[ SECRET POST #4478 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4478 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 21 secrets from Secret Submission Post #641.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

03. http://oi66.tinypic.com/14b4yo3.jpg

[(Anonymous)]

Huh?

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Wait...do you honestly think there are not considerate men in the world?? Maybe your terrible attitude is why you are a 40-year-old version.

[(Anonymous)]

I'd say MOST fic is wishful thinking. Written by men or women, het or slash, doesn't matter.

But I wouldn't say it being wishful thinking makes the character traits themselves impossible or unrealistic. Caring and affectionate men clearly are real and exist, and therefore are realistic. The "wishful thinking" part there would be the part where they appear in whoever the POV character's life is - and whisk them away. Not that they exist at all in the world. If that makes sense.

[(Anonymous)]

Everyone's different and, in my experience, many men are caring and affectionate during sex. I'm sad that you've never had that, OP.

[(Anonymous)]

The great thing about fanfiction is that you can write characters behaving however you want.

[syncing_feeling]

I mean, yeah, a lot of fic is wishful thinking, especially self-insert fic and the like, and there are plenty of selfish lovers out there. But writing off any portrayals of men being affectionate or considerate in bed as "unrealistic," is a bit of stretch (no pun intended) to say the least.

posting in the right thread this time

[(Anonymous)]

Is this a troll? First off you said you're a virgin. Second, have you ever read men's accounts of sex before? I look it up a lot for writing research, and yeah, not EVERY guy is super affectionate or sentimental about it, but I've seen plenty of accounts from men who were. Stereotyping like that is also probably ruining your ability to enjoy things too, tbh.

[(Anonymous)]

Really ? I have to disagree do you know all the fics your reading are written by women?

[bur]

I imagine everyone's different in bed and it's not fair to stereotype someone's sexual behavior based on their gender.

- 35-year-old virgin

[(Anonymous)]

They're also not just writing about generic sex but about an interaction between characters who have a meaningful relationship, whether in canon or their headcanon. So they're going to make the characters act like people who care about each other.

[(Anonymous)]

If this isn't a troll secret then I genuinely feel bad for OP; going through life harboring such thoughts about a significant portion of the human population seems it would take a toll on oneself emotionally and psychologically.

[(Anonymous)]

A lot of fic is definitely wishful thinking, but OP, where’d you get the idea that dudes aren’t affectionate in bed?

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think you're 100 percent right, but I think it's telling that I once heard a man say the same thing about men written by women, except it wasn't just about sex but about everything relationships involve. He said it's unrealistic to write men who share their feelings and are loving. Real men aren't like that, you silly women!

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Men really are only tolerable in theory or fiction tbh.

[(Anonymous)]

gr8 b8 m8

If you've never met a considerate and affectionate man...

[(Anonymous)]

That's really sad and I'm sorry for you. I guess there might be some men who are caring outside of bed who aren't when they are in bed, but that seems really odd to me.

I won't say I have a ton of data points, but for me, every guy I've been with, even just made out with, was very affectionate and at least somewhat considerate in that regard, no matter how they behaved in public (of course, the worst I could say about any of the public behavior of the guys I've been with would be brash, sarcastic, and/or occasionally thoughtless).

[(Anonymous)]

The thing about most fanfic is that SO much of it is built heavily on fantasy - even more so than most original fiction I think. It's a big part of what gives fanfic that je ne sais quoi, that id appeal, that yumminess factor that is has. And of course how the men are portrayed as lovers is a part of that. (The women too, usually, but especially the men.)

Personally, I think you're right that there are a lot of men out there who are inconsiderate lovers. But I also think there are plenty of men (especially mature men who are well into adulthood) who are considerate lovers. What there aren't a ton of is the kind of idealized, "perfect" male lovers we see constantly in fanfic.

You know. The ones who masterfully give their partner the best orgasm of their life, then have the stamina to keep going until their partner comes again (or maybe multiple more times if it's het). The ones who intuitively know exactly how to talk to their partner and touch their partner, down to the minute nuance, and who care so damn much about pleasuring their partner that their own pleasure is just an after thought. The ones whose libidos are perfectly synced to their partner's, so they somehow only ever want sex at a time when their partner is also totally dtf. The ones who are so in love that every other time they've ever had sex is rendered pale and distant by the agonizing fulfillment of having sex with their beloved. The ones who are so madly in love and perfectly devoted to their partner that there is literally nothing sexual in their mind that is not linked to their partner.

I mean, does most of that sound enticing? IMO, yes. But most of it is so OTT that it's not fair to expect it of anyone.

Whereas if what you want is, basically, a man who cares about making sure his partner enjoys sex, respects that his partner doesn't always want sex when he does, is open to constructive communication where sex is concerned, and recognizes that sex is a win-win endeavor, not a win-lose competition...then I think finding someone like that is doable. Harder than it should be? Yes, absolutely. But doable.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

This site's worship of men and disdain for women never stops being amusing.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Of course fic can be unrealistic OP, most of it is. But maybe you thinking that men can't be warm or affectionate or caring is part of why you're a 40-year old virgin...

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Threads like these are why women shouldn't have rights.

[(Anonymous)]

Romantic fic is supposed to be fantasy fodder. It's chick porn, mostly, speaking as someone who writes and reads the crap out of it.


There's obviously some effort to make (some of) the men in fic more affectionate and fluffy because it's satisfying to read. Some men can be like that in bed, however. There are also some women who enjoy someone coming on their face like porn stars. It's not everybody, but they're out there.

[(Anonymous)]

This is a rather confusing secret.

On a subject with millions of personal accounts you aren't privy to, you have no personal frame of reference.

How did you arrive at this conclusion?

[greghousesgf]

Glad I'm only showing up just now....

[(Anonymous)]

wow

9/10; nothing remotely subtle but you can't argue with the results