[ SECRET POST #2862 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2862 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.


__________________________________________________



09.
















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 042 secrets from Secret Submission Post #409.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - random textless image ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Troll?

Otherwise: You can be asexual and have sex. You can be asexual and not want have sex. You can be asexual and want to have sex.

Being asexual just means you don't experience sexual attraction.

It has not a damn thing to do with having sex, not having sex, wanting/not wanting sex.

[(Anonymous)]

Being asexual just means you don't experience sexual attraction.

It has not a damn thing to do with having sex, not having sex, wanting/not wanting sex.

That always seemed like such a weird distinction to me. Sexual attraction and the desire to have sex are basically the same thing to me (or at least so closely linked that they can't be separated) so this just seems like such a weird concept. Are they really that separate for most people?

[tabaqui]

I have to agree. If i wasn't sexually attracted to someone, then I wouldn't have sex with them. And having sex just so that *they* were happy would quickly become toxic, so.... Yeah, i don't get it either.

[(Anonymous)]

I think it's the difference between wanting to have sex with a person, based on that person, and wanting to have sex for the feeling. Plenty of non-ace people have sex with partners they're not attracted to just because they like sex, but when an asexual person does it they come under scrutiny from both sides.

[tabaqui]

Maybe? But i wouldn't have sex with someone i wasn't attracted to in some sense, because the attraction has to be there for me to actually *enjoy* the sex. If i just wanted to get off, i'd do it myself - no muss, no fuss.

[othellia]

Pretty much this.

[(Anonymous)]

Everyone's different. I'm not ace, and I'm fine having sex with people I'm not attracted to if I feel like having sex with someone else. Sex is more physical than most people are willing to admit.

The example here though, is someone who is romantically attracted to and involved with their partner doing something that they'll both enjoy.

[(Anonymous)]

How common is that really, though, to have sex with someone you're not attracted to just because you like sex? Maybe I'm wrong, but I think most people need to be at least somewhat attracted to someone to have sex with them.

[(Anonymous)]

I mean I've done it and I'm not ace. I know a few other people who have. As long as the person has decent hygiene and isn't terrible in some way.

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

Yeah. Having sex with someone when you don't want to just to make THEM happy seems really unhealthy to me and I'd think eventually it would lead to resentment. I guess some other people disagree, given the other replies in this thread, but it doesn't make sense to me personally.

[tabaqui]

Exactly. To each their own, but i can't see it ever leading to anything good.

[(Anonymous)]

I think the issue is that you're putting a lot of value in sex, and assuming that everyone thinks the same way you do. You're also assuming that ace=unable to enjoy sex, which isn't true. You're doing something to make your partner happy, but you're not sacrificing anything. It's consensual and satisfying for everyone.

[(Anonymous)]

Some people are wired to find intense pleasure from pleasing the object of their desire/affection/whatever. And I'm not just talking sexual. There are people who prefer to serve others, rather than be served. I will state full-out that I am as far from asexual as you can get, but when I'm not in the mood, the thought of how happy having sex will make my partner, that makes me happy, too.

I am not a doormat. I am not spineless. I have my own thoughts, opinions, and emotions. There is a difference between codependency, and having similar (or complimentary) needs and wants to your partner. I love to please people. That's just the way I'm wired.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm asexual, married, and have sex with my husband. I don't do it just to make him happy. I have no particular interest in sex and could be quite happy without it for the rest of my life, but at the same time, while I'm not overtly concerned with the pleasure/stimulation of it, I enjoy the sensation of closeness and intimacy. The fact that I am not interested in sex doesn't make it awful to me. And tbh? I'd probably still have sex with him even it it *was* just to make him happy, because making him happy makes me happy.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know about "most", but they're separate for some people. I'm not asexual, but for me, arousal can definitely be distinct from the feeling of "damn, I'd hit that". It isn't always, but the physical state of arousal isn't inherently coupled to the experience of attraction.

[(Anonymous)]

Do you masturbate because you're attracted to yourself? Do you always have to think of someone to masturbate?

[(Anonymous)]

This!

I think you summed up what I was trying to think of to say in a very clever way. Kudos! :)

[(Anonymous)]

Masturbation is a totally different thing to me, but I get your point. I guess if an orgasm is the only objective then it doesn't necessarily matter whether you find the person attractive or not.

most ppl - not, asexuals - yes.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm asexual & when I was younger I do remember wanting to have sex hoping to start enjoying it in the process. I was hoping for "fake it 'till you make it"...
I also wanted to do it for the sake of my partner.
It didn't have anything to do with sexual attraction.

[(Anonymous)]

See, I identify as asexual but I think I'm the opposite. I do experience sexual attraction, but I don't want to have sex.

[(Anonymous)]

Interesting. I'm still not sure if I'm asexual or not because this sexual attraction thing has never made sense to me. Maybe you can explain it?

Why don't you want to have sex with people you're sexually attracted to? And how can you be sexually attracted to them if you don't want to have sex with them? As far as I've been able to understand, being sexually attracted to someone MEANS wanting to have sex with them so...how exactly does that work?

I've always been confused by this.

[(Anonymous)]

na

A lot of people are celibate or don't want to have sex with people that they are attracted to for various reasons. For some it's for spiritual/religious purposes. Other people are too busy with their career or other things to focus on sexual relationships. There are other times where people can be attracted to someone else but realize that sleeping with them would be inappropriate (for example, a few years ago I was sexually attracted to my boss but I didn't actually want to act on that attraction because, well, he was my boss and happily married at that). For me, I choose not to have sex even though I very much feel sexual attraction because I'm not at a point in my life where I want to have a relationship with someone but I also know that having one night stands or similar arrangements just isn't for me.

[tabaqui]

Okay, but, that's not quite the same as asexuality has been explained, though. You're choosing not to have sex for various outside reasons - career, spirituality, repercussions at your work. Being asexual, as explained by other people, is about lacking the desire to have sex, even though you might be romantically attracted to someone, you just don't have the 'need' for the physical side of it. (My understanding from various posts here and otherwhere.)

[(Anonymous)]

DA

I'm the same as ayrt and for me the reason I don't want to have sex with people is because I don't want to have sex with people. It's really not something I can explain, not having experienced anything else.

I feel sexual attraction to other people in the way of finding them hot and admiring them from a distance. I get off to watching them having sex with other people too, I just don't wish to be that other person who's doing it with them. I feel no need to be physically or emotionally intimate with other people, ever.

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

Ah, ok. I've been thinking maybe it's more a semantic issue than anything else, and it sounds like it is.

The thinking people are hot (and I only even use that word because it's what's common; "nice to look at" is more accurate for me since I tend to think of "hot" as having a sexual component for most people, and for me it's not any different than looking at a painting or something) and admiring them from a distance thing I consider more aesthetic attraction. (The watching them have sex part doesn't apply to me because it does nothing for me...although with that I would think you could be turned on by the act rather than necessarily be sexually attracted to the people themselves.) I wouldn't consider it sexual attraction unless I personally actually wanted to have sex with them, but that's just me.

But if people are using the same terms to mean different things then I guess that makes a bit more sense.