[ SECRET POST #1994 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1994 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 092 secrets from Secret Submission Post #285.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 - empty comments ], [ 1 2 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

19. http://i.imgur.com/LXIrt.jpg

[morieris]

"claims I have jumped fandoms".

Didn't know the membership card was only for one at a time...

[(Anonymous)]

Ikr! If that's true, I've been taxing mine for a while...

[(Anonymous)]

If she ditches you over a change in fandom activity, she's not a real friend.

[(Anonymous)]

both of the above comments, precisely.

it's fine if people don't like a certain fandom, but i'll never understand why they feel compelled to ruin other people's fun. that's just mean.

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe your friend is just sick and tired of seeing Avengers shit everywhere and is annoyed that you've fallen onto the bandwagon as well? I know that I'm beyond tired of seeing The Avengers clogging up my Tumblr dash. If you don't care that she doesn't like them, then just let it go. But you sound like you're desperately trying to get her to accept it. She doesn't have to, you know. Just ask her to not badmouth it, and don't bring Avengers-related stuff up to her. Just enjoy the fandoms that you guys do share.

[natural_blue_26.livejournal.com]

I'm kind of tumblr illiterate, but isn't it possible to control if things tagged a certain way don't show up on your dash?

[(Anonymous)]

You can, you know, not follow Avengers blogs.

[(Anonymous)]

Try talking to her about it, OP. She might listen to you then.

[(Anonymous)]

I wonder, though. Is your friend really persecuting you, or are you maybe being annoying with too much talking about a fandom she's not into? I mean, if she's coming into your posts about Avengers and crapping all over it, that sucks. But if the two of you chat and you go on and on about Avengers when she's putting out "I'm bored of talking about this" signals, then it's pretty much your fault that she's down on it.

I've been there, on both sides of it.

[(Anonymous)]

I hate your stupid fandom too.

[natural_blue_26.livejournal.com]

Well, if your 'friend' cares more about hating a fandom then she does about what makes you happy OP, that should trigger about twenty different GTFO alarm bells in your head. If they seriously can't control harshing your squee, I'd suggest trying to make friends in your favorite fandoms instead.

[(Anonymous)]

So, if I have a fandom friend, and she gets into a new fandom that we don't share but then every time we talk she goes on and on about the new fandom way past the point where I'm staring listlessly into space and saying "uh-huh, yeah" like a robot, and I then snap and say something like, "Look, I just don't like that stupid movie, and I wish you would stop talking about it for five minutes," then I'm a bad friend who should be setting off GTFO alarms? Yeeeeeeaaaaah, no. Situations like this usually take two to tango, and it's so annoying to see people jumping to the OPs defense like she's some kind of victim.

[(Anonymous)]

While I don't completely agree with how the anon above said what they did...I have to admit, I kind of agree with them. No one should harsh someone else's squee...but the person doing the squeeing? They should respect it if the person listening doesn't enjoy listening to their squeeing about something they don't like.

[intrigueing.livejournal.com]

What is this "jumped fandoms" bullshit? You're in a fandom for as long as you enjoy being in it. Full stop. It is all about YOU. You're not supposed to spoil it for other people, but fandom is all about what you want, and nothing else. There's no loyalty involved and you are not hurting anyone if you stop participating. For the love of god, you're frickin' squeeing over fiction, not fighting to protect your country's democratic government. The idea that you have even the tiniest smidgen of obligation to a fandom beyond, like, finding someone to replace you as a comm mod when you quit, is ridiculous. Your friend sounds like an idiot.

[(Anonymous)]

I...have to admit, considering how you admitted to being 'in love with everything related to the fandom' and all...Is it possible that you've just...been talking about it a *lot* with her? I ask because I have friends who've done that from time to time...and after a while...well. Yeah, it *does* start getting on your nerves, and I'm mildly ashamed to admit I finally got to the point I actually told them if they didn't stop talking to me* about it, I'd stop responding every time they brought it up...and it still took them a few times to get the hint.

If that's the case? It's possible she feels like your shoving it down her throat, and/or trying to badger her into joining the fandom. If that's what's going on, I'd have a hard time blaming her for being upset. Not that it excuses her from saying nasty things, it doesn't, but it couldn't hurt to see if that's why she's feeling/acting the way she is.

*I didn't care if they talked about/what they did regarding those topics outside of our interactions.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah... this. If you constantly talk at an unwilling friend about a superhero movie and don't even think that without it you'd have anything to talk about, maybe you shouldn't be throwing stones over "ending a friendship over a movie". There's a difference between liking a thing and becoming so obsessive about a thing that you can barely function in your friendships if they don't want to hear about it.

Everyone is defending the OP because turning into a black hole that exists only for Favorite Anime or whatever is considered pretty much normal in fandom, but there's a difference between "unfairly dissing something you like when you're talking about something else" and "oh god please trying to talk to me about Loki mpreg every time we interact" and I have doubts that the OP's situation is strictly the former...

[(Anonymous)]

I used to be *that friend*. I don't know how my friends put up with me for so long, but once I realized what I was doing I was better able to rein it in.

So, yeah, OP, this might not be your case, but it's worth a shot to revise your behavior and see if you're not overloading your posts, comments, conversations, etc. with the Avengers.

