[ SECRET POST #1914 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1914 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]














12. [SPOILERS for ASOIAF/Game of Thrones]



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13. [SPOILERS for Honey and Clover]



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14. [SPOILERS for The Fault in Our Stars]



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15. [SPOILERS for 9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors]



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16. [SPOILERS for The Hunger Games]



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17. [SPOILERS for The Hunger Games]



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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]















18. [TRIGGER WARNING for abuse]

[Merlin]


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19. [TRIGGER WARNING for rape]



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20. [TRIGGER WARNING for rape, child abuse, and shotacon]



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21. [TRIGGER WARNING for incest]



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22. [TRIGGER WARNING for suicide]



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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #273.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 1 can't unsee it ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom.livejournal.com]

20.
http://i44.tinypic.com/343m1wz.jpg

[(Anonymous)]

OP, seek help. Asking the internet won't do anything than cause tremendous wank over whether your situation could be deemed moral or not and no conclusion will be reached, which won't help you at all. Please seek help.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh man, this is a hard one. I'm not going to pretend that I know your situation better than you do, but at least let me say that I don't believe you're defending pedophilia. Like anon above me says, seek professional help, it will make you feel better.

[amethyst-rei.livejournal.com]

What the anon above me said. You should really get help. Professional help.

The Internet is anything but.

[(Anonymous)]

seconding what everyone else is saying. I hope you find help, OP. I'm not going to pretend I completely understand what you're going through but I believe that you have a right to be happy and comfortable, whatever that ends up taking.

[purrple-267.livejournal.com]

Please listen to anons, OP, and seek help <3

[(Anonymous)]

OP, it's okay. No one can control what they find sexy. And I haven't seen the series in question, but isn't it porn? There's nothing wrong with you because you got turned on by porn. Porn is created to turn people on.

I'm going to agree with the posters above me that you should seek professional help, but you should seek it because you went through a horrible, traumatic experience in your childhood and it makes you feel horrible and disgusting.

[(Anonymous)]

Seek help.


That aside, I see nothing wrong enjoying shotacon and take offense at being called "sickening". It's a kink, and while it might be a squick to you, to call someone else "sickening" is wrong.

I totally get off on shotacon but I've never had even the slightest interest in men/boys who are younger than me. I've been married to a wonderful man who is 13 years older than me and we have a beautiful 2 year old daughter. I'm fully capable of separating fantasy from reality and do not get off on real little boys sleeping with older men/women. It's the idea of losing one's innocence that I find attractive, but ONLY in fiction/as a fantasy.

Pedophilia =/= being into shotacon, and I wish people would get that through their heads.

I'm sorry you had to go through that OP I really am but it's cruel to call people who are doing no wrong "sick".

[(Anonymous)]

OP, people who read and/or write rape who have been raped are not condoning rape. Just like you, they're experiencing it in a SAFE SETTING where they have the power to say NO and stop reading, writing, and/or watching the material. You have the power to do that here. It doesn't make you any less of a person.

I would like to recommend you talking to someone about what your uncle did to you. When you have support from the people around you, it'll help you more than any "coping mechanism" can. Posting anonymously on the internet is a great way to start, as it will help you get the courage, practice, and understanding to talk more about the situation and how its affected you. Please don't think you have to suffer in silence.

[gabzillaz.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry, OP :(

[megalomaniageek.livejournal.com]

OP there's nothing wrong with you, and as long as your coping mechanisms aren't hurting anybody then you're fine. Judging by this secret, they very much are not with the possible exception of you. And that's all you need to work on right now. You're not a bad person, you're not perpetuating anything.
I agree with the others that you should seek some help about this.

[kayfig.livejournal.com]

OP, that is really, really terrible. I am so disgusted by what your Uncle did, I have no words to properly convey it. I, like most everyone here feel the same, that the best way to work through the painful memories is to seek counseling from an objective, safe, and confidential third party in professional therapy.

And I want to say, for whatever it's worth, that I understand a very tiny fraction of what you're going through from my own personal experiences and completely relate to feeling haunted by memories of that ken. The fact that you see that in what you're watching doesn't mean you condone pedophilia, it just means you are probably suffering PTSD-like flashbacks of a sort. Obviously, I wouldn't dare diagnose you, but I wouldn't be surprised.

There is nothing wrong with you as a person, at all, for feeling what you are right now. I wish you the very best in moving through and hopefully with time, past this trauma.

[(Anonymous)]

Actually, there is NOTHING wrong with using this as a coping mechanism, OP. Plenty of people deal with trauma this way and it's very normal and common. Most people don't even realize that their fetishes are directly connected to traumatic incidents in their past.

[visp.livejournal.com]

Okay, gross simplification, what happened to you when you were younger affected what your subconscious uses as its "Oh, it's sex time now" triggers. It's not wrong, it's just what happened - pretty pavlovian, actually. It's also something many people can get over and learn to dissociate their childhood traumas from their adult desires, to some degree or another. If you look online, you can find lots of support sites for child sexual abuse, and you'd probably find some good places to talk about and sort through some things. Also, many schools offer free or subsidized counseling, which could help even more.

[(Anonymous)]

Hi OP. Another sexual abuse survivor here.

Being sexually aroused by things doesn't mean that what happened to you was okay. It's not retroactively giving permission for what happened to you, and it's not absolving anyone of anything.

There is exactly one person who has any say in how you handle things, and that's you. People will judge and try to tell you what you should be feeling and what you should experience, but the only one who knows the inside of your head and your heart is you.

