. And if it helps you to imagine killing it with fire, then you do that and don't feel bad. Those people who are bullying you should be the ones who feel bad.

I really hope things improve for you; I know how it can be *more hugs*

[(Anonymous)]

I'm very sorry you have to go through that. After graduation, you will never have to see any of those stupid fucks ever again, don't forget that. Life after high school gets much better.

[(Anonymous)]

While I agree with the above posters that high school can suck etc etc, am I the only one who feels uncomfortable about OP's reasoning for not shooting up and killing everyone in the school is 'I don't want to go to jail'? As opposed to, y'know, shooting up and killing everyone in the school is a fucking psycho thing to do that the word 'immoral' doesn't even begin to cover?

[smittenlotus.livejournal.com]

Wishing you the best, OP. (If you already tried reporting your bullies, I say give it another shot. Or at least find a counselor you can talk to.)

[(Anonymous)]

I went through a lot of shit with bullying in high school. My life didn't turn magical and perfect when I left but that was over at least. I still remember graduating and all the relief that didn't have to go back.

Hang in there as best you can.

(I hate to tell you to look forward to graduation when that might be a ways away for you, but there is that.)

[(Anonymous)]

Is it just verbal, or physical as well? Nowadays you can actually sue them for that. Or you could take some self-defense classes...

I used to get (mildly) bullied, but I have a lot of friends who were severely bullied. It wasn't easy, but they got through it, even if they can never (according to them) forgive the bullies. And the bullies... well, let's just say karma's a bitch. None of them ended up too well, since their past as bullies followed them, and the very few ones who did feel really guilty about it have tried to apologize to my friends.

Just know that there's always someone out there rooting for you. You're not as alone as you think you are.

[(Anonymous)]

I watched Carrie for the first time just a couple of years ago, and related to her so much it almost had me in tears.

I'm 27 now, long out of school where I was tortured for years. There are times I'm still angry about the things that happened, and have nightmares.

The only advice I can give you is hang onto yourself. My internal pride and self-esteem kept me alive on days when it seemed like I existed only for the whole world's derision and amusement.

Someday you're going to do something special while they rot in mundanity, so you'll get the last laugh.

[lolofielding.livejournal.com]

I can't say I didn't have the same thoughts growing up when I was severely bullied. Hell, even to this day, if I'm in a situation where I'm being totally humiliated - even by my own family - I wish with everything in me that I had the power to do....something. Just anything to shut them up. It's not an urge to cause harm or murder, it's just you'd give anything to make them realise they've gone too far, even if it's just to shock them into being quiet.

But at least we have the resolve NOT to resort to those sort of measures, OP. We don't have super powers but it doesn't stop us being able to hurt people if we wanted to. But we don't. Even if the most basic human instincts in us tell us to. That takes a lot of strength and it's what really gets us through in the end. *hugs*

Ironic icon is ironic.

[iteari.livejournal.com]

I think nearly every bullied victim has had those violent feelings/fantasies at some point. And it's okay. It's human. Hell, I think that's one reason Carrie has become well-known in pop culture, I think the brutalities of the bullying there struck a chord with some its audience. As someone aptly put it, Carrie was Stephen King's version of Cinderella.

But enough about that.

Anon, I had this girl used to snark on me all the time when I was younger, used to make me feel like crap.

I crossed paths with her recently and let me tell you, she hasn't changed but I have. College has made me less self-loathing, made me have more friends, made me become more blunt and jovial. She is still that hateful person, and from what I've heard from other former classmates, she's lost plenty of friends because of that. After I had a chat with her, I felt lighter than I had ever been.

So, anon, high school is not forever and when its done, you have the privilege of never having to look back at it.

[clodia-risa.livejournal.com]

Fantasies are just that, fantasies, so long as you realize that they're a really bad idea in real life. Clearly, you can do that.

Fuck the haters. You will be able to move away and move on from this. Be sure to let it go when you have the chance. There will be new people who won't interact with you in such a way, although there will always be someone who won't give you a chance. Good luck.