[(Anonymous)]

*you're - just caught that, sorry

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe it isn't "over something as trivial as a fucking movie." I'm not the OP's friend (I don't even know anyone who's heavily into Avengers fandom). Be honest with yourself- are the Avengers all that you and some of your other friends are talking about? Do you think it would be difficult for someone who's not at all interested in the Avengers to feel involved in the conversations you and your other friends are having? When she wants to talk about other fandoms, especially the one you two were in before, are you listening and involved, or are you going "mhm" and wondering when you can get back to Avengers time? Because... it sucks to feel like you're losing the connection you had with your friend, and even though it's not the fault of the Avengers fandom or whatever sudden new interest a friend has, it's easy to make that new interest a scapegoat for your frustration.

I'm not saying your friend is innocent either- she might be expressing her feelings very badly, or being one of those creepy fandom loyalists. But if you really care about this friendship, it might be a good idea to look at things from her point of view too, and maybe even sit down and talk about it.

Admitting this here, since I'm anon...

[(Anonymous)]

...but I understand that knee-jerk hatred toward a fandom that is 'stealing' my pals away. Look, while it's certainly possible to love multiple fandoms, we all have limited time to devote to our geeky hobbies, and attention is not a finite resource. There are times when something's gotta give. And when fans suddenly discover a new shiny? That's the most common time for people to bomb out of their old series and go hard into the Brand New Thing. I can't count how many times I've had a fanfic coauthor or RP pal drop an ongoing project cold because they watched some movie and lost interest overnight. It's the reason I no longer participate in group creative projects, period. When I spent so much time collaborating with someone and creating our own little world, it makes me feel about two inches high to wake up and discover our fic is no longer interesting because of a random new show. I wonder what's so uninteresting about what we've created over the days (or months, or years) that it can't stand up to something my friend didn't even know existed twenty-four hours ago.

But see, the thing is -- that's still my damage, not yours. Yes, it sucks that I get sad when my friends move on to new things. But what am I supposed to do, tell them they can't like things? That's just crazy talk. So I do the best I can to manage my negative reactions, and go find things I like to do by myself instead, and usually a few months into their new shiny my buddies have calmed down enough we can talk about something else. It's just like when your bff gets a new significant other -- you give them a couple months for that new relationship energy. All I ask in return is that people who did 'jump ships' respect my boundaries and avoid chasing after me with fic.

[(Anonymous)]

At the risk of coming across as a complete bitch, have you considered that perhaps you're the problem? Not exactly the same situation, but one of my best friends once heavily implied that I talked too much about my novel (we're both writers and many of our mutual friends are as well) and that it was kind of annoying. At the time I was *very* offended, for a few reasons that I won't elaborate on, but after a while I realized that she was right. I did talk an awful lot about my novel/characters, and although it was just because I was really obsessed with it, I can see how my friend found it annoying. Putting myself in her shoes, I would have been annoyed too. It was pretty much all I talked about. And that was in a group full of writers, where talking about our projects is the norm! It's even more annoying when the person's talking about something you have ABSOLUTELY NO interest in. I've been in your friend's shoes, too, and as well-meaning as you are, having someone you used to have good conversations with start talking to you NONSTOP about something you have little to no interest in is really. Fucking. Annoying. Like, I wouldn't ditch someone as a friend over it, so I agree your friend would be overreacting if she stopped talking to you altogether. But, all this to say, I strongly recommend you have a straight-up conversation with her about why she's upset, and this may very well be exactly the problem. I understand that you're excited about Avengers and you need to talk about it - believe me, I totally get it! But that's your problem, not your friend's problem. Out of respect for her, you should talk about things that interest BOTH of you when you're with her, and just talk about Avengers when you're with your other friends.

OP Here

[(Anonymous)]

I think it might be time to actually discuss this matter with my friend, anyway. Just to get this out here, I do not speak with my friend about the Avengers at all, she more or less sees my conversations between friends on the internet, and just finds an excuse at a completely different time to make a comment about my enjoyment of it. It's usually a nasty one, as well. All it really does it just make me angry. When I speak with her, I avoid the topic of Avengers, I even religiously tag the Avengers on my tumblr posts so they can be saviored on her end of tumblr. I do believe I post a whole lot of this material, and I am aware of how annoying it must be to listen about my obsessions. But for the most part I try and pull myself back and think about others, I really try to. And on occasion I do go overboard, and I won't shut up. I know I do. But I try my best to think about the other party involved and I go along doing the exact opposite next time.

My words don't matter, I just wanted to get that out there, really. Thank you for yours, I appreciate it.

[rapunzelita]

This shouldn't be a secret. You should tell her - no good will come of keeping it all quiet.

If she's really that good a friend, then she'll be able to handle a reminder that she's not your property. If she can't handle it, well, too bad for her.

(Of course it would be interesting to have OP's friend's point of view, but I can't stand possessive people, so I'll give OP the benefit of the doubt. Either way an honest conversation might help, methinks.)

[htebazytook]

just try to imagine someone beating you over the head with how OMGAWESOME something is that you find annoying, though

the explosion of avengers shit on tumblr is making me hate this movie w/o even seeing it!