A lot of times what society tells you you're supposed to feel and what you actually do feel are wildly different. And that's okay as long as everyone involved in whatever you do is a consenting adult.

[(Anonymous)]

Rather than asking fandomsecrets, try asking Dan Savage (http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=13184701). He's a gay, sex advice columnist, and he talks about some of the things you've mentioned. If nothing else, he can probably point you in a good direction. Even just reading through the archives (http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?archives=all) might help. (I can't see the option on the website, but in the smartphone app there is an option to search by category, like "abuse" or "pedophilia". Might be worth looking in to.)

Also, yes. Seek professional therapy.

Ultimately, if you are not harming anyone (including yourself) your coping mechanisms are just that. A way for you to cope. They are neither good nor bad.

[stella-down.livejournal.com]

I work with a lot of kids who have been sexually abused. the fact that you can connect your fantasy to the trauma is a great, great sign.

you don't have to justify a thing to yourself or anyone else - no one can tell you that your reasons for getting off to what you do are wrong or right - and you're not a hypocrite if you continue to find shota disgusting. the less guilt you can feel about any of this, the better you'll be for it.

[night-owl-9.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry for what happened to you, OP. Yes, please seek professional help - they will be able to help you in ways that the internet won't.

[(Anonymous)]

1-800-656-4673
http://www.rainn.org/

Call these people if you're in the US, hon. Please.

[(Anonymous)]

[(Anonymous)]

A couple years after I was routinely molested and raped by the son of a family friend I discovered fan fiction at the age of 9.

I started reading fiction about my favorite anime at the time, Tenchi Muyo. It progressed to where I discovered "lemon" or pornographic fanfic and I was drawn to the ones about Sasami and Tenchi, another young girl my age and Tenchi an older teenager.

It was a sexual reawakening for me and helped me coped with my trauma and abuse. It wasn't until years later that I realized that I was projecting myself and my abuser onto Sasami and Tenchi, but where my abuser was brutal and cold, instead Tenchi was warm, kind, and loving. I think it really helped me to understand that sex can be pleasurable and consensual and gave me hope that I wasn't damaged or sick. If sweet little Sasami liked having sex, than maybe I wasn't as disgusting as I thought I was.

I understand you OP, and you're not sick or disgusting. You're just coping and growing past your trauma.

You are beautiful and deserve to be happy.

Also recommending the therapy everyone else has, I've also seen a therapist for my PTSD and it's done wonders for me.

Hope some of this helped <3

[fuchsiascreams.livejournal.com]

TW for mentions of rape and molestation.

I'm so, so sickened beyond words on your behalf. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

That being said, you should absolutely NOT feel guilty for this. You are NOT condoning or supporting pedophilia, rape or child abuse by doing this.

I don't know if this is going to make you feel any better, but.. I was also abused as a child and I find sometimes sometimes mimicking the abusive aspects of that relationship in my now healthy, adult relationships, and I think it's just my way of reassuring myself that I'm safe now and that not everybody will treat me like how I was treated by my abuser as a child. Would you tell me that I'm condoning or supporting child abuse? I'm betting you wouldn't, and it's true, I'm not: and that doesn't mean it's true for you.

I don't feel like you are supporting inappropriate relationships and I'm 100% sure that all of the commenters above me feel the same way.

Again, I'm really sorry for what you've been through, and I hope that you can manage to find some personal peace. There are a lot of groups on LiveJournal that support people with those types of issues, if you feel uncomfortable discussing this with a therapist IRL.

[(Anonymous)]

I can relate to part of what you're going through OP. I was sexually abused by my older brother. I don't know if I can call it rape. Because, looking back on it, I was "groomed" for it. He disgusts me, and I got away from it as soon as I could. But, to this day, I've never told anyone what he did to me. Now, I'm a 27 year old guy, who's never been in a relationship of any kind, and, well, to tell the truth, I can't "get it up." I can't relate to the entirety of your secret, because I just can't find anyone, regardless of gender or age, attractive. I know that's probably directly related to my brother molesting me, but I'll live with it. This is embarrassing, but it's the truth. My point, even though I've just embarrassed the hell out of myself, anon or no, is that you shouldn't be disgusted with yourself. You need to know that what was done to you was not your fault. And what you're going through now is part of the damage that's been done. Damage that you should try and get help fixing. All I can say, is the same as most everyone else has said. Seek help OP.

[inkedfeathers.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you had to go through that, but shotacon really is just fiction. I used to find lolicon and shotacon disgusting and horrifying, but even though I still don't like them (much as I don't like any kind of porn, honestly ^^;), I now know that not everyone who enjoys them is a bad person or a pedophile! Fiction is not reality. I like plenty of things in fiction that I certainly wouldn't like in real life... just like how not everyone who loves horror movies (like myself!) necessarily wants to re-enact them in real life, the same goes for this sort of thing!

And there are even people who empathize more with the kid instead of the adult. This seems especially common with survivors of childhood sexual abuse, like yourself! Please don't blame yourself for it.

♥

There are some amazing self help websites for survivors on the internet that a quick Google search could easily lead you to! Even if you can't get professional help in real life, these are a great alternative! There are books too...

Wishing you the best.

[(Anonymous)]

Hey Anon, some comments on LJ won't help you, especially from people who see nothing wrong with what you're doing. We can't help you. Fandomsecrets can't help you. Livejournal can't help you. Anime can't help you. Pornography for pedophiles, used to groom children for sex and actually hurt them, can't help you. Get. Help.