[ SECRET POST #3484 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3484 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 52 secrets from Secret Submission Post #498.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

let it all out

[(Anonymous)]

Say what you need to say here

Re: let it all out

[(Anonymous)]

PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENIS

Re: let it all out

[(Anonymous)]

I lol'd

liar

[(Anonymous)]

it's never that long

Re: let it all out

[(Anonymous)]

You guys I am feeling so frazzled right now. My work involves a lot or organizing and arranging of things and it's like I can't decide what's most  important or where things should go or how much space I'll need and I just feel like a crazy person and like I'm probably making my boss nuts. To top it all off, she probably thinks it's that I just have a foot out the door, because I start a vacation tomorrow, and that's not true.

My fitbit died on me, but I feel like my heart is racing and anything more than short shallow breaths takes concerted effort. Like, I can make myself take regular or deep breaths, but it's not the default, you know?

I hate this feeling.

Re: let it all out

[philstar22]

I'm so sorry, anon. I hope things get better for you soon.

Re: let it all out

[(Anonymous)]

OMG, I could have written this post. I'm a secretary. My job requires a lot of organization and time management, too, and I'm terrible at it. It completely goes against my personality, and I feel like I'm going crazy trying to do even the simplest organizational tasks. I don't have a lot of supervision, though, so I tend to just let paper pile up when I'm done with it. I haven't really had a viable filing system in over 5 years because I just can't figure out how to best do it. I confessed that here once and was told I was an asshole and another's anon's worst nightmare. And I guess it really is terrible that I stay in this job when I'm such shit at it, but I'm really good at other parts of it (the helping people part), which is why I guess I've kept my job so long. And I have no idea what else I'd do because I'm so neurotic that I have to work in a relatively low traffic job, or I have constant anxiety attacks.

So yeah, I feel you. :(

Re: let it all out

[philstar22]

Got another collections notice about a dental bill I paid, this time with an invoice supposedly proving I owe the money. But I don't. And I contested this three months ago and they said they'd send documentation. They pretty clearly purposefully waited until it was outside the period where I could continue to contest. So now I'll probably have to pay this stupid bill I don't owe or keep getting collections notice and have my credit ruined.

Re: let it all out

[feotakahari]

There has to be some way to get them on this. If you already contested, them just waiting it out is too obvious a loophole not to close.

Re: let it all out

[diet_poison]

I know it sucks and I hate doing it too, but keep protesting. Call them on their bullshit and provide whatever documentation you have.

Good luck.

Re: let it all out

[tabaqui]

Yeah, no, don't pay the bill. If you have cancelled checks or online echecks or anything else, get notarized copies and send them all over. Don't lay down for these assholes, they don't deserve another cent.

Re: let it all out

[(Anonymous)]

I started reading 2nd wave feminist literature because I thought it'd be good for a laugh, but the more I read the more I found myself agreeing with the ideologies of the 2nd wave and now I might be turning into a radfem.

Oops?

Re: let it all out

[(Anonymous)]

I'm really sexually frustrated and torn between whether to go out for Chinese food or eat sunbutter and crackers for dinner.

Re: let it all out

[(Anonymous)]

Sometimes I feel too nerdy for RL, but not nerdy enough for the internet.

(Really I think it's that I'm more "I love reading and history" nerdy than "I read anime all the time" nerdy. Even when it comes to fandom, I meta more than ship.)

Re: let it all out

[(Anonymous)]

I'm an adult. No matter what anyone else says, what my family thinks. I am an adult.

Re: let it all out

[(Anonymous)]

Someone in the comments was talking about being a secretary, and as a receptionist, can I just say how much I hate that everyone has no idea how long things actually take?

Like, you want 400 copies by tomorrow morning? Front and back? Of something in a tightly bound book?

LOL alrighty then. Except not LOL, because you're my boss and I have to somehow make the magic happen.

Re: let it all out

[(Anonymous)]

I just wanna feel respected and self-confident. Like people want to be around me because they like me.

Fear of failure sucks, man.

Re: let it all out

[(Anonymous)]

I know Tumblr's unpopular here but I can kind of understand it more with another shitty thing from Tumblr.