[megalomaniageek.livejournal.com]

Looking back on the years and years of bullying that went on in front of teachers who did nothing, I always wonder what they were thinking, and why I never asked them directly why they let that happen to me.
If you can, OP, talk directly to some authority figures, and don't feel bad about making them uncomfortable. Don't just say "he's hitting me" or "he's calling me names." Go look up some resources on emotional abuse, print them out/copy them, and highlight the parts that are relevant to you. Spread it around to your teachers, your deans, your principal. Make them explain why they let that happen to you, and why they feel it's your responsibility as an abuse victim to "sort it out."
There's this idea in the "adult world" that everything kids do to each other is harmless. It's not.
This is not your fault, and you shouldn't be responsible for making it go away, but there are things you can do to help yourself. Be a squeaky wheel if you can.
And remember, every time there's a violent incident people act like there were sooo many resources and other options for you. Go see if that's true. Ask them what you're supposed to do. Ask them what they expect of you.
Ask them if that's what they'd accept from their own friends and colleagues. Ask them if they'd accept a colleague talking to them that way, hitting them that way, touching them that inappropriate way. Wouldn't they speak up? Wouldn't they talk to police? Would they sue?

[(Anonymous)]

I always find it stupid that because a few people bully one person that they automatically blame everyone. Carrie bugged me in that sense. Not everyone bullied her and some people even tried to be nice to her. I don't think everyone at the dance was guilty enough to be torched. Only a handful of people were in the wrong.

[timbershiver.livejournal.com]

But Carrie got it wrong, please remember that. She was bullied horribly, but it was her hypocritical mother who was the main cause of her unhappiness.

Carrie couldn't see that Chris and Tommy and her teacher did actually care about her a lot, but she killed them anyway. (Ok, Chris *lived* but not really.)

[hooves.livejournal.com]

Everyone used to tell me I looked a lot like Carrie. I never saw the movie. But I sure as hell did hate high school for the most part-- though Jr. High was the worst for me. I just love it when people hate you but don't actually have a reason to hate you. God forbid you be different, you know?

Anyway, OP, speaking from some experience with major asshats-- they exist everywhere, but I promise, after high school, things get better. The person who treated me the worst in school? Said hello to me at a gas station years later. That person is happy, and living a decent life. Better than mine, even.

Even though I'm bitter (a little) that things got so out of hand in school (I was forced to sit with these people because the faculty had a meeting and thought my good influence would straighten them out, WTF), but some people do grow up (Thank God!) and I really hope your classmates grow up really soon and realize the hurt they've inflicted on another human being.

I know a few people who are not only ashamed of things they'd done as schoolkids, but who worry regularly about the consequences of what they did. People don't understand that sometimes words and even simple actions can do a lot of damage and hurt someone very badly.

It's probably not possible now, but don't hold onto the hate that you feel. Hate can destroy a person all too easily.

Hugs from me to you, anon. I will be sending good thoughts/vibes/prayers your way. Things will get better. <3

[(Anonymous)]

Is it not possible to switch schools? If the bullying is that bad for you to have thoughts like this, I assume you've tried to report them and have something done about the situation. With the internet, it's possible to even complete your courses from home with long distance learning. I don't know if you've looked at these options, but maybe you should.

[kindlycoyote.livejournal.com]

I normally hate Taylor Swift, but one song has made me kinda-sorta like her. You ever heard her song 'Mean' OP? Let's just say I can relate.

I also would suggest thinking less about punishing them, and think more about how you are going to show them all up. Thinking about hurting them only causes the caustic stuff inside to grow in my experience. But to look at them, see them clearly and the life they will have ahead of them, and know that you will outshine them all?

Let's just say that is one of my biggest motivators in my own life, outside of my love for what I do.

Let's face it. Many will be stuck in that town living a normal life, getting into drama fits, and never really break out into anything more. They will be stuck in the same hatreds and prejudices as their parents. You don't have to play that game. You can have a wonderfully fulfilled life while breaking through things they never thought to question.

And some of them might break out of that cycle and make a difference in the world, and you will be glad you never stopped caring about the law then.

But yeah. Middle School and High School sucks.

[(Anonymous)]

This secret could seriously have been written by me (except for the fact that I'm 23 now). When I was in secondary school (UK high school) I would have burnt them all in a heartbeat and not regretted a thing. Honestly, I still feel like that sometimes now - I'm in therapy because of how I was treated and it's taken a long time to work through even some of my issues.
But just know that it does get better. There will always be nasty people in the world, you've just got to try and reach a point where you're happy enough with yourself that it doesn't get to you in quite the same way. I'm almost there, and you will be too OP *hugs*

[(Anonymous)]

What? I'm sorry about what you're going through, but... You seriously would kill EVERYONE in your school if you could do so without being punished? I can understand wanting to kill the bullies, but there is no way EVERYONE in your school is bullying you. That's disgusting, and if you really were to take your revenge out on innocent people this way, you'd be worse than the ones who bullied you.

Signed, someone else who was also bullied for years and still doesn't have any friends in school (so no one tell me I just don't understand OP's pain or whatever)

[(Anonymous)]

I really don't think that would make you feel better even if you could blow up your whole school. Unless you're a psychopath or sociopath, you'd feel unbearably guilty for the rest of your life. Chances are, you'd feel some guilt even if you found a way to only kill the ones who hurt you.

Anyway, I hope you find a way out. :/

[jazmin-firewing.livejournal.com]

I know how you feel, OP. I went through very similar experiences in middle school and high school, and I would have cheerfully murdered everyone involved, from the kids who actually made me feel like crap to the teachers who just sat back and let it happen. But I didn't, and I'm much happier that I never acted on my impulses.

If you can, try to meet people outside of school. Go to cons, find a gaming group, take a class at a local college or art store or gym, get involved in a community theater or choir, volunteer at the library/food bank/animal shelter, or get a job. You do not have to limit your social interactions to your peers at school and your family. And then when the bullying starts up again, remember the good times you had with the people you met doing other things. It'll help.

Just hang in there, and keep dreaming of where you want to go that isn't prison.

[(Anonymous)]

The easiest way out imo is to change schools. I'm not saying it's right for them to bully you out, but chances are, even if the bullies are disciplined for their actions, you will be reprimanded by their friends who remain even more than before.

You need to build your case. Make a detailed, dated log of everything they've done to you. When you transfer, make sure you let your school administration know that you're transferring because you're being bullied to the point of suicide and show them the log. Pretend if you have to, they're legally required to believe in you, so use it to your advantage. Make them feel guilty for your suffering under their supervision so if anything happens to you, they also become responsible. At the same time, convince them you'd be reprimanded if the bullies were questioned or punished while you're still at the school, so you need to transfer immediately. If that's not possible, grab all your belongings including textbooks you borrowed from the school and bring them home. Stop going to school until you transfer but make sure you keep up with your studies. If anyone questions why you're skipping, you "are in the process of transferring out but fear for your safety until then." Ask your parent or guardian to return the textbooks once you've transferred. If the staff punishes you for "skipping" school, take your case to the school board.

Whether the bullies are dealt any punishment is beyond your control. If they aren't disciplined after your transfer, your school's administration is at fault. Although you can't change the way they deal with the bullies, you can make them feel guilty for the rest of their lives for letting the bullies go. A year after you transfer or last attend the school, come back to visit the school administration in person with a parent or guardian. Look sick and deprived of sleep. When they ask how you've been doing, get your parent to tell them you're still recovering, making regular visits to therapists. If they want to know your therapists' names or locations, cling to your parent right away, bury your head in their arm or chest and act TERRIFIED. Your parent should then tell you it's okay while hugging you or holding your hands, while shaking their head to indicate this is something you don't want to talk about. Make a reference to the most recent story about suicide due to bullying that you can find. Lament about how outrageous some people can get away with doing so much damage to someone's life through bullying. Tell them how much you're struggling, that you're reliving the experience in nightmares everyday, but are optimistic to be the lucky handful of survivors. Follow with how strongly you believe in karma.



Yes, I'm telling you to lie, conspire and manipulate your way through. If the bullies get away with harassing you, then you need to find a way to get away with dealing revenge without being punished. This is life.