Fucking ads that are fucking playing without a visible fucking source to turn them off, even when you have fucking ADBLOCK and jesus christ I had enough of panic attacks while trying to hide a fucking panic attack during a funeral yesterday while I was crowded by relatives.

dumb fan fic woes

[(Anonymous)]

Heard from someone in my small, sort of obscure fandom that a few years back there was a good, multichapter fic centered on my favorite fairly minor character, but eventually the author took the story down without finishing it and nothing of it's left. This was before I even entered the fandom and I've never interacted with that author.

I'm considering asking the author if they still have that fic and would be willing to send it to a fan just to read, or even asking the person who first made me aware of it if they think the author would be receptive to them asking for a copy, as I don't think they've ever actually asked (unlike me, they've interacted with this author in the past through commenting on that fic, and they're interested in reading it again too).

There wasn't anything controversial about the fic or the author, and so I'm assuming they just weren't satisfied with the writing and decided they were done with it-- as in, they're not actively trying to keep something embarrassing offline or anything. I've also gotten good results from privately asking if I could read deleted fic in the past.

But I'm in a really bad place in my life right now, with RL problems I'm currently sorting out, and so I just don't feel up to reaching out and possibly facing the rejection. Knowing this fic I'm really interested in about a character I love may be still out there, whether available to me or not, is making me want to act and freezing me up at the same time.

Re: let it all out

[feotakahari]

So I'm a Utilitarian. I believe in acting for the greatest possible happiness, without regard for any specific rules of conduct. I believe that most moral codes either directly or indirectly create an ingroup and an outgroup, justifying or even valorizing sacrificing the outgroup for the benefit of the ingroup. Utilitarianism rejects this judgment, arguing for the greatest good for all regardless of their group status, and accepting sacrifice only when there's no other possible path.

Every single time I try to explain Utilitarianism, people say it sounds like it could be used to justify sacrificing some people for the good of others, and my rage builds a little more.

Re: let it all out

[(Anonymous)]

Sometimes I just think about how rare and fleeting it is for anyone to touch me physically and I just feel this massive loneliness well up inside me and I feel like I'm completely hideous and physically grotesque and I feel so awful about myself and worse than everyone else on earth and it seems like it'll never end and I don't like it, not one bit. Don't enjoy it at all.

Also I should probably get back into therapy instead of trying to just use fandom secrets as my outlet for this shit - I mean, not that I'd talk about this directly, but related issues at least.

Re: let it all out

[(Anonymous)]

I started taking Zoloft in March and gained 30 pounds in a month. My dose doubled in June and I had to start taking Trazodone as well, since the Zoloft now keeps me up at night. I've gained 20 pounds since then. I'm also hot all the time and sweat all day long just sitting at my desk, not even moving. I used to be able to run up the six flights of stairs in my office building, and now I get out of breath walking up one.

I feel so uncomfortable in my body all the time now. Most of the weight I gained shows in my abdomen, and I literally look 8 months pregnant. I've had to buy a whole new wardrobe because I've gone from a size 8 to a size 16 in four months (jfc), and I flinch every time I catch a glimpse of myself in a window reflection.

This fucking sucks.

Re: let it all out

[(Anonymous)]

Is it ever acceptable to lie?

My mom and I have wildly differing worldviews and I've said some things that weren't true basically to avoid an argument. I've let her believe what she needs to believe because it makes things easier, but now I'm feeling bad because my brain keeps saying that lying is always bad, no matter what the reason.

I feel like my options are:

A) Say nothing and let things continue as they are, letting her believe the lies

B) Come clean, specfically bring up the lies and tell her they WERE lies and admit the truth, no matter how much drama it causes

C) From here on out tell the truth, and if the lies come up, tell her the truth then, but don't purposely bring them up myself

Basically I feel guilty for lying to her, but I also kind of feel like it's already done and to rehash the issue now would just make things even worse. I don't know what to do. :(

Re: let it all out

[caerbannog]

I REALLY ENJOYED THIS NEW GHOSTBUSTERS MOVIE

Re: let it all out

[(Anonymous)]

I am so fucking tired of characters going, "Yes, [secret thing] affects my loved ones, and either is likely to put their lives in danger or ALREADY HAS, but I can't possibly tell them about it!", and never explaining why, exactly, they can't tell. I mean, if they're under a curse of shit communication skills, that's one thing, but mostly that is pretty unlikely to be the